Invitations - How important are they?

[squarediamondlove]

I have recently started looking for wedding invitations and wanted to know whether invitations are so important that its worth to spend the extra couple of hundred dollars on them. Would people consciously or subconsciously think that a not so nice wedding invitation, a casual wedding invitation, or a mediocre wedding invitation equals not such a nice or expensive wedding?

We are getting married in an old opera house which has a beautiful grand hall, but it is comming to be a very expensive wedding and we are hopping to get at least some return on the money we have put in. So the two possible wedding invitations we picked out are very formal, sophisticated, but not stereotypical with some creative touches in layout. We also want to put down that "black tie optional" or "black tie is prefered" (not sure yet). However the invitations we liked will cost, with the return envelopes, about $1,200-$1,400 for a 100 of them!

They do however, look expensive

and we do have a judgemental crown (at least my side of the family is).

So my poll question is: When you are mailed an invitation for a wedding, do you determine how much money to give based on the presentation of the wedding invitation? Does it set the atmosphere or give an impression of the wedding to come?

BTW, I don't think the poll made this clear, but the number 100 refers to # of invitations I will order, not the poeple - I will be having 175 people so I will probably need to order 100 invitations

 

[honeybee]

First off, let me say, GEEZ LOUISE! those are expensive invitations!!! Now that that is off my chest, I really do think that nice invitations make a difference. Its the first bit of information that your guests will get about your wedding. It kinda sets the mood for the event. I think if the invitation is cheesy, people kind of assume that possibly the bride and groom don''t have the best taste, therefore the wedding probably will reflect that and that a nice gift may not be appreciated (i know ... not a nice assumption...but its true!) anyhoo....I think that for those who know you well, they will give you a nice present no matter what . But for those w/ less of an impression, i think invitations will for sure make a difference. That said, here is my final $.02. I think that anything that reflects your taste will be perfect. I know people that have made their own invitations for a very reasonable price, and they came out beautifully, and totally reflected their taste and the style of their wedding. So I think that there are many options, and as some of the world''s ugliest rings can reflect, expensive is not always better.

 

[honeybee]

ah, I forgot to add that your wedding sounds just beautiful, congrats!

 

[snapdragon]

I don''t think most people make decisions like that based on the invitations. A friend sent rather plain invites (Claudia Calhoun style thermography on average quality paper) and then proceeded to have a lavish nyc wedding (beautiful venue, 4 ft centerpieces, lobster and fillet mignon for 350 of their closest friends, $10k wedding band, etc).

We are spending about 3% of our total budget on invitations. I would just get what you like and not worry about it too much.

 

[jcrow]

i voted that they are very important. however, i've never heard of anyone determining how much they will spend based on the invites. however, i may be a little biased as a graphic designer...

eta: oh and the price doesn't surprise me one bit for nicely done invites.

 

[WTNLVR]

I base the amount of the gift I give on how well I know the couple. If it''s family, they get more than a family friend. Close friends get more than business associates, etc... I doubt you''ll get much return on your money if the wedding is very costly and with 175 people. But, it depends on if it''s mostly family or friends. I think family gives more. But then again it really isn''t about getting a return on your money but having a celebration with loved ones to celebrate the start of your life together. Nice invitations make an impression but over the top ones aren''t worth the extra expense as people look at them for 30 seconds and then likley toss them out (I actually keep the ones I get). Good luck!

 

[Caribou]

I''m making my invitations. Initally I was planning on having this really crafty invite but after some thought (and the fact that I''m not crafty) I decided to buy these daisy invitations kits from Michaels. I had to buy 3, normally they are $29.99 but I had a 40% off coupon for each box so I got them for $17.99....so my invites will probably run about $58 with ink cartridge for printing about $100.00, when all is said and done.

I don''t think that because someone spends a huge amount of $$ on invitations they are going to be any nicer then someone who makes their''s like I am. I think what matters is how you feel about them....I haven''t even started printing my invitations but every time I look at them I get a zolt of excitement because they are for MY wedding.

Also, I''ve been to several weddings in my life time and I can tell you that I don''t even remember what any of their invitations looked like.

 

[tanyak]

Date: 4/5/2006 10:25:27 AM
Author: Virginia
I didnt vote because I am clueless about the cost of invitations but I just wanted to tell you about a wedding my friend had. She was telling me about it and it seemed like it was going to be really nice and fancy. When I got the invitation I was suprised and confused. I mean, it was a ''ok'' invitation but it didnt really add up to what she was telling me that the event would be like. It did turn out to be a georgeous and rather grand event....I do wonder now if she was trying to save money on that part of her wedding because she went all out elsewhere. I think it sets the tone when you get a nice invitation to know kind of what to expect!

