Input From the Woman for the E-ring

[princessv]

Ok so I've been thinking about this alot recently mostly from some posts on here from a few that weren't happy with their ring and also that probably, the number 1 comment I get on my e-ring even before I reset it is "WoW your guy did good!!" as if he picked it out all by himself with NO input from me. I've also had many people ask me how he picked it out all by himself.

While I love him dearly, if he had proceeded with the first maul jewelers with his own choice...I would have ended up with a horribly cut, rectangular shaped princess.

(but luckily, he kind of felt conned and told me about it and asked for my input)

Also, I know that we PSers are way different from others out there. So my question is...in the non-PS world, do you think the majority out there actually get input from the girl? Or no? And why?

Yeah I'm the inquisitive one here.

 

[XChick03]

I get the same comments about mine and "wow, he picked out a gorgeous ring." They all laugh and just give me this knowing look when I tell them I picked it out.

I think its about 50-50 aside from PS. About half the women I know picked it out and the other half, the man did. But in some cases, the man at least had an idea of she wanted.

 

[qtiekiki]

Even on PS, there seems to be quite a few men who are picking/picked out ring without their gfs'' inputs. They seems to have a good idea of what their gfs like though. I think even outside of PS, there''s lots of gfs who are involved. At least that''s the case with our friends. I was not involved in the ering process, but that was pre-PS. I am thinking maybe 50/50 to 75/25 of involved gf vs surprised gf.

 

[littlelysser]

Hi V!

I have to say that in my opinion, the majority of men pick out the ring without much input from their future wives. I think a lot of it has to do with the old fashioned belief that they should surprise her with a proposal and a ring...and if you ask for input, she''ll know the proposal is coming...

And if my FI had picked my ring, it would have been an asscher from my dad''s guy...but it would not have been a halo and it wouldn''t have been my dream ring...luckily, my FI knew how important the ring was to me...so he pretty much gave me carte blanche when it came to the style...

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/27/2006 11:02:50 PM
Author: littlelysser
Hi V!

I have to say that in my opinion, the majority of men pick out the ring without much input from their future wives. I think a lot of it has to do with the old fashioned belief that they should surprise her with a proposal and a ring...and if you ask for input, she''ll know the proposal is coming...

And if my FI had picked my ring, it would have been an asscher from my dad''s guy...but it would not have been a halo and it wouldn''t have been my dream ring...luckily, my FI knew how important the ring was to me...so he pretty much gave me carte blanche when it came to the style...

men should never!!! try to surprise the girl with an E-ring

ask her what she likes, or else it will cost him more money along with a big headache.

 

[Cailet]

of the whole whopping 3 boys i know personally who went to get erings for their wives: 2 did it with no input from said wife (or girlfriend at the time).
1 did ask general questions about the girl''s preferences. 1 of the 2 that went it alone got help from his sister -- who actually has the complete opposite taste from his girlfriend. So the other 2 actually did pretty well (one got yellow gold instead of white gold but the gal has since warmed up to it) but the one who got the sister''s help hasn''t heard the end of it and they''ve been married for 3 years....

I''m hoping my guy lets me help

he''s asked the general questions so far and casually mentioned the window shopping. We haven''t done that yet so who knows?

 

[indecisive]

I would think that most couples have the guy pick the ring. I always hear "he picked it out himself" or "he picked it out especially for me" (who else would he have picked it out for?!?) when people just get engaged. My mom designed her own ring and I don''t see anything wrong with being involved!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/27/2006 11:41:26 PM
Author: indecisive
I would think that most couples have the guy pick the ring. I always hear ''he picked it out himself'' or ''he picked it out especially for me'' (who else would he have picked it out for?!?) when people just get engaged. My mom designed her own ring and I don''t see anything wrong with being involved!

the girl before his FI.??

it all depends on how many times he got rejected

 

[msdarlinjoy]

Date: 2/28/2006 12:14:04 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 2/27/2006 11:41:26 PM
Author: indecisive
I would think that most couples have the guy pick the ring. I always hear 'he picked it out himself' or 'he picked it out especially for me' (who else would he have picked it out for?!?) when people just get engaged. My mom designed her own ring and I don't see anything wrong with being involved!

the girl before his FI.??

it all depends on how many times he got rejected

This is hilarious!!! I'm laughing so hard I think my lip is going to split!!!

 

[pebbles]

In my own little corner of the universe, I seriously am the ONLY ONE that I know of that did not get asked AT ALL what I wanted.

