I Miss My SO!

[caribari]

I know there are some lawyers out there, so I’m hoping someone has gone through a similar situation. I live with my SO and he just passed the bar

and started working at his firm a few months ago. We both work a lot, but he now works a WHOLE lot (we''re talking 12 hour days and weekends) which I know is unavoidable for a first year associate. Though we technically spend time together, I feel like we never see each other anymore (time spent vs. quality time?). Part of the problem is that he normally gets home around 9pm, starving and exhausted, and just wants to camp out in front of the TV for a little while. Totally understandable. But by 10/10:30pm, I’m in bed, and there goes the night.

We''ve talked about it a little, and are trying to keep the TV off while he eats so we can actually talk, which helps a little. I feel guilty for being upset, because I know how bad he feels, and I don''t want to seem like I am complaining. Rather, I''m looking for some productive ideas for ways we can maximize the time we have together.

I guess, I’m curious whether any of you ladies have run into this—whether it’s you or your SO that works such long hours? What are some things we could do to make the time we do spend together more meaningful? And for the lawyers out there, how many years do I have to put up with this

??

 

[ashleyrose36]

I don''t usually post a lot as I am mostly a "lurker" but this thread hit a note with me! I am a current doctoral candidate finishing up my last couple of years and I can tell you that I most certainly commiserate with your situation. Its so difficult to manage everything AND find time for relationships/family/friends. My advice to you would to continue being supportive!! I know this a lot to ask in a situation where you feel lonely, but from your SO''s point of view it is doubly challenging for him to be busy/stressed at work and to feel guilty about not spending time with you!! Continue to be a soft place to land so to speak and it will get better in time!!! I have the most amazingly supportive man in my life who has sacrificed so much to help me achieve the things I wanted in my academic career!! It makes me love him even more and appreciate all he has done for me!! Your SO will definitely feel the same way in the long run, I can assure you.

 

[lulu]

I went on maybe 5 dates during law school. It just drains you. And the bar exam is even worse. Consider this: 30 years later I still say to myself "well anything is better than law school"

 

[caribari]

Thank you for your kind responses. Right now I feel bad for having posted that because SO got home early last night and made me dinner

I''m really trying not to make him feel guilty about work. With all the stress that comes with starting a new job & career, the last thing I want to do is add to his anxiety.

Ashleyrose & lulu, was there anything specific you guys did with your SOs to ameliorate the situation? A specific date night maybe? Any activities? Should I just grin and bear it for a few months and hope it gets a little better?