I dont know why I want a bigger ring

[Skippy123]

Date: 7/18/2007 5:20:06 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady

Hm.. let me put in my .02..

Not long ago, my husband met a gentleman unfortunately through his job.. He met both he & his wife.. I was pleased to have also met with this lovely gentleman who is in fact one of the world's billionaires.. He commented on my beautiful engagement ring at dinner.. I thanked him and on went our conversation, I didn't really give it another thought.

Later, after the dinner I mentioned it to Steve who had said that when he met this gentleman's wife's engagement ring he noticed (I hate to admit I'm glad he noticed jewelry) her diamond was much smaller than my own.

Here this man could literally give his wife whatever size diamond she wants.. yet, she wears the original diamond he bought her years and years (and years) before.

It was then, while I had toyed at *wanting* a bigger diamond, that I'll never upgrade my engagement ring. Steve bought it out of love.. and I still look at it a hundred times a day.

I say.. wear the ring he bought you because he bought it out of love.. if you want a bigger diamond later, wear it on your right hand.

SDL, that is truly,a beautiful story!!!

 

[Ellen]

Date: 7/18/2007 5:37:55 PM
Author: Skippy123

SDL, that is truly,a beautiful story!!!

Yes, it is.

 

[parkerj]

Here''s my 2c''s. If he says you don''t deserve it, what kind of tone was it? Like he was being sarcastic, or being a jerk?? Marriage is forever (or at least it''s supposed to be

). I''d rethink if this guy deserves YOU. Once you''re married and have kids, you are yoked together with him forever. Be careful sister.

 

[Sparkster]

Date: 7/18/2007 4:06:12 PM
Author: DiamondGirlxja
my heart is broken. i cant tell you i feel like i got punched in the stomach. he wanted me to do a business deal with him after i said no he changed his mind.

This post confuses me. Does this mean "He wanted to get you a bigger ring. Later on he wanted to do a business deal. You said no to that deal. Then he decided you didn't deserve the bigger ring" If that's the case, then to me it sounds like he felt let down by the fact that you would not do this business deal, he thinks this is a lack of commitment from your part and then decides that based on that, he didn't want to upgrade your ring after all. Perhaps he was heartbroken and punched in the stomach when YOU said no to his business deal.

 

[Kay]

That is a beautiful story, SDL. The head of my department is a very elegant lady in her early 60''s and I know she and her husband are very comfortable financially. On her left hand she wears a Tiffany''s solitaire that can''t be larger than 3/4 ct, and on her right hand she sports an antique cut diamond (not sure whether it is OEC or OMC) that is about 11 mm in diameter. I think it is very sweet that she still wears the e-ring he bought when they were just starting out in life when they now can clearly afford an "upgrade" if she wanted one. When DH and I were shopping for rings, I was very careful to pick one I would be happy with forever because I knew neither of us would be comfortable with an upgrade. (I realize that is not an option for everyone & that other people just plain have different feelings about it, so I am happy for other people when they get upgrades they want, it''s just not right for me.) Of course, I would never turn down an additional diamond in a RHR or pendant.

 

[Pandora II]

I know I''ll never want to upgrade my e-ring no matter how rich we may or may not be in the future. It''s one of the reasons I didn''t choose a diamond centre stone. There''s always a bigger and better one out there.

It also means I can now buy my own diamonds with no fear of upstaging FI''s e-ring!

Was your FI really into the upgrade or just took you to the shop because you had been suggesting it? Men can get all funny and sentimental over these things. I know if the situation was reversed I''d be devastated if my FI wanted a new ring just to keep up with the Joneses.

I would consider putting the upgrade $$ into some therapy to help your selfesteem and your relationship.

 

[Kay]

Date: 7/18/2007 6:37:22 PM
Author: Sparkster

Date: 7/18/2007 4:06:12 PM
Author: DiamondGirlxja
my heart is broken. i cant tell you i feel like i got punched in the stomach. he wanted me to do a business deal with him after i said no he changed his mind.

This post confuses me. Does this mean ''He wanted to get you a bigger ring. Later on he wanted to do a business deal. You said no to that deal. Then he decided you didn''t deserve the bigger ring'' If that''s the case, then to me it sounds like he felt let down by the fact that you would not do this business deal, he thinks this is a lack of commitment from your part and then decides that based on that, he didn''t want to upgrade your ring after all. Perhaps he was heartbroken whand punched in the stomach when you said no to his business deal.

Yeah -- that''s the part that is tricky. If it weren''t for the mention of that business deal I would think that, even though he initiated the upgrade discussions, he got tired of her talking about it and chose his words very poorly when he said she didn''t "deserve" it (rather than that he just didn''t feel like doing it anymore).

