In-Laws (Part II)

[Fly Girl]

Date: 7/16/2008 10:43:52 PM
Author: Harriet
All,

Many thanks for your advice. I have decided NOT to go. I suffer from a stomach condition that is aggravated by stress. I saw my doctor today and he wasn''t happy about my lack of progress. Once again, thank you.

Thank you the update, Harriet, and it definitely is the right decision. Please take care of yourself, and I hope life treats you well and you get well soon.

 

[Harriet]

Thanks, Fly Girl! I''ve been venting a lot recently (sorry), but I can''t complain about life in general. I''ve really been rather fortunate.

 

[Kaleigh]

Glad you are doing what is best for you and for your health. Sending healing vibes your way.

 

[Harriet]

Thanks, Kaleigh. You hit the nail on the head.

 

[diamondfan]

I agree, being patient/giving is one thing but sacrificing yourself is another. If you want to get back to your field, you must rest and heal yourself.

 

[Harriet]

Yes, Dr. Kitty.

 

[Miranda]

I''m glad to hear it, Harriet! Well, not that your stomach isn''t healing. I think staying home is the right choice. And now that the Dr. has said it, who can argue? I do hope you get well soon. Stomach problems are no fun at all!

 

[Linda W]

Harriet Sweetheart,

I am so glad you decided to stay home and I am sure your doctor would agree with you. You must take care of your self and your tummy. Stomach problems are painful. You made the right choice.


Love, your "adopted" mom,
Linda

 

[snowflakeluvr]

hi harriett,
bless your heart. i did not read fully your other topic but i emphathize completely as dh and i come from a group of wackos

i applaud your decision to take care of you(no one else will) and frankly, even if there was a little voice telling you it might get you back in good graces or get some points, those points are always forgotten over dysfunctional inlaws "favorite" adult children. after 21years of marriage(knowing dh and together for 26 yrs soon) i was always a great daughter-in-law, pretty good wifey to mil''s son, and try to be wonderful mom always to her five gorgeous grandchildren but when the proverbial you know what hit the fan, i was quickly dirt(through no fault of my own)
i am 44 and FINALLY, finally getting it-starting to take some time, energy and selflove for ME. i did it today-had mucho to do as we are moving out of state, but oldest college daughter took my 3 youngest back to school all week, my 18yr old went to king''s island with a group of friends and i shopped, lunched and lollygagged most of the day away. please take care of YOU. you are special and deserve to be well for your precious future hubby and your life together.
ps your ring is 2 die 4-i really heart it!

 

[Harriet]

Date: 7/17/2008 12:21:59 AM
Author: Miranda
I''m glad to hear it, Harriet! Well, not that your stomach isn''t healing. I think staying home is the right choice. And now that the Dr. has said it, who can argue? I do hope you get well soon. Stomach problems are no fun at all!

No, and please keep an eye on your GERD lest it degenerate.

 

[Harriet]

Date: 7/17/2008 12:32:59 AM
Author: Linda W
Harriet Sweetheart,

I am so glad you decided to stay home and I am sure your doctor would agree with you. You must take care of your self and your tummy. Stomach problems are painful. You made the right choice.


Love, your ''adopted'' mom,
Linda

Thanks, mother Linda!

 

[Harriet]

Date: 7/17/2008 1:40:14 AM
Author: snowflakeluvr
hi harriett,
bless your heart. i did not read fully your other topic but i emphathize completely as dh and i come from a group of wackos

i applaud your decision to take care of you(no one else will) and frankly, even if there was a little voice telling you it might get you back in good graces or get some points, those points are always forgotten over dysfunctional inlaws ''favorite'' adult children. after 21years of marriage(knowing dh and together for 26 yrs soon) i was always a great daughter-in-law, pretty good wifey to mil''s son, and try to be wonderful mom always to her five gorgeous grandchildren but when the proverbial you know what hit the fan, i was quickly dirt(through no fault of my own)
i am 44 and FINALLY, finally getting it-starting to take some time, energy and selflove for ME. i did it today-had mucho to do as we are moving out of state, but oldest college daughter took my 3 youngest back to school all week, my 18yr old went to king''s island with a group of friends and i shopped, lunched and lollygagged most of the day away. please take care of YOU. you are special and deserve to be well for your precious future hubby and your life together.
ps your ring is 2 die 4-i really heart it!

Hi snowflakeluvr

,
Thanks for sharing your experience. I''m glad that you''re finally taking time out to lollygag. Goodness knows you deserve it. Btw, are you talking about King''s Island, Australia?
P.S. I love my ring too.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 7/16/2008 10:43:52 PM
Author: Harriet
All,


Many thanks for your advice. I have decided NOT to go. I suffer from a stomach condition that is aggravated by stress. I saw my doctor today and he wasn''t happy about my lack of progress. Once again, thank you.

Hey, sweetie, I see that I am late to this thread, but I just wanted to say that I too have had a stomach condition that is aggrevated by stress and one of the worst things you could have done was travel and spend time with you in-laws (from what I have read of them). I am so happy you are going to stay home and take care of yourself before returning to work. Feel better soon!

 

[Brynn]

Good for you Harriet! Be well soon!!

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Hang in there Harriet.

I would go, but that's just my style. I have a tendency to bust my hump for others, regardless of my own personal situation. This is just one more short period of time that will be remembered by all parties for a long time to come.


Do what is right for you.

2¢

ETA: I see you're not going, just aswell...sorry I was late to the thread.

 

[Harriet]

Brynn,
Thanks for your wishes.

