I just want to show up wearing the dress.

[Gypsy]

So one of my freinds and I went to lunch today and she was trying to pin me down on the wedding. I''ve PROMISED John it will happen in 2008. But absolutely am repelled by the thought of planning it. I just want to show up, in a dress (looked at a couple of Maggies today... might be a three dress bride before this is over

) and get married.

I don''t want to do this whole planning thing again. I really don''t. I know I''d end up at City Hall if I asked John to plan though, and I''m just not okay with that for us. But I''m thinking of stealing ANOTHER friends idea... just cause I''m lazy, and it''s a good idea-- though she''s my best friend and she''d never speak to me again.

John''s trying to make it easy for me and has conceded that the CA coast is an easier location than DC, and more pratical that TN. I''m still holding out for Grand Velas in Nuevo Vallarta cause they''ll handle everything and I just get to show up, although I understand that he just wants to do that for our honeymoon, and not get married there (and trapped with any relatives that decide that joining us for our honeymoon is a good idea, and that we ''won''t even notice they are there'').

And our mother''s are finally starting to get vocal about some wedding action (they''ve been pretty patient, truth to tell).

So... um. Short of throwing a ton of money at a planner looks like I''ve got to do this.

Help????

*stomps foot like a 2 year old* BUT MOMMY I DON''T WANNA PLAN A WEDDING!!!

 

[Independent Gal]

Can you trust your mom / fmil / best friend / random friend / sister / second cousin to do it?

I''m letting my mom plan the party for WP1. I said ''Go Wild! Have fun! I don''t care as long as it''s classy and fun.''

There are so many wedding obsessed gals out there... you must know one who''d be all WOULD I EVER LIKE TO PLAN IT!!!!!

Or, just keep it reeeeeeal simple. Classy restaurant. 50 people.

 

[E B]

You said you wanted it to be small, right? What about finding a beautiful restaurant on the CA coast? Ideally, it''d have an outdoor space to have the ceremony in. After, the two of you can treat your friends and family to a post-wedding meal. The restaurant can take care of the space, food, dishes, etc., so the planning will be minimal.

 

[Gypsy]

Oh honey... it's going to more than simple... it's gonna be BASIC if I have any say about it. Him, me, officiant, whoever cares to show up from the list of 60 some people we have. Resturant is definitely my preference, John wants to say or vows to an ocean view. The two restuarants I've looked at have had CRAZY rental fees (6K and 3K) considering we're talking a Sunday Brunch wedding reception and they won't have to do much more than reserve one of their rooms for us. I'll do the flowers, except my bouquet. If my best friend can make it she'll be the BM, otherwise I'll pick someone else as my attendant so that John can have his nephew as his best man... the oldest flowergirl ever (13) with some petals. Ceremony at 10 or 11 am, 'reception' over at 1:30. A cake and some champagne- no dancing if the set up fee is extra, we'll do our first dance on our honeymoon. I'd like to get the whole thing done for 5K (not including the multitude of gowns or the rings).

Ebree... love to. Got to find the place though. Haven't had any luck.

ETA: Indy, I'm AM the wedding crazed relative. I've planned or helped plan the last ... 6 weddings in my family, and two for friends.

 

[E B]

Date: 10/15/2007 7:38:14 PM
Author: Gypsy

Ebree... love to. Got to find the place though. Haven''t had any luck.

Where in CA are you? I''m sitting here, watching a baseball game with DH, totally bored. Maybe I can help?

 

[Gypsy]

Generous offer Ebree... so of course, I"m gonna bite (stil waiting on pins and needles for pics of your wedding) I work in San Jose. Anywhere short of LA is fine, preference is someplace with good weather for more flexibilty on dates (i''m thinking April or May-- or late September). My friend''s idea (the one I want to steal but she''d kill me) is that they are getting married at the Santa Barbara old historic courthouse which is quite possibly one of the most beautiful places I''ve seen. But I REALLY can''t steal it. Really.