Good Luck!

Traditionally, invitations for formal, grand weddings are rather plain-looking on white or ecru paper. The thing that counts is the paper weight (usually heavy) and the copy is engraved in black ink. Is that what it looked like?

 

[Evie75]

Honestly what do you do when you receive a wedding invitation? look at it like that.

I know when i receive one i immediately look for the place date and time...i really dont bother reading the rest or what kind of lettering they used or color, and it totally does not determine the size of gift i will give, I look at the invite say oh nice and stick it on my fridge.. thats it. Thats just me.

 

[curlygirl]

$1200-1400 for invitations?!?!?! No offense to you at all but that is just INSANE!!!! Wow. I obviously voted that the invitations are not that important!

I had a very formal black tie wedding at an exclusive university club in NYC and my 100 invitations cost $250--that included lined inner envelopes, our return address on the back of the outer envelopes, rsvp cards with pre-printed envelopes and reception cards (which stated black tie on them)!

To me, simple and elegant says it all and that's what I had--a nice thick ecru single panel card with black thermographed type. It conveyed exactly what I wanted without being over the top and all of my guests complied--they wore tuxedos and gowns and gave appropriate gifts for a wedding. But from what I could tell, nobody based their gifts on the look of my invitations. And let's face it, most people throw them out anyway so you can use that money on something else like paying for people's meals or flowers or most importantly, hair and makeup!!

 

[teebee]

Well, I''m kind of a detail oriented person, so I said it was very important. And... yes, when I get an invite I do pay attention to the wording, the font, etc. And in the case of my close friends or family members, I usually keep the invite for a scrapbook along with a wedding pic of them at the wedding... That''s just me, I''m cheezy sentimental like that.

As for me, I was trying to keep the invite budget low and had planned on doing them myself. But I had something really specific in mind... sort of... Well, I had a particular "feel" that I wanted to achieve with the invites but didn''t know how to accomplish that on my own and it took a long time for me to find the ''perfect'' invites... And when all was said and done, I was looking at $900 for 100 ensembles. Worth it? Yes, to me it was - because the minute I saw these I said to myself "that''s it, that''s the one". Funny thing is, I found them right when I was about to order a different invite that I''d finally "settled" on...

 

[Morticia]

That's a lot for invites. I mean, if you can afford it and like them that much, go for it.

I voted "Not that important". Only reason why is b/c after I receive a wedding invitation, I stick it on the refrigerator to remember the date and location. After the wedding, it gets tossed.

**ETA** I don't think people would base the gift they give you on the type of invite they receive. If you and your FI love the invites, you should get them.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

That much for 100 invitations is ridiculous. I spent probably 60 dollars on my invitations and I only used about 3/4 of them so I have lots left over. They're not fancy, but they're not too casual either... I'm not going to toot my own horn about how beautiful or great they are, but after this experience I'm convinced that really beautiful, fancy invitations can be made for a lot less than 1200 dollars.. Just my opinion.

ETA: If my guests make assumptions about my wedding based on a piece of cardstock and not on who me and my fiance are, then they wouldn't be my friends and wouldn't be invited to my wedding in the first place.

 

[LAJennifer]

I think invitations do set the "tone" of what the wedding will be like - but $1200 is WAY too much money, in my opinion. I''m having a destination wedding in hawaii, so I am using www.mypersonalartist.com (thanks mara). If I were having a formal event at home, I would use these: http://www.whiteaisle.com/something_different.htm . They have some very nice ones way under your budget.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 4/5/2006 7:36:14 AM
Author: jcrow
i voted that they are very important. however, i''ve never heard of anyone determining how much they will spend based on the invites. however, i may be a little biased as a graphic designer...

I am also a GD so I look at things differently than other people however I would NEVER give someone more or less money as a gift based on their invitation. NEVER. I am going a slightly untraditional route for mine. Hopefully they will still be elegant but I am doing something more modern and youthful (in my mind anyways

)

 

[chrono]

I am the straightforward type: I give a quick glance at the package but quickly zoom in on the important details like who''s getting married, when and where. I make a note of the information and after the wedding, it all gets tossed away. I guess I''m just the type that''s not romantic. I don''t notice any of the card decorations, print, etc. So if you want to spend more on the invitations, that''s your choice but try to keep within your budget so you can still afford the other aspects of the wedding.

As for gifts, I never give based on the appearance of the invitations. I spend more if it is for a relative, a decent amount for a friend, and less for an aquaintance. Simple as that.