Gwen sweetie,
Thank care of yourself too.

IWPO,
You''re always coming/going to the rescue!

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Date: 7/17/2008 12:25:27 PM
Author: Harriet
Brynn,
Thanks for your wishes.

Gwen sweetie,
Thank care of yourself too.

IWPO,
You''re always coming/going to the rescue!

It in my nature I suppose!

 

[snowflakeluvr]

hee hee
unfortunately, king''s island, cincinnati, ohio USA.....a large amusement park with rockin coasters

keep the faith, girlie and feel better soon-stomach issues can paralyze your appetite and life...
ps i''ve had gastritis for about 14years-comes and goes. i have months where i feel "normal" and months where you think i''d just stop eating altogether(but i never do cuz i love my hershey''s chocolates too darn much)

 

[Harriet]

Date: 7/18/2008 12:20:47 AM
Author: snowflakeluvr
hee hee
unfortunately, king''s island, cincinnati, ohio USA.....a large amusement park with rockin coasters

keep the faith, girlie and feel better soon-stomach issues can paralyze your appetite and life...
ps i''ve had gastritis for about 14years-comes and goes. i have months where i feel ''normal'' and months where you think i''d just stop eating altogether(but i never do cuz i love my hershey''s chocolates too darn much)

You take care too. Eating chocolate is better than not eating at all, right?

 

[diamondfan]

Harriet, I do not want to beat that poor dead horse but...

someone else made the point that sort of underlies mine. I TRIED for years to do and be and perform for my in laws, in order to help out my hubby and take the high road. It did not matter. Those brownie points you think you are putting in the good will "bank" go out the window the minute you "slip" one time. Meaning, you could suck it up endlessly and then one thing occurs, you tell them you cannot have them come stay with you, or you upset them in any way, and BOOM, you are back to square one. I KNOW people like this Harriet, both from years of personal experience and grad school. Trust me when I say you can spend your whole marriage trying to do the right thing and not getting anywhere. You must decide with your hubby what the boundaries are. I am not advocating being nasty or snarky. Always be gracious if you can. Do not justify or over explain, keep it simple. They are likely, if they are of a certain mindset, to never "get" it. You will always be the outsider who changed their son. Once you know this, it helps. I tried so hard for so long and nothing was good enough. I finally stopped killing myself.

 

[Harriet]

You''re not beating that poor horse at all, but adding sound advice to sound advice.

 

[diamondfan]

just trying to spare you what I suffered through!

 

[Miranda]

Date: 7/17/2008 9:12:45 AM
Author: Harriet

Date: 7/17/2008 12:21:59 AM
Author: Miranda
I''m glad to hear it, Harriet! Well, not that your stomach isn''t healing. I think staying home is the right choice. And now that the Dr. has said it, who can argue? I do hope you get well soon. Stomach problems are no fun at all!

No, and please keep an eye on your GERD lest it degenerate.

You sound like my hubby. I tell him I''ll go to the Dr. when I vomit blood!

 

[Harriet]

DF,
Your advice is much appreciated.

Miranda,
Bad girl!

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Date: 7/18/2008 9:58:48 AM
Author: diamondfan
Harriet, I do not want to beat that poor dead horse but...

someone else made the point that sort of underlies mine. I TRIED for years to do and be and perform for my in laws, in order to help out my hubby and take the high road. It did not matter. Those brownie points you think you are putting in the good will ''bank'' go out the window the minute you ''slip'' one time. Meaning, you could suck it up endlessly and then one thing occurs, you tell them you cannot have them come stay with you, or you upset them in any way, and BOOM, you are back to square one. I KNOW people like this Harriet, both from years of personal experience and grad school. Trust me when I say you can spend your whole marriage trying to do the right thing and not getting anywhere. You must decide with your hubby what the boundaries are. I am not advocating being nasty or snarky. Always be gracious if you can. Do not justify or over explain, keep it simple. They are likely, if they are of a certain mindset, to never ''get'' it. You will always be the outsider who changed their son. Once you know this, it helps. I tried so hard for so long and nothing was good enough. I finally stopped killing myself.

I am sorry you had to go through this, I am in the same place and it is hard.
It is so hard for rational people to understand what it is like dealing with this situation because they don''t behave by any normal rules.
It isn''t about us, it is about them, plain and simple and until they change, nothing will.
Sorry, but misery loves company and it is nice to know I am not the only one in this situation.

 

[diamondfan]

Brazen, I am with you, you are NOT alone.

I had to learn and accept that they would NOT change. Simply put, they were never going to get it. And I stopped jumping through hoops because it made me sad and made me sick, and it did not make them any nicer.

 

[simplysplendid]

I''m glad to hear you are not going, I wouldn''t too if I am in your shoes.

And avoid coffee and chocolates if you have GERD!

 

[Harriet]

Brazen Irish Hussy,
I''m keeping you company.

simplysplendid,
Yes, ma''am.


Ugh. I still have next weekend to look forward to.

 

[Harriet]

Brazen Irish Hussy,
I'm keeping you company.

simplysplendid,
Yes, ma'am.
No chocolate?


Ugh. I still have next weekend to look forward to.

 

[diamondfan]

Harriet, I cannot believe your doctor did not tell you with GERD diet is key. I have it too, and have terrible symptoms. I am having an endoscopy next week. I do not follow the dietary guidelines either but...

NO chocolate, red wine, acidic food or caffeine. And definitely not on an empty stomach. I cough, get hoarse, feel nauseous, have terrible pain in the center of my rib cage...it is awful. It is not life threatening but left untreated can cause issues.