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I''m SO mad (best friend related)

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T

TryingAgain

Rough_Rock
Joined
May 20, 2008
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48
Okay, so my best friend is engaged and has been since December or January. Even though she''s been with her fiance less than SO and I have been together, that''s fine. I''m not bitter. She made a huge production of her ring being custom made by a jeweler of mine who is a good friend. She''s been flaunting her 2 carat setting with a 2 carat RB in it.

Well, she was looking at rings/diamonds with me recently. SO and I have decided I will get somewhere between 1.25-1.5 carat cushion or RB (probably closer to 1.25) in either a halo or solitaire setting. Not sure. I just want to use my budget towards a great diamond and SO can''t afford for me to rock a 4cttw ring, but honestly I wouldn''t want it if I could have it because it''s just not *me*. So Best Friend Forever (BFF) tells me she wishes I could have a bigger ring like hers, but mine will be nice anyway.
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She goes on to say she wishes SO could afford to get me the ring I deserve and she wishes he''d get me a real diamond, over 2ct. I disregard because I know she is who she is and I should expect NOTHING less. SO is already talking about spending a pretty penny on my ring! I don''t need more! I''m getting something perfect for me!

FFWD to today and I am expecting an appraisal on a necklace from my friend jeweler and I accidently get an email with a document named BFFs Appraisal (well, it had her name). I email my jeweler and say I think it was wrong. Then I realize that the first name might be BFF and not some other girl named BFF and I look at it. It has her name and address and then says it''s worth $4,900. I''m like, "HUH?!?!?" I read the description and it goes into detail on the setting and then states the diamonds simulated.

I am not mad that her diamond isn''t real. I''m not one to judge and it isn''t any of my business. I''m mad that she''s been making me feel crappy and trying to belittle SO because he can''t afford the $20k+ ring that she was supposedly given by her fiance. And she''s also getting on me about why we aren''t engaged yet. Truth be told, SO will be spending a lot more money on my ring then her fiance spent on hers. I''d never say that to her if the roles were reversed.

Sorry, I just needed to vent and figured this was a good place.
 
i can''t believe the jeweler accidentally sent that to you!
man i don''t even know what to say
what comes around goes around eh
 
I couldn''t believe it either. But my jeweler usually sees BFF and I together. Or maybe she knew BFF was making me feel bad (I mentioned it to her) and she wanted to give me a laugh. I doubt the latter because my friend (the jeweler) isn''t that type of person AT ALL and is all about privacy.
 
This is juicy. Do you think that maybe your "BFF" doesn''t know her diamond ring that her fiance got her is simulated???
 
it may be crappy of me, but that made me happy. my SO and i are getting a very small ring that i LOVE!! it just goes to show. i wonder if she knows it is fake? probably. well she does now at any rate. it seems that it is more about the size to her. she would rather compromise quality big time so she can walk around with a big fake rock.
sorry if i am coming across harsh, but she is a s#!t for making you feel that way. you go with what you are going to do. i would rather have my .75tcw than a 4 ctw thats fake anyday!!
 
There is nothing wrong with simulated stones. You get a lot of the beauty for a fraction of the price. Everyone is not in a position to spend thousands of dollars on jewelry. To each there own.

However, if you have a simulated stone that you pass off as real and then make OTHER people feel crappy, you have self esteem issues. If I had a simulated stone, I would be honest about it. We spent the money on other things. End of story. Does your friend have a pattern of lying to you? My friends and I always say, "You don''t have to lie to kick it."

I wouldn''t mention the situation to her, however, since it implicates your jeweler/friend.
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Professionally, that was a BIG no no!
 
I don''t know which would be worse - if she didn''t know the ring wasn''t real, and was deceived by her fiance, or she did know it wasn''t real, and deceived you.

In the latter case, I''d have no problem with you forwarding her the document with an "oops, think this was meant for you..."

BUT

You have no way of knowing it was not the former. In which case, her anguish at finding out her husband lied to her would be compounded by you finding out as well.

Since you have no way of knowing, the classy thing to do is of course say nothing. Even though her behavior has been atrocious, you can focus on the fact that you will be getting engaged to your dream guy with a ring that you love!

PS Either way, I''d seriously reconsider her best friend status...sounds like she should at least be on probation for a demotion to ''good friend.''
 