I knew of a couple of family members that were surprised, where their fiance/husband picked out the ring, but they at least had the brains to ask other family members/friends what she wanted. Heck, my mother, and even my grandmother picked out their own e-rings!

I''m not bitter...can''t you tell?

 

[Caribou]

I gotten comments ranging from 'now that's a ring!' (his friend's fiancee' for 4 years, as she was pulling my arm to show him) to 'he must of broke the bank on that one' (my boss who really just needs to not talk) to 'does she knows it's not real, yet?' (this comment mostly from my Uncles)

and finally his mom saying 'well at least you won't ever have to upgrade'

My FI and I went and looked at rings together and although it is a decision we both decided on, I honestly didn't know what the end result would be. I think that I only have one friend whose husband (boyfriend at the time) didn't ask what she wanted. He at least went the 'safe' route and got her a round solitare. However, she did end up changing it for what she really wanted. My other friend's husband proposed without a ring. My MOH's husband, got ideas from her but they never actually went looking together but he got her exactly what she wanted.

Guys just really need to get some imput from some well advise family member or friend.

 

[monarch64]

I think I only know of two of my girlfriends who had a lot of input on their rings, but even their input wasn''t as extensive as some examples here on PS. One girl specified that she wanted a princess center with tapered baguettes on the sides, set in platinum, no input on cut quality, clarity, or color. The other went to Jared''s with her boyfriend after they had their baby and chose both of their rings together. She ended up with a princess three stone ring. I''ve never been bold enough to ask either of them any other stats re. the 4 C''s...I don''t know ANYONE else outside of PS (in my life) who cares about anything more than shape and size as far as diamonds. Well, maybe some do, but I wouldn''t know because I don''t ask!

 

[decodelighted]

I was at a baby shower this weekend ... with one other recently engaged girl & a couple married ring-lovers. The newly engaged girl had a 2 carat round platinum solitare and she couldn''t stop looking at it! One of the married gals had a 1.3-1.5 ish oval yellow gold set that she was talking about wanting to re-set in platinum. The 2ct gal was talking about a friend of hers that wanted to UPGRADE to a 2ct or maybe eventually 3ct and "NEG" (newly engaged girl) was MOCKING HER saying "It''s your WEDDING RINGS, aren''t you SENTIMENTAL? I mean REALLY?" -- but I got the feeling she just didn''t want her friend to compete with HER 2ct, much less EXCEED it down the road.

Then they got to me ... & my 1.5ct Asscher ... "Is that one of those Princesses? I''ve heard of that!" and "Hmmm. There are diamonds all over that ring. Is that Pave?"

I told them it was a "square emerald" and they looked confused and that was the end of it.

I heard later from my sister that the "NEG" didn''t have much input but that the guy has spent a TON on it. And that the Yellow Gold gal has been obsessing about re-setting for a while now, so she probably didn''t have much input -- other than, perhaps, picking OVAL? That seems bold for a guy to do ..

 

[GGLW]

I''m sure I''ve been spoiled by hanging out on PS, but I can''t imagine not having any input at all on my e-ring. This is the one piece of jewelry I''ll be wearing every day for the rest of my life, and I want to love looking at it every day.
Unfortunately I''m picky enough that I can''t just describe generally what I like since there are some things that are similar to eachother where I''d like one but not the other

....So for me it made the most sense to take my BF shopping and show him exactly what I love.
As far as my friends go, I think most of them have pointed their BFs in the right direction in terms of saying which color metal they''d prefer, the shape of the center stone, and then if they wanted side stones or not...
I know one of my friends had no input at all, but got a princess solitaire in platinum which was very tasteful and she loves it.
I haven''t heard any of my friends complain about their rings or talk about upgrading...I had never considered the idea of upgrading in the future until I found PS

 

[princessv]

Gah I wrote a long response and then the computer locked up!

Will try again later hehe. Thanks for all the respones!

 

[Odilia]

I know cases of each: no input, some input, totally chose it. Hard to say which is most common.
Most of the cases that come to mind, the woman at least had some input, and in many cases totally chose it.

 

[miyabi_na]

I know this doesn't really help to answer your question...

but personally I would like to be surprised. He can get help from my friends and family if he wanted to, but I wouldn't want him to come to me...it would just make me too impatient as I wait in anticipation for him to ask.