That business deal makes me nervous -- but I can''t really comment w/o knowing the specifics of the deal and the relative wealth of the OP and her fiance. It could be that he felt let down and like she was showing a lack of commitment like Sparkster mentioned and that he made a stupid comment in the heat of the moment. Or it could be that he was being intentionally spiteful because she didn''t do what he wanted. Worst case scenario, he is a con artist who promised a larger ring that he supposedly already paid for (I''ve never heard of paying for an upgrade before it has been selected) to convince her to put money into his deal. Call me paranoid, but if I hadn''t already done so I would be taking the original ring to a gemologist for an appraisal just in case.

 

[Mara]

This whole thing sounds weird.

 

[angel_nieves]

Would love to help you out DiamondGirlxja but kinda confused by your posts

 

[divergrrl]

Date: 7/18/2007 5:20:06 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady

Date: 7/18/2007 4:18:46 PM
Author: Nicrez
I know many women who will wear jewlery pieces worth hundreds of thousands on dollars on the same hand their .45ct engagement ring is.

I have to say it''s a testament to me of where you came from to where you get. I would rather just get some complimentary pieces like a stunning large solitaire or even wait for a nice anniversary gift.

ETA: By the way, I know someone who is an executive at a fortune 500 (top 40), wears her Tiffany 78pt everyday to work. Then she gets in her 5 new series BMW and drives uptown to her apartment by the park on weekdays and on the weekends drives straight up to her estate in the country. She has an extensive collection or rare collectable watches that are worth more than people''s salaries around her, and yet they are just unceremoniously on her wrist with that 78pter...

Hm.. let me put in my .02..

Not long ago, my husband met a gentleman unfortunately through his job.. He met both he & his wife.. I was pleased to have also met with this lovely gentleman who is in fact one of the world''s billionaires.. He commented on my beautiful engagement ring at dinner.. I thanked him and on went our conversation, I didn''t really give it another thought.

Later, after the dinner I mentioned it to Steve who had said that when he met this gentleman''s wife''s engagement ring he noticed (I hate to admit I''m glad he noticed jewelry) her diamond was much smaller than my own.

Here this man could literally give his wife whatever size diamond she wants.. yet, she wears the original diamond he bought her years and years (and years) before.

It was then, while I had toyed at *wanting* a bigger diamond, that I''ll never upgrade my engagement ring. Steve bought it out of love.. and I still look at it a hundred times a day.

I say.. wear the ring he bought you because he bought it out of love.. if you want a bigger diamond later, wear it on your right hand.

I love what a sentimental sap SDL is! (and I say that with luv babe!). I used to date a very wealthy fella (much older, multimillionaire) before I met my dh & he told me he preferred a classic 1 carat, flawless, D colored diamond. (apparently he had been engaged before & had given this sort of a ring to his fiance). He asked me if I wanted to see what it looked like (she must have returned it when she broke the engagement) but I declined, & politely told him that I *hoped* he would not recycle a stone for his next fiance.

He could have afforded much much much more.

What concerns me with this original post is her FI saying that she "doesn''t deserve" something like he is her father & she is a naughty 13 year old girl. If he had said, "we can''t afford it right now with the wedding", or "I''d prefer not to upgrade because I am emotionally attached to the ring I originally gave you" then I could understand.

But what is concerning is his condescending manner in speaking to her, that is a huge red flag in my mind.

Diamond Girl: Your subsequent posts have been one liners, if you are ok with it, could you please elaborate on why he said this to you & what he was getting at with more than one sentence? Perhaps we are missing something important here.

 

[DiamondGirlxja]

Thank you all for your replies. Let me clarify a little. He had surgery I stayed home from work took care of him everyday. I had his grandparents at my house for four days. Everything was fine. Before that he had started talking about the ring and the upgrade all year since I got my first ring saying he would upgrade it every year. While he was recovering he asked me to put my credit to buy ahouse for investment. My credit is 805 and I said ok. He said he would try his brothers credit first. If it didnt go through he would use mine. I said ok. A couple days later the bank calls me. They wanted me to sign a paper saying it was going to be my primary residence for the next 12 months which was clearly a lie. And, they read to me the information on the title and it was only my name. I called a lawyer who said signing the paper is considered mortgage fraud. I probably wouldnt get caught but there was a possibility.

In the meantine, my fiance said the ring had nothing to do with the investmentment and no matter what happened I would get the ring on the weekend. Last saturday was the day. He claimed he had paid for it. I had already picked out a ring, but the lady was going to get a better color if she could for the weekend, and if so we could put additional money.

Thursday night before the ring, I told him about the mortgage fraud and I couldnt sign the paperwork. He should buy the house w his brother. At first he was fine with it, said Im still getting the ring, but then changed his mind. He said that because I didnt sign the house I dont deserve it.

