Interracial relationships?

[CdnBlingGal]

Date: 1/19/2006 4:09:25 PM
Author: sunkist
I wish I had time to respond here now, unfortunately I have to work, so maybe later. But Albi when I read your posts in this thread it sounds almost exactly like my story!!

Now I''m curious about another question. My BF is Chinese, with of course dark coloring, and I am white, with blond curly hair and blue eyes. I am so curious as to what our children will look like!! Whenever I see Asian/White couples I stare at their kids and try to get peaks of their babies!

Does anyone else w/o kids, or even before you had kids, do this??

We do it too!

Now that we''re trying to start a family, it''s gotten worse.

It''s funny, my DH says we''re going to have bananas. Yellow on the outside, white in the inside.

 

[sunkist]

Date: 1/19/2006 9:48:33 PM
Author: CdnBlingGal

Date: 1/19/2006 4:09:25 PM

It''s funny, my DH says we''re going to have bananas. Yellow on the outside, white in the inside.

Heehee! That''s cute

When you said that I pictured in my head those little tiny baby bananas you can buy at the grocery store that taste sooo good

 

[CdnBlingGal]

LMAO!!!

They are sooo cute. I''m not sure I can eat bananas anymore. I''ll be eating my children.. Eeewwww!!

 

[clammer]

Ok I’m veering off a little bit here. Both my dh and I are Caucasian so no issues there. My dh got transferred to China and has been living there for about a year (I am moving in a couple months, but have visited a few times) I think the hardest thing for him is to fit into a culture when you have no idea what the culture is. They sent him for a one week training course for cultural immersion, but seriously like that is enough.

It’s amazing the little things that we do everyday and just assume that’s how it is, but over there they have their own habits, ideas, beliefs. It has definitely been an interesting and fun learning experience for both of us.

The funniest thing is when I go to visit and the little kids will whisper and point at me. At first I was checking my zipper to see if it was down, wondering if I had food in my teeth, but then I realized that to them I’m just funny looking. I can’t imagine if I had blond hair and blue eyes.

 

[Sparkster]

Date: 1/19/2006 10:52:06 PM
Author: clammer
Ok I’m veering off a little bit here. Both my dh and I are Caucasian so no issues there. My dh got transferred to China and has been living there for about a year (I am moving in a couple months, but have visited a few times) I think the hardest thing for him is to fit into a culture when you have no idea what the culture is. They sent him for a one week training course for cultural immersion, but seriously like that is enough.

It’s amazing the little things that we do everyday and just assume that’s how it is, but over there they have their own habits, ideas, beliefs. It has definitely been an interesting and fun learning experience for both of us.

The funniest thing is when I go to visit and the little kids will whisper and point at me. At first I was checking my zipper to see if it was down, wondering if I had food in my teeth, but then I realized that to them I’m just funny looking. I can’t imagine if I had blond hair and blue eyes.

I visited China in 1990 for the first time with my mum and sister (mum was born there). I''m australian born chinese and speak cantonese with an australian accent. All my extended family live in rural villages and we were a huge novelty when we arrived there. They are fascinated with anything different.

 

[MrsFrk]

My husband is a white boy, I am 1st generation Chinese American.
We live in the Bay Area, and there are many couples like us (also the opposite, Chinese man/white woman), so it''s not an issue.

Really the only comments I''ve ever gotten are from old Chinese ladies- "How your mom feel, you marry gwai lo (a not terribly positive term for a white person)?!?!"

We have so many friends who have mixed race children....I call them "mixies", and they are hands down the most gorgeous children on earth. Asian/white, black/white, Viet/black (now THAT produces some stunning kids!).

What''s funny is that there is so much diversity here regarding kids- mixed race children, lots of adoption, lots of multiples (twins, triplets). I personally know white couples who have adopted from Ethiopia, Guatemala, Chile, China, Russia. I am a nanny, and one of my darlings is an adorable strawberry blonde 5 month old. He is super fair, and obviously WHITE. In the interest of not possibly offending, people never assume I am the nanny- they always assume I (100% Asian) am his mom and go from there.

