I don''t want to be THAT girl.

[largirl]

One thing that I never mentioned is that he''s a year and a half younger than me, so he''s "only" 25. I always thought that I was too young to be married before 25, so it wouldn''t have been fair to hold him to a different age standard than I held myself too. And his dad passed away literally a few months before we started dating and I know that still affects him, although he''s much more at peace with it now than he was six years ago. Both of those reasons contribute to why I was happy (although still impatient) to wait for him for so long. He''s really a great guy and one of my best friends and our relationship is going really well, especially lately.

Anyway, I told him I''d like it to happen by the end of the year and he agreed, although my actual internal deadline is Feb. 15 - after all the major holidays have passed and there''s nothing again until my birthday in August. I even told my little sister about it and told her if I didn''t have a ring by then that we could get an apartment together. I think having someone else know about my deadline will help me stick to it.

His poor mom, though. She wants us to get married so badly! She adores me and has told me since day one that if we ever broke up, she''d adopt me to keep me in the family.

 

[punkin]

Hi, You''ve gotten a lot of great advice but I thought I''d tell you about my sllightly different tactic. We were also together 6 years, we also had a house. We said that we would get engaged before we bought the house (well, I said and he agreed) but we weren''t. We talked about getting engaged over and over, I gave him a picture of the ring I wanted, and it never happend. However, I believed him when he said he truly wanted to be with me and marry me. He has a tendency to procrastinate.
So, finally, I said "today''s the day, let''s go" and I hailed a cab and we went to the store and I picked out the ring and he paid for it.
Not the romantic engagement I had dreamed of for 34 years but now I''m engaged and getting married in March and he''s actually pretty into the planning.

 

[largirl]

Punkin, that sounds EXACTLY like my guy. I think that might be the trick!

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 11/2/2007 5:51:51 PM
Author: largirl
Punkin, that sounds EXACTLY like my guy. I think that might be the trick!

That''s pretty much what I said to my boyfriend, too! We had been together for almost 4 years, and we kept talking and talking about getting engaged. Finally around January this year I said: "I''m going to start looking at diamonds and settings and pick out my ring, okay?" He said "Okay!" and that''s what I did. He wanted to "surprise" me originally but that really wasn''t possible because I''m so picky and I had done so much research that I think we both knew I needed to be the one to pick out the diamond and design the setting. Plus I think it''s overwhelming for most guys to even think about getting educated about diamonds, choosing a setting, spending $$$$ on it and then proposing.

I mean, this is 2007, not 1957...almost every couple I know talks extensively about getting engaged and married before they actually do. So it doesn''t really make much sense to wait around for the boy to propose...sometimes you just have to take charge!

 

[mintve]

I think its great that you are being honest with him and letting him know how you feel. Its too hard to keep those types of feelings bottled-up. Afterall, if you are going to be married to him, you need to be comfortable sharing all your emotions. I wish you luck as things progres...I know they always take longer than you wish. My guy is a slow mover when it comes to these things too, but we only want to get married once (no divorce), so we want to be as certain as possible. Plus, the tortoise always beats the hare!!!

 

[mamie]

I''m new to the forum as a poster, but not a lurker and felt the need to reply. Largirl, your original post reminds me so much of my guy and my situation I felt I was writing it myself! (except we''re 4 years and no house, but roommates). I''m scared to death of being "that girl" so my conversations with him about the topic have been few and far between because I don''t want to risk being "that girl." It''s so important for me to know that when he does, it''s because he really wants to, not because I pushed him into it.. Like you, I just want to know when the next chapter of my life is going to start and hate having it out of my control.

But I read your update and wanted to extend my good wishes that you approached the subject with him in a mature and non-demanding way. I believe we need to state what we want and what we expect, but that we do it in a way that doesn''t pound them over the head with our expectations. Keep us filled in on any progress! : )