Thats about it. I have never cheated on him or done anything else to this man except be a loving and respectful fiance.

 

[curiopotter]

nuff said.

 

[divergrrl]

Run. Don''t walk. Run far far away from this man as fast as you can. Don''t look back. Do not pass go, do not collect $200 dollars.

Something stinks. He''s using your credit & you aren''t married?

I hate to be Debbie Downer, but why would you be with someone who does shifty things? Its a taste of things to come. One of my best friends got involved with a man like that and 10 years later they are dead broke, but oh she is the faithful supportive wife.

This isn''t about a ring. This is about red flags, your self-worth, and recognizing when to cut your losses. If I were you I''d heed the warning signs and get the heck out.

 

[Ellen]

I''ll be honest here, I think you not getting the upgrade is the least of your worries....

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 7/18/2007 7:32:04 PM
Author: DiamondGirlxja

Thursday night before the ring, I told him about the mortgage fraud and I couldnt sign the paperwork. He should buy the house w his brother. At first he was fine with it, said Im still getting the ring, but then changed his mind. He said that because I didnt sign the house I dont deserve it.

RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN

 

[angel_nieves]

Please run away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do not give him the chance to ruin your good credit!

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 7/18/2007 7:39:41 PM
Author: Ellen
I''ll be honest here, I think you not getting the upgrade is the least of your worries....

Me too.

 

[Circe]

I ... wow. My first reaction is to go with the succinct and descriptive "Run!", but just ''cause I''m kinda wordy....

Let''s put the fact that he''s asking you to commit fraud aside for just one second. No matter *what* the issue on the table might be, he''s denigrating you for failing to accede to his wishes, for sticking to your own comfort level. That is not acceptable. A good fiance, friend, business-partner, what have you, would explain how and why their request was reasonable: failing that (as, for example, in a case of fraud), they''d respect your wishes. This guy is putting you down personally, withholding his affections (looking at the symbol of the e-ring, and not the material element), and, fundamentally, engaging in emotional blackmail. NOT ACCEPTABLE. Grown-ups don''t pull this on other grown-ups ... he either needs a long stint of counseling, or a class on legal ethics (possibly both). Marriage? Hm.

 

[decodelighted]

I really, really hope NONE of this is true & someone is playing a little joke on US here. But if it is true ...

That man is a manipulative CON-ARTIST. Disconnect from him financially & emotionally IMMEDIATELY & be thankful you still have ANYTHING to your name.

A man who is willing to put himself, his fiance & possibly his brother in legal trouble under the guise of "investment"??????? no words.

Get your head out of the clouds & use that Fortune 500 brain of yours! You're letting the whole diamond upgrade issue TOTALLY DISTRACT YOURSELF FROM THE REAL ISSUES HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! C'mon!


ETA: Here is a site on Mortgage Fraud Some unscrupulous folks take out multiple mortagages on a single residence, by forging bank papers that claim the 1st mortgage is "released". Its a way to steal millions of dollars. You might not have any idea about the full extent of his plans -- but if you're a part of it -- you're a co-conspirator.

EETA: There was a story on 48 Hours just the other night about a man about to go to jail for mortgage fraud. Here's a link to the summary

 

[Joolskie]

Date: 7/18/2007 6:16:15 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady

Date: 7/18/2007 5:54:53 PM

Author: Ellen

Date: 7/18/2007 5:37:55 PM

Author: Skippy123


SDL, that is truly,a beautiful story!!!

Yes, it is.

Thank you girls.


Oh my stars.. I just want to say.. I didn't mean to offend anyone.. I have LOVED seeing everyone's upgrades and they are truly beautiful beautiful.. my goodness, I just mean to say, for myself personally, I don't want one. I'm happy.. truly happy. I even still get butterflies sometimes.. silly, but I really do.

I feel the same way. When our 10-year anniversary rolled around last year, I thought this is it. Time to bump up the bling. But after considering all of the possible options... I realized that I am very attached to my RB. So, I ended up having it reset. And I couldn't be happier. Every time I gaze down at my half-carat, I think about where we were then and where we are now. Since putting that stone on my finger 12 years ago, DH and I have built a marriage, careers, a home, and a family. And who knows where are going next! So, I wear my .51 RB D SI2 and it brings me such joy and happiness. And even a few butterflies SDL...

Now, when it comes to my RIGHT HAND... that is a totally different story! LOL! BRING ON THE BLING BABY!

DiamondGirl, I would give the upgrade a rest for the time being. There are much bigger issues here.

 

[parkerj]

My DH is a compliance officer for a large bank. Of course, I am no expert by proxy, but I know fraud when I see it. This man is willing to let you commit a CRIME for him and then tries to make you feel guilty about not doing it. run away run away run away. Someone that loves you does not put you in a compromising position. run away. There are a billion other men out there--find an honest one!

