bee*: Let me try to clarify again because Im sure you didnt read all the posts. I was not the one who asked for the list. my SO did. He asked his mother for a list of people who should be invited because there are certain people that should be invited and certain things that he would like for our wedding. And basically since we have been doing a lot of renovations etc on the house it would be helpful for us to have our list in order and figure what venue we would most likely like so that w can figure out an approximate price so that we could determain weither or not we could afford to get married next year or if we''d have to wait til 2010. And He has just finished paying for the ring and im just waiting for him to propose when he has planned to do it. He will propose NO later then Dec of this year but Im pretty sure it willl be much sooner then that. So thats why we arent officially engaged yet. He has a plan and a vision and Im just waiting for him to do it. Hope that helped.
perfectpear: I have the art work that I have because it is ME...not by any means to 'rebel against norms'. And granted everyone is entitled to their opionions and when FMIL 1st met me she couldnt see a lot of what I had as far as tat work. I was bent down putting dishes in the dishwasher, hadnt even MET her yet as my back was turned and 1st words outta her mouth were 'how many tattoos DO you have anyway?' in a snide tone. That would be like if I had met her and she was heavy set and I said 'how much DO you weigh anyway?' its just rude. She saw A tattoo on my lower back that day. Thats all. But fine if that was her intitial response. Shes allowed to not care for them. Its her perogative. But after almost a yr and a half of knowing me and still being judgemental about it bothers me. Concidering that seems to be the only problem so far. Youde think by now that shed see past to see WHO I am and not how I choose to express myself. And im entitled to that. What really bothered me was after a few mos she acted very nice to me to my face yet apparently still had a problem with me. And I havent called her names on here and gotten 'so outraged' I said she was judgemental. its what she is. And I plan on continuing to be nice to her as i have been from the very beginning. I have been nothing BUT nice to her.Date: 6/29/2008 7:47:02 PM
Author: purrfectpear
First let me say that I'm really, really sorry that you're hurt by the future MIL's reaction. It's sad, and it's making you sad.
However, I saw pics you posted of you trying on wedding gowns, and your tattoos aren't exactly minimal. Surely you knew when you decided to have both of your arms and the entire front of chest area done, that your body modification was different than the majority of women? I mean no disrespect but that wouldn't be my first choice as a DIL either. Eventually I would judge the relationship based on whether I believed the girl was good for my son, but my first reaction would honestly be OMG. I'd hope it was a phase too. I think I'd be alot more accepting of differences like race, size, or religion since they aren't a case where someone made an intentional choice to rebel against norms.
I wouldn't be so quick to call the mom names on here and get so outraged. If your relationship with your BF is healthy and you can keep your tensions to a minimum, I think she'll come around in time. Sometimes life isn't fair. People do judge, so if you want her acceptance you need to continue to be positive and nice, period.
mrs jam: Yes he is the 1st to be getting married. Its just him and a sister thats 2yrs younger then us. He and I will be 28 in Aug and sept. And I plan on inviting her out for some coffe to try and talk all this out and hear her side directly from her. weither she ultimatly comes around or not...well that up to her. But shes not going to sway us from our decision and even if she doesnt agree with it I will always be nice to her. Thats SO''s family and I would never cause a rift or problems. Family is very importaint and I would never make him choose or cause any problems within the family.
Date: 6/29/2008 7:59:03 PM
Author: FrekeChild
That''s impressive JSM.
I know that we couldn''t do it because BF has car payments (''07 VW), and I have a ''01 sports car that has high insurance-and I won''t sell it. Not to mention large medical bills from BF''s surgery 2 years ago, his follow up medical bills from his cardiologist since then, and both of our health insurances. If it weren''t for his car, we''d probably be just fine to live on our own-even paying rent-it just may not be as cushy as it is now. I worked like a dog last summer and have some savings (that''s dwindling now with the gas prices and food prices going up), but if I want to graduate when I''m planning on it (Dec ''09) I can''t take on another job. So the money isn''t there to do it in a way that we''re comfortable with. It''s not the getting engaged that''s the problem with us-we could do that right now-he''s got all of the money for the ring and everything, it''s more the thought that when we marry, we want to be financially independent-which we aren''t right now, and won''t be until I graduate.
The plan is currently that he will finish his Comprehensive Exams next spring, propose whenever he pleases after that, and then we''ll get married between 12-24 months afterwards. And hopefully he will complete his dissertation around that same time or shortly afterwards. And of course, he''ll probably have about 40k in loans to pay off at that point but we''ll hopefully be able to pull in 90k a year very shortly after he graduates, if all goes as planned.
So technically it''s not that can''t get engaged, its that neither of us feels comfortable doing so until we''re financially independent. Which totally sucks for my mom because she''s completely willing to support us both financially, just so we get engaged/married sooner, but it''s not her call to make.
Surfgirl-
No one, the point being made was that he hasn''t proposed, which doesn''t require a ring, and so the FMIL might have been put off by being asked to write a guest list as the commitment to marriage hasn''t been made yet. I totally get it, and if I went to my parents and asked for a wedding guest list when I wasn''t engaged I would expect a reaction, confused, bewildered, whatever, from them.
HollyS: He had the ring on hold and was making payments on it because we are doing a lot of renovations on the house which I felt was more importaint to put money twords then paying for the ring at once. He has just finished paying for it. And Im sure that he just like a lot of other LIWs men on here are waiting for the time that they want to propose. There are plenty of people on here whos SO''s have had the ring for weeks or even months before proposing. Maybe he has something planned for a speacial day. 4th of July maybe, or both of our birth days are right around the corner. He will propose when he wants to. I picked the ring, now its HIS turn to suprise me with the proposal his way.
300x240.png)