I agree with Trillionaire, don''t let her know that you know this AT ALL. Just keep it to yourself and know laugh a little bit each time she says something to you from now on. The way she is acting is very immature and you do not deserve it, but like Smurfy said, "what goes around comes around...."
 
You are assuming she knows right? Maybe she doesn''t know
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You both sound like there is a lot of passive agressive competition going on. whether or not its a healthy relationship, only you know.

My best friend is horrible when it comes to things like this. She has a beautiful 1ct marquise and complains all the time about how a 1ct isn''t a real diamond and she''s going to upgrade to a 4ct some day, even though she knows my diamond is less than 1ct. And I sit quietly because I know she thinks a 4ct is a couple of thousand and I know it would take her several years (at least 10) to save the kind of money necessary to afford a 4ct. Truth is that she has all of these new friends that are all very wealthy and have huge diamonds but I don''t think she gets that not everyone can afford it.
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To address a few points:

I know 100% that she knows it isn''t real. She designed the setting herself, in the past she and jeweler have both stated she picked the stone and that the only thing her fiance did was furnish the cash to pay for it. He has nothing to do with the entire process and BFF actually complained about that to me.

On my part, there''s no competition. Up until today I thought she had a ring larger than SO and I would be getting and I am fine with it. It''s a beautiful ring for HER. It just isn''t my style. I am 100% happy with my 1.25-1.5 ct diamond in a simple setting. I actually told SO I only wanted .75 and he said his budget would allow for larger when we do it... Which isn''t for some time... So I have adjusted my mind to something larger. A long time ago when BFF and her fiance were in the ring process SO had told me, "If that''s the kind of ring you want then I am not the man for you. I love you and wish I could afford a 2 carat diamond in a huge 2 carat setting, but I just can''t right now" As cliche as it sounds if SO got down on one knee with a sterling silver band and said, "I love you, I want to marry you!!" I would jump up and down and not even think about the fact that it was a plain silver band. I want the man and I think the ring would be a great perk/addition, but I don''t NEED it if I have him.

I have NO plans to tell her I know. I did, however, tell SO. He laughed and said, "I knew there was no way he could afford that ring!!!" I guess I am more upset about her belittling MY future ring and SO knowing what a long road it''s been for me to find this amazing man. I have NO issue with simulated stones, but I do have an issue with someone wearing one, passing it off as a diamond to their BFF and then putting me down because it just isn''t feasible for me to have that size in a real stone.

I do appreciate all of your support. I am just very frustrated and hurt. Talking to SO does no good because it just makes him think that she isn''t a trustworthy friend.
 
She kinda *isn''t* a trustworthy friend! Sometimes people aren''t who we hope they are. You''ve gotten a glimpse into who she *really* is & maybe she isn''t a friend you want?

Maybe it isn''t a jeweler you want either ... HOLY INAPPROPRIATE EMAILING!!!
 
Date: 9/2/2008 7:36:17 PM
Author: decodelighted
She kinda *isn''t* a trustworthy friend! Sometimes people aren''t who we hope they are. You''ve gotten a glimpse into who she *really* is & maybe she isn''t a friend you want?


Maybe it isn''t a jeweler you want either ... HOLY INAPPROPRIATE EMAILING!!!
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I concur. Imagine if this was a PS vendor, like LM, GOG or WF!?!?! We would be reading the riot act!!!
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To my jewelers defense I know this is NOTHING she''d ever do on purpose and I know she''s horrified. She''s thinking about calling BFF and telling her what she did. She called me up like, "OMG! I swear to you I''ve NEVER done anything like that before and I feel horrible!!"
 
OH MY GOD!!! that is Wild! i can''t believe she said those things to you!! how RUDE!!! and also how IRONIC that she said she wished your SO could get you a "real" diamond like hers.

i bet she didn''t know it was a simulated diamond. if she had known, she probably would have behaved differently regarding the whole situation.

it was probably smart of you to post this here, the best way to keep from blabbing a secret is to tell us!!
 
I''m sorry but I couldn''t help myself. The next time she mentions something about your ring being too small, I would turn around and say nicely, well, I don''t want something too big cause you know if you are wearing a really big stone, people just know it''s going to be a fake!! Then she how she likes them apples!
 
Date: 9/2/2008 9:48:22 PM
Author: honey22
I''m sorry but I couldn''t help myself. The next time she mentions something about your ring being too small, I would turn around and say nicely, well, I don''t want something too big cause you know if you are wearing a really big stone, people just know it''s going to be a fake!! Then she how she likes them apples!
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Hahaha! Love it!
 
