How often do you say hello to someone you don't know?

[JewelFreak]

In the Northeast & in big cities everywhere in the U.S., you don't say "good morning" to total strangers & if you waved at them in a car, they'd think you needed help, lol. I've lived in New England, California, New York City & northern NY state, & only down here in the South do I find the casual greeting to strangers a normal part of life. If someone drives past us without waving, DH & I growl, "Must be a Yankee." Then we cackle.

We lived in Europe too & greeting a stranger would scare the poor schmuck to death half the time. Or make him indignant.

Waiting in line or in crowds is a little different everywhere, imo -- everybody's bored & a small comment might either be ignored (then you shut up) or the start of a conversation. Except in Japan. There (& other parts of Asia) it's impolite even to look a stranger in the eye, much less talk to him.

--- Laurie

 

[VapidLapid]

Shockingly, I am quite polite.
I say Good Morning, Good Afternoon, and Good Evening to passers by whom I recognize from the neighborhood, but do not actually know. Actually I use that on people I know as well. I think it much better than saying, How are you, or, how's it going, and then blithely walking by. I like a greeting to be a greeting instead of a question. If appropriate I append Sir to the salutation. If a dog that I like accompanies the person I will likely address the dog as well. HOWEVER, If the sidewalk is narrow and three people are walking abreast towards me taking up the entire width I will plow through them. If a person is walking down the street staring at their phone paying no attention to the world around them I will tell them to look where they are going. If they are walking on their left side of the way when their right lane is open I give them nothing. look where you are going and observe the rules of the road. Occasionally one encounters people who are so rude in their use of common spaces that a proper dressing down is warranted. Unfortunately, in Soho the later is needed at least weekly. I much prefer saying Good Afternoon; in NYC even that can startle some people back to consciousness.

 

[Begonia]

Chatty Cathy here

Babies, dogs, hair, shoes, sunny day, good coffee eh?, don't worry about it I'm just having another hot flash, diamond rings, cats, birds, kids...

They are all a good reason to strike up a conversation.

 

[monarch64]

Vapid Lapid, I love your reply! So nice to know gentlemen exist.
That reminds me that on the trail people seem so nice. "Morning!" Or "Afternoon" is not uncommon when I'm strolling the child or walking the dog. Even before I had a baby, as a single, it was common to pass a fellow walker/jogger and utter a compensatory greeting. I really like that. Much better than "TO YOUR LEFT!".

 

[JewelFreak]

Babies, dogs, hair, shoes, sunny day, good coffee eh?, don't worry about it I'm just having another hot flash, diamond rings, cats, birds, kids...

They are all a good reason to strike up a conversation.

Right. When DH came home from walking our 1st 3-month-old Siberian, he said, "I'm telling all my single friends to ditch the fancy cars. If they want to meet women, GET A PUPPY!"

--- Laurie

 

[missy]

LOL so true. I stop many people with dogs and ask if I could say Hi to them (and ofc I say hello to the human owners first). So I guess you could say I say hello to many people I don't know. I also smile at people if I see them catching my eye and sometimes I will strike up conversation waiting in lines etc. I am pretty friendly overall. If I am feeling OK. These days I am not feeling too well so I may not be as inclined to initiate conversations but if someone says hello to me I certainly respond in kind. Who says New Yorkers are not friendly?

Right. When DH came home from walking our 1st 3-month-old Siberian, he said, "I'm telling all my single friends to ditch the fancy cars. If they want to meet women, GET A PUPPY!"

--- Laurie

And I always remember the quote attributed to Ian MacLaren though I see some crediting Plato for this:

Most of us are acutely aware of our own struggles and we are preoccupied with our own problems. We sympathize with ourselves because we see our own difficulties so clearly. But Ian MacLaren noted wisely, “Let us be kind to one another, for most of us are fighting a hard battle.”

and of course:

“Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.”

― Henry James

 

[Farleysmom]

I find I do it all the time but hey, we Canadians are a friendly bunch!

 

[violet3]

Generally, every time I make eye contact with someone - I'm a friendly gal

 

[Tekate]

I grew up in the 1950s in upstate NY.. we said hello to everyone as we were somehow either related or knew of them since 1775 as I moved around the country making eye contact wasn't cool.. the 80s hit. As long as I've lived in Austin TX (18 years +- a year I forget) I always say hello to anyone I make eye contact with.. people are nice.. not only in TX but all over, even when I go to Europe I say hello.. I think most people want to be nice. Great question though, I had to think for a change

 

[Tekate]

