How to get though the break up blues

[suchende]

Briolette-- that reminds me. I started taking ballet classes after my last break-up! It was so girly and body-conscious, it was just the thing for that stage in my life.

I met my current BF 7 months after the breakup. While that was sooner than I would have thought ideal, I knew I was ready. So I would also say, don't set timelines for when you'll be "ready to move on." Maybe it'll be six months, maybe it will be 2 years. And for goodness sakes, don't let friends push you into a random hook-up if that's not what you feel like doing. Maybe that works for some people, but it made me feel worse than ever.

 

[Indylady]

Get yourself to the Single Ladies thread on Hangout!

 

[Dreamer_D]

I was with a man I LOOOOOOVED for a little over 2 years from 23 - 25 years old. But it was a BAAAAAAAAD relationship, in pretty much every way. When I finally got sick of him telling me I was too fat for him, being moody, ignoring me if I did not have sex with him, and basically being a complete douche, I ended it.

Here is what helped:

1) Got my own apartment for the first time! Always had roomates before, being on my own was great. Spent ages painting and getting it all pretty for me me me to live in and enjoy!

2) Rented every single season of Sex and the City and watched it all back to back sitting on my new couch and often eating fudgcicles.

3) NO contact at all. I admit, I was weak at times and lonely and called him to come over at night sometimes, maybe once every coupel weeks. It did not make me feel better, and after about 3 months of that I finally cut all contact and started to really heal.

4) Spent time with friends! Flirted with men at bars and such. Dressed up. Felt pretty again.

5) Soul searched to figure out why I stayed so long with a man who made me cry.

6) Got MAAAAAAD.

 

[vintagelover229]

Keep up the great advice ladies! I think this thread is going to help a lot of women realize that it's OKAY to be single (and sometimes even better at certain points in your life) and also help them realize that just because you love someone doesn't mean that you're compatible or can make each other happy. Some people are meant to be there for a season, others for a reason and only ONE for your lifetime. So don't stay in a relationship just because it's all you've ever known, you're afraid you'll never find love again or because of fear of the unknown.

Things WILL get better and there IS someone out there who will LOVE YOU FOR YOU! But you have to know and love who you really are inside before you can find someone else to love you too. And please don't do what I did and spend so much time convincing other people that the relationship is going to work or that it's great (etc) because in the end if you're lying to yourself (I thought if I could convince the world our relationship was great I could convince myself too) it doesn't work and it ends much worse that way. So do some serious soul searching and ask yourself all the questions you have been avoiding to hide the truth from yourself. You can keep running but the only thing you are running from is real love and real happiness because you have to do the work (soul searching) to get the reward

HUGS to all those reading that need it. You're not alone even though it may feel that way right now. Don't pick up that phone and send that text (even if it IS their birthday). Call a friend instead or write down everything you want to tell them in note and then go burn it. You're better off without them and you can't meet the person you are meant to be with if you're still on rebound from an ex. So heal, find yourself and have fun being single.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Going back to University/improving one's education/taking classes, helps. Gets you out of the house, changes your routine and mindset, and exposes you to many available partners!

chers--Sharon

 

[wwmd8118]

2) Rented every single season of Sex and the City and watched it all back to back sitting on my new couch and often eating fudgcicles.

Great one. Couldn't agree more. That show makes you realize how great being single can be.

 

[princesss]

Get yourself to the Single Ladies thread on Hangout!

Heck yeah! We're having fun over there.

 

[NCSUchick27]

This is currently one of my favorite songs, and I think it is a pretty good break up song.

Sara Evans "A Little Bit Stronger"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22zB6Soc2Gk

 

[briolette]

I forgot to add (and this is especially true after a divorce)....do things that empower you. Aside from getting in shape, get your finances in order. Learn how to invest and grow your money, do volunteer work and help others, teach and mentor! Get back into touch with people you lost contact with...add to the list of reminders that you are a great human being on your own!

 

[TooPatient]

It's been awhile since I had a breakup.

I loved Aaron Tippin singing Kiss This



I've been hearing this recently and it is GREAT too --
Artist: Jaron and The Long Road to Love
Song: Pray For You
Album: Getting Dressed in the Dark

Haven’t been in church since
I don’t remember when
Things were going great
‘Til they fell apart again
So I listened to the preacher
As he told me what to do
Said you can’t go hating others
who done wrong to you
Sometimes we get angry
But we must not condemn
Let the good Lord do his job
And you just pray for them

I pray your brakes go out
Running down a hill
I pray and flower pot falls
From a window sill
And knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray your flying high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are
Honey, I pray for you

Really glad I found my way to church
Cause I’m already feeling better and I thank God for the words
So I’m gonna take the high road
And do what the preacher told me to do
You keep messing up
And I’ll keep praying for you

I pray your tire blows out at 110
I pray you pass out with your best friend
And wake up with his and her tattoos

Wherever you are, near or far, in your house or in your car
Wherever you are honey, I pray for you.

 

[amc80]

I've been hearing this recently and it is GREAT too --
Artist: Jaron and The Long Road to Love
Song: Pray For You
Album: Getting Dressed in the Dark

Forgot about this one...fabulous song.