Date: 9/2/2008 9:48:22 PM
Author: honey22
I''m sorry but I couldn''t help myself. The next time she mentions something about your ring being too small, I would turn around and say nicely, well, I don''t want something too big cause you know if you are wearing a really big stone, people just know it''s going to be a fake!! Then she how she likes them apples!
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haha awesome!! i totally second that motion!!
 
ROFL!
 
No no... BFF does know it''s simulated. I can tell you I''m 110% certain.

S/O and I have a long running joke between us. He always jokes that he will find me the most beautiful and flawless 1/64 carat ring. Haha, funny, I know!
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So tonight while we were eating dinner he said, "Babe, at least you''ll know that 1/64 solitaire will be real. I''ll spend every penny I have on that bad boy!!" He''s SUCH a jokester! Ha!
 
Date: 9/2/2008 9:48:22 PM
Author: honey22
I''m sorry but I couldn''t help myself. The next time she mentions something about your ring being too small, I would turn around and say nicely, well, I don''t want something too big cause you know if you are wearing a really big stone, people just know it''s going to be a fake!! Then she how she likes them apples!
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Please don''t say anything because it would make you as mean spirited as she is. It''s sad that her self esteem is so tied to her material possessions and it gives her no right to say the things to you that she does. Take solace that you will get a beautiful ring and remember how special this time is in your life and consider a little more distance between you and your friend.
 
Date: 9/2/2008 7:36:17 PM
Author: decodelighted
She kinda *isn''t* a trustworthy friend! Sometimes people aren''t who we hope they are. You''ve gotten a glimpse into who she *really* is & maybe she isn''t a friend you want?

Maybe it isn''t a jeweler you want either ... HOLY INAPPROPRIATE EMAILING!!!
Click to expand...

DITTO! Big, big ditto.

I know it''s difficult to replace friends, but there are a lot of quality jewelers out there. I would consider reevaluating my relationship with both of these people if I found myself in your situation.

You aren''t even a current customer of this jeweler, right? Why on earth did she send you an email with an appraisal at all? Imagine if Leon Mege or Whiteflash did this--there would be a ten-page thread on PS warning everyone to RUN!

This is one of the craziest stories I''ve ever heard. I can''t believe your friend behaves this way, it sounds like she is incredibly insecure. I hope she finds what she''s looking for and starts playing nice with you.
 
Welcome to the OOPS I hit send without really checking the recipient''s name and or hit REPLY ALL instead of reply.

It is almost funny, now you know she is full of it! Hard info to have and be berated by her at the same time though.

That jeweler needs to know, what if a hubby is surprising a wife (or buying a mistress something!!!) and sends the email to the wrong party! Ooh, the ramifications are not good.
 
Date: 9/3/2008 2:03:53 AM
Author: Haven
Date: 9/2/2008 7:36:17 PM

Author: decodelighted

She kinda *isn''t* a trustworthy friend! Sometimes people aren''t who we hope they are. You''ve gotten a glimpse into who she *really* is & maybe she isn''t a friend you want?


Maybe it isn''t a jeweler you want either ... HOLY INAPPROPRIATE EMAILING!!!
Click to expand...


DITTO! Big, big ditto.


I know it''s difficult to replace friends, but there are a lot of quality jewelers out there. I would consider reevaluating my relationship with both of these people if I found myself in your situation.


You aren''t even a current customer of this jeweler, right? Why on earth did she send you an email with an appraisal at all? Imagine if Leon Mege or Whiteflash did this--there would be a ten-page thread on PS warning everyone to RUN!


This is one of the craziest stories I''ve ever heard. I can''t believe your friend behaves this way, it sounds like she is incredibly insecure. I hope she finds what she''s looking for and starts playing nice with you.
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No, I am a current customer of this jeweler. She''s a family friend and has been doing work for us since my family moved here 20 years ago. She was supposed to be sending ME an appraisal on something she has recently done for ME. She feels awful and wants to tell BFF. She can''t believe she did it. Our emails are pretty similar though. Oh well.

I will not stoop to BFF''s level and say something. I don''t care what kind of ring her or anyone else has. I''m a lover of all diamonds and most jewelry in general.
 
I think your jeweler SHOULD come clean and tell your BFF what she did.
This would also fix the problem you have of any futures dealings with FF about the kind of ring your FF buys you.

