How would you feel about a man proposing without a ring?

[HopeDream]

My BF and I were discussing engagement, and he said that the PS community would find proposing without a ring intolerable, I disagreed.

What do you ladies and gents think about a man proposing without a ring?

 

[rierie26]

I wouldn''t have a problem with it. If for some reason my bf couldn''t/wouldn''t buy me a ring, then I''d just buy one later on for myself.

 

[vc10um]

I wouldn''t care. The asking is so much more important than the ring. I would like to have a ring as a symbol of that commitment...but I wouldn''t mind getting it afterward. Especially if the proposal was completely spontaneous and unplanned.

 

[vespergirl]

I''ve been proposed to 3 times - the first and third were with no ring, but with a promise that we''d go ring shopping together, which was great fun. The second proposal was with a ring, and my ex and I had looked at rings together several times. He asked me specifically about what type of stone/setting I liked, and then he got me something completely different. Even though the ring was beautiful, the ring presentation was a little disappointing because he had gotten me exactly what I said that I didn''t like (and he knew that).

So, even though a ring proposal is very romantic, it''s also a lot of fun to be able to choose something together later - whether it''s a diamond solitaire or gold bands, whatever your budget or style allows.

 

[jewelz617]

A ring is fun to have, but I''d rather have the guy.

 

[rainwood]

I was proposed to without the ring, and I''m glad I was. Shopping together for the ring you want is just as romantic, if not more so.

 

[blingbunny10]

I'd want a proposal with BF gallantly down on one knee. And for a formal proposal, you have to have a ring!

It's not that I'm set on the ring itself (I don't even own any diamonds or gemstone jewelry) and it's not like BF and I haven't talked about getting married. But for the proposal, I don't want the casual "Let's get married" and I sure don't want the elaborate scheming of a public proposal.... Just simple and traditional for me!

 

[lilyfoot]

A proposal without a ring is not any less special than a proposal with a ring.

It wouldn''t have bothered me at all. We did all our ring shopping before the proposal though

 

[Bella_mezzo]

I think it''s fine, but I''d like some kind of romantic gesture not just "hey, let''s get married".

I think it''s optimal if he proposes with an awesome diamond (picked out with much help from PSers

) in a temp setting...

My DH proposed with the ring at home, but he made it really romantic and even though I knew it was coming I sure didn''t think it would be that day (he had 102 fever and was wearing sweats and a tshirt)

 

[JustLikeYou]

I dunno. I''d want some sort of gesture.

I mean, he''s been talking about buying my dream project for me, which is restoring Stingray corvette together with him. Told me he wants to buy me a frame and says he''s found one for around $3,000.

Even though I recently made a post about my dream ring setting, which I do think is fabulous and makes me drool... I''d much rather have the car than that. I guess I''m not your typical girl

 

[4ever]

I''d be totally cool with that. Only thing that would bug me is if people I told asked to see the ring and than didn''t get it when I said we hadn''t got one yet.

I''d rather have a ringless proposal than have no input into the ring at all.

 

[LilyKat]

Date: 1/15/2010 9:29:58 PM
Author: rainwood
I was proposed to without the ring, and I''m glad I was. Shopping together for the ring you want is just as romantic, if not more so.

Ditto this for me! Really, it''s a piece of jewellery - it''s symbolic of your relationship, but it doesn''t define it.

Do you mean that you would go out and buy a ring together straight afterwards, or that you would hold off on buying the ring for a few months or longer? Either is fine, but if it were the latter I''d probably like some sort of cheap placeholder ring (maybe something in silver), just as a symbol.

 

[Rhea]

We agreed to marry without a ring (there was no actually question and proposal) and exchanged rings at a later date. I have no problem with an agreement to marry or proposal without a ring.

 

[Callisto]

The surprise with the ring would be nice but proposing without one would mean that I would get to choose exactly what I wanted... which sounds pretty nice too.

The only problem for me and SO would be he has proposed a few times (to be silly, particularly when he''s had a bit to drink) so I think the only reason I''ll know its for real is when he DOES have the ring.

 

[MsP]

Personally... I would be upset if he DID have the ring as we have discussed how I really would prefer to be very involved.

We''ve talked about this in general terms. He wants a grand surprise proposal. I said fine, go get some placeholder jewelry or symbolic item but do not try to pick out my ring. I intend to pay for a good portion of it and I will be wearing it and therefor I want to get exactly what I want. He can have the surprise proposal he wants with the placeholder item, and I can have it my way as we can do the ring shopping and purchasing together after we''re engaged. So one might ask why not shop/purchase together and then hand over the real ring for the grand proposal?... the whole period of, "I know he has the ring and now I''m just waiting on him to ask" seems stressful. I''d rather have no idea of the time. Then do the ring afterwards...

 

[AustenNut]

Do you mean that there is a proposal, and then ring shopping would begin shortly thereafter? No problem.

Do you mean that there is a proposal, with no ring to come for a long time? A problem. But it doesn''t have to be an expensive ring. When I sent my boyfriend a document about rings I liked, I included all price ranges, including a $14 ring. If he''s not willing to spring $14 to present a ring around the time we get engaged, then we have other issues. (I''ll admit that I indicated that the $14 would be a placeholder ring until whenever he could afford to get me a nonplaceholder.)

 

[blingbunny10]

Date: 1/16/2010 8:26:43 AM
Author: Addy
We agreed to marry without a ring (there was no actually question and proposal) and exchanged rings at a later date. I have no problem with an agreement to marry or proposal without a ring.

