How would U respond to a comment like this from a "friend"?

[movie zombie]

ok, so here''s my take on it: she''s insecure.......and uneducated re diamonds.

re the 2nd part about being uneducated re diamonds: when i first was looking at diamonds as an e-ring choice i thought very much as this woman that anything less than vs was inferior. having hung out at pricescope i''ve learned more about diamonds [even though i didn''t get one and went with a spess instead]. if i were to buy a diamond now i''d opt for size and an SI1.....i''d even opt for a K-M color to get the larger size as long as the cut criteria was good. getting more info re diamonds opened doors for me that weren''t there before.

however, due to this woman''s insecurity i''m not sure diamond education would change her opinion. it sounds like she must be top shelf in her own mind w/o realizing there are many ways of being top shelf. in this way she is limiting herself.

perhaps she is more of an acquaintance and not an actual friend.

movie zombie

 

[mirre]

She "almost" sounds like a friend I have. I don''t think she tries to compete with me but she does "flaunt" the things she buys, whether she realizes it or not. LV bags, Chanel sunglasses, etc. (real or not). It was getting quite irritating and we got into a HUGE argument and almost ended the friendship over something stupid (not these things) and all of my frustrations came out and I told her about them. She''s a great friend but one of those that you can only handle so much of.

She constantly asking me to buy a house and move near her (45minutes away from where I WANT to live) despite repeated "No''s" and excuses, she has also tried repeatedly to talk me into having BF go to where her husband bought her ring because of the good deals despite me telling her "No". Finally I told her I knew what I wanted in a ring and it would have to be custom made.

That''s not true anymore but still. I can do things on my own.

I guess we all kind of have or have had a friend like your''s.

I really like Ellen''s idea. But IF she says something else to you and you really feel like saying something. I would say "Well "Top quality" may mean different things to different people and I would not have purchased my diamond had I felt it was of "Bad Quality".

Good Luck! You can always post your frustrations here.

(When I get frustrated about my friend "flaunting" her possessions and vent to my mom or BF they tell me "It''s ok she''ll probably end up broke or in bankruptcy" Which I don''t really believe but ti makes me feel better.

)

 

[beau13]

Thanks for all the input, I confronted her yesterday about MANY things that have been bothering me, and she simply said, well..."if you feel that way, then best health and best life"! I replied by saying if she couldn''t take a bit of criticism, and judging by her response, I guess our friendship is of no value to her, and not worth saving..so i guess we broke up! LOL. Ah well...new year, so out with the old, and in with the new. If a friend constantly sends you negative energy, I don''t think it''s good for your health anyway!

 

[mirre]

I''m sorry about the "break up" but at least you know what the friendship meant to her if it was so quickly dismissed.

Good for you for getting some things off your chest to her though.

 

[designchica]

I''d disregard her comment. She''s either uncomfortable with the size of her diamond and overcompensating by bragging about the quality or perhaps she''s just a stuck-up materialistic person who has to one-up people. Either way, who cares. Its her issue, not yours.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 1/8/2008 10:38:00 AM
Author: beau13
Thanks for all the input, I confronted her yesterday about MANY things that have been bothering me, and she simply said, well...''if you feel that way, then best health and best life''! I replied by saying if she couldn''t take a bit of criticism, and judging by her response, I guess our friendship is of no value to her, and not worth saving..so i guess we broke up! LOL. Ah well...new year, so out with the old, and in with the new. If a friend constantly sends you negative energy, I don''t think it''s good for your health anyway!

Precisely. I''ve had to let a few friends go because the bad began to far outweigh the good.

Here''s to new friends!

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Date: 1/8/2008 10:38:00 AM
Author: beau13
Thanks for all the input, I confronted her yesterday about MANY things that have been bothering me, and she simply said, well...''if you feel that way, then best health and best life''! I replied by saying if she couldn''t take a bit of criticism, and judging by her response, I guess our friendship is of no value to her, and not worth saving..so i guess we broke up! LOL. Ah well...new year, so out with the old, and in with the new. If a friend constantly sends you negative energy, I don''t think it''s good for your health anyway!

Wow, so sorry about your break-up, but it seems as if she wasn''t that invested, anyway.

You''re right - it''s a new year - tome for some new friends!

 

[Linda W]

Beau,

You are right. A friend like that, who sends you negative energy, is not good for your health.

I also had a friend like that and I am middle aged and so is she. I ended our friendship of 20 years, which was very hard for me to do. She was very draining emotionally. Always had to have the best of everything and looked down on what DH and I had. It is best not to have people like that in your life. Do I miss her? Of course I do, but I know I am better off not having her in my life.