 

[kaylagee]

Date: 1/20/2006 2:28:41 AM
Author: MrsFrk
... In the interest of not possibly offending, people never assume I am the nanny- they always assume I (100% Asian) am his mom and go from there.

LOL! I say ''mixie'' too!

It can be weird though: I''ve actually been asked several times if my children are mine/if i''m babysitting?!!! To be fair, I think they got an extra dose of my barely-noticeable euro genes or something but *still*.

I was very upset at first but now it''s sort of a joke.

It only happens when my husband is not with us. ***

Some of the most beautiful mixed kids I''ve seen were a comb. of Indian(''south asian'' indian) and African. Some Carribean people have a similar look(a bit like Chili from TLC, Tatiana Ali from the Fresh Prince sitcom, or Diana King).

 

[MrsFrk]

About 7 years ago, I took care of a little boy whose mom is white, dad is black.
People back then always just assumed I was the babysitter.
We do live in a really diverse area (N. CA), nowadays at least. Inter-racial adoption has really skyrocketed here, so you can't assume anything. I imagine it would be different if we lived in the Midwest.

My friend Kim's husband is white, she is black. Those euro genes (LOL) and African-American history being what it is, her son has hazel eyes and blonde hair. She has had people flat out refuse to believe she is his mom too. It used to drive her to tears, now that he talks, it's not so much an issue. Her daughter is much darker than her son, and people often say to her "oh, he's your step brother?!?". Ugh, I can't believe how rude people are sometimes. People used to ask me about Brian (the aforementioned child I took care of) "What IS he?!" Depending on my mood, I would say, "a baby", "a homo sapien" or "what a rude, rude question".

 

[Dancing Fire]

25-30 yrs ago, for a chinese girl to marry any other race (especially black) it would of been an embarrassment to the girl''s parents,they would try to hide it from their friends.nowadays, i don''t think is such a big deal.

 

[AGBF]

Date: 1/20/2006 2:28:41 AM
Author: MrsFrk

We have so many friends who have mixed race children....

...​

there is so much diversity here regarding kids- mixed race children, lots of adoption, lots of multiples (twins, triplets). I personally know white couples who have adopted from Ethiopia, Guatemala, Chile, China, Russia.

This thread reminded me of the "Time" magazine cover a few years ago showing the face of the future.

root">

 

[AGBF]

Here is a link to a website that shows the cover:

Time Cover

 

[AGBF]

This may not come out very well, but it is an attempt to show the cover more clearly.

 

[glaucomflecken]

Date: 1/19/2006 9:22:15 PM
Author: icefisher
I am a Michigan grad, and my wife likes Ohio State.

LOL! I lived outside of Toledo for a few years so I TOTALLY get that!

I find everyone's stories fascinating. Although my DH and I are both Caucasian, I have dated several guys outside my race in the past and found the experience to be interesting and intriguing (and then in my case, heartbreaking when we broke up). I have dated a Chinese, Korean and a few Mexican guys, this all being in Chicago. I find it fascinating too that so many of the girls posting here who are caucasian have such wonderful relationships with their Asian boyfriend and their families, because this was not my experience at all. Most of my friends in school were Asian and I was the only "white girl" in the group (ha, they used to joke that it was ok for me to hang with them since I was cauc-ASIAN LOL) and many of them would tell me that it is very uncommon for asian men to date white women and much more common for white men to date asian girls, and that I should not expect any long term commitments from these guys. It definitely hurt me, because I really liked them and thought, is it true? am I wasting my time?

Turns out in my case, both times it was. With those two guys, I had such a great friendship with them and a great relationship, and it really never phased me about being a "mixed" couple. But as time went on and things got more serious, and I wanted more commitment, both told me that their families would never accept me (their families lived in other states so i had never met any of them) and they couldnt go on with me.