 

[musey]

Aren''t there other places that will fully plan for you? I don''t mean a planner, just venues that wrap a coordinator in with the package? I saw at least five or six of these when I was looking for a venue (in the Los Angeles area).

You might be happier in the end if you get a planner. It sounds like you REALLY don''t want to get involved in all of it. I think that the process is pretty trying as it is, even without going into it with the attitude that it''s gonna be awful.

From what I hear, planners are good at finding deals staying in whatever budget you give them... the difference is giving them a budget of, say $15k and them staying within it (including their commission), OR spending a ton of time researching and finding the deals they would have readily available all on your own. Then you''d spend about the same in the end, anyway.

I don''t have personal experience with planners, though, it''s just hearsay

I''d say at least look in to planners. Because if you go into it thinking it won''t be fun, it DEFINITELY won''t be!

 

[april diamonds]

San Jose? What about a wedding down in Monterey? You said your FI wanted to swap vows with an ocean view right? There are a bunch of cute restaurants down there with a beautiful ocean view that you could probably book for a dinner of 60 ppl. And then maybe you can use the aquarium as the ceremony site, I know the do do weddings there and it''s a beautiful place!

Also, it''sonly like an hour away from SJ, right?

 

[KimberlyH]

I don''t live in San Jose, but I found the following restaurants that do weddings in your area:

http://www.cuccini.com/

www.spiedo.com

http://www.sterba.com/sro/cabianca/

http://www.farmhouseinn.com/

http://www.madronamanor.com/weddings.htm

http://www.townsc.com/

And here''s a list of restaurants that handle banquets in the bay area, from Open Table:

http://www.opentable.com/info/banquets.aspx?m=4

 

[Gypsy]

Monteray would be lovely-- for some reason I think Monteray and I think 17 mile drive and

, but the cannery area would be good if you have any restaurant suggestions. I was mainly lookng in Big Sur and surrounding, then looked at the Highland Inn in Carmel (people site fees setting prices are HIGH, I've stayed there, it's nice but not THAT nice). I'd love to get married at the aquarium, it's one of my favorite places to visit. Have a dread fear of their site fees though, so I'll have to check that out, but it's a good option, and totally didn't occur to me.

Musey, not really around here that I know of that would do an affordable brunch, unfortunately. I just don't want to spend more than 5K for 40-50 people (estimating-- and hoping that 60 don't show up. I'm not planning on giving anyone except immediate family much notice). 70-80 a head for food, cake and drinks-- it's just a brunch afterall, plus 1000 for the ceremony and site are what I'm estimating. Flowers for an extra 400 bucks I'm not concerned about.

ETA; wow just saw Kim's post... THANK YOU HONEY I'll look into those!

 

[Haven]

I''m not from CA but I just wanted to say how impressed I am with all of you lovely ladies for being so helpful! Gypsy--ask and ye shall receive help! I love PS.

And I feel for you, Gypsy. I was excited about planning for about one week, but once I found the dress I was pretty much over the rest of the planning. I just offered to write my mother $25,000 check if she would take care of the details. She looked tempted. Maybe it just takes time, right?

Here''s hoping that you get bitten by the bridey bug again soon!

 

[Selkie]

I was just talking to someone about the Monterey Aquarium, and she told me she went to a Stanford senior formal there-how cool is that? I think a wedding there would be so special! But yes, probably not cheap. Although from their site (Social events at MBA) it sounds like they cover all the bases, ceremony, catering, and coordinator. I''m curious, if you do look into it, what their packages are like.

I know you''ve been through all the wedding planning stuff before, so I totally understand being burned out. I didn''t think I was going to enjoy it at all myself, but once I got into it and got a "vision," it all flowed. I hope that turns out to be the case for you, too! And if not, I think you have a bunch of people on PS who''d be more than happy to help

.

 

[KimberlyH]

My pleasure, Gypsy. If you need more help just ask! I enjoy researching.

