I could use some advice please, ladies.

[maccers]

I don't know how to even approach having a conversation about our future but I feel like I have to do it very soon. I guess it's time to put my big girl panties on, lol. I want it to be like a fact-gathering session and don't want to be seen as pushy.

Can I ask you a question? Are you wanting to have the 'about-our-future' conversation with him because you know you want to marry him, or are you having this conversation only because you'll feel more secure about the relationship (assuming he responds positively)?

These two options probably sound like the same thing but they aren't. I've been in relationships where I didn't quite know how the guy felt about it, I didn't know where it was headed and so I was constantly trying to ask things and look for signs that meant our relationship was 'secured'. What I eventually learned was that having to ask for this security is a sign that it's probably not working. Sure, he may not want to break up but he isn't totally in the same place as me either. I had to be really honest with myself and say 'Hey, my instinct is telling me something that is true. This guy, while he really likes me, isn't on the same page as me, he doesn't envision the same future as I do'. I especially know this is true now that i have met my SO - being together long-term was never really a question. And it was an easy question for us to talk about.

Of course, take what I've written with a grain of salt. I'm basing this on my own experience and only a brief few lines of text that you have written.

 

[audball]

*hugs*

I hope you're feeling better today.

 

[BonnyLass]

Hi Everyone,
Thanks again for all the kind words. Things have been really good with us since I last wrote here and last night I asked him what he saw for the future for the first time. We've been together 1.25 years and there had been no talk of it! He said he's really happy and had been thinking about asking me to move in with him. I'm more old fashioned now than I used to be and said while it would be nice, I'd need more of a commitment before I did that. I asked if he saw us getting married, etc., and he said in the future he probably did. I know a lot of you have been waiting for a very long time, but I have to admit that I'm disappointed that he's not ready NOW like I am! I didn't admit that I wanted it now, but I do. I'm just frustrated!

 

[Chewbacca]

Not everyone has been waiting a long time here! Chronologically I have been with my SO longer, but I'm probably newer than you to the world of LIW! Everyone has their own timeline.

Do you think you'll let your SO know that you are ready for an engagement-type commitment?

 

[JulieN]

How disappointing.

 

[pandabee]

Hi Everyone,
Thanks again for all the kind words. Things have been really good with us since I last wrote here and last night I asked him what he saw for the future for the first time. We've been together 1.25 years and there had been no talk of it! He said he's really happy and had been thinking about asking me to move in with him. I'm more old fashioned now than I used to be and said while it would be nice, I'd need more of a commitment before I did that. I asked if he saw us getting married, etc., and he said in the future he probably did. I know a lot of you have been waiting for a very long time, but I have to admit that I'm disappointed that he's not ready NOW like I am! I didn't admit that I wanted it now, but I do. I'm just frustrated!

Maybe he just means that he does see you getting married in the future as in he could see you getting engaged now/soon?? I totally understand wanting a more concrete commitment before moving in. Hopefully you can make that clear with him!

 

[BriBee]

I felt the same way you did when SO brought up the idea of moving in together. I am turning 30 next month (SO is 34) and I have been engaged/lived with someone in the past. Due to that experience I promised myself that I would NOT move in with another man unless we were engaged. Well....things don't always work out exactly as you plan, and because SO has a son he explained to me that he wanted us to live together and figure out that whole dynamic before taking the next step to engagement/marriage. I understood this but I made it perfectly clear that I would only move in if we were making definite plans to get engaged (assuming everything went well). I'm not a particular fan of ultimatums, but I do believe (as has been said previously) that the "right one" won't be pushed away by anything. So before moving in I told him I definitely wanted to be engaged and that I wanted to know for sure what our timeline was and where we were heading by my 30th birthday. He agreed, and it's worked out great for us. I don't know if I'll be engaged by my birthday but we have the stone and the ring is being made and he's been amazing about responding to my needs. He saw that I was willing to compromise a bit by moving outside of the "rule" I had established with myself and he's responded wonderfully to things that I've needed in return.

 

[Chewbacca]

I wish you'd come back, BonnyLass!

 

[BriBee]

Me too! I keep wondering what's happening....I hope everything is going OK for you