How small is TOO small?

[AGBF]

----------------
On 3/5/2004 11:15:02 AM Hest88 wrote:

AGBF, I *don't* think your stones are too small, if you read my last post.

I think they are perfectly suited for that lovely, old-fashioned setting. However, it it had been one of those stones in some Tiffany-style solitaire then I would have thought it was too small and would have had to question your usually exquisite tastes! ----------------

LOL! You're too smart for me!

Deb

 

[Mara]

BUMP...

 

[pearcrazy]

Why bump up a thread that got heated and nasty? I don't get it.

 

[HOUMedGal]

Wow, I just read this whole thread (and this one) and all I have to say is MAN, that was one helluva ride.

 

[Mara]

The thread got heated and nasty? I didn't even notice. OH that's right, this was in the old days when we could all debate a bit and disagree vehemently, and still like each other later. Amazing, huh?!

I bumped it for SJZ who had said in another thread she wouldn't be surprised to see a thread with something like 'how small is so small you are embarassed to wear it' and thought I recalled a 'too small' thread along with the 'too big' thread from way back when.

re the size issue. I think the pendulum swings both ways. People are called 'tacky' or 'gaudy' for wearing large stones...and others say that stones are 'specks' and the like. I just feel like no one should get offended about terminology or other people's feelings. Can't please em all!

 

[fire&ice]

Just for the record. I''ve had my ring long enough that I don''t even notice people''s reaction anymore. And, I don''t care.

 

[sjz]

Date: 8/7/2005 1:16:55 PM
Author: Mara
The thread got heated and nasty? I didn''t even notice. OH that''s right, this was in the old days when we could all debate a bit and disagree vehemently, and still like each other later. Amazing, huh?!

I bumped it for SJZ who had said in another thread she wouldn''t be surprised to see a thread with something like ''how small is so small you are embarassed to wear it'' and thought I recalled a ''too small'' thread along with the ''too big'' thread from way back when.

re the size issue. I think the pendulum swings both ways. People are called ''tacky'' or ''gaudy'' for wearing large stones...and others say that stones are ''specks'' and the like. I just feel like no one should get offended about terminology or other people''s feelings. Can''t please em all!

Yup, I figgered you bumped it for my benefit.

 

[pearcrazy]

Date: 8/7/2005 1:16:55 PM
Author: Mara
The thread got heated and nasty? I didn''t even notice. OH that''s right, this was in the old days when we could all debate a bit and disagree vehemently, and still like each other later. Amazing, huh?!

I bumped it for SJZ who had said in another thread she wouldn''t be surprised to see a thread with something like ''how small is so small you are embarassed to wear it'' and thought I recalled a ''too small'' thread along with the ''too big'' thread from way back when.

re the size issue. I think the pendulum swings both ways. People are called ''tacky'' or ''gaudy'' for wearing large stones...and others say that stones are ''specks'' and the like. I just feel like no one should get offended about terminology or other people''s feelings. Can''t please em all!

No one can vote on this poll anyway so why not just start a new one? Why bump it? Why not just post a link to it instead for SJZ. It seems to be the same members that get threads off in the wrong direction with people getting hurt and offended and then step back and innocently proclaim that it was all in the spirit of a lively debate. The old days were different? If you say so.

 

[Jelly]

This poll makes me feel like i''m back in High School.

 

[Mara]

Date: 8/7/2005 2:21:05 PM
Author: pearcrazy

Date: 8/7/2005 1:16:55 PM
Author: Mara
The thread got heated and nasty? I didn''t even notice. OH that''s right, this was in the old days when we could all debate a bit and disagree vehemently, and still like each other later. Amazing, huh?!

I bumped it for SJZ who had said in another thread she wouldn''t be surprised to see a thread with something like ''how small is so small you are embarassed to wear it'' and thought I recalled a ''too small'' thread along with the ''too big'' thread from way back when.

re the size issue. I think the pendulum swings both ways. People are called ''tacky'' or ''gaudy'' for wearing large stones...and others say that stones are ''specks'' and the like. I just feel like no one should get offended about terminology or other people''s feelings. Can''t please em all!

No one can vote on this poll anyway so why not just start a new one? Why bump it? Why not just post a link to it instead for SJZ. It seems to be the same members that get threads off in the wrong direction with people getting hurt and offended and then step back and innocently proclaim that it was all in the spirit of a lively debate. The old days were different? If you say so.

