How much do you value retirement?

[ljmorgan]

I vote for starting his new family, but not feeling that he HAS to pay for the new child''s college -- I think this whole "I have to pay" thing is ridiculous. Take care of your child, but take care of your own financial stability before you go funding there''s! Your child will thank you later on when they''re not shelling out hundreds of thousands of dollars for home care if that ever arises!

 

[crown1]

Date: 3/12/2008 4:41:43 PM
Author: Starset Princess
He says dream family because he hates that when the boys have a baseball game, Mommy brings the boys in her car, Daddy shows up alone, they both root them on, they win the game. Then the boys ask him to go out for ice cream and then it just hurts. Does he go to celebrate knowing they''re all going back to their old house while he heads the other direction towards his house? Or does he just say, No buddy, I can''t, so that the kids don''t get that ''Mom and Dad are together and we''re a family again'' scheme realized. No, he goes back home and waits until Wednesday night until he gets to see his kids again. He hates it.


His dream family would be having a wife and child at home, having a schedule, giving his kid a bath EVERY night, make breakfast EVERY Sunday morning. He feels really passionate about this. He felt like it was all taken away from him.


Sure, second marriages have statistics too. Everything has statistics. There''s nothing keeping him from living until 85 despite his family health history. It''s all a risk.


He so caught up in weighing everything that he''s become overwhelmed with how to go about making the smart decision. It''s almost as if he has no gut feeling because he''s such a calculator. But I know he loves her. And I watch him to so many things just to watch her in enjoyment. It''s sickening, really.


I guess after being divorced, he''s just, scared to make the wrong decision that affects SO MANY people besides just himself. And if he stayed the rest of his life alone, the only person that would suffer is him. Admirable thinking. Lousy way of life.

i don''t know that you should be counseling this guy on his "relationship". it does not sound like he has left the "first family" behind. and for that matter, he should not. you can not erase the past. he has two children and they will always be his children. no matter how desirable a new family is it always has to relate with the past one unless the participants are total jerks and abandon the first children. i would stay out of this especially since you seen to have a lot of insight into both the "friend" and his lady friend''s thoughts.

 

[movie zombie]

he should go to counseling on his own......its not selfish to decide to not want to start a 2nd family. it would be selfish to have a 2nd family and not provide emotionally for the children of the 1st. now there''s a case of resentment waiting to be opened. as noted above, no guarantees that a 2nd marriage is going to be any better, especially if he feels pressured into it. the world is filled with women who are past wanting children and wanting to enjoy retirement [early] with a like minded man. only he can make the decision that is right for him and, hopefully, the children from the 1st marriage. my thinking is that he has an obligation to them that supercedes that of the new girlfriend. i do hope he seeks professional counseling.

movie zombie