On the other hand, i found it MUCH more acceptable and it was even encouraged in the Mexican families for their sons to date a "white girl". Those relationships ended because the guys were jerks, though

Still, the most difficult "intercultural" relationship I have ever had was with the guy I dated before my husband. He was from a very small town in the south and went out of his way to play up the "redneck" stereotype (no offense to any one from the South, this is just how my ex tried to portray himself) I am born and bred Chicago girl to the core. He was 100% white but it was more difficult to try and assimilate our "cultures" more than any interracial relationship I was ever in. Even his slang was different! Needless to say, that didnt last long.



Thanks to everyone for sharing their stories!

 

[fire&ice]

Date: 1/19/2006 4:04:20 PM
Author: lmurden

Date: 1/19/2006 3:58:10 PM
Author: AmandaPanda

Date: 1/19/2006 3:44:37 PM
Author: rainbowtrout
oh, I forgot.

Our single biggest issue is whether or not he can deal with me celebrating Christmas every year...


He has very big issues with the holiday, partly from growing up Jewish in Alabama. I was always raised with it as a secular family holiday, but it still hurts not to to anything on Dec 25. I''ve talked him into a tree but he still feels resentful about the whole idea of Christmas in his home. I said that if I was basically doing every single Jewish holiday, fasting at Pesach, then what was a christmas tree and a secular holiday with perhaps a brunch and one gift?

We''ll see, I am sure after a few years we will blend the holiday tradition into something that works for us.

FYI -- you don''t fast at Pesach.

That''s when don''t eat levened bread and have a huge feast!

I am Jewish and my bf is half, but doesn''t really relate to any religion. I personally would be extremely upset if we had a Christmas Tree. The way I feel is that if you walk outside, it''s Christmas, Christmas, Christmas (which is very nice, don''t get me wrong), so my house should reflect my religion. No tree. No Chanukkah bush.

You might want to got to a synagogue and see a Rabbi about converting, even if you''re not going to do it. He/she might have some interesting things to say.

Why should she convert? What''s wrong with her the way she is? She has already made a compromise by agreeing to raise the kids Jewish so what more do you want?

Wow! I''m on the first page & already drawn into the diversity of the group. Very interesting.

Someone may have answered this in another page - but one thing different in this case is that the mother is the one that determines the birth religion. So, it takes on a different meaning to many.

 

[IndiBlue]

miyabi_na:
Thanks for the kind words! Yes, after 5 years we do live together- although his family doesn''t know- it would be a huge deal if they did so we just don''t mention it and they just don''t come over that often.

I''ve often wondered if when I have children that people will assume that I am not their mother. My boyfriend is fairly dark brown with jet back fine curly hair, drk brown eyes and I have a fairly tan complexion with brownish redish (but dyed blondish) hair and light brown eyes. My assumption is that they will deffinately look more like their father then me.

For those of you that have mixed children- what advice could you give? Any thoughts that stick out through your experience?

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Date: 1/20/2006 9:29:36 AM
Author: fire&ice

Date: 1/19/2006 4:04:20 PM
Author: lmurden

Date: 1/19/2006 3:58:10 PM
Author: AmandaPanda

Date: 1/19/2006 3:44:37 PM
Author: rainbowtrout
oh, I forgot.

Our single biggest issue is whether or not he can deal with me celebrating Christmas every year...


He has very big issues with the holiday, partly from growing up Jewish in Alabama. I was always raised with it as a secular family holiday, but it still hurts not to to anything on Dec 25. I''ve talked him into a tree but he still feels resentful about the whole idea of Christmas in his home. I said that if I was basically doing every single Jewish holiday, fasting at Pesach, then what was a christmas tree and a secular holiday with perhaps a brunch and one gift?

We''ll see, I am sure after a few years we will blend the holiday tradition into something that works for us.

FYI -- you don''t fast at Pesach.

That''s when don''t eat levened bread and have a huge feast!

