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If NOT living together, does bf bail on you when he''s sick?

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MermaidKelly

MermaidKelly

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 2, 2009
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137
This might seem like a dumb question, but I was just wondering.

If you don''t live with your guy, does he cancel your plans/not want to hang out/etc. when he''s sick?

Mine does..
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It''s weird because he''s often with me when I am under the weather!
 
He doesnt get sick much, but yes he does. honestly, i think it''s a reasonable excuse. being disappointed is better than being sick too!
 
Nope. But, he''s a big baby and loves having me take care of him!
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totally depends on how sick!
Unless it is something really contagious we will usually still see each other, be more careful about germs and obviously make the activity just relaxing. I just found out I have mono (
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so I will not be seeing bf for a little while. it is too contagious and I would feel horrible if I made him feel as crappy as I feel. Thankfully in our 6 years we have never had anything quite as contagious as this and we are relatively healthy people! :)
 
Yes he does! I''ve asked him about it and it''s because he feels that all he needs is lots of sleep and good old fashioned rest to himself like watch tv and sleep all day with some chicken noodle soup.

But when I''m sick he''s always with me. And it makes me feel better versus if I''m with him when he''s sick, he can''t fully sleep when he wants or has to worry about my needs.
 
um...he''s sick. Different people like different things when they don''t feel well. Some like to be alone. Maybe he''s concerned about getting you sick.

Chill out and back off.
 
Date: 3/24/2010 7:39:15 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
um...he''s sick. Different people like different things when they don''t feel well. Some like to be alone. Maybe he''s concerned about getting you sick.

Chill out and back off.
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Ditto HH. I wouldn''t consider it "bailing" on you if he''s sick. In most of the world, being sick is considered a legitimate excuse not to spend time with other people.
 
Date: 3/24/2010 7:43:43 AM
Author: TheBigT
Date: 3/24/2010 7:39:15 AM

Author: Hudson_Hawk

um...he''s sick. Different people like different things when they don''t feel well. Some like to be alone. Maybe he''s concerned about getting you sick.


Chill out and back off.
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Ditto HH. I wouldn''t consider it ''bailing'' on you if he''s sick. In most of the world, being sick is considered a legitimate excuse not to spend time with other people.
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Double ditto.

MK, being in a relationship does not mean spending every hour of every day with your SO. If you do that, you run the risk of losing who you are and what you love, just to please your partner. That, IMHO, is not a healthy relationship.

So relax. Some people prefer to suffer in silence. Others prefer to have chicken soup ladled out to them in silver bowls by a friendly and handsome man-servant when they''re sick. To each his or her own.
 
Date: 3/24/2010 8:19:42 AM
Author: vc10um

Date: 3/24/2010 7:43:43 AM
Author: TheBigT

Date: 3/24/2010 7:39:15 AM

Author: Hudson_Hawk

um...he''s sick. Different people like different things when they don''t feel well. Some like to be alone. Maybe he''s concerned about getting you sick.


Chill out and back off.
Click to expand...

Ditto HH. I wouldn''t consider it ''bailing'' on you if he''s sick. In most of the world, being sick is considered a legitimate excuse not to spend time with other people.
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Double ditto.

MK, being in a relationship does not mean spending every hour of every day with your SO. If you do that, you run the risk of losing who you are and what you love, just to please your partner. That, IMHO, is not a healthy relationship.

So relax. Some people prefer to suffer in silence. Others prefer to have chicken soup ladled out to them in silver bowls by a friendly and handsome man-servant when they''re sick. To each his or her own.
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MK - Have you thought about why you might be reading so deeply into every decision he makes? Is it possible somewhere deep down you know some truth that you''re just having trouble accepting?
 
My FI kicks me out when he's sick and we do live together!! Rather, he kicks himself out to the spare room and avoids me as much as possible. And carries a lysol bottle around with him and wipes everything behind him on the rare occasions he ventures out... very sweet, but all I want to do is squish him better!


When I'm sick I positively glue myself to him. He almost never gets sick, though, while I seem to catch something if someone across the room breathes wrong, so no harm done- except perhaps to his cuddle-tolerance
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Well, I''ve been married for 3 years and when either one of us is sick (with something contagious like a stomach virus or a cold) the other leaves.

This allows the sick person to REST and sleep.

If someone is sick, chances are they don''t want to cuddle and watch romantic comedies. They want to wallow in their misery, chug Nyquil and sleep like a baby.

MK, I would like to be very honest right now and say that the focus of your relationship seems to be "The Relationship." And that''s not a good thing.
 
Date: 3/24/2010 9:06:53 AM
Author: yssie
My FI kicks me out when he's sick and we do live together!! Rather, he kicks himself out to the spare room and avoids me as much as possible. And carries a lysol bottle around with him and wipes everything behind him on the rare occasions he ventures out... very sweet, but all I want to do is squish him better!


