Input From the Woman for the E-ring

[pebbles]

Date: 3/1/2006 7:14:41 PM
Author: aljdewey
Pebbles, did you used to go by a different user name? Perchance, did you get a .55 J and then a .72 J and then a 1.04 stone?

Maybe.

I did mention it to you a long time ago when PMs were still around. Yes, I did upgrade twice within a couple of months, but that doesn't change the fact my husband is still unhappy I changed my original e-ring.

ETA: Sorry, this is a sensitive topic for me, and I never should have put in my $.02. It just sometimes hits a nerve with me.

 

[pebbles]

Sorry, I didn''t mean to sound like an ungrateful brat in my previous posts. PMS can really make me loopy.

I obviously think the woman should have some sort of input on their ring. Some women are fine saying this is the shape center I want and let their boyfriend pick out the rest; others want complete say in their ring.

The equivalent to an e-ring for my husband would probably be a car (at least for wanting input on something). I can''t imagine a guy that would not have a say on a car. If I went out and bought a car for my husband without his imput, you can be we would be driving right back to the dealer after he thanked me.

I also don''t know of any guys who let their girlfriends pick out their wedding band. When my husband and I were looking for bands, I did the scoping first and thought of several different styles that I thought he would like. When we actually went together, he picked out something completely different to my surprise. If guys can have a say in their w-bands, I don''t see why women shouldn''t have a say in their e-rings.

 

[anchor31]

My father proposed sans ring and then my parents went to by the engagement ring and their wedding rings together. My mother thinks women should have a say in a piece of jewelry that is so significant and that they will wear for the rest of their lives, and she was pleased to learn that I am picking out my own too.

I noticed that picking my own ring doesn''t seem to be what people around me are most puzzled about, it''s more the fact that J and I are openly discussing the engagement and that I know it''ll happen before the New Year. "Isn''t it supposed to be a surprise? Isn''t it like you''re already engaged?" It''s still going to be a surprise, I don''t know how/where/when it''ll happen! And no, it''s not like we''re already engaged. He hasn''t proposed, and we are not engaged. When you talk about getting married, it''s not like your already married, is it? When you''re talking about buying a car, it''s not like you already have it, right? We''re both very happy to be doing this together because it''s so liberating to be talking about this completely openly and we''re both happy and excited. It''s such a great time in our relationship, I think we both prefer this to the sneaking around and the possiblity of ending up disappointed. We wouldn''t have it any other way.

 

[lmurden]

My fiancé and I discussed what kind of engagement ring that I should get. He was leaning towards the very traditional round solitaire .75-1.0 carat ring. He knew that I would do the research for the quality of the diamond so there was not discussion about that. Once I found pricescope I learned more about diamonds and educated him. After I had my ring and he was in Iraq I fell very hard for the micro pave melees on the side of the band, then the halos, and then matching wedding sets. When he came back he was gracious enough to agree to a new setting and said that this new ring/setting would be my official engagement ring. When people see my ring they don''t say that he did well instead they say "Wow, he really love you!".

No matter what I would almost always insist on being involved in any jewelry that I get because I am very picky and would hate to get something that I didn''t like. In the long run the girl should be honest with her fiancé if she doesn''t like the ring so that he can return or exchange the ring within the return period so that there won''t be any money lost.

 

[squarediamondlove]

Pebbles you make a great point with guys and cars and also with guys and their wedding bands. My FI also doesn't like the bands I picked out for him. Pebbles I'm sorry for your experience and I'm sorry that your husband makes you feel guilty about your upgrade. I don't think guys realize just how important e-rings are to some girls.

I gave no imput either to my FI and was completely shocked when he gave me the ring. He did however know I wanted to go square and not round. He was originally looking for radiants b/c it was his favorite but then he heard me say in passing that I definately would not want a radiant but a princess. So he then switched his search and looked for princess cuts.

I knew before he proposed that he wanted to pick out the ring and, if I wanted, we could go to stores so I can tell him what I liked but that was all. I was completely freaked out by the idea, especiall when I found out that he was going to only spend 3,000-5,000 and he wanted the best quality as far as color and clarity goes. That would leave me with a 0.9ct stone and I didn't like the way small diamonds looked on my hand, especially princess cuts b/c they look small for the weight. And the worst part was that he is completely against upgrades and he was going to get offended if I didn't love it. Thankfully, he only said those things b/c he wanted me to be completely shocked when I saw it, rather than already expecting a 2ct. Well he more than met my expectations and I am absolutely in love with my ring, even after shrinkage set in.