I am Jewish and my bf is half, but doesn''t really relate to any religion. I personally would be extremely upset if we had a Christmas Tree. The way I feel is that if you walk outside, it''s Christmas, Christmas, Christmas (which is very nice, don''t get me wrong), so my house should reflect my religion. No tree. No Chanukkah bush.

You might want to got to a synagogue and see a Rabbi about converting, even if you''re not going to do it. He/she might have some interesting things to say.

Why should she convert? What''s wrong with her the way she is? She has already made a compromise by agreeing to raise the kids Jewish so what more do you want?

Wow! I''m on the first page & already drawn into the diversity of the group. Very interesting.

Someone may have answered this in another page - but one thing different in this case is that the mother is the one that determines the birth religion. So, it takes on a different meaning to many.

What happens when the mother is not Jewish and doesn''t convert? Are the kids considered the religion of the mother then?

 

[lmurden]

Date: 1/20/2006 9:29:36 AM
Author: fire&ice

Date: 1/19/2006 4:04:20 PM
Author: lmurden

Date: 1/19/2006 3:58:10 PM
Author: AmandaPanda

Date: 1/19/2006 3:44:37 PM
Author: rainbowtrout
oh, I forgot.

Our single biggest issue is whether or not he can deal with me celebrating Christmas every year...


He has very big issues with the holiday, partly from growing up Jewish in Alabama. I was always raised with it as a secular family holiday, but it still hurts not to to anything on Dec 25. I''ve talked him into a tree but he still feels resentful about the whole idea of Christmas in his home. I said that if I was basically doing every single Jewish holiday, fasting at Pesach, then what was a christmas tree and a secular holiday with perhaps a brunch and one gift?

We''ll see, I am sure after a few years we will blend the holiday tradition into something that works for us.

FYI -- you don''t fast at Pesach.

That''s when don''t eat levened bread and have a huge feast!

I am Jewish and my bf is half, but doesn''t really relate to any religion. I personally would be extremely upset if we had a Christmas Tree. The way I feel is that if you walk outside, it''s Christmas, Christmas, Christmas (which is very nice, don''t get me wrong), so my house should reflect my religion. No tree. No Chanukkah bush.

You might want to got to a synagogue and see a Rabbi about converting, even if you''re not going to do it. He/she might have some interesting things to say.

Why should she convert? What''s wrong with her the way she is? She has already made a compromise by agreeing to raise the kids Jewish so what more do you want?

Wow! I''m on the first page & already drawn into the diversity of the group. Very interesting.

Someone may have answered this in another page - but one thing different in this case is that the mother is the one that determines the birth religion. So, it takes on a different meaning to many.

Who says the mother determines the birth religion?

 

[AGBF]

Date: 1/20/2006 9:29:36 AM
Author: fire&ice
Someone may have answered this in another page - but one thing different in this case is that the mother is the one that determines the birth religion. So, it takes on a different meaning to many.

I am not sure if you are referring to all religions or only to Jews here. In Judaism, the mother determines the child's religion because in Judaism one can be "born" a Jew. In Catholicism, religion is determined by baptism and other sacraments, not by birth. No one can be "born" a Catholic. Interestingly (at least to me), one can be a "birthright Quaker" (member of the Society of Friends) if both of one's parents are/were Quakers.

Deborah

 

[AGBF]

Date: 1/19/2006 9:22:15 PM
Author: icefisher
I am a Michigan grad, and my wife likes Ohio State.

Are you sure your marriage is legal?

Deb, highly appreciative

 

[AGBF]

Date: 1/20/2006 9:43:36 AM
Author: Logan Sapphire
What happens when the mother is not Jewish and doesn''t convert? Are the kids considered the religion of the mother then?

In Judaism, the children are the religion of their mother. If she was not born a Jew and has not converted to Judaism, they are not Jewish. They may, of course, convert to Judaism themselves at some point. Do not ask me when. I am afraid I am not a Talmudic scholar! (But I would guess at age 13, when they are adults according to Jewish tradition.)