 

[HollyS]

Hi there,

I''ve been lurking for some months now; I''ve read many posts; feel like I''ve gotten to know quite a few of these people. There is a great deal of common sense and genuine compassion on these forums. Listen carefully to what these good folks are saying: LEAVE THIS RELATIONSHIP NOW, TODAY, THIS MINUTE. DON''T THINK TWICE.

I deliberately registered a few minutes ago to start posting because your last post astounded me. I could not sit back and say nothing. This person, your hubby to be, is the kind of guy DATELINE and 48 HOURS do profiles of -- you know -- the con man that has taken some poor woman''s house, car, bank account, or credit identity while she thought he was Mr. Wonderful With A Few Eccentricities. You must be a reasonably intelligent woman, given your occupation, etc. You have to know, deep in your heart, he is bad news. Please, get out now; cut all ties; have no more contact with him. None. At All. Ever.

 

[Sparkster]

Date: 7/18/2007 8:14:21 PM
Author: parkerj
My DH is a compliance officer for a large bank. Of course, I am no expert by proxy, but I know fraud when I see it. This man is willing to let you commit a CRIME for him and then tries to make you feel guilty about not doing it. run away run away run away. Someone that loves you does not put you in a compromising position. run away. There are a billion other men out there--find an honest one!

Ditto.

Unfortunately, we were only given a small piece of the story from you so, it was quite difficult to understand why you were so upset. I can now see why.

 

[DiamondGirlxja]

Thank you all for your posts. Like I said before the mortgage fraud would only be caught if he defaulted on the mortgage and I didnt feel comfortable taking a chance like that especially when my first house is my primary residence and is homestead exempted in the state of florida as my primary residence. I went with my gut and declined the investment. I dont think he is a con man just someone who wanted to use someone elses credit (with better credit for a better rate) in an investment he saw in his eyes as a gold mine.

I didnt see it that way nothing is free. Nothing is too good to be true. There is a reason the builder is giving those properties away for those prices. When your fiance brings business deals into the relationship and makes the relationship about business there is no where to go from there.

I will never forget what he did. Asking me to do something I wasnt comfortable with and then punishing me with it afterwards in the form of denying me something I had my heart set on all year and he always talked about it. And, not only that it shows what kind of person he is and I am not going to marry someone whos behavior is do this for me and ill do this for you. If you dont then I wont do xyz for you.

Thanks,

 

[parkerj]

You are one smart cookie! I''m so glad you decided that you deserve better. Yea!

 

[Kaleigh]

Good for you, methinks you are saving yourself one big headache, heartache etc. I have to say, the way he operated had all my red flags raised. Best of luck to you!!!

 

[Apsara]

oh, thank God. My advice would have been to RUN, as the others said. Nevermind the ring--he is BAD news.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

To put it not so politely, I think that''s crap. The man you love should NOT be asking you to commit fraud. Why can''t he use his own credit to buy the house. If I were in your position I would run as fast as I could as far away as I could.

On a lighter note, I like that you quoted Lily Allen! She''s a favorite of mine

Best of luck!

 

[vintagebling]

Get rid of him!!

 

[WorkingHardforSmallRewards]

well, I think you know what is going on, but I know I imagine it is going to be terribly and unimaginably-anyone not feeling those emotions-hard and sad to deal with it. I think you should go out with some friends and meet up with some of the PS ladies and go diamond shopping somewhere in NYC. I bet some of them would be willing to make a dinner date somewhere Not that I am a PS lady, but I think it sounds fun anyway. While I support online vendors I think this is a great opportunity for you to go out and buy something in the flesh for yourself, something even more impressive, give him back his diamond, and really get your mind off of this mess.

But whatever you do, don't let the binds of so much time in your relationship lock you down now. If he didn't have the ring, then he lied to you and may well be, in fact, a con artist or have been using you in someway for his own financial gain.

And if he did buy the ring then I can tell you as a male, the mind set for a man to treat his fiance like that is not one that you want to be living with, GUARANTEED. So even if he does get scared if you offer him his diamond back and bring out the ring he may have bought for you. His mindset and beliefs would not change just for that, and like I said, those beliefs required to treat you that way are simply not something any person should have to live with.

So do not back down, but do some things to really take care of yourself right now, because it sounds like you can afford it, and I think you will def need it. Just don't use up all you money

Edit: I was planning on adding another comment and just read DS post below, which is similar.

What kind of an upgrade were you two talking about? .2cts more? 1ct more? After we know that we can all find one more way to doubt him, because there is no chance in hell this guy is buying a surprise diamond ring for you worth 8-20,000 dollars additional and then deciding not to give it to you after he paid for it, if he is having such bad financial issues as seems really apparent.