When I'm sick I positively glue myself to him. He almost never gets sick, though, while I seem to catch something if someone across the room breathes wrong, so no harm done- except perhaps to his cuddle-tolerance
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LOL Yssie! I know exactly what you mean!

And except for the Lysol part me and my FI are the exact same way!! After being hospitalized when my immune system crashed late last year, now I catch the littlest things from everyone! So if he feels the slightest bit of anything resembling sick and I am ADAMANT that I still want to hug him, he will pointedly breathe the opposite direction of my face and try to blow the air away. SO CUTE
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I would never consider it bailing but I can somewhat see what the OP is talking about. Although we just had a side conversation about it at the very beginning of our relationship. What you need to understand is that We as People just deal with sickness, stress, etc. in different ways. Better that whoever gets sick gets better fast than anything!
 
Date: 3/24/2010 9:06:53 AM
Author: yssie
My FI kicks me out when he''s sick and we do live together!! Rather, he kicks himself out to the spare room and avoids me as much as possible. And carries a lysol bottle around with him and wipes everything behind him on the rare occasions he ventures out... very sweet, but all I want to do is squish him better!


When I''m sick I positively glue myself to him. He almost never gets sick, though, while I seem to catch something if someone across the room breathes wrong, so no harm done- except perhaps to his cuddle-tolerance
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This is the cutest thing I''ve ever read on PS
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MK, I can''t quite help you out with an answer, as me and my FI do live together, and we don''t really get sick, but I just wanted to ditto elledizzy5 and HudsonHawk. I think you need to majorly chill out on your BF!
 
Date: 3/24/2010 8:31:18 AM
Author: elledizzy5
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MK - Have you thought about why you might be reading so deeply into every decision he makes? Is it possible somewhere deep down you know some truth that you''re just having trouble accepting?
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thank you!
 
I suggest being sick is a legitimate reason to "cancel" a date. I don't even consider it "bailing". The dude is sick, let him be if he wants to be!

Anyway, everyone is different. I have dated men who hated being around anyone when sick and just wanted to bury themselves under the covers with a remote control for the television, others who just carried on as always and just carried some extra tissues with them, and others who just wanted to be pampered at the slightest hint of a sniffle. It also really depends on what kind of sick someone is...a cold, sure, I might still go out if I am feeling pretty good...but a flu...um, no thanks. And if I am highly contagious, I consider other people too.....some people cannot afford to get sick at all due to their immune systems and I am not going to be the one to compromise that for them.

I know for myself, if I am sick, it really depends on how sick I am how I feel about being around others. If it is too much of an effort to even brush my teeth, I just want to lay in bed and sleep and not worry about anything but resting. I may or may NOT want someone else around. There have been times I have been sick and HAD to have someone there to help me out due to the severity (and this was with a past partner I lived with anyway), but, there sure was not a lot of fun to be had!

If either my husband or I are sick now (which is pretty rare as we are fortunately both pretty healthy) and one of us feels bad enough that they just want to lay around and sleep on the couch, then we'll hang out together and take care of one another (i.e. go rent them some movies, snuggle, make them some soup and get them some medication) but often we'll also encourage the non-sick one to go go out and get some fresh air or do something else just to get some time to engage in some self pity for a while without someone else around!
 
Date: 3/24/2010 9:17:43 AM
Author: PinkAsscher678
Well, I''ve been married for 3 years and when either one of us is sick (with something contagious like a stomach virus or a cold) the other leaves.


This allows the sick person to REST and sleep.


If someone is sick, chances are they don''t want to cuddle and watch romantic comedies. They want to wallow in their misery, chug Nyquil and sleep like a baby.


MK, I would like to be very honest right now and say that the focus of your relationship seems to be ''The Relationship.'' And that''s not a good thing.
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Ditto e.v.e.r.y. word.

If I''m not feeling well, I might want to whine and play sick for a while, but if I''m really sick, fuhgeddaboudit! I want him OUT so I can be SICK by myself. I also know I can get really cranky when I''m sick, so I don''t want DH around cuz I''ll start picking fights and I know I don''t want to do that to him.
 
Date: 3/24/2010 8:31:18 AM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 3/24/2010 8:19:42 AM
Author: vc10um


Date: 3/24/2010 7:43:43 AM
Author: TheBigT


Date: 3/24/2010 7:39:15 AM

Author: Hudson_Hawk

um...he''s sick. Different people like different things when they don''t feel well. Some like to be alone. Maybe he''s concerned about getting you sick.


Chill out and back off.
Click to expand...

Ditto HH. I wouldn''t consider it ''bailing'' on you if he''s sick. In most of the world, being sick is considered a legitimate excuse not to spend time with other people.
Click to expand...

Double ditto.

MK, being in a relationship does not mean spending every hour of every day with your SO. If you do that, you run the risk of losing who you are and what you love, just to please your partner. That, IMHO, is not a healthy relationship.

