Including her in the ceremony.

[marymm]

Honestly, I would suggest just letting this whole thing go -- it is really not worth the negative energy to delve into the issue any further and confronting Betty will likely add fuel to the fire rather than somehow resolve the matter for you.

When I read in your first post that Betty ended up dropping out because "she couldn't afford it", I actually thought it might mean more than just finances... Just like you have posted that you have not felt as close with her and saw that she and your sister were much closer -- I think Betty sees the same things -- the reality is that she and your sister are closer, and you and Betty are not close.

Whether you see Betty and her parents spend money or not (and don't forget, they may not actually have the money, just mounting credit card debt), their choices are their own. In the larger scheme of things, why do you let this continue to bother you? What would you hope to gain by calling her on any of this? That somehow you two would be close? That just doesn't seem possible. More likely an enormous family drama that would include your mom and her sister would break out and further rupture family harmony.

As you have stated, you have other family members you are close with, and a wonderful husband and friends as well -- in your shoes I would treat Betty courteously when our paths crossed at family events but otherwise I would not seek her out. Just my 2 cents.

 

[charbie]

Honestly, I can't figure out why you're so hung up on this.
I get the fact that she's your cousin. Because she's "family" she is supposed to be your friend, tho? You're trying to develop a relationship with a woman who clearly doesn't care. Quit wasting your energy worrying about family who obviously doesn't hold you in the same regard and focus your energy instead on the people who care about you and show it.
She's made it pretty blatently obvious that you're not her priority, your feelings don't matter...by continuing to be hung up on this, you're only doing yourself a diservice.

Oh, I totally get it. She's hurt and it made an impression on her that's lingering. It's okay for her to feel however she wants in regards to this situation.

I know it sucks...but who cares? You had a great wedding without her, and her being involved vs. not being involved didn't make a lick of difference on your big day. It's easy to fixate on something that burns you, and overtime, after you've had countless conversations with yourself about the "why's" and "how's" you've made this into a BIG THING that needs a BIG resolution. But the point is, as Charbie pointed out, what's done is done--no confrontation is going undo that. Hanging yourself up over what wasn't isn't going to help you in the long run. And even if you did spell it out for her, it's highly unlikely that she's going to come back with tears in her eyes to apologize for being a letdown...so don't put any more expectations on her that she'll fail to meet.

I know you're hurt, I can tell by your postings that this irks you and that it's difficult for you to let this go...but you have to now. You'll never forget, but try to move past it for your own sake.

((hugs))

italia- you put this much more eloquently than i did. i reread my post, and i apologize it came off as harsh as it did. ive been burned by family before, so i guess i'm just a bit jaded and hate that i can see the hurt in your posts...hurt that based on the actions of your cousin wouldn't be appricated by her. im so sorry she has behaved this way- but there is no use making someone a priority who won't even make you an option.

 

[turboflgrl]

I admit, I didn't read every single response but here's my opinion from what you stated..

She says she can't afford to be the wedding... yes, she probably should've mentioned that from the get go. That said, I think if you want her in the wedding, you should assist her with paying for the dress. Otherwise, just leave it alone. I know I'm not in the majority here but I personally paid for all my bridesmaid's dresses because I really don't like the idea of asking someone to do ME the honor of being in my wedding and then throwing costs on them... it just sounds strange to me. But if you did that, you'd likely have to pay for the rest of them.

I also wouldn't feel obligated to include her in the ceremony unless you absolutely could not imagine your day without her included in that way.