 

[Gypsy]

HI Haven, PSers are the greatest friends to have! I'd throw money at you all to plan it if I could without getting kicked off of here. LOL. You all are really helping me get into the bridal thing again... I'm might be kicking and screaming... but I can here a sucking noise in the distance fortelling that I'm gonna get pulled back into this thing. Good thing I have such wondeful company.

Argh. Forgot about invites and other costs. Okay we'll up the budget (eating into my bling budget...lol) a bit. 5000 for ceremony and catering (drinks, cake, food, tables, chairs, service-- not including tip and tax, utensils and tablecloths and napkins plates and what not) it SOUNDS so reasonable-- of course all the places I'm finding have ridiculous site rental fees that exceed my total budget. I could have this planned in a heartbeat if I wanted to throw 15K at it.-- and that's without a wedding planner.

Gonna have to hunt around a bit and maybe take another drive down the coast. Hmm. I just realized I have Thanksgiving week off... and I was wondering what to do that week. Hunting down a venue seems like a good idea

. I'm also wondering exactly how many people I can pare that guest list down to.

Thank you again Kim.

Selkie-- it's worth a call right? It would definitely be memorable. Too bad one of the sites isn't in front of the giant otter display, I love those guys! Thank you for the link. And understanding the burn out. That's really all it is, you're right.

 

[nebe]

OMG I so want to plan a wedding.

Whoops, did I say that out loud?

 

[larussel03]

I''m like you, except I do like planning things like this BUT I''m not detail oriented, so I knew it''d be really hard for me.

So, what I did, is I booked our reception at a place that essentially does EVERYTHING FOR YOU. They give you choices of cake designs, invitations, centerpieces, linens, supply their own florist etc -- this way rather than finding a florist, baker, caterer, invititaion people, linens people, etc, I could choose from what they offered from vendors they used. It has worked out perfectly without tons of stress!!

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 10/15/2007 10:11:37 PM
Author: nebe
OMG I so want to plan a wedding.

Whoops, did I say that out loud?

You may plan mine. LOL.

I KNOW I said that outloud.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 10/15/2007 10:12:01 PM
Author: *~Sweetpea~*
I'm like you, except I do like planning things like this BUT I'm not detail oriented, so I knew it'd be really hard for me.

So, what I did, is I booked our reception at a place that essentially does EVERYTHING FOR YOU. They give you choices of cake designs, invitations, centerpieces, linens, supply their own florist etc -- this way rather than finding a florist, baker, caterer, invititaion people, linens people, etc, I could choose from what they offered from vendors they used. It has worked out perfectly without tons of stress!!

Sweetpea, I want to, but those places seem to cost so much. It's either stress or money I suppose. I swear if the parent's were chipping in, I'd be booking a place so fast John's head would spin.

http://www.nepenthebigsur.com/ Good food, amazing views and location, and good service. It's a very memorable place. Doesn't look like much from the pics, but trust me.

 

[nebe]

Seriously! My dream if I ever win the lottery is to be a wedding planner. Unfortunately that's not happening so I'm going into the medical field; it's always been my second choice. I really wish I could do it full time though.

Sigh. To have it all.

Two things counting against this are... I'm on the east coast, and I tend to go with the best of everything (Mother's fault) so I'd probably run you out of a bank account.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 10/15/2007 10:18:33 PM
Author: nebe

Seriously! My dream if I ever win the lottery is to be a wedding planner. Unfortunately that''s not happening so I''m going into the medical field; it''s always been my second choice. I really wish I could do it full time though.

Sigh. To have it all.

Two things counting against this are... I''m on the east coast, and I tend to go with the best of everything (Mother''s fault) so I''d probably run you out of a bank account.

