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I''m not that excited about the wedding. What''s wrong with me?

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kittybean

kittybean

Ideal_Rock
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May 2, 2008
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With the wedding two weeks away (holy cow!), everyone I talk to lately asks me, "Are you SO EXCITED for your wedding?! It is going to be the best day of your life! You must be SO EXCITED!" I always smile and say, "Yes, I''m very excited," but that''s not really true. I just can''t seem to muster up all this enthusiasm everyone is expecting from me. I know they mean well, but I feel like a failure of a bride when I''m not gushing about wedding stuff.

Don''t get me wrong--I am so happy I''m marrying the most wonderful guy ever. I feel so lucky that this fantastic person wants to spend his life with me, and I am very, very content about the marriage. I love our life together, and I''m really looking forward to being a family with my FI. But the wedding? I could honestly do without it. As you all know, there are, like, a million and one little details to worry about, people to keep track of, and things that could go wrong. It''s really hard to describe exactly how I''m feeling, but I''m definitely just not excited about the wedding. In a way, I feel almost like I have stage fright.

Any other brides experiencing something like this? Commiserate with me! Any ideas on how to ramp up the enthusiasm?

*Note: I would have written more, but I am pretty sure I''ve developed carpal tunnel or something between work and PS''ing! The back of my hand/wrist burns when I type. I''m hoping a two-week-long, computer-free honeymoon will help
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I''ll be honest, and I hate even admitting this to myself: I was just like you in the "excitement" department before my wedding. Everyone else was gushing about how excited I must be, and I just simply wasn''t. I was SO EXCITED to be married - I was unbelievably excited for the marriage part, but the wedding part? As the day got closer, I got more nervous about being the center of attention.

There was not even a SECOND of doubt that I was doing the right thing - I was never ever nervous about getting married, it was all just nerves about everyone looking at me and paying attention to me. And all the stress of wedding planning also took a lot of the fun out of looking forward to the wedding.

The day of my wedding I woke up and still didn''t feel that rush of excitement right away. I was nervous about being the center of attention, and I hadn''t seen my fiance in a week (one of the Jewish customs some people follow is not seeing each other the whole week before the wedding). I went to get my hair done, my makeup done, went to the hall and got my wedding dress on and put all my jewelry on. All throughout this I was looking forward to getting married, but still not that excited for the wedding. I was calm, not nervous about the "big step" I was taking at all, and so many people even commented to me that I was the calmest bride they had ever seen. I just had no doubts at all (other than the center of attention part of the wedding!)

When I finally saw my fiance, it was one of the best moments of the whole day. He walked into the room and ran towards me - and he told me how beautiful I looked in my wedding dress. As soon as I saw him I started crying - it finally just HIT me. After all this time, all the dates and planning and looking forward, we were finally getting MARRIED. That''s when I got excited. I finally realized WE''RE GETTING MARRIED!!!

The rest of the day and the wedding was incredible - the ceremony and actually realizing we were finally married were the happiest moments of my life. The dancing was so much fun, and our dance together at the end was one of the most special moments of my entire life. It was unbelievable.

I can honestly say the day I got married was the best day of my life - and I was just like you before my wedding (even up until the wedding day itself!) Don''t worry - you''re not alone and hopefully it''ll hit you just like it hit me and you''ll get really excited right before or at the wedding!
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Yeah, I''m actually not super excited for the wedding, although I''m super hyped for the honeymoon!

I try to just concentrate on the little things about the wedding that have been really fun for me, like the favors and cake toppers.
 
Hi date twin!
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Sorry if I am repeating what someone else said already (haven''t read through it), but I bet you''re tired and worn out and at this point it''s getting to be anti-climatic. Does that make sense?
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I am sure you''re excited about marrying your future husband and starting your life as husband and wife together, but the wedding itself? Eh..you''re probably emotionally exhausted, worn out, tired, etc., and just ready for that to be over. I am sure you''ve run into difficulties, etc., and you''re ready to be onto the next stage of life! I just totally pasted my feelings onto you so I am sorry if they don''t fit, lol, but I am guessing you feel the same way as me from what you''re saying.
 