It also puts the ball in FF court as to whether she wants to continue to act a fool or settle down which may or may not improve the relationship between the two of you.

I would be mad at the jeweler for putting my in that situation in the first place.

As far as BFF goes, if this is someone I *really* cared about, I''d be sitting her down (after jeweler tells her what happened) and find out what is going on in her life that is making her behave this way. She had to have had some redeeming qualities at some point to be considered your BFF and it sounds like something else could be going on now.

Maybe it''s just me, but I don''t enjoy having dirt on my "BFF".
 
I''ll admit it - i have dirt on my best friend. Granted she does know about it. But i have NEVER used it in a place of power. yes, sometimes it does make me feel better if she is being outragous and mean, but i never use it against her.

i would say just let it go. Next time she talks smack about your ring just tell her that it hurts your feelings that she is being so rude about it. attack the real issue at hand, not the dirt on her.
 
Date: 9/3/2008 10:21:39 AM
Author: funtobewith
I think your jeweler SHOULD come clean and tell your BFF what she did.

This would also fix the problem you have of any futures dealings with FF about the kind of ring your FF buys you.


It also puts the ball in FF court as to whether she wants to continue to act a fool or settle down which may or may not improve the relationship between the two of you.


I would be mad at the jeweler for putting my in that situation in the first place.


As far as BFF goes, if this is someone I *really* cared about, I''d be sitting her down (after jeweler tells her what happened) and find out what is going on in her life that is making her behave this way. She had to have had some redeeming qualities at some point to be considered your BFF and it sounds like something else could be going on now.


Maybe it''s just me, but I don''t enjoy having dirt on my ''BFF''.
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I agree 100000%.

I love my BFFs like they were my sisters...and having dirt on them wouldn''t be at all happy or excited or laugh about it. And frankly, not a single one of them would ever pull the crap yours pulled with you. That just isn''t how friends treat one another...let alone so called best friends.
 
This is your "BEST FRIEND"?!?!?

I would honestly rather be friend-less than associate with such a deceitful woman who seems to have a goal of making you feel crappy about yourself. This can''t be the only situation she''s acted this way?

I personally would cut off contact, and if she starts asking why, I''d have no problem telling her you finally saw her true colors, and don''t have room in your life for people that elevate themselves at your expense.

There''s no excuse for this kinda behavior. She needs to GROW UP.
You deserve a best friend who''ll "ooh and ahh" over your diamond, even if it''s a O color I3 1/64 ct stone. Not tell you how sorry she is you can''t have a "real" 2 ct. stone like hers (that''s not even real?!?!)!!
 
Date: 9/3/2008 11:55:56 AM
Author: Namaste
This is your ''BEST FRIEND''?!?!?


I would honestly rather be friend-less than associate with such a deceitful woman who seems to have a goal of making you feel crappy about yourself. This can''t be the only situation she''s acted this way?


I personally would cut off contact, and if she starts asking why, I''d have no problem telling her you finally saw her true colors, and don''t have room in your life for people that elevate themselves at your expense.


There''s no excuse for this kinda behavior. She needs to GROW UP.

You deserve a best friend who''ll ''ooh and ahh'' over your diamond, even if it''s a O color I3 1/64 ct stone. Not tell you how sorry she is you can''t have a ''real'' 2 ct. stone like hers (that''s not even real?!?!)!!
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Sigh... it''s a lot less fun, but next time she says something, just let her know. "You are my best friend, and when you say things like that, I find it hurtful, and you don''t seem excited for me. I was thrilled when you got engaged, and I really had hoped that you would be happy for me."

If she continues to be snarky after that, well, you might need to find a new friend!

As far as the jeweler, I would NEVER use her if she did NOT tell your friend what she did. How can I trust that she is not sending other people my information secretly? This is a business, not a friendship.
 
sounds like ur best friend is pretty insecure, and really catty... doens't sound like a good friend to you at all! if i were you i'd totally confront her and tell her you know her diamond is a fake!
 
I don''t want to confront her on her diamond. To me it doesn''t matter. Whether her ring cost $5k or $20k, real or fake, I am happy for her as long as she is happy. I love all jewelry equally and my only real gripe is how she''s try to put down SO when what she has is no better than what I am getting.

And jeweler did call her today about the the email mix-up, but got no answer. She left a message for her to call her.
 
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