LOL. You know if I were in NJ I could have this done in no time. More places on the east coast seem to do all-inclusive packages than out here. Most places out here, other than SOME hotels, don''t do the packages that way. As for going for the best... you should have seen the money I threw away on the last wedding we planned. We recovered our venue deposit and a few other fees when the venue had a HUGE labor dispute, all the catering managers ran off with the wedding files, and deleted the wedding bookings (Mark Hopkins Intercontinental Hotel BTW). We found out two months before our wedding and lost our photographer''s deposit, or videographers deposit, recovered our floral deposit, STD''s were trash, wedding website was trash, recovered our officiant, and lost half of the musician deposit for the cocktail hour pianist, Oh yeah, and half our DJ deposit. I''ve planned it Nebe, and spent the money for it honey. Just not willing to do it again. You have to be careful to watch that bottom line wedding planning because going over budget (just look at how in a matter of hours I went over mine by 50%) is SO easy.

Hmm. NJ. Planned in no time. NJ. Planned in no time. Do I want a Jersey wedding? No. No I don''t. I''m pretty sure about that. Still... someone here has a venue I was eyeing. In Spring Lake, NJ. That was lovely, like an Oasis.

Doesn''t hurt to check into it.

 

[E B]

This place in Carmel, CA looks charming:

Piatti Ristorante & Bar

They don't have a banquet menu available (even though they say they do!) but the prices on their regular menu are reasonable, and they have a private rooftop patio that sounds perfect for a reception. They also have a private fireplace area surrounded by local artwork that'll host 35 standing, 28 seated for a ceremony.

This restaurant in Monterey might work:

Stokes Restaurant ($19-$35/pp banquet menu)

...more as I find them!

 

[E B]

I have no idea how much this place costs, but it looks amazing and it doesn''t hurt to ask. Ocean views for vows:

California Market, Carmel CA

 

[Harleigh]

Oh, Layla, you''re starting to sound like me...but my denial is from being in so damn many weddings before my own that all the hooplah just irritates me! Too bad you weren''t planning something up this way...I''d love to help you as I am much better at doing things for other people than I am capable of doing for myself!

I''m sure you''ll get the bug as soon as your new beauty is on your finger! I think having the ring you love on your hand makes a lot of difference, but I could be wrong about that! I just know it helps to make things more real...sending hugs and good
(wedding!) thoughts your way!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Hey, Gypsy,

Unfortunately I don''t have any good west coast info. (except that Carmel is the most dog-friendly city in America so I can''t help but love it even if I''ve never been there!) but just wanted to tell you that I can COMPLETELY relate to you. I wanted to elope, husband wanted a wedding and I DID NOT want to plan it. At all.

I know you already did the whole "plan a big wedding" thing and didn''t like it, but I really think if you stick to something you like, it will come out 100x better. Just lay some ground rules now. My FI and I decided to do the planning together, since he''s the one who wanted a wedding and I had a lot of fun doing many of the bigger things with him. In fact, he''s the one who found the venue and booked it--I was in another state. We also decided a short engagement was better, we just wanted to have the wedding and not spend much time worrying aobut it. Last, we decided we''d have a completely normal summer meaning no "wedding" weekends despite the fact we both work long hours during the week. We stuck to it, had a super simple, basic wedding (ceremony on beach, non-frilly dinner party reception) and we loved everything about it.

I have no doubt you can plan something simple. not spend a ton of money and not hate the process (surprisingly!) You definitely have several options and I think having a low-key ceremony with an intimate restaurant reception would be ideal for you. I think once you get a couple of the big things down, the rest will be pretty cut and dry.

 

[neatfreak]

Gypsy,

I am sitting in the airport at SFO right now and we just had the most AMAZING (and SIMPLE!) wedding ever. We got married in Fort Mason Park, and had the reception just below the park at Green''s restaurant. I got a gorgeous dress, we got married under a beautiful arch with no other decorations, and the planner at Green''s took care of EVERYTHING! And they have a private room, but it accomodates only 42 people. But it is seriously gorgeous (it overlooks the GG Bridge and it is directly on the water), the food is amazing, and you don''t have to do ANYTHING.

Our entire lunch reception for 35 people including flowers and alcohol was $2500. And the food was seriously delish.

I highly highly recommend checking it out...they do brunch on Sundays too and I am sure you could rent out the restaurant for a Saturday brunch if you want. They are very accommodating...