I think it''s really normal, and possibly more common than you think, to be feeling this way. There is so much stuff about weddings and planning them that is not fun, it''s no suprise that your finding it hard to get excited. I''m sure once the day gets here and you start to get ready with your family and friends that the excitement will finally kick in. Enjoy your day.
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I felt the same way about my wedding. The weeks following up to the wedding were TERRIBLE for me. I was stressed out, overwhelmed, incredibly nervous about how everything would come together, and still had a TON of things to do beforehand. Add to that various family drama involving my mom, sister, and in-laws -- I was bitterly regretting my decision to have a traditional wedding. On the day of I was really excited, and happy. DH and I had a blast, but I still feel that we really would have been better off without it only because of the family drama that ensued.

I think that perhaps this is crunch time for you, and that''s never fun. I''m positive that on the day of your wedding you''ll be excited. It''s important to remember that at that point, everything is water under the bridge, and you might as well enjoy yourself!
 
I couldn''t really care less about the wedding. I still think we should have gone to the courthouse already...
 
Not to sound like a spoil sport, because I have nothing against weddings (obviously because I had one!), but I didn''t get super excited like people expect brides to get because getting married to my DH felt natural. We''re the same couple today that we were in the weeks and months before the wedding. I knew that going into the marriage so the only part of the wedding to really get work up about was being stared at by everyone!! Man, I hate being the center of attention
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That, and like everyone said, you can only focus on the wedding so much!
 
I was too tired and stressed about all the little details I had to keep straight to muster any enthusiasm. My REHERSAL DINNER felt like a chore. 2 weeks out I was like.... CAN WE DO THIS ALREADY? I just really really wanted to fast forward to our ceremony/first dance. I didn't really get excited till my MIA arrived with a lot of good cheer and enthusiasm that rubbed off on me (which is why I adamantly believe that your interactive vendors should LOVE weddings because their moods rub off on you, because they are in your face and RIGHT THERE, and you can't help but notice them).

I was like a bear with a sore paw just before my wedding. A very tired one.
 
same here
Enough already i just want it over and ride off in our mustang convertible we are renting for our honeymoon!
I am a very outgoing person and being the center of attention by cracking a joke or saying something funny on my own time line when I choose I have no problem with. Being the center of attention on cue...Iam getting very nervous about.
 
Kittybean,

Well I think mustering up endless enthusiame for a project for an entire YEAR is really hard! It''s like building endless, and endless anticipation. Sometimes you get a little sick of the anticipation! And it''s a stressful period with details that are kind of tedious. As long as you are happy about the marriage part, I think everything will be fine. And I think that''s what honeymoon''s are for. So during the last two weeks, you have something to look forward too. Hang in there, only a few more weeks for you.
 
Kittybean, dont worry!!! I felt the SAME EXACT WAY that you are feeling. I think you are just being realistic....You know that its ONE DAY in your life ( a very important day), but its literally over in a flash!!!! I think so many brides build their wedding day up so much in their heads, and then its seriously such a let down when its over, you know?
You are probably really stressed out too (I felt the same way)- I just wanted it to be over already!!!!

I know its hard, but just try to enjoy these last few wks, and then your wedding day as much as you can. Its one day that will never happen again. Try to take some deep breaths and just go with the flow and enjoy!! You'll be fine!!!

Good luck sweetie!!!
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Date: 6/7/2009 12:32:41 AM
Author: FrekeChild
I couldn''t really care less about the wedding. I still think we should have gone to the courthouse already...
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Ditto Freke. I''ve actually thought of asking the judge I''m working for if she''ll just marry FI and me after work one day.

