princesss
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Mar 18, 2007
- Messages
- 8,035
Okay, this is kind of long, so bear with me.
My BFF has been asked to stand up in our friend''s wedding. The friend, S, is very close to BFF, whereas she and I are more casual friends.
Just for background, S is 19 and about to graduate college in May. She''s been dying to get married and have kids for as long as I''ve known her. (I met her about 3 or 4 years ago.) She''s been in a string of long distance relationships all through college, always focused on marriage and babies, and moving on to the next guy when it became apparent that the guy she was seeing wasn''t going down that road as quickly as she was. It''s seemed like her focus has been on just getting married, not who she marries.
S has been seeing her SO, J, for just under 3 months. They live about 3,000 miles away from each other, and have spent a total of 6 days together in that 3 months. He''s 24 and in the Navy, she''s 19 and a college senior. They knew each other several years ago (when she was 13 and he was 1, and struck up a relationship after she ran into his mother at church.
When she went to visit him, they picked out her engagement ring, and they''re now planning a wedding in May.
Like I said, BFF has been asked to stand up in the wedding. She told S she would need time to think about it, and called me for advice. She wants to be there for S, and wants S to know she loves and supports her, but she''s having trouble supporting the wedding. She''s worried that because they have spent 6 days together in the past 6 years, perhaps they''re rushing things a bit. BFF realizes she doesn''t get to dictate S''s relationship, but it worried that this is so rushed that it is going to end up in heartbreak. She wants to know that S has really thought about what''s going to happen before she agrees to stand up in the wedding.
Is there any tactful way for my BFF to bring this up to the girl? Ultimately I think she''ll end up standing up in the wedding because she wants S to know that she loves her no matter what, and will always be there. But is there any way to bring up that maybe playing it safe and having a long engagement might be a good idea while they live in the same state and see what day-to-day life is like? Or should she just not say anything? I like to think friends share their concerns with each other, especially on things as life changing as marriage, but I''m not sure if it would do any good or if the conversation would just put the friendship at risk.
(Btw, before anybody jumps on me, I''m not saying young marriages can''t work or marriages can''t work when you''ve only been together a short amount of time before the wedding, just that I think with this set of circumstances a quick marriage is inadvisable.)
My BFF has been asked to stand up in our friend''s wedding. The friend, S, is very close to BFF, whereas she and I are more casual friends.
Just for background, S is 19 and about to graduate college in May. She''s been dying to get married and have kids for as long as I''ve known her. (I met her about 3 or 4 years ago.) She''s been in a string of long distance relationships all through college, always focused on marriage and babies, and moving on to the next guy when it became apparent that the guy she was seeing wasn''t going down that road as quickly as she was. It''s seemed like her focus has been on just getting married, not who she marries.
S has been seeing her SO, J, for just under 3 months. They live about 3,000 miles away from each other, and have spent a total of 6 days together in that 3 months. He''s 24 and in the Navy, she''s 19 and a college senior. They knew each other several years ago (when she was 13 and he was 1, and struck up a relationship after she ran into his mother at church.
When she went to visit him, they picked out her engagement ring, and they''re now planning a wedding in May.
Like I said, BFF has been asked to stand up in the wedding. She told S she would need time to think about it, and called me for advice. She wants to be there for S, and wants S to know she loves and supports her, but she''s having trouble supporting the wedding. She''s worried that because they have spent 6 days together in the past 6 years, perhaps they''re rushing things a bit. BFF realizes she doesn''t get to dictate S''s relationship, but it worried that this is so rushed that it is going to end up in heartbreak. She wants to know that S has really thought about what''s going to happen before she agrees to stand up in the wedding.
Is there any tactful way for my BFF to bring this up to the girl? Ultimately I think she''ll end up standing up in the wedding because she wants S to know that she loves her no matter what, and will always be there. But is there any way to bring up that maybe playing it safe and having a long engagement might be a good idea while they live in the same state and see what day-to-day life is like? Or should she just not say anything? I like to think friends share their concerns with each other, especially on things as life changing as marriage, but I''m not sure if it would do any good or if the conversation would just put the friendship at risk.
(Btw, before anybody jumps on me, I''m not saying young marriages can''t work or marriages can''t work when you''ve only been together a short amount of time before the wedding, just that I think with this set of circumstances a quick marriage is inadvisable.)