Linda

 

[MissErin]

Date: 1/8/2008 10:38:00 AM
Author: beau13
Thanks for all the input, I confronted her yesterday about MANY things that have been bothering me, and she simply said, well...''if you feel that way, then best health and best life''! I replied by saying if she couldn''t take a bit of criticism, and judging by her response, I guess our friendship is of no value to her, and not worth saving..so i guess we broke up! LOL. Ah well...new year, so out with the old, and in with the new. If a friend constantly sends you negative energy, I don''t think it''s good for your health anyway!

I had a friend VERY similar to this about a year ago. Initially her and I were best friends, but as time went on I really caught a glimpse of her "ugly side". It got to a point where she would argue EVERYTHING. She though she was a TOTAL expert on every topic... To a point where I wouldn''t doubt it I said the earth was round she would tell me it was square... haha

I too confronted her and because of it we "broke up". It was sad and a little hard, but the more I think about it (and read your story) to more I am made aware of how ridiculous of a friendship it really was. So, for you CHEERS to breaking away from someone who tired to bring you down.

 

[Sparkalicious]

Beau - If this comment was geared towards you ... Ignore it. It has no value. People, especially those who have taken the time to educate themselves about diamonds, will have personal preferences and they are just that, personal and preferences. Some prefer white icy color and other prefer some warmth. Some desire mind cleanliness and others don''t want to pay for anything more than eyeclean.

Your friend, who possesses limited info about diamonds, may be under the false impression that only VS diamonds are good diamonds. It is not your place to change her mind. If she is interested in learning more about diamonds, you would gladly share your info with her, however, if she chooses to remain ignorant, let her ... the world keeps turning regardless.

I also wanted to share, though, that when I first read your post I was wondering how you knew it was directed at you and not just a comment. Do you think it is possible that you may have made this assumption based on your own defensiveness related to how you feel about this "friend" and her showy, braggart attitude? If so, try to love your friend for what you like about her and be extra careful not to project her bad qualities onto yourself ... this should assist you in deflecting her comments and maintaining a relationship that is viable in other ways.

Sorry you were hurt/annoyed. This type of person is annoying to deal with.

 

[mirre]

MissErin I have a friend like that, that thinks she right about everything no matter the topic. I''ve finally stopped trying to show her she''s wrong when she is and just let it go (and know that I''m right and she''s wrong, when I am). There have been times I''ve tried to point out to her that she''s wrong and she''s so stubborn that it doesn''t work and we end up mad at each other or something. So I''ve decided it''s not worth it and when an instance like that comes up I just keep my mouth shut when it gets too heated.

 

[MissErin]

Date: 1/8/2008 2:17:24 PM
Author: mirre
MissErin I have a friend like that, that thinks she right about everything no matter the topic. I''ve finally stopped trying to show her she''s wrong when she is and just let it go (and know that I''m right and she''s wrong, when I am). There have been times I''ve tried to point out to her that she''s wrong and she''s so stubborn that it doesn''t work and we end up mad at each other or something. So I''ve decided it''s not worth it and when an instance like that comes up I just keep my mouth shut when it gets too heated.

At the time I too would try to point out when she was wrong about it and found myself giggling about her justifications why she was "right". Some were downright SILLY!! And even now thinking about it it makes me smile. She is a good person and has a lot to be happy about (she recently got engaged) but as far as her being in my life, not going to happen.

Beau - I think you made the right decision by ending the friendship. Who knows, maybe in the future she will see some of her not so pretty traits and change... You just never know. But until then - I think you did a good thing.

 

[beau13]

Thanks everyone, I agree I made the right choice...no need for negative energy constantly wearing you down! It''s too bad she has to be so juvenille though...getting our mutual friends involved. I mean, would you share a personal e-mail, or conversation between you and a friend, with others? I know I wouldn''t, it should remain between teh two parties concerned. However...I got a few e-mails from "mutual" friends on Facebook, and I guess they removed me as friends, and sided with her. Hmmmm...it''s too bad they don''t know the HALF of it...but if they enjoy living in her shadow..I wish them all the best too! Thanks for hearing me out...today is a MUCH better day, I am Soooooo over it! LOL

 

[Fancy605]

Date: 1/9/2008 12:03:30 PM
Author: beau13
However...I got a few e-mails from ''mutual'' friends on Facebook, and I guess they removed me as friends, and sided with her. Hmmmm...it''s too bad they don''t know the HALF of it...but if they enjoy living in her shadow..I wish them all the best too! Thanks for hearing me out...today is a MUCH better day, I am Soooooo over it! LOL

She had them de-friend you? WOW, that IS juvenile. How dramatic. You should be glad you''ve moved on from people like her. I always have a good laugh when I see my not-really-my-friends-in-real-life-but-friends-on-facebook friends resorting to online retaliation against one another in their "statuses" and what not. I''m like, "Really? Grow up and talk face to face about your issues instead of playing these petty little games."