So relax. Some people prefer to suffer in silence. Others prefer to have chicken soup ladled out to them in silver bowls by a friendly and handsome man-servant when they''re sick. To each his or her own.
Click to expand...
31.gif


MK - Have you thought about why you might be reading so deeply into every decision he makes? Is it possible somewhere deep down you know some truth that you''re just having trouble accepting?
Click to expand...
Ditto all of them. Just let him be if he wants to be alone! You''re seriously going to drive him away, and we don''t want that to happen for you.
 
As people have pointed out, people are different. I used to get mad at my BF because he wouldn''t talk about things like I DID. But, that''s his personality. Even if your BF isn''t sick, sometimes he might just want to be left alone and there is nothing wrong with that. Nothing.
 
I never considered it "bailing" but yes, my BF did cancel plans when he was sick. I''m pushy and would go over and take care of him. After 5 years, we''ve finally got it down to a science - we''ve got the right "I just want to make you better" to "Leave me alone with my Kleenex and my misery" ratio.
 
Oh, don''t worry. He probably just doesn''t want to get you sick. Or his way of dealing with being sick is to get lots of rest at home, which is perfectly reasonable.

When either of us is sick, we just hang out and cuggle. We don''t live together, but the one of us who is healthy will visit the other and make him/her feel better.

This thread caught my eye because I''ve been sick for a few days now. SO and live about 45min to 1hr from each other in different cities. The other day, he made lots of delicious stew for me and brought it with him when he visited. Needless to say, I am feeling a lot better now. Gotta love a man who can cook!
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Is my BF the only one that turns into a cuddly pool of goo when he''s sick? We don''t live together, but he loves it when I come over and hang out with him on the couch (with tissues, juice, and a remote of course!). I suppose he doesn''t like/want to go out when he''s sick, but I don''t really expect him to either, so it hasn''t been a problem.
 
Everyone is different and therefore want different things when they are sick.

My BF and I don''t live together and there are only a couple of days a week we can see each other because of our schedules therefore we still hangout even if we are sick. We just do a movie night with takeout- something low-key. My boyfriend likes to be taken care of when he''s sick whereas i like my space but i let him know so he doesn''t feel like i''m pushing him away. If it really does bother you talk to your boyfriend as communication is key in relationships. But really if he keeps all dates with you otherwise just use the time away to pamper yourself and spend time on your hobbies as he may be one of those people who like to hide in their caves until they are feeling well again. Don''t take his preferences when healing as a slight against you or the relationship.
 
I would ditto the concerns about ''the Relationship'' being a huge factor in your relationship. You seem to post a lot on topics that indicate your dissatisfaction.
 
Date: 3/25/2010 12:08:09 PM
Author: Maevie
I would ditto the concerns about ''the Relationship'' being a huge factor in your relationship. You seem to post a lot on topics that indicate your dissatisfaction.
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That''s pretty much WHY I post on here. To talk about things in relationships that are less than perfect, and to talk about liw anxiety. When I joined the list and the forum, thats what most of the women were talking about! I don''t have girlfriends to go off and vent to. That''s why I''ve been occasionally posting here.
 
Hi MermaidKelly

I can appreciate that this is your place to vent - I didn''t mean to offend you - that is partly what PS is for I agree! :)

I think what a few of us were trying to say is that sometimes PSer''s get concerned when most of a poster''s contributions are on topics that illustrate their dissatisfaction or insecurity with the relationship. We have seen a number of relationships described on the boards that are not healthy or happy places for the poster to be. I''m not suggesting that this is true for you, but was simply trying to point out the pattern that I noticed in your posts.

I hope you can appreciate the good intentions
 
Never! He LOVES having me take care of everything he needs if he''s under the weather, and I love it just as much!
He''s kind of obsessed with my homemade chicken and noodle soup; thus, I think sometimes he might fake being sick just so I make it for him
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)
 
I wouldn''t consider it bailing since he IS sick afterall...but that being said, my b/f never does. He likes to still hang out with me when he''s sick but I discourage him from doing so until he gets all better. I never get sick but when I do, I do NOT want to see anyone until I feel better (well maybe my mom so she can bring me some veggie soup)...I just want to stay in bed and watch tv or sleep all day.
 
Date: 3/24/2010 9:17:43 AM
Author: PinkAsscher678
Well, I''ve been married for 3 years and when either one of us is sick (with something contagious like a stomach virus or a cold) the other leaves.

This allows the sick person to REST and sleep.

If someone is sick, chances are they don''t want to cuddle and watch romantic comedies. They want to wallow in their misery, chug Nyquil and sleep like a baby.

MK, I would like to be very honest right now and say that the focus of your relationship seems to be ''The Relationship.'' And that''s not a good thing.
Click to expand...
I would go as far and say that your focus seems to be YOU. He''s sick, give him a break.
 
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