Addy - I agree that there''s no issue if you agree to marry without a ring, but even if you discuss (and agree to!) marriage, I still think a more formal proposal+ring should come later.

But maybe I''m just a traditionalist. It could be that I want a simpler setting than many Pricescope LIWs, so I know that it will be easier for the average guy to find a ring that I''ll be happy with.

 

[Rhea]

Date: 1/16/2010 12:04:34 PM
Author: blingbunny10

Date: 1/16/2010 8:26:43 AM

Author: Addy

We agreed to marry without a ring (there was no actually question and proposal) and exchanged rings at a later date. I have no problem with an agreement to marry or proposal without a ring.

Addy - I agree that there''s no issue if you agree to marry without a ring, but even if you discuss (and agree to!) marriage, I still think a more formal proposal+ring should come later.


But maybe I''m just a traditionalist. It could be that I want a simpler setting than many Pricescope LIWs, so I know that it will be easier for the average guy to find a ring that I''ll be happy with.

Of course. I in no way meant to imply that we choose to do is right for everyone. But it was right for us. I wouldn''t mind being proposed to without a ring...or not even having a ring. I want the guy, the ring is a bonus.

 

[KatM]

a ring isn''t necessary. it would be annoying to have to constantly explain the lack of a ring to people who want to see, but its absence wouldn''t bother me. my parents have been married for 30-something years and there was never a ring.

 

[April20]

I was proposed to without a ring because finding the stone was taking much longer than we anticipated. He actually wanted to propose WITH a ring, but then someone inadvertantly announced to a large group that we were engaged when we were not yet, so he decided to propose without it so we didn''t have to go around un-telling people we were engaged only to tell them we were later. At any rate, I didn''t care if he proposed with or without a ring. I wanted him. Oh, I wanted a ring too, but I was willing to wait for the right one.

 

[Sizzle]

I wanted and got the ring. I would have been disappointed without one but it''s not like I would have said no. I got a solitaire then picked my setting later

 

[elrohwen]

Do you mean proposing without a ring and then buying one together later? Or just proposing without a ring with no plans to get one?

If it was the first, I would be totally on board.

If the second, I wouldn't mind, but I would probably suggest we go out and buy something cheap together - like a simple white gold band or something. I would like some kind of symbol, but I would totally understand if there were financial issues and he just couldn't afford it at the time.

eta: We talked about getting engaged, then went and had the ring designed together. It was kind of frustrating telling people that we were going to get married and they would joke that I didn't even have a ring and I shouldn't get ahead of myself. Oh well - I knew that we had the stone and were just waiting to set it.

 

[Steel]

A ring is unnecessary IMHO. It is just gravy.

AND, it is better to have no ring than be forced to coo over frozen spit.

 

[Clio]

Date: 1/16/2010 8:26:43 AM
Author: Addy
We agreed to marry without a ring (there was no actually question and proposal)

Same here. He did get me a ring about 6 months later, although I told him he didn''t have to.

 

[purrfectpear]

I''m more men would do a lovely sincere proposal from the heart rather than waiting to save for a showstopper ring, there would be less LIW posting on PS going crazy. PS is flooded with women who are fed up with waiting and waiting.

It''s about the declaration that he loves you so much and wants to spend his life with you, not about the trip to the jewelers

 

[yssie]

I have to be honest and say... I'd have been disappointed.


I can appreciate that some people just don't want rings - I don't really understand, but I can respect their wishes. My traditional, conservative family, however, would neither appreciate nor respect an engagement announcement without a clear, visible, physical symbol. More importantly though, an engagement ring of some sort was something I'd dreamed about for a very long time, and for me, the feeling of being "engaged to be married" would not be complete without FI slipping something onto my finger that I could look at and smile at. I will say, however, that any man I had serious intentions of spending my life with would know this - just as he would know that being married with a ceremony is important to me.


As for that ring itself - I'd have said YES (or in my case, "really?!"

) to a plain band, a band with coloured stones, the gorgeous ring I am lucky enough to have now.. but just as I expected to have a say in whether or not we as a couple participated in the tradition of marriage, I expected to have a say in the ring itself - or at least the right to make alterations if I didn't like the product! Again, FI knew me well enough to know this, too.


It really is all about communicating your expectations.

 

[kberrie22]

I would have to say that I feel like a proposal with or without a ring would be great! Just having a proposal would be awesome in my case because I have the engagement "itch" pretty bad right now! I believe that since my SO and I went to look at rings in the past that he would know what I would want in a pinch, but I would be just as happy having him propose wo/ a ring and taking me shopping for one! I am still pulling for the spring/ summer engagment that my SO has promised me.. only time will tell!

 

[Nomsdeplume]

If I want a ring, I can buy one and put it on my own finger. Being asked to spend the rest of my life with the man I love... now that''s something no amount of money can buy.

 

[crossmyfingers]

I know my BF well enough to be pretty certain he will wait till we have the ring to propose. If he proposed without a ring, I would be just as happy. We will be picking out the ring together, and he wants me to completely pick out everything about it, so it''s not like the actual ring will be much of a surprise to me.

I think the idea of a placeholder ring to propose with is fantastic! If he proposed to me with a Ring Pop, I''d be just as thrilled. I do want a ring, but it doesn''t have to be present at the proposal.

 

[yssie]

SDL - your engagement story is one of the sweetest I''ve ever heard