Plus, I've always had relationships with rather stylish guys...I'm sure whoever I end up with will do well by themselves

(or if I'm lucky enough to be "the one" for my bf, then I know I have no worries

(and I'd be the happiest woman ever!))

 

[movie zombie]

after reading the stories on pricescope from disappointed women regarding all types of situations [from ''i wanted to be surprised'' to ''i gave input but i didn''t get what i wanted'' and even ''i''ve got the ring but i''ve changed my mind as to what i want''] there is no earthly way that if i were man i''d put $$$ on a ring unless my intended was right there with me and said ''this is the ring i want and i will wear it for at least 5 years because i love it so much''.

we women want what we want but we also desire the romantic surprise as well. the two often don''t mix well........ i give most men credit for even trying.

another female that is hard to please and prone to changing her mind until i find what it is i want exactly,

movie zombie

 

[Julian]

I was definitely surprised, even though I knew I''d be getting a RB. I had never seen the stone before and the proposal was a big surprise, too.

6 months earlier, we had shopped around a few times to get an idea of what looked good on my hand. He knew the carat size I preferred and the setting I wanted. Then he went undercover for a few months!

Some girls like to have the guy do everything and some like to have input. The most important thing is that the man knows which type of woman you are so you are both happy in the end! Communication is key.

Let''s face it, guys just want to make us happy. So it helps to tell them what will make us dance around and sing. Happy wives = happier husbands, ladies!!!

 

[AmberWaves]

Date: 2/27/2006 11:26:06 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

style="WIDTH: 99%; HEIGHT: 16px">

men should never!!! try to surprise the girl with an E-ring

ask her what she likes, or else it will cost him more money along with a big headache.

DF, will you marry me??? Anyway, I picked out my setting, and I''m picking out my stone. Liike he told me this weekend, "If you left it up to me, I would have bought you an 800.00 dollar ring I found at the mall, isn''t this better?" When I asked him why he didn''t just do it earlier and surprise me.. So, heck yes, I am choosing my own ring. I know I won''t ever want to exchange it!

 

[blabla]

My bf and I looked at rings at a number of stores. I gave him a general idea of what I like (wg vs yg, round vs princess etc)
Because i tried some rings on, he has an idea of what they look like on my fingers.
So now its up to him to pick out the ring. This is as far as my input goes.

 

[Odilia]

{{{{{after reading the stories on pricescope from disappointed women regarding all types of situations [from ''i wanted to be surprised'' to ''i gave input but i didn''t get what i wanted'' and even ''i''ve got the ring but i''ve changed my mind as to what i want''] there is no earthly way that if i were man i''d put $$$ on a ring unless my intended was right there with me and said ''this is the ring i want and i will wear it for at least 5 years because i love it so much''. we women want what we want but we also desire the romantic surprise as well. the two often don''t mix well........ i give most men credit for even trying. }}}}}}

MZ, I agree with most of this; there are different situations. I think if the guy wants to try for the surprise, one way is to make sure the ring is totally returnable, or another is to propose with something else, like a necklace. (I know a couple where the man proposed with a miraculous medal necklace; she actually took the necklace but said no!

They''re married now, and of course she got to pick her rings.) That way she can keep that for sentimental reasons, but get the ring she wants. I know some girls wouldn''t like that either. sigh. Also, I''ve heard the comment even about the wedding, "It''s your day so it should be just what you want." And so often I thought, well, that would be fine and dandy if I knew what I want, and - was able to find it for sale.....

I too could sign off as
"another female that is hard to please and prone to changing her mind until i find what it is i want exactly"

 

[marvel]

My b/f looked at a few stones and rings with me, but stuff like that bores him to tears. I''m also pretty picky, so the ring and setting was more important to me then it probably was to him. He set a generous budget, then me and the jeweler worked on finding the right stone and designing the setting. When people see my ring and make comments like ''wow, he did a great job'', I either just smile, or say something like ''he set a generous budget''. Sometimes I go into more detail, sometimes I don''t. It doesn''t really bother me if they think he did all the work.