Actually I didn''t even notice that it had expired, I normally left my polls open ended. Silly me! Do you want to flog me now?

This is an old thread. I actually was looking PAST what had transpired in the past to the actual first question that was asked, not realizing the poll had expired of course. Funny how people focus on all the other negative things and some even try to stir it up even more with pictures and the like. Such drama. It takes alot of energy to be hurt and offended, why bother to expend it on a diamond forum. If you don''t like what you see, move along to something you do like. Why do people have such issues with understanding that?

As I *already said* previously....big or small, who cares...you can''t please ''em all. Hey that ryhymes?? Maybe it should be my new sig line!

 

[websailor]

Date: 8/7/2005 2:33:47 PM
Author: Mara

Date: 8/7/2005 2:21:05 PM
Author: pearcrazy

Date: 8/7/2005 1:16:55 PM
Author: Mara
The thread got heated and nasty? I didn''t even notice. OH that''s right, this was in the old days when we could all debate a bit and disagree vehemently, and still like each other later. Amazing, huh?!

I bumped it for SJZ who had said in another thread she wouldn''t be surprised to see a thread with something like ''how small is so small you are embarassed to wear it'' and thought I recalled a ''too small'' thread along with the ''too big'' thread from way back when.

re the size issue. I think the pendulum swings both ways. People are called ''tacky'' or ''gaudy'' for wearing large stones...and others say that stones are ''specks'' and the like. I just feel like no one should get offended about terminology or other people''s feelings. Can''t please em all!

No one can vote on this poll anyway so why not just start a new one? Why bump it? Why not just post a link to it instead for SJZ. It seems to be the same members that get threads off in the wrong direction with people getting hurt and offended and then step back and innocently proclaim that it was all in the spirit of a lively debate. The old days were different? If you say so.

Actually I didn''t even notice that it had expired, I normally left my polls open ended. Silly me! Do you want to flog me now?

This is an old thread. I actually was looking PAST what had transpired in the past to the actual first question that was asked, not realizing the poll had expired of course. Funny how people focus on all the other negative things and some even try to stir it up even more with pictures and the like. Such drama. It takes alot of energy to be hurt and offended, why bother to expend it on a diamond forum. If you don''t like what you see, move along to something you do like. Why do people have such issues with understanding that?

As I *already said* previously....big or small, who cares...you can''t please ''em all. Hey that ryhymes?? Maybe it should be my new sig line!

Do you want to flog me now?

Why is that so strangely attractive

He, he, I''d post a picture for that too, but I think I''d really get in trouble with Leonid then!

Come on, laugh a little...it''s all just making light fun out of this topic....don''t take it too seriously, it''s not meant that way....

 

[Kaleigh]

Just as that picture was strangely attractive????

 

[websailor]

What picture?

 

[Kaleigh]

WS, that picture was deleted by the moderators because it was inappropriate.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 8/7/2005 1:16:55 PM
Author: Mara
The thread got heated and nasty? I didn''t even notice. OH that''s right, this was in the old days when we could all debate a bit and disagree vehemently, and still like each other later. Amazing, huh?!

Ah...........the old days. Miss em terribly.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 8/7/2005 2:21:05 PM
Author: pearcrazy
No one can vote on this poll anyway so why not just start a new one? Why not just post a link to it instead for SJZ.

Why not start a new one? I'm guessing because the point of the bump wasn't to garner more votes, so it didn't matter that no one could vote now.
Or maybe just because Mara felt like bumping this one.

I think you should bump the Jlim threads next, Mara.

 

[Kaleigh]

Jlim???? Way before my time, hmmmmmm.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 8/7/2005 9:33:25 PM
Author: kaleigh
Jlim???? Way before my time, hmmmmmm.

It''s too bad. Those were patently funny days. I''ll link you to a few through PM.

 

[sarita]

Been here, done this... just at another board. I agree it got a little nasty here but believe me, I've seen worse...