Deborah

 

[PaulaW]

I LOVE this thread! It is so interesting! My hubby and I are an interracial couple as well, he''s black (family is from Jamaica), I''m white (1/2 Greek, 1/2 mutt of German, English, Irish). Our cultures aren''t that different other than his mom is Jehova''s Witness so celebrations of anything don''t happen on his side. It''s kind of worked out nicely since my family is over the top and we get to spend virtually every holiday with them with a small stop over to say "hi" to his.
I will say that this has been a long, painful uphill battle. I''ve been with Bry for 11 years now, married for a little over a year and for the first 5 years or so, I basically hid him. I started dating him and once my parents found out, they absolutely freaked. I was 18 and was told either to break up with him or marry him and get the heck out. I had only been dating him for 6 months or so and was no where near marriage and thought the choice was ridiculous but broke up with him anyway. That lasted about a 2 days since we were both so miserable we couldn''t function. So I began lying about it which spiraled out of control. I got really good at it and our friends were behind us making it easy - well, that and I think my parents just turned a blind eye as well.
Fast forward to 2000 and my mom very suddenly passed away from a brain aneurysm at 55. It completely shocked my family and devastated my father. He''s a manic depressive and an alchoholic so that really sent him off the edge. I''m an only child so you can imagine where the burden fell. Anyway, Bry and his family came out in full force to the wake and funeral so my family basically was aware of the situation from there. I''d had enough at this point and was sick of hiding my now very serious boyfriend. They knew they faced a decision of losing me or accepting it and they chose wisely! Now they all adore him and are very, very ashamed and remorseful over their behaviour. It still amazes me at how well he fits in and how much he''s loved. He''s truly amazing because he holds no grudges or anything against them. I can only hope to have half as much maturity and dignity as he does.
Whew... sorry for the long windedness!!

 

[rainbowtrout]

Date: 1/20/2006 9:57:51 AM
Author: AGBF

Date: 1/20/2006 9:43:36 AM

Author: Logan Sapphire

What happens when the mother is not Jewish and doesn''t convert? Are the kids considered the religion of the mother then?

In Judaism, the children are the religion of their mother. If she was not born a Jew and has not converted to Judaism, they are not Jewish. They may, of course, convert to Judaism themselves at some point. Do not ask me when. I am afraid I am not a Talmudic scholar! (But I would guess at age 13, when they are adults according to Jewish tradition.)


Deborah

Yeah, that''s it. Actually I have thought it''s a bit much to ask of a kid, preparing for a bar mitzvah AND a conversion ceremony!

 

[ammayernyc]

Date: 1/20/2006 9:57:51 AM
Author: AGBF

Date: 1/20/2006 9:43:36 AM
Author: Logan Sapphire
What happens when the mother is not Jewish and doesn''t convert? Are the kids considered the religion of the mother then?

In Judaism, the children are the religion of their mother. If she was not born a Jew and has not converted to Judaism, they are not Jewish. They may, of course, convert to Judaism themselves at some point. Do not ask me when. I am afraid I am not a Talmudic scholar! (But I would guess at age 13, when they are adults according to Jewish tradition.)

Deborah

I do believe that the parents can convert the child before he/she is 13. The only reason I say this is because my brother and his wife are adopting a baby from China and they plan to convert her.

Also, my boyfriend''s mother is not Jewish, but he grew up mostly Jewish -- Bar Mitzvah and all. However, if we were to have a marriage ceremony performed by an Orthodox (or sometimes even a Conservative) Rabbi, he would have to convert. The Bar Mitzvah doesn''t automatically do it.

 

[rainbowtrout]

Date: 1/20/2006 10:48:56 AM
Author: AmandaPanda

Date: 1/20/2006 9:57:51 AM

Author: AGBF

Date: 1/20/2006 9:43:36 AM

Author: Logan Sapphire

What happens when the mother is not Jewish and doesn''t convert? Are the kids considered the religion of the mother then?