 

[cymbrie]

I think FI would have liked to have surprised me, but I tend to be very picky and he has basically given me the budget and let me loose to find/design exactly what I want. The proposal on the beach was a surprise with my wedding band but he decided to let me choose the ering. I have been researching for 6+ mos now and am currently working with a PS vendor. I think we will be able to get much more for our $ and much better quality so I think he is happy about that. This AM for example I was sent a list of candidate stones one 63% depth the others 67% he did not completely understand at first how that would change the appearance of the stone significantly. I think the fact is I have a fascination (possibly obsession LOL) with gems and his interests lie elsewhere. He will likely have a say in the final decision but I will have significantly narrowed the field. Honestly, I think it depends on the person. Some women couldn''t care less about the ring, some don''t even wear one my sis for example wears her wband, but her ering sits in a box in their closet. Some women HATE the ring their beloved surprised them with. I think it''s most important that you KNOW your mate. For example my FI is a lefty guitar nut. He has many custom made because the selection for lefties is quite limited. If I were to build him a custom piece I would CERTAINLY ask his input before plunking down thousands of dollars on something he may or may not like. I might call his luthier and see if he had specs on something in process and finish that ahead of time to surprise him but that would be it.

 

[princessv]

Blah so I had a really long response typed out earlier but it got erased by my dumb computer.

I wonder if some people think its a total faux pas to have the girl basically pick out the entire ring.

I''m interested in this subject because had my guy been less adamant that he pick out the setting (that and my WG allergy) maybe we could have gone plat the first time and saved some $$$.

I don''t really mind that people think he did all the work, in fact I kind of think its funny most people make the assumption when looking at my ring.

DF: You crack me up with your comments!

pebbles: I hope you grew to love your ring or upgraded!

miyabi_na: I''m glad you have faith in your guy to pick out a nice ring. I wish I had that much faith in mine.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/28/2006 2:40:58 PM
Author: AmberWaves

Date: 2/27/2006 11:26:06 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

style="WIDTH: 99%; HEIGHT: 16px">

men should never!!! try to surprise the girl with an E-ring

ask her what she likes, or else it will cost him more money along with a big headache.

DF, will you marry me??? Anyway, I picked out my setting, and I''m picking out my stone. Liike he told me this weekend, ''If you left it up to me, I would have bought you an 800.00 dollar ring I found at the mall, isn''t this better?'' When I asked him why he didn''t just do it earlier and surprise me.. So, heck yes, I am choosing my own ring. I know I won''t ever want to exchange it!

AW
there''s your chance. take him to the CLEANERS!!!

 

[midgirl]

I like being involved but do I think the majority of women are involved, certainly not...

the majority? I mean maybe it is because I am from the midwest but I don''t know a single person (xcept psers) who have had any input. I know there are quite a few that are involved but not a majority.

 

[pebbles]

Date: 2/28/2006 7:26:35 PM
Author: Princess V
Blah so I had a really long response typed out earlier but it got erased by my dumb computer.

I wonder if some people think its a total faux pas to have the girl basically pick out the entire ring.

I'm interested in this subject because had my guy been less adamant that he pick out the setting (that and my WG allergy) maybe we could have gone plat the first time and saved some $$$.

I don't really mind that people think he did all the work, in fact I kind of think its funny most people make the assumption when looking at my ring.

DF: You crack me up with your comments!

pebbles: I hope you grew to love your ring or upgraded!

miyabi_na: I'm glad you have faith in your guy to pick out a nice ring. I wish I had that much faith in mine.

That's my husband -- he thinks the gal should not be involved at all in picking out their engagement ring. He also thinks the proposal should be a surprise, hense, why I had no input at all in my ring.

I'm still trying to figure out what century he is living in. Heck even HIS own mother and sister picked out their e-rings too!

I couldn't grow to love my ring, in part because, long story short, he didn't even pick it out himself. I got an upgrade last year but I hardly wear it b/c my husband makes me feel so guilty about changing my original e-ring. I believe the only reason he let me get a new ring was so I would stop bothering him about it. I constantly hear how many other ways we could have spent the money (and it's not like my ring is huge - the center is 1ct). I am seriously considering selling it.

 

[coda72]

I think in most cases that the man still picks out the ring. One couple I know went to look at rings together, but he picked out the ring on his own. Another couple I know picked out her $500 ring from Sears together. (Sorry if that sounds catty. I don''t care if your budget is only $500, but don''t get a ring from Sears!) One other couple I think the man totally picked out the ring at a local jeweler with no input from her.
As far as me, I said to my now husband, this is the ring I like, what''s your credit card number? He had no interest in picking out a ring for me, he left that all to me. At first I was a little upset, but then after I thought about it, it''s just as well. He would never have picked out what I like.

 

[aljdewey]

Pebbles, did you used to go by a different user name? Perchance, did you get a .55 J and then a .72 J and then a 1.04 stone?