I'll play the short-answer non-contemplative way this time around:

1/4 or smaller, for a solitaire (since the poll has ended)

(keeping in mind there are many variables considering hand size (especially) and ring design (aka vintage or multiple stone styles, or, in AGBF's case where the stones are a part of the design, not mean to be "an E-ring stone")

** Ok, I am going to cheat (I always do when it comes to this 'I won't get in deep stuff', but just a little: **

Regarding some of the thoughts expressed earlier

1) I DON'T think it's acceptable ever to tell anyone their 3ct+ (or whatever) is gaudy nor do I think it to say so about a 1/4- (or whatever) is tacky. Exceptions would be when one is shopping, looking for constructive criticism, before any purchase... after it is on anyone's finger this is just WRONG. I think most of us would agree here.

2) That said, I think it IS more socially acceptable to have angst towards the bigger stone wearers for reasons I can somewhat accept as valid ones. I do not think everyone who wears a ROCK does so to look like a rich bi*ch or for the attention or for the glory or for the ego but I think the stereotype exists for a reason and I do think that many are swayed by the size factor because of the "bigger" feeling it provides besides just on the finger (whether intended with malice [for lack of a better word] or not for others - most people enjoy diamonds for how they make themselves feel good, not to make others feel bad). A lot of it is very social in "keeping up w/ the Jones'" and "shrinkage" due to exposure of bigger, both of which I experience and wish I was more secure not to. (BTW I don't mean to say that if you have shrinkage you are insecure - I do think it's real but I mean it in terms of being happy w/ what you have and loving your diamond for X amt of time until you see so-and-so's). Make sense?

3) I find it less acceptable to bash smaller stones because most of the time they were purchased without the same choice or opportunity those with more money are simply afforded (as was basically stated by Michelle). And yes, pointing out that a stone is small IS rude, regardless of how you can try to justify it. Yet saying "that's huge!" is a compliment. There is something to be considered here, and the social factors do matter.

3) Some people can wear ROCKS and do without feeling any "embarassment of riches" perhaps due to their social circles or own perrogative (healthy self-esteem) or what. Even though I dream of owning a ROCK someday, even if I had the chance now and took it, I would feel this embarassment and wonder if I am, in fact, supposed to (morally, I mean). For example if it really has nothing to do with the presumed wealth, status, and luxury, do we wear at a charity site (not gala) when providing food to homeless families, or ala Angelina Jolie to the people she aids as a goodwill UN ambassador? If not, why? (and if we don't I don't mean in the sense to avoid theft.......)

4) I used to be really hard (mentally, and sometimes callously, in my posts elsewhere) about those in worship of size size size and towards those who seemed to me very boastful about their cts or brand names. I realize I overgeneralized and that many women (often on boards like this) have big rocks and really do get into the size but are in fact, kind, multi-dimensional people and not the snob stereotype. Lumping them together with the snobs was unfair to them and I regret it.

A book could be written on all the culutural and social ramifications of this type of topic. Sorry to have been so wordy (ok, yeah, it was more than "a little" as disclosed at the top of my post) but this topic fascinates and haunts [again, for lack of a better word] me personally.

 

[sjz]

Sarita, after reading your post, I wonder is some part of the reason I don't really desire a big diamand is because I'm afraid of the "snob factor". I came from a fairly humble lifestyle growing up. Not poor by any means, but we certainly never had money for luxuries. My mom and dad are still not that well off, and I do what I can to help them out financially, but they are reluctant to let any of their children help them out. They don't want to feel like free loaders, or like a burden. I've told them about a million times that they are not, but parents can be weird.

I sometimes feel bad about some of the things I do by that are extravagant, because I feel kind of bad that my parents can't afford to do the same. I just helped them find a new car recently, because theirs had some things wrong with it and they needed a new one. It was the first NEW car they've ever had in their whole lives, before that they've always had used cars. I tried and tried to help them pay for it, but they were stubborn and wouldn't take a penny. They said that it was enough that I helped them in their search and talked with the sales man for them. It's things like that which make me feel like I'd be "flaunting" if I went out and bought a 2 or 3 carat diamond. I know sometimes they feel that way about my sister, because they've said so. She and her husband just finished building a nearly 1 million dollar home of nearly 8000 sq. feet. I've heard plenty of comments from my parents about how they could have built two homes for that price and so on. I guess I don't want them to feel that way about me. That being said, I'm sure my mom would be thrilled for me if I had a 3 carat diamond, and she'd never say anything to my face. But I bet it would make her have some odd feelings, if you know what I mean. My dad doesn't really "get" my whole fascination with jewelry, so he'd probably think I was nuts...lol.