I think the over-commercialization of weddings and the crazy TV shows and movies have created this expectation in us abouthow we should feel, and it''s just not correct. Everyone is different, and while some people may be hyper-excited superbrides, most of us are not. Weddings cost so much and the planning/waiting/answering millions of questions about it from random people when you actually have nothing new to say is emotionally draining. So I say, don''t worry about it, and take Dani''s advice to go with the flow!
 
wow. i am glad that i am not the only one.

dont get me wrong, i am VERY excited to share a special moment with my friends and family all together....that is the one reason i am excited for this day, since there will never be another time that all of my worlds will be in the same room together. but the details? the costs? the amount of time i have spent thinking about all things wedding? no thanks. i actually said to myself the other day "man, i cant wait til this is all done"

i am excited to BE married. i am excited about the afterparty and relaxing on the beach the next morning and not having to think about anything wedding related. i am excited about continuing the wonderful life we already have together

i am also like someone else in this thread - dont really like being the center of attention...

its just nice to see i am not a weirdo for thinking this way.
 
See, kittybean--you are so not alone, here!

I think my excitement before our wedding was tempered by my anxiety about little things. Seriously, though, once I was in my dress and ready to go I was SOOOOO excited about everything. And THEN, when I saw DH for the first time, I was swept up in the day like you wouldn''t imagine.

Our rabbi gave us the best advice right before the ceremony--he said to just be in the moment. To stop worrying about everything else, and be in the moment the entire day. We were, and it was worth it.
 
Thanks for posting this kittybean!

I got married 3 weeks ago. Leading up to it, people always asked me if I was excited/nervous. I always said excited when really I felt.. nothing. I thought I was crazy for feeling that way, but now I know I am not the only one.

Looking back, I am a little glad I felt that way. I slept pretty well the night before, and I was a calm bride the day of when things weren''t as planned. And it was the most amazing day of my life.

Hold on kittybean! Your amazing day will be here before you know it.
 
Don't worry, kittybean, there's nothing wrong with you!! I wasn't suuuuper excited about the day, purely I think because we'd been planning it for nearly 3 years! I was more, I don't know... content(?) rather than excited, about the fact that I was going to be marrying DH. The wedding wasn't what I was reeeally looking forward to, it was life afterwards with my husband. The whys, hows etc. weren't terribly important to either of us, we just wanted to be married! That said, it was a wonderful day, but this now, being settled into married life, is what I was really looking forward to.

The morning of the wedding though, with my four bridesmaids and my family all gathered around me as we ate breakfast, laughed and got ready... THEN I was excited! In that kind of atmosphere it was so contagious!!
 
KB, I''m totally with you here. I''m much more excited by the prospect of vacation/honeymoon than I am about the wedding. That''s not to say I''m not excited about getting married, but I don''t think it''s really going to change things with FI and I. Our engagement has been relatively long (a year and 11 months), and we''ve been living together for almost three years so we''re pretty well established as a couple in that way. For us the wedding is just a technicality. So no, this isn''t cold feet, it''s normal.
 
I get excited about stuff in the sense that I like looking at brides magazines and posting in this forum, but in a way I wish I could fly to Vegas for a weekend and come back married. I think I''ll have a nice wedding day, but the venue I''m choosing already does a lot of stuff for you. I''d rather have a fun, less than perfectly elegant wedding than one where every detail is just so and requires a bunch of planning and set-up. Not to mention the huge amounts of money.
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Date: 6/7/2009 7:55:26 AM
Author: allycat0303
Kittybean,

Well I think mustering up endless enthusiame for a project for an entire YEAR is really hard! It''s like building endless, and endless anticipation. Sometimes you get a little sick of the anticipation! And it''s a stressful period with details that are kind of tedious. As long as you are happy about the marriage part, I think everything will be fine. And I think that''s what honeymoon''s are for. So during the last two weeks, you have something to look forward too. Hang in there, only a few more weeks for you.
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Hello fellow CO bride!!
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I couldn''t agree more with Ally. You''ve been planning this wedding for a while and it''s hard to keep the same level of enthusiasm the whole time...what''s REALLY EXCITING for everyone else is probably REALLY STRESSFUL for you. Hang in there...I''m sure the day of the wedding will come and you''ll start to feel the "OMG" excitement that everyone else is feeling.