I''ll be back soon with more pics, but here is a teaser to show you just how pretty the park is:

 

[littlelysser]

I totally feel your pain. Completely and totally and utterly.

DH and I were engaged for almost TWO years because I was dreading planning a wedding so much...

We ended up doing a backyard bbq wedding that was absolutely wonderful. Honestly, one of the best days of my life.

We had 55 people, did it in our friends'' backyard. One friend made the cake, another made some wonderful food, another made super yummy mojito sorbet. We had amazing bbq catared by a funky bbq joint. It was just great. We rented tents, tables and linens in every color of the rainbow. Our "centerpieces" were gerbera daisies in diffierent, funky,random vases. It was so not a typical wedding...but it was totally us.

My advice is to FIRST AND FOREMOST remember that the people that are coming to your wedding LOVE you and John. They are there to share that day with you...lets be honest...the food and colors and all that jazz is really secondary to what you are doing!

Second - do what you want! If I''d have had to plan a wedding in a church following by a big shebang with the seeing 82 different florists before choosing one...I''d have DIED! DIED. Some folks love that stuff...it would have been a nightmare for me.

Once I''d wrapped my head around the whole bbq wedding thing, believe it or not, I actually had some fun planning it!

 

[Gypsy]

OK. So I've got one possibility in NJ. Spring Lake. And according to Mustang Fan (who is no longer here, unfortunately) it is 80 a person for day time Sunday weddings. Which is RIGHT in budget. Has lake/water views. And we'll be out there in December so we can check it out if we want to. Plus I can have 'The Nephew' check it out before then if I ask him to. Looks like a STRONG possibility for the east coast wedding option, which would cut down on part of the wedding list (YAY).

http://venueview.com/themillatslh/


Off to check out the recommendations in this thread now. The rooftop one you found Ebree sounds fabulous. And neatfreak, I OF COURSE and going to have to consider 'copying' you! Greens is vegan or vegetarian though right? Could work... with some fast talking to John. He's a big meat eater though, so may be not. We'll see.

ETA: Ebree honey, you are in my head I swear. I couldn't have picked better locations if I had tried. WOW, I emailed all the ones you posted.

I have meetings this morning, but will respond to all of your wonderful posts later today!

 

[Mara]

we had our engagement party at the Hotel DeAnza in downtown SJ. it was a sunday afternoon and we had the space from i think 12-4pm. they did all the food and decor and everything. it was outside on their patio which is this beautiful mediterranean spanish tiled outside area with a blue tiled fountain. the cost for a buffet (was quite good, their hotel restaurant is La Pastaia and quite popular) and drinks for 40 people, along with decor, tables, and space and everything was $2k. we had a small little quartet band for like $500. i remember thinking, gosh if i was doing a wedding on a small budget this would be PERFECT. i even thought we should have surprised everyone and just made it a wedding! it was so simple yet classy. but because it wasn''t a ''wedding'' and it was on sunday afternoon, it was totally cheap. so i would say, go and get married at a small local church or a park like the SJ Municipal Rosegarden up the street in san jose for like $500. and then do something like this at Hotel DeAnza on a sunday for a few thousand. the outdoor patio area can hold up to 75 i think. and the patio opens into their drink/redwood room type lounge where people can go inside and chill on leather and wood couches etc where the bar is all setup.

 

[neatfreak]

Greens is vegetarian, but is super yummy. All of our meat eaters were pleasantly surprised and no one went home hungry. I am willing to bet you could pull off a simple thing like that at one of the other fisherman''s wharf restaurants if you wanted, but Greens just made everything SO SIMPLE. All I had to do was pick the food and drinks. That is it. The park was just so gorgeous and didn''t require ANY decor. Couldn''t have been easier!

 

[surfgirl]

I just wanted to say CONGRATULATIONS MR. & MRS. NEATFREAK! That photo is wonderful and I cant wait for your post-wedding thread!