Hello Rhea.. nice to chat

A few years ago I was staying in a nice- poshy Bed & Breakfast in Amsterdam, breakfast included of course..my husband and I were eating breakfast in the kitchen with the owners.. lovely couple, wife native Indian (asian) husband native of Netherlands.. very lovely young people, I chatted away asking, how old are you?, how long have you lived in Amsterdam.. lovely place, jet lag for their guests??.. etc.. (my hubby is used to this stuff).. and the next morning I remarked to the lovely Asian owner that I was sorry I chat so much, it's who I am - she turned around and said to me that I was too chatty and intrusive and that Americans are always so and it's shocking to Dutch people.. I was taken aback but I LIKE to think I can still learn, change and adapt, I apologized again sincerely and then SHE started chatting up a storm about how she doesn't understand Americans and their constant chatter, and she was from India, she went to college in Netherlands, met the hubby, found the B&B tiring and they were thinking of selling it.. even though it was rated the highest in Amsterdam.. her garden, how to cook.. her degrees, it was lovely. I thought about this after checking out and going over to the cruise ship.. I realized that everyone likes to chat.. but some like to initiate and to try and hold back more if a person seems not forthcoming.. she was a lovely young woman and I appreciated her honesty.. it was a lovely B&B...I think being in the hospitality business can be a downer.. I'd stay there again if I went back to Amsterdam if it were still there..

Oh gosh, never! I wouldn't, it's just not the done thing. I live in London and unless there is something people have in common, such as a tube strike, or terrible weather, speaking to strangers is not the done thing. Speaking to a stranger in public needs to have a purpose. After making the mistake of speaking out of turn a couple of times I won't be doing that again! I always feel embarrassed and out of place because the shocked reaction of people is probably similar to your reaction as you read this post if you're a hello to strangers type of person.

When I visit my family in the States I'm always shocked at first with how many people speak to people they don't know. I find it both comforting and intrusive.

 

[pregcurious]

I live in the Midatlantic, and I say high about once a week in the elevator to strangers, especially in the morning.

 

[blackprophet]

I live just outside Toronto. And Toronto being a big city people don't generally say make eye contact, let alone say hello or good morning.

It is interesting though because My FI moved to florida from here in grade 6, and then moved back for university. And she found the transition hard because she thought people were so rude. We had a discussion about it around the time we met (we met a number of years after she came back) and I had to explain to her, that people arent rude, its just the way things are here.

She admitted that talking to me about it made her reexamine her perceptions of the way she perceieved people. I was also able to give her some insight into how people probably perceived her, and how that affected the way she was treated. It was really interesting to see the contrast.

When we visited Florida a couple of years back, it would literally startle me whenever people would say good morning or good afternoon to us in the street. I never got used to it.

 

[Rhea]

I live just outside Toronto. And Toronto being a big city people don't generally say make eye contact, let alone say hello or good morning.

It is interesting though because My FI moved to florida from here in grade 6, and then moved back for university. And she found the transition hard because she thought people were so rude. We had a discussion about it around the time we met (we met a number of years after she came back) and I had to explain to her, that people arent rude, its just the way things are here.

She admitted that talking to me about it made her reexamine her perceptions of the way she perceieved people. I was also able to give her some insight into how people probably perceived her, and how that affected the way she was treated. It was really interesting to see the contrast.

When we visited Florida a couple of years back, it would literally startle me whenever people would say good morning or good afternoon to us in the street. I never got used to it.

Yes! This exactly! It's not that Londoners, or Torontonians are rude or unfriendly. It's just a large city and we don't speak to people. I was starting to feel alone in this thread as the only other person who posted that speak in my area don't speak to each other! I'm going to Georgia in a less than a month and have started mentally preparing for the cultural differences.

 

[jaysonsmom]

I love to jog about 3 miles a day,and I have various routes. I noticed that say hi to everyone I pass. If they are wearing earplugs, and can't hear me, I at least smile and give a little wave.

 

[VRBeauty]

The musings of a fictional philosopher on this very question (per Alexander McCall Smith in The Right Attitude to Rain):

By looking into the eyes of another, one established a form of connection that had moral implications. To look a another thus was to acknowledge one's shared humanity with him, and that meant one owed him something, no matter how small that thing might be. That was why the executioner was traditionally spared the duty of looking into the eyes of the condemned... . If he looked into the eyes, then the moral bond would be established, and that moral bond would prevent him from doing what the state required: the carrying out of its act of murder.

I might need to stop making eye contact and saying "Hi" to strangers!

 

[HollyS]

If you make eye contact with a stranger, the polite thing to do is to give them some form of recognition. A nod, a smile, a simple "Hello" would seem to be rather necessary . . . from my point of view. So, I probably do this many times each week.

 

[ksinger]

I live just outside Toronto. And Toronto being a big city people don't generally say make eye contact, let alone say hello or good morning.

It is interesting though because My FI moved to florida from here in grade 6, and then moved back for university. And she found the transition hard because she thought people were so rude. We had a discussion about it around the time we met (we met a number of years after she came back) and I had to explain to her, that people arent rude, its just the way things are here.