In Judaism, the children are the religion of their mother. If she was not born a Jew and has not converted to Judaism, they are not Jewish. They may, of course, convert to Judaism themselves at some point. Do not ask me when. I am afraid I am not a Talmudic scholar! (But I would guess at age 13, when they are adults according to Jewish tradition.)


Deborah

I do believe that the parents can convert the child before he/she is 13. The only reason I say this is because my brother and his wife are adopting a baby from China and they plan to convert her.


Also, my boyfriend''s mother is not Jewish, but he grew up mostly Jewish -- Bar Mitzvah and all. However, if we were to have a marriage ceremony performed by an Orthodox (or sometimes even a Conservative) Rabbi, he would have to convert. The Bar Mitzvah doesn''t automatically do it.

Personally, though, I would feel a little odd having a young child convert. I don''t know, it has good sides and bad sides, but I do like the Christian way where you choose when you are 13-14, at least a little more capable of making an informed decision. OTOH, I don''t have a problem with children being born into the faith. Like I said though, it is a ton of work to prepare for both ceremonies (at least in my experiance watching his family do it)

 

[fire&ice]

Date: 1/20/2006 9:44:56 AM
Author: lmurden

Date: 1/20/2006 9:29:36 AM
Author: fire&ice

Date: 1/19/2006 4:04:20 PM
Author: lmurden

Date: 1/19/2006 3:58:10 PM
Author: AmandaPanda

Date: 1/19/2006 3:44:37 PM
Author: rainbowtrout
oh, I forgot.

Our single biggest issue is whether or not he can deal with me celebrating Christmas every year...


He has very big issues with the holiday, partly from growing up Jewish in Alabama. I was always raised with it as a secular family holiday, but it still hurts not to to anything on Dec 25. I''ve talked him into a tree but he still feels resentful about the whole idea of Christmas in his home. I said that if I was basically doing every single Jewish holiday, fasting at Pesach, then what was a christmas tree and a secular holiday with perhaps a brunch and one gift?

We''ll see, I am sure after a few years we will blend the holiday tradition into something that works for us.

FYI -- you don''t fast at Pesach.

That''s when don''t eat levened bread and have a huge feast!

I am Jewish and my bf is half, but doesn''t really relate to any religion. I personally would be extremely upset if we had a Christmas Tree. The way I feel is that if you walk outside, it''s Christmas, Christmas, Christmas (which is very nice, don''t get me wrong), so my house should reflect my religion. No tree. No Chanukkah bush.

You might want to got to a synagogue and see a Rabbi about converting, even if you''re not going to do it. He/she might have some interesting things to say.

Why should she convert? What''s wrong with her the way she is? She has already made a compromise by agreeing to raise the kids Jewish so what more do you want?

Wow! I''m on the first page & already drawn into the diversity of the group. Very interesting.

Someone may have answered this in another page - but one thing different in this case is that the mother is the one that determines the birth religion. So, it takes on a different meaning to many.

Who says the mother determines the birth religion?

I think Deb answered that. It''s particular to Judism. I am considered a Jew via my Mother (who - at the time of my birth was a Catholic - but she was born a Jew). I know this was a huge issue with a friend of mine. Even though she agreed to raise the children in the Jewish faith/tradition, she was asked to convert prior to having children. So, it can be an issue. I''m not advocating doing such - just that it is a point to consider that''s a non issue with other religions.

And, yes, Deb is also correct that one is not born a Catholic via either birth mother or father. You have to be baptised, confirmed, etc. If I recall correctly, it''s really the baptism. I think at that point you will always be considered a Catholic. But, that''s just off the top of my head. I think the confimation sacrement just introduces you to the church as an adult.

At the end of the day, I wonder if meshing of personality traits & upbringing supercedes differences in race, religion, etc.

Also, I see much voicing of similarities rather than differences. I find that refreshing because focusing on that is the core of a relationship & viva la difference.

 

[moon river]

I agree with the Time Magazine cover story. With so much diversity in the world I believe eventually the little ''race boxes'' we have to check will become extinct. Either that or they will have to create thousands of mixed race boxes to fill the need.