I can't believe he picked out a ring that is totally ME

. He was reasonable in the sense that he allowed me to change my setting if I wanted to just b/c he didn't have time to get what he really wanted (a custom made setting). But I have had the most difficult time looking for settings b/c this one fits me so well. Ok I'm rambling on...

To answer Princess V's question, I do think guys look for imput form their girlfriends about the ring that they want. Everyone of my friends have given imput in one way or the other (some more and some less). I think it is simply inconsiderate and insensitive for a guy to get a ring, not know anything about what his girlfriend likes, and expect her to absolutely love it and demand that she never upgrade, just so they can satisfy themselves by making it a surprise. Guys that want it to be a complete surprise should accept the fact that their gf may not like it and they may have to change it at some point.

 

[pebbles]

Date: 3/29/2006 3:03:18 PM
Author: Kaleidoscopic
Pebbles you make a great point with guys and cars and also with guys and their wedding bands. My FI also doesn''t like the bands I picked out for him. Pebbles I''m sorry for your experience and I''m sorry that your husband makes you feel guilty about your upgrade. I don''t think guys realize just how important e-rings are to some girls.

I gave no imput either to my FI and was completely shocked when he gave me the ring. He did however know I wanted to go square and not round. He was originally looking for radiants b/c it was his favorite but then he heard me say in passing that I definately would not want a radiant but a princess. So he then switched his search and looked for princess cuts.

I knew before he proposed that he wanted to pick out the ring and, if I wanted, we could go to stores so I can tell him what I liked but that was all. I was completely freaked out by the idea, especiall when I found out that he was going to only spend 3,000-5,000 and he wanted the best quality as far as color and clarity goes. That would leave me with a 0.9ct stone and I didn''t like the way small diamonds looked on my hand, especially princess cuts b/c they look small for the weight. And the worst part was that he is completely against upgrades and he was going to get offended if I didn''t love it. Thankfully, he only said those things b/c he wanted me to be completely shocked when I saw it, rather than already expecting a 2ct. Well he more than met my expectations and I am absolutely in love with my ring, even after shrinkage set in.

I can''t believe he picked out a ring that is totally ME

. He was reasonable in the sense that he allowed me to change my setting if I wanted to just b/c he didn''t have time to get what he really wanted (a custom made setting). But I have had the most difficult time looking for settings b/c this one fits me so well. Ok I''m rambling on...

To answer Princess V''s question, I do think guys look for imput form their girlfriends about the ring that they want. Everyone of my friends have given imput in one way or the other (some more and some less). I think it is simply inconsiderate and insensitive for a guy to get a ring, not know anything about what his girlfriend likes, and expect her to absolutely love it and demand that she never upgrade, just so they can satisfy themselves by making it a surprise. Guys that want it to be a complete surprise should accept the fact that their gf may not like it and they may have to change it at some point.

Thanks for the support.

We just recently talked about the whole "upgrade" (which I don''t really consider it; I just got my own ring) and even though he doesn''t completely "get it", he is at least willing to go along with it and won''t give me any more grief.

He does appreciate the fact that I wanted something to represent US and not just HIM.

 

[Miranda]

My DH picked out the stone and ring by himself...He had no idea whether I would marry him or not! He picked a .63 pear, which was at the time gigantic to me. It was the beginning of diamond whoreness for me. I thought "Of course I''ll marry him - he got a .63 and I was expecting a .25!" Just kidding...I adore my sweet hubby and he knows that he''s worth more than diamonds to me! I love my stone and now have it set in an earring that I wear in the left ear. I don''t ever wish I was involved in the process. It was a purely romantic, magical moment for us.

To answer the question...About 50% of my friends picked out or made their rings before they''re engaged. I''d say the other 50% has been stone/size shopping before the engagement and the girlfriend has gotten what she desired. I think the general consensus among the posters is...A happy wife is a happy hubby!

 

[pinkflamingo]

even my mom was like, Wow, Aaron(DH) did a great job picking out a ring. I told her many times that I did most of the work. I was kind of miffed, but whatever.

 

[Honeyfly]

Geez.... I would be stuck with a CZ if my darling boy had his way (he thinks I can''t tell the difference

)

So I am doing all the hard work researching yada yada yada, trying to educate him along the way, I want a nice freakin'' ring to wear for the rest of my life, and to hand down to my grandkids or whatever (sheesh, scary thought)