The next time someone asks you if your soooo excited....just tell them "Absolutely!! I can''t even tell you how excited I am to marry Mr. Kittybean!!"...cause at the end of the day thats all the wedding is about and what people want to see is...the rest is just details...the real excitement is the love story between you and your FI.
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I feel ya. I''m 4-ish months out and I''m finding it so hard to muster up the enthusiasm to finish up what I need to do. I''m hoping I get excited as the day approaches because it will be a fun day spent with friends that I don''t see very often. If it wasn''t for them, we''d be eloping! So my advice is to try and think about seeing all of your loved ones and getting a chance to hang out with them.
 
I hear ya Kittybean...there is so much expected of the bride...you''re supposed to be "on" all of the time and it can all be too much. Eloping is highly underrated, IMO!

Is there any way possible that you can take a break from it all? Can you set aside a day just for you and let go of any wedding pressure? Do you have a best friend or your mom or someone who will understand and just let you be you for a day?

I couldn''t wait for it all to be over....honestly, the wedding was beautiful, but I just wanted to be married already...the heck with all of the stuff that went with the wedding.

There is just too much pressure put on the bride and I think it is a shame.

My future ex-MIL got shingles on her face right before her wedding to my ex''s father. There are NO wedding photos because she refused to have any of her taken. She was miserable and I felt so sorry for her.

My dear Aunt Joanie developed a boil on her forehead just before her wedding and the photos show this huge boil on her forehead....

My point is, stress will cause illness and loss of interest. PLEASE TAKE SOME TIME FOR YOU!!!
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Lori
 
I was in your shoes a few days ago because I still had a few details to be worked out. I was nervous and worried about them but now that those are completed I can allow myself to feel excited about my wedding day.

I had my bachelorette party this weekend and after it was over is when I started to really feel it. I can''t wait to jump in my car a week and a day from now and drive to my hometown to finish preparing for the wedding!
 
Thank you so much, everyone, for the awesome support! It is a relief to know that other brides feel this way too and to hear that it''s okay to not be on the happy train 100% of the time. As SarahLovesJS said, it''s starting to feel pretty anticlimactic at this point--I am ready to just be married and move on with my normal life (which I really, really love). I like what Ally said too--I think I am really tired of the anticipation.

Kunzite, I think you made a great point--marrying my FI seems totally natural. We have been living together since last August, and it is wonderful. We have a wonderful life together. Getting married is special for us, but it doesn''t feel like we''re doing something crazy; it''s just an extension of our love and respect for each other.

Gypsy, I''m pretty sure I said, "Can we do this already?" multiple times to my mom-cum-wedding-planner-extraordinaire. I swear I would have had a breakdown but for her sanity and organizational prowess.

Haven, I am really hoping I remember to be in the moment; it seems so obvious, but I think it will be hard with so many balls in the air the whole day. Thanks for reminding me to enjoy our day!

DandiAndi, I would definitely describe myself as "content." I''m hoping the excitement will kick in the morning of like it did for you!

And to DMB, blackpolkadot, Hudson Hawk, Kelli, and Elrohwen (and any under-excited brides I might have fogotten): you definitely aren''t alone! Thanks for making me feel a little less crazy
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Oh, I''m so glad I just read this thread! I''ve been feeling the same way. I used to be really excited about the wedding and the planning, etc., but now I''m just excited to be MARRIED to my FI, and to go on the honeymoon. I guess that''s a good thing because really the marriage is the important part... but I do feel bad not being too excited about the wedding anymore. I''m kinda ready for it to be over now. I''m sure it will be a wonderful day, but I''ve been stressed and unfortunately letting it all out around my FI, who probably thinks I''m crazy. I can''t wait to get back to normal.
 
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