 

[bee*]

It sounds like you did the best thing. There is nothing worse than a friend that makes you feel bad about things. I had a friend like that for years too and we don''t see each other any more at all. The crunch for us came when we were on a night out and we both happened to be wearing the same top in different colours. I laughed it off but she was so annoyed and was asking who bought the top first (which turned out to be me in the end) and all other stupid questions and it was just the tip of the iceberg and everything that had bothered me came out. We met up two years ago to see did we still have a friendship left but all she focused on was trying to get at me about silly little things so we haven''t seen each other since. It''s always sad to lose a friend but it can be better for you in the long run.

 

[hearts-arrows_girl]

Date: 1/6/2008 7:11:20 PM
Author:beau13
Okay ladies, a close friend suddenly decides to reset her diamond in a new setting to compete with the attention a ''friend'' has been receiving from her new ring. When I asked her if she was upgrading her diamond or just the setting, she replies..''my diamond may be smaller, but it''s a VS stone, so it''s TOP quality, and I would never upgrade it for a bigger stone, that is cheaper quality'' I take this to mean, that since she KNOWS my diamond is an SI-1, but 1.76, vs. her 1.25 size, that comment was geared towards me. She knows VERY LITTLE about diamonds..period! When she seen my new ring, the ONLY thing she said was ''huh...is that a VS diamond?'' To which I replied, NO, but it''s perfectly eyeclean! How would you reply to such a comment, since I think anything from a VVS stone to a SI-2 (if it''s eyeclean), look pretty much identical side by side, at a distance. I clean my diamond DAILY, she cleans her YEARLY, and my diamond has so much more fire/brilliance that hers does! Just cuious as to what you would say when someone thinks her diamond is Sooooooo much more valuable because it''s a VS 1 rather than an SI 1. Thanks

This may be coming a little, since in reading your posts, I see you don''t see this girl anymore, but....It seems to me that she may have felt you were doing a SIZE dig when you asked her if she would be upgrading her stone. If she is always wanting to be better than you, then she is well aware that you have a BIGGER diamond than hers, so she probably thought you were doing a SIZE dig when you asked her if she would be upgrading her diamond. When someone thinks your stone is big enough, they would naturally assume you would be keeping an already big diamond, so in essence, by asking her about a diamond upgrade, you insinuated that hers may be too small and NEEDED upgrading. I would bet you two go back and forth inadverntantly all the time, but oh well, it''s over now. Her VS comment was probably all she had to throw back since your diamond is most likely superior to hers in every other way. I have an SI1 and it rocks! Good luck to you!

 

[beau13]

I am soooooooooo happy to report that life these past few weeks have been so stress free!! No early morning phone calls, from "her" ,NO having to listen to how great her life is, what her perfect kids did over the weekend, what new furniture, or flooring she just bought, and how perfectly wonderful her husband is for installing the hardwood (and he is SO not a handyman, as seen in his work). Hey, when you blow $ 40 000 gambling at a casino in Vegas, or $1600 on another LV purse, why not spend a couple more hundred to hire a professional to install the hardwood floors properly? Anyway...none of my business anymore. Thanks for everyone''s thoughts, advice..I KNOW I did the right thing, since I don''t miss her one bit! Life is much better in my world now! I just asked her to remove some pics she posted of me on her Facebook account. I thought people needed your consent before posting pics on the net...maybe not? I think telling her to remove the pics will send her a very strong message, that I want nothing to do with her anymore!

 

[metro]

Date: 1/6/2008 8:56:47 PM
Author: MC
There''s really not much you can say. My MOM did the same thing to me. I showed her my eng. ring and she whipped out her loope and pointed out why her stone was better!

Your friend would only make a comment like that if she is jealous, so just keep that in mind and leave it at that. Nothing you can say can make a difference in how she feels and you do not need to stoop to her level.

OMG, for real!?!

 

[divergrrl]

I would be smarting like you are for a second (since we psers are so particular about our sparklies) but then I'd realize that in her own mind, she has a standard by which she judges diamonds, and that is VS. We know there is so much more than just a clarity rating. Hence this website, obsessions, dreams, upgrades, resets, etc....

Perhaps she is just intimidated by your knowledge, and she makes up for what she feels is a shortcoming in size (although her size is nothing to sneeze at, but some folks get jealous if anyone has a tenth of a carat more than them....oh well) by pumping up her clarity. And while I agree with you, clarity is in the eye of the beholder, and if I can behold it, then I don't care....but....VS quality does cost more and maybe that means something to her.

Anyway, she's being petty and you are better of letting it go. My mom used to say, "kill them with kindness". So just say, "oh yes, your stone is exquisite, I was just wondering if you were UPGRADING the whole thing or just changing the setting. I can't wait to see what your new ring looks like, I am so excited for you!".