 

[AGBF]

Date: 1/20/2006 10:48:56 AM
Author: AmandaPanda
I do believe that the parents can convert the child before he/she is 13. The only reason I say this is because my brother and his wife are adopting a baby from China and they plan to convert her.

I was not referring to adoptions by a Jewish father and mother when I discussed conversion, but to the child of a couple in which the mother was not a Jew. I know of several Jewish families with children adopted from Latin America who are raising their children (of course) as Jews. I do not know if conversion is even necessary in the case of adoption. (Do you?). In the cases of these adopted children, however, the adoptive mother is a Jew.

Deborah

 

[AGBF]

Date: 1/20/2006 12:17:19 PM
I do not know if conversion is even necessary in the case of adoption. (Do you?).

I still do not know the rules, but I found this and found it fascinating!

Here are two excerpts.

"Released from her father’s hands, the baby glided through the air. There was a gentle splashing sound, and water folded over her. A second later she reemerged, drops of water sparkling on her face. Her father gathered her into his arms, and Chana began her life as a member of the Jewish people."

...​

"Jill Dalin, Executive Director of the Ocean County (New Jersey) Jewish Federation, often reflects on her life as an adopted Jewish child. Born in 1966 in Lakewood, New Jersey, Jill was adopted when she was three days old. She retains certain memories of the conversion ceremony which occurred when she was eight. The drive to the Mikvah, parts of her father’s explanation of the impending ceremony, the smallness and squareness of the tub in which she would immerse herself, the process of removing her clothes and pierced earrings before immersion; these remain with her twenty-one years later."

Adoption by Jewish Couples

Deb

 

[ammayernyc]

Date: 1/20/2006 12:17:19 PM
Author: AGBF

Date: 1/20/2006 10:48:56 AM
Author: AmandaPanda
I do believe that the parents can convert the child before he/she is 13. The only reason I say this is because my brother and his wife are adopting a baby from China and they plan to convert her.

I was not referring to adoptions by a Jewish father and mother when I discussed conversion, but to the child of a couple in which the mother was not a Jew. I know of several Jewish families with children adopted from Latin America who are raising their children (of course) as Jews. I do not know if conversion is even necessary in the case of adoption. (Do you?). In the cases of these adopted children, however, the adoptive mother is a Jew.

Deborah

That was only an example I gave. If a Jewish man and non-Jewish woman have a child, I think the child can be converted before he/she is 13. I''m not positive, but the reason I mentioned my brother was because he''s not planning on waiting.
I don''t know if it''s necessary, but since the child they are adopting will not be birthed, as opposed to raised, by a Jewish woman, I think they feel they should do it.

 

[lmurden]

I have to say that I don''t comprehend conversion in any at all. As far as being a Jewish person, I believe it is an ethnicity more than anything. There are cultural and historical experiences that only they share. To me if your parents are ethnically Jewish then you are Jewish. A lot Jewish people don''t necessary practice Judaism but are still Jewish. Reading a book and going through a conversion doesn''t make a person Jewish in my opinion.

I know for sure that I was born a Black American female raised as a secular non-denominational Christian who doesn''t go to church except to weddings, funerals, or very special occasions and those things will never change about me. I can''t imaging asking my fiancé to act or become Black. Also, I accept that there are some cultural things that he will never know or understand about being Black and the same goes for me as far as him being Jewish. I just don''t get it. I truly believe it is disrespectful for someone to ask someone to convert. You may not go to church or temple or etc. but your parents, grandparents, culture, ethnicity, race and family history are a part of you whether you show it/know it or not.

My reasons for being so heated is that a close friend of mine is a Muslim who has two kids with a secular Christian man and says she wants to get married but demands he converts to Islam. Well he wont convert so after 7 years and 2 kids they are still not married. I feel bad for the kids and wished my friend would respect her significant other''s right to be who he is. I just think it is very unfair and wish that people whose religion is so important to them would date their own kind. Sorry for ranting and I hope that I did not offend anyone.