But I know that's not the entire reason I don't want a big rock now, too. I don't think it would fit "me" at this stage of my life. I'm not saying never...I never say never. But right now, no.

 

[Mara]

It's true that in our society today that if you have a big diamond you can be considered a snob or in some sort of a 'negative' connotation. I don't get why but that's another topic.The funny thing is that I love being 'contrary' to what most consider normal in terms of priorities. aka I drive a 12 year old car but I have a big rock and I want it to be bigger. If Greg told me, well you can keep your car for 3 more years or have a 2.50c stone, I would hands down get the bigger rock.

That is just what is important to me. To some people a nice car is a must have. I don't consider anything a MUST HAVE other than a roof over my head, food in the belly, and my beloved husband and my furry dog. A car is a nice to have just like a diamond is in my opinion. Of course one is a bit more USEFUL than the other.

Anyhow, I just never have understood the stereotypicals on things like big is gaudy or showoff and small is XYZ or whatever...same as the whole nice car is showing off or the big house or whatever. For me it's like do whatever makes you happy! And for me diamonds make me smile.

Some people are into clothes, some are into shoes or other things. Why is it that if you are into collecting expensive coins you may be eclectic but if you like big jewelry pieces or diamonds or gems or whatever else you are a snob or want to show off? I am not saying this to anyone in particular, just that in the past the subject of 'big vs small' has been a really sore subject as everyone can see from this thread and it's origins and I don't get why all the drama is so present. Why is it okay to think that someone who has a big rock is rich/a showoff/gaudy/tacky/etc but to think that someone who has a small stone is anything negative is just SO taboo? Personally, I think anything negative on either big or small is ridiculous, because we are talking diamonds here! Small pieces of carbon, a luxury item. One that we are super lucky to have.

One of the best examples of this whole small vs big thing was in the past here where a long-gone poster told F&I that she was tacky or gaudy...I can't recall with her big ole 3c (this was before we had the 5c+ crowd coming on in, imagine what he'd say then!) and that in reality she probably wished she had a Tiffany D IF stone and was obviously just jealous. Of course there was lots more to this story, but that was just soooo hilarious. Here was a smaller, D IF diamond lover who was rebelling against the larger/flawed is better and in his mind he felt better by saying that she must be really wanting what HE had vs what she had. Why can't she love what she has and he loves what he has and that's it?! Do the two have to meet somewhere in the middle?

 

[Mara]

Date: 8/7/2005 9:29:18 PM
Author: aljdewey

I think you should bump the Jlim threads next, Mara.

Egads no! Though they are a great study in patience. Are your speakers BOSE?

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 8/7/2005 10:28:59 AM
Author: pearcrazy
Why bump up a thread that got heated and nasty? I don''t get it.

because those are the best kind,instead of keeping it inside your head.

 

[Madam Bijoux]

"Too small" depends on your finger size and hand size. On a good day, my fingers are size 6 - so - anything under .75 would look too small on my hands.

 

[fire&ice]

Date: 8/8/2005 1:50:21 AM
Author: Mara
just that in the past the subject of ''big vs small'' has been a really sore subject as everyone can see from this thread and it''s origins and I don''t get why all the drama is so present. Why is it okay to think that someone who has a big rock is rich/a showoff/gaudy/tacky/etc but to think that someone who has a small stone is anything negative is just SO taboo? Personally, I think anything negative on either big or small is ridiculous, because we are talking diamonds here! Small pieces of carbon, a luxury item. One that we are super lucky to have.

It''s a prevailing theme in our culture. It seems to be more politically correct to find fault in what we as a society somewhat covet. I find this very sad. It''s kind of like - your privlegded to have that rock - so I can say anything I want. It''s like their entitled to say whatever they please & think there is no consequence of hurtfulness. And, if I am hurt by it and express such, I''m acting like a victim.

A friend of my friend once said "She (me) has all this fabulous jewelry - why does she drive such a crappy car?" Was it O.K. to call my car crappy with the prefix of the jewelry comment? Admittedly, my car in comparision is pretty crappy - but still - why was the comment deemed appropriate in the context? Dumb example - but classic. - kinda like it''s o.k. to call someone sooo skinny. Could you imagine the reprecussions of calling someone (cavilerly) soooo fat.