Bleh...and be done with the subject.

ETA: Oh wow, this is what I get for not reading all 2 pages before I respond....GOOD FOR YOU for breaking up with her! I broke up with a friend last year who drained me of all positive energy and it was liberating! I hope you feel better. Just remember, if you run into her, be kind, but don't falter and make plans with her. Just say, "oh, nice to see you, buy bye!" and move along.

 

[diamondfan]

She sounds immature, jealous and competitive. Being friends with her drained you. I think, though it is painful sometimes, we have to make a decision about the future of a friendship that is not really giving us anything pleasant.

I am appalled that a person would use Facebook to make a case and try to strip friends from you. How old is this chick? Beyond juvenile to me. What is between the two of you should stay that way. It is obnoxious that she would campaign against you and just proves and should reinforce that you are better off without her!

 

[AGBF]

Date: 1/20/2008 10:21:03 PM
Author: hearts-arrows_girl


If she is always wanting to be better than you, then she is well aware that you have a BIGGER diamond than hers, so she probably thought you were doing a SIZE dig when you asked her if she would be upgrading her diamond. When someone thinks your stone is big enough, they would naturally assume you would be keeping an already big diamond, so in essence, by asking her about a diamond upgrade, you insinuated that hers may be too small and NEEDED upgrading.

I read this thread all at once as I have not been around Pricescope very much lately. Many posters have already addressed issues of materialism, competition between friends, the nature of "true friendship", etcetera. This posting struck me as incredibly insightful. It had not occurred to me in all my reading what a slap in the face a question about "upgrading" one's diamond could be! We use the term here on Pricescope so often and so many people decide to trade in smaller stones for larger ones, that it seems like an acceptable part of life. It didn't strike me immediately (obviously) that asking someone if she plans to "upgrade" is an insult! Junebug is very perceptive! Is she an ideal rock yet? I see she isn't. She should be!

Deborah

 

[rainydaze]

Date: 1/22/2008 4:27:34 AM
Author: AGBF

Date: 1/20/2008 10:21:03 PM
Author: hearts-arrows_girl


If she is always wanting to be better than you, then she is well aware that you have a BIGGER diamond than hers, so she probably thought you were doing a SIZE dig when you asked her if she would be upgrading her diamond. When someone thinks your stone is big enough, they would naturally assume you would be keeping an already big diamond, so in essence, by asking her about a diamond upgrade, you insinuated that hers may be too small and NEEDED upgrading.

I read this thread all at once as I have not been around Pricescope very much lately. Many posters have already addressed issues of materialism, competition between friends, the nature of ''true friendship'', etcetera. This posting struck me as incredibly insightful. It had not occurred to me in all my reading what a slap in the face a question about ''upgrading'' one''s diamond could be! We use the term here on Pricescope so often and so many people decide to trade in smaller stones for larger ones, that it seems like an acceptable part of life. It didn''t strike me immediately (obviously) that asking someone if she plans to ''upgrade'' is an insult! Junebug is very perceptive! Is she an ideal rock yet? I see she isn''t. She should be!

Deborah

i agree hearts-arrows_girl and AGBF! beau13 when i first read your post my immediate thought was that your friend may have just gone on the defensive because asking if she planned to upgrade her stone does rather imply something about her stone is lacking and she needed to. that is all the more reason i liked TGal''s response to just let your diamond speak for itself - i thought your friend''s response was most likely a misunderstanding of the intention of your question. since she is not a PSer, AGBF is right - she would likely not have taken your comment as benign as many of us here do. so letting it go prevents making a mountain out of a molehill, and if it was more than a misunderstanding and she was being petty, well, your stone''s performance really would be the most effective and inarguable response.

of course, reading further into her other behaviors does indicate there appeared to exist some negative competition between you two and i think letting go of this friendship was probably best for both of you.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I had a friend very similar, and I think most people do!

She had and I broke up in August, and although I clearly knew her faults and flaws, it was still bittersweet admitting that a friendship, which at once time was very important, was no longer a part of my life.

I personally think your friend has issues that go deeper that just competition with her "friends". I really believe that her personal reflection of self is skewed. Many women will overcompensate for their short comings by spending money to purchase material goods that make them feel superior...and I wouldn''t be surprised if your friend was one of those women, sadly.

How well did you really know this woman? Perhaps she and her husband are eyeball-deep in debt from their frequent trips to Vegas, and big losses! People that "rent" $400,000 cars obviously are attempting to create and illusion that in reality illudes them. If she feels that she has to "up" an older woman over a freakin'' LV purse...God love her, cause no one else does!

I would move on and not look back. Who cares about your pictures up on a stupid facebook page, it isn''t worth the communication. And by the way, how old is this woman and WHY does SHE have a facebook page...isn''t that for college kids?????