How would you feel about your SO living with another female?

[monarch64]

Date: 4/7/2010 11:54:57 AM
Author: TooPatient

Date: 4/7/2010 11:36:54 AM
Author: OUpeargirl
Thank you everyone for your input! Like I said at the start of the thread, this isn''t something that is weighing heavily on my mind. It'' just something that kind of surprised me and made me uncomfortable. I know I can''t get down there to meet her on move in day, but I think I''ll be ok. I''m sure once I do eventually meet her I will not care at all. You are also all very right, he''s going to be so busy. I''m probably worrying about nothing (one of my many talents) but I am really glad he is listening and willing to do whatever to make me comfortable.

We talked about it again last night and he said that if at any point I am uneasy about the situation he can get out and move elsewhere. I guess this house is so desired by the people in training that there is no lease to break, the owner will let them move out at any time. I honestly don''t think it will come to that, but it''s nice to know!

He sounds like a great guy!

Make sure to send him with a nice picture of the two of you together and keep one around for yourself. It might help you both feel better as you adjust to being apart for the few months.

I''d be putting an 8x10 (at least) of myself in his bedroom (or sending along the framed photo plus instructions) and also put together one of those collage-type frames with lots of pics of us in it. While I was at it, I''d also ask him to wear a promise ring. LOL Just kidding, OU. I know you and Lane''s relationship is strong but it is OK to have a little fear or insecurity about this. It''s not an ideal situation but you''ll just have to trust him and send lots of cookies and care packages. Make your presence known in those ways, even though I doubt there will be any problems.

 

[TooPatient]

Date: 4/7/2010 12:16:58 PM
Author: monarch64

Date: 4/7/2010 11:54:57 AM
Author: TooPatient

Date: 4/7/2010 11:36:54 AM
Author: OUpeargirl
Thank you everyone for your input! Like I said at the start of the thread, this isn''t something that is weighing heavily on my mind. It'' just something that kind of surprised me and made me uncomfortable. I know I can''t get down there to meet her on move in day, but I think I''ll be ok. I''m sure once I do eventually meet her I will not care at all. You are also all very right, he''s going to be so busy. I''m probably worrying about nothing (one of my many talents) but I am really glad he is listening and willing to do whatever to make me comfortable.

We talked about it again last night and he said that if at any point I am uneasy about the situation he can get out and move elsewhere. I guess this house is so desired by the people in training that there is no lease to break, the owner will let them move out at any time. I honestly don''t think it will come to that, but it''s nice to know!

He sounds like a great guy!

Make sure to send him with a nice picture of the two of you together and keep one around for yourself. It might help you both feel better as you adjust to being apart for the few months.

I''d be putting an 8x10 (at least) of myself in his bedroom (or sending along the framed photo plus instructions) and also put together one of those collage-type frames with lots of pics of us in it. While I was at it, I''d also ask him to wear a promise ring. LOL Just kidding, OU. I know you and Lane''s relationship is strong but it is OK to have a little fear or insecurity about this. It''s not an ideal situation but you''ll just have to trust him and send lots of cookies and care packages. Make your presence known in those ways, even though I doubt there will be any problems.

Great idea! He''ll be busy with his training and having homemade cookies, a DVD of a movie you think he''ll like, cards of encouragement, etc. will probably be very welcome reminders that you are thinking of him and supportive of what he is doing.

I actually like the collage idea too. You could put it together and send it to him (or bring it when you visit). Or maybe put them into a nice album for him?

 

[chemgirl]

I had a male housemate in college and it was nothing like living with an SO. So you don''t really have to worry about not being the first girl he''s lived with. He''ll probably spend most of his free time doing his own thing (ie on the phone with you) and barely even see her. I barely spent any time with my college housemate. There was no sort of intimacy there on any level. We''d talk for a few minutes when we got home, chat while preparing our seperate dinners, and maybe watch some TV together. We are much better friends now, after we''ve moved to seperate cities, than we ever were while we were living together.

 

[Bia]

Date: 4/7/2010 11:52:42 AM
Author: sunnyd
In the meantime, I will hope that she is a hideous beast with the personality of a slug.

+++1

 

[Pushin40]

Date: 4/6/2010 9:27:53 PM
Author:OUpeargirl
Ok, I''m not going to start this off by talking about how amazing and wonderful my SO is minus this one teeny thing. Honestly, this isn''t a huge deal to me, but it does slightly bother me.

Lane and I have been together almost a year. He is in the military and from the end of April until the first week of August he will be training in a different state. Since finding out that this was the path he was taking, he has talked about a really great house that is for rent. Basically, an older pilot has completely redone this house from top to bottom with all very high tech appliances, everything is new, it''s amazing. It also costs him no more to live there than to live in the dorms. He told me he got in and I was really happy for him. Then he mentioned that there is a girl living there. He''s never met her, doesn''t know what she''s like, or anything about her. He just knows she''s another person training to be an instructor as well. They''ll have separate bathrooms, bedrooms, etc but will share all living areas. There will also be another male living in the place.

At first I was really upset, and even more upset he hadn''t asked me how I felt about it. I can''t quite articulate why this bothers me. I trust him and I''m not worried about him developing feelings for her or anything along those lines. It just sucks that the first time we are having to do real distance (8 hour drive as opposed to 1.5 hour drive) and he''ll be living with someone that makes me uncomfortable.

He had no idea this would bother me and is completely willing to break the lease if I say so. I don''t know that it necessarily needs to come to that, but I can''t decide. Am I crazy for this to bug me?? Even just a little bit??

(Sorry if this is repetative - I didn''t read any other responses yet!)
I think you need to figure out why this is bothering you.
This woudln''t really bother me, especially considering this is a stranger and there is also another guy there. Actually. if it was a close femail frend, or an ex, I could see that being more of an issue since there is an established relationship.

I also don''t think he needs to get your permission.

Back in the day, I used to be more controlling in relationships and TRUST ME - no good will come of it Don''t demand he give up that nice place and suffer just because you are insecure. It''s not fair even if he says he''ll do it.

If you really trust him, this isn''t a problem. I have a feeling this may be more of a symptom of the LD thing rather than the girl. I''ve done LD as well, and my advice is to use this time as an opportunity to strengthen your bond, not chip away at it. You have all of the power to do this and it may take some self control. These few months will fly by - I promise!

Hang in there!

 

[Pushin40]

PS - just read the other responses.
He sounds like a great guy and I think you are very in tune and honest with your feeliings!

It may be weird - but you will get thru this!

I think you don''t want to be away from him, and I don''t blame you. It sucks!!!

Honestly sometimes you just need reassurance that your guy says he will do anything for you (but he doesn''t really need to do it!) and him saying he will break the lease....very considerate!