Anyway, I''m so over this. I love my sparklies big & small. If someone who doesn''t know me think that I am taking money from starving babies - so be their unenlightened opinion.

 

[Madam Bijoux]

It''s wrong-headed, but people make assumptions and judgements about others based on what they see them wearing or driving, and children learn to do it at a very young age. For example: I don''t have a car - I rent one whenever I need one. There are 2 nice little boys who live on my street (the oldest one is about who always ask me why I don''t have a car. One day, the younger boy (about 6) chimed in and said "She doesn''t have a car because she can''t afford one." Where would they have concluded that, other than from hearing their parents say it? The parents only see me gardening in my rattiest clothes - they don''t know what I have in my house or in the bank- they just decided that I can''t afford a car because I don''t have one. Whatcha gonna do?

 

[sjz]

People judge one another on a lot of things, not just the size of their diamonds. One thing I've been judged/critisized for a lot is not working outside the home. I've had people make comments to the effect "it must be nice to be so wealthy that you don't have to work" and I've had people make comments that are just the opposite like "don't you feel guilty not working and making your own money?" I can't get a break! LOL! Actually, in the neighborhood we live in right now, there are a few other stay-at-home moms, so I'm not so much the odd one out now. We've lived here for three years now. But in our old neighborhood, I was totally the only mom that didn't work outside the home. I know from tidbits of gossip that I heard that some of the other women in the neighborhood thought that I was a spoiled rich woman who didn't do anything but go shopping and play all day. That used to hurt. I gave up a career that I really loved and a sense of fullfillment and independence to do something that I thought would be the best thing for my family. I do a lot more than shopping and housework, too. I do a lot of volunteer work, especially at my kids' school. I also do a lot for my parents, since my dad is partially disabled. I've thought about going back to work on a number of occasions, at least part-time. But with my husband's crazy hours, and the fact that the two hospitals where he works are both an hour away from the town where we live, it just doesn't seem feasable right now. Besides, my kids' wouldn't be able to participate in many of the activities that they enjoy if both of us were working. And we can well afford for me to be unemployed at this stage of the game. The way I look at it, I am young, and in a few years my kids will be old enough not to need a parent at home full time, and I can always go back to work then.

But people see that we live in a nice home, drive nice cars, and seem to have a fairly upscale lifestyle, and they make all kinds of assumptions. I can't even imagine what they'd think if I was wearing a 3 carat diamond...

 

[Madam Bijoux]

Bottom line: We all have to do what''s best for ourselves and our families and makes us happy regardless of what others think or say. Other peoples'' negativity is nothing but verbal spam. Rick Nelson sums it up perfectly in his song "Garden Party" :

Ya can''t please everyone, so ya got to please yourself

 

[fire&ice]

See this is what I have a hard time understanding...

O.K. - not owning a car. I would think you are a savy city dweller, environmentally conscious or have your own driver. Why is it that the negative has to come to mind? ....you don''t own a car because you can''t afford one. I wouldn''t own a car if it wasn''t a necessity. I even hate to drive. I rather envy you.

O.K. - the staying at home - I would think you are doing what is right for *your* family. Why would someone assume that you are rich and spoiled? Or assume you must make your own money?

Seems that a persons reality is pushed upon everyone else. We all do it. I think the wisest comment was in one of the diamond size threads regarding the perfect size. "The perfect size is the one on your finger give or take .25 points."

Quite a bit of wisdom in that sentiment.

It''s always a damned if you do. Damned if you don''t. Someone''s either going to think it''s too big or too small. Too rich. Too poor. And, for pete''s sake - to bump or not to bump.

I do miss the old days. The only post MC made that truly upset me was in the towel thread.

I was just about to post about the great absorbant towels I was soooooooo feeling the love for from Costco. She pre-empted with her towels (even the cheery yellow ones

) were falling apart. Will this be my fate???

Yours are Martex correct? Cause my Utica one''s from the Costco did indeed fall apart. I was hoping for better luck with these. I know, I digress.

 

[MissAva]

F&I- your towels..yes they will likely fall apart. We sent those off to NC with my little brother and they did not really survive camp, you can tell they are towels still but barely.