 

[advicepls]

More good breakup songs:

Taylor Swift Debut Album
Picture to Burn
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCMqcFAigRg

Cold As You
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufRG5fRGvFY

Should've Said No
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ao138HwSqow

Fearless Album:
Breathe
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4a9O_jm8YA4

You're Not Sorry
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BabmBHVfSW0

Tell Me Why
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOxidzqhUwA

White Horse
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNbefiTiGB4

Speak Now Album:
Back to December
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjar7np_wuE

Dear John
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRSedZWcyAA

The Story of Us
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIBZ4T7BkyU

Better Than Revenge
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkUrSvMOvjY

Haunted
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xet8TS-_SPw

Last Kiss
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJDQPcXF9lE

 

[TooPatient]

Heard this the other day and thought I'd add it to the list.


Taylor Swift --- Mean
Mean

 

[Ickeymouse]

Did anyone mention... "I'm Still Standin'",by Elton John? Play it REALLY LOUD!!!

BTW, great song to work out too!! Exercise 'till ya sweat! That always helps!

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I don't know about any specific advice because I can't really think of anything I ever did consciously in an effort to get over a breakup. I wish I had been more self aware!

My words of wisdom though are that it HURTS, like someone is gripping your guts... and then one day it doesn't. So no matter how bad you feel now, know that some day you won't.

I also have some advice for friends of the broken-hearted: Telling your girlfriend that you never liked her douchebag boyfriend anyway is NOT helpful, for a lot of reasons. If she wants to bash her ex, then be a good listener, but your focus should be on how great she is, not how great he is not. Certainly don't say, "I never liked that guy. He's a sleaze" unsolicited. You are just insulting her choices and alienating her because she may still have feelings of love and then feel the need to defend him or she may feel the need to defend herself for choosing to date a loser . If you insult the guy, you are insulting your friend's judgement.

 

[Izzy03]

Awesome list guys!

This are all things I recommend to my girlfriends when they are dealing with breakups but it is great to be reminded that these methods really do help.

I also enjoyed reading about everyone's failed relationships. It helps to remind you that these feeling are very normal and better days are coming.

Maybe I'll drag myself out of bed today and buy Adele's new album. Gotta start somewhere!

 

[supergirl10]

Thanks for this thread ladies, went through a really bad break up with my ex - FI of six years about 17 months ago and it hurt like hell but in the end he wasn't the right person for me and it was better we ended it then before we were married. It took me a long time to get over things and its only now (of the last few months) that I feel like I could date someone else. But this time I am going to be far chooser and think with my head not just my heart.

Best of luck to you ladies who are going through break up's, I'm sure things will be better for you soon enough. Now i'm off to that singles thread that I didn't know existed.

 

[MBKRH]

On the song front: I'm addicted to Adele's "Rolling In The Deep" ... it's pretty torturous but ultimately victorious. Soulful. Checks it out if you haven't already.

I have been listening to it non-stop. Great song!

 

[audball]

On the song front: I'm addicted to Adele's "Rolling In The Deep" ... it's pretty torturous but ultimately victorious. Soulful. Checks it out if you haven't already.

I have been listening to it non-stop. Great song!

I have had her 21 album in my CD player all week. The whole album is amazing, but particularly this track. Great recommendation early on deco - I'm loving it. I have to go get her 19 album too now...

I even created an Adele station on my Pandora and it's giving me all kinds of music with the same feel - really really loving it.

 

[MBKRH]

On the song front: I'm addicted to Adele's "Rolling In The Deep" ... it's pretty torturous but ultimately victorious. Soulful. Checks it out if you haven't already.

I have been listening to it non-stop. Great song!

I have had her 21 album in my CD player all week. The whole album is amazing, but particularly this track. Great recommendation early on deco - I'm loving it. I have to go get her 19 album too now...

I even created an Adele station on my Pandora and it's giving me all kinds of music with the same feel - really really loving it.

That's a good idea with creating a station on Pandora. I have that app but hardly use it. Thanks for the inspiration!

 

[audball]

On the song front: I'm addicted to Adele's "Rolling In The Deep" ... it's pretty torturous but ultimately victorious. Soulful. Checks it out if you haven't already.

I have been listening to it non-stop. Great song!

I have had her 21 album in my CD player all week. The whole album is amazing, but particularly this track. Great recommendation early on deco - I'm loving it. I have to go get her 19 album too now...

I even created an Adele station on my Pandora and it's giving me all kinds of music with the same feel - really really loving it.

That's a good idea with creating a station on Pandora. I have that app but hardly use it. Thanks for the inspiration!

Glad you liked it! I'm loving my Adele station. It gave me a great song yesterday. Called Without You by Hinder. Check it out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NNg4r4qYPw

Lyrics preview:

'Cause something's changed
You've been acting so strange
And it's taking its toll on me
It's safe to say that I'm ready to let you leave

Without you, I live it up a little more every day
Without you, I'm seeing myself so differently
I didn't wanna believe it then but it all worked out in the end
When I watched you walk away, well, I never thought I'd say
I'm fine without you