She admitted that talking to me about it made her reexamine her perceptions of the way she perceieved people. I was also able to give her some insight into how people probably perceived her, and how that affected the way she was treated. It was really interesting to see the contrast.

When we visited Florida a couple of years back, it would literally startle me whenever people would say good morning or good afternoon to us in the street. I never got used to it.

Yes! This exactly! It's not that Londoners, or Torontonians are rude or unfriendly. It's just a large city and we don't speak to people. I was starting to feel alone in this thread as the only other person who posted that speak in my area don't speak to each other! I'm going to Georgia in a less than a month and have started mentally preparing for the cultural differences.

And this is precisely why I could never live in a large city, and certainly not out of the mid- or southwest US. I was raised a certain way - you acknowledge people, when they enter the room always, and if eye contact is made on the street, with a nod or a "hello". You don't necessarily get into their ancestry or dance around them to force that eye-contact, but to act like people don't exist? The height of rudeness. If the privacy pressures of being packed in like sardines, as you are in a truly large city, make it so that I must assume that the default desire of all around me is to be left the eff alone, I think I'll pass. I realize that rural America has its problems, but I'd rather live in a place that has not completely left behind every vestige of community. Oklahoma City is a city, make no mistake, but it still has lingering elements of the small town about it. I find it depressing to think that people could find it odd or off-putting to be spoken to or acknowledged. It's not a way I'd like to live on a daily basis, that's for sure.

 

[ksinger]

The musings of a fictional philosopher on this very question (per Alexander McCall Smith in The Right Attitude to Rain):

By looking into the eyes of another, one established a form of connection that had moral implications. To look a another thus was to acknowledge one's shared humanity with him, and that meant one owed him something, no matter how small that thing might be. That was why the executioner was traditionally spared the duty of looking into the eyes of the condemned... . If he looked into the eyes, then the moral bond would be established, and that moral bond would prevent him from doing what the state required: the carrying out of its act of murder.

I might need to stop making eye contact and saying "Hi" to strangers!

Considering that the entire country seems to be suffering from a collective case of dehumanizing anyone that doesn't agree with ME, and of "screw you I've got mine" mentality, I'd prefer you keep acknowledging those strangers with your eye contact and "hellos". Interacting with living breathing humans is still required, in spite of all the gadgets and downcast eyes that promise otherwise.

 

[missy]

I get that generalizations are generalizations because they tend to be true for many but they don't apply to many either. I live in a big city and I find people are friendly and say hello and vice versa all the time. It depends on what vibes you are giving out too yanno? I am not saying everyone will be comfortable living in a big city but I am saying if you are warm and friendly many(most)people will be the same towards you. I don't find big cities cold and uninviting and I think a lot of that has to do with what image/vibe you are projecting as well.

I live just outside Toronto. And Toronto being a big city people don't generally say make eye contact, let alone say hello or good morning.

It is interesting though because My FI moved to florida from here in grade 6, and then moved back for university. And she found the transition hard because she thought people were so rude. We had a discussion about it around the time we met (we met a number of years after she came back) and I had to explain to her, that people arent rude, its just the way things are here.

She admitted that talking to me about it made her reexamine her perceptions of the way she perceieved people. I was also able to give her some insight into how people probably perceived her, and how that affected the way she was treated. It was really interesting to see the contrast.

When we visited Florida a couple of years back, it would literally startle me whenever people would say good morning or good afternoon to us in the street. I never got used to it.

Yes! This exactly! It's not that Londoners, or Torontonians are rude or unfriendly. It's just a large city and we don't speak to people. I was starting to feel alone in this thread as the only other person who posted that speak in my area don't speak to each other! I'm going to Georgia in a less than a month and have started mentally preparing for the cultural differences.

And this is precisely why I could never live in a large city, and certainly not out of the mid- or southwest US. I was raised a certain way - you acknowledge people, when they enter the room always, and if eye contact is made on the street, with a nod or a "hello". You don't necessarily get into their ancestry or dance around them to force that eye-contact, but to act like people don't exist? The height of rudeness. If the privacy pressures of being packed in like sardines, as you are in a truly large city, make it so that I must assume that the default desire of all around me is to be left the eff alone, I think I'll pass. I realize that rural America has its problems, but I'd rather live in a place that has not completely left behind every vestige of community. Oklahoma City is a city, make no mistake, but it still has lingering elements of the small town about it. I find it depressing to think that people could find it odd or off-putting to be spoken to or acknowledged. It's not a way I'd like to live on a daily basis, that's for sure.

 

[ringbling17]

All the time. I follow the 10-5 rule. At 10 feet away I make eye contact, at 5 feet away I smile and say hello.

 

[Tuckins1]

Every day!