 

[squarediamondlove]

Date: 4/5/2006 11:40:43 AM
Author: Virginia

Date: 4/5/2006 10:40:00 AM

Author: tanyak

Date: 4/5/2006 10:25:27 AM

Author: Virginia

I didnt vote because I am clueless about the cost of invitations but I just wanted to tell you about a wedding my friend had. She was telling me about it and it seemed like it was going to be really nice and fancy. When I got the invitation I was suprised and confused. I mean, it was a ''ok'' invitation but it didnt really add up to what she was telling me that the event would be like. It did turn out to be a georgeous and rather grand event....I do wonder now if she was trying to save money on that part of her wedding because she went all out elsewhere. I think it sets the tone when you get a nice invitation to know kind of what to expect!


Good Luck!

Traditionally, invitations for formal, grand weddings are rather plain-looking on white or ecru paper. The thing that counts is the paper weight (usually heavy) and the copy is engraved in black ink. Is that what it looked like?

Nope, nothing like that. The paper weight was minimal, flimsy almost! I like elegant plain looking invitations on heavy stock, but this was very different.

I know what you mean tanyak. The Vera Wang invitations we very simple just engraved font on a hard paper - but the cost was absolutely rediculouse for something so plane. It was about 1.700-1,900 for everything for 100 set.

 

[squarediamondlove]

I know what you guys are saying. Before I started looking for wedding invitations I though I would be spending about $300 on them. However we did not pick them becuase they were expensive but because they looked appealing to us, formal, intersting, and "expensive looking." They are actually $900 for just the invited, but with the return envilopes and the cards that state the number of people that are comming, it comes out to over 1,000. We were thinkin of purchasing the other stuff from a cheaper company and just purchasing the expensive invites.

I know in the culture I come from, birthday parties are typically done in our national resturants (ther you get food, dancing and a show - its like a banqet with all the entertainment you can ask for). You decide how much to give that person on their birthday not based on how close they are to you, but based on which resturant they chose to go to. So an expensive returant means that you have to give enough to pay for your seat, a cheaper resturnant means less is required to pay for your seat. It is typically not appreciated or disrespectful to give a lot less than the cost of the seat. So I was wondering if the same mentality transfers over to weddings?

I really don''t want to spend the money on them if I don''t have to, which is why I made this thread. We actually sacrificed not getting a videographer so we can get a really great photographer. But spending an extra 1,000 on invites, I rather put that money to possibly getting a videographer.

 

[LAJennifer]

My best friend is getting married 2 weeks after I am. She is getting married at The Beverly Hills Peninsula Hotel. The cost is about $400+ a head. She will get the same gift from me that she would have gotten if she had chosen to elope. And it will not cost anywhere near the price of seats for my fiance and I.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

400 bucks a head?! I want to go to that wedding, just so I can see what a majorly expensive wedding would be like! I agree though, if I were invited to that wedding, my gift wouldn''t be any more than a gift I would get them if they eloped. Number one, I couldn''t afford a 400+ dollar gift. Number two, if my friends were really good friends, they wouldn''t EXPECT a gift of a certain value from me. It''s a little rude and ungrateful in my opinion. Number three... Well, I only had two.

 

[FireGoddess]

I don''t base the amount I spend on a gift on the invitation whatsoever. I base it on how good a friend the person is, and what is appropriate for us to spend. The invitations never come into play other than admiring them or not.

I think we spent about $300 on the invites. At the price you''re quoting, you must be getting them engraved?? Which I think can be a waste of money as thermographed type looks very nice as well. I wouldn''t spend extra on invites hoping they would recoup you some of your losses based on the formality of the invite....I''d just save that money!

 

[squarediamondlove]

You guys may be righ... I really don''t know since I am new to the wedding scene.

I wonder if there is cultural difference in that respect - paying for the cost of the seat. See the way I look at it is if I go to the wedding I generally want to pay the cost of the seat, not how close I am to someone. If it is someone really close to me, I would probably pay a lot above the cost of my seat, but if its not someone that close I would probably want to at least pay for my seat. Does anyone else think this, or is it just me?

I think given the total expense of my wedding, the cost per person would be between $300-350 a person.

I know our wedding is more expensive than I wanted it to be - me and my FI just wanted to have a small cheap wedding since we think its a waste to spend that much for just a day but my mother really wanted a BIG nice wedding and wasn''t willing to help unless we had it so wala!

 

[LAJennifer]

Date: 4/5/2006 2:44:22 PM
Author: aphisiglovessae
400 bucks a head?! I want to go to that wedding, just so I can see what a majorly expensive wedding would be like! I agree though, if I were invited to that wedding, my gift wouldn''t be any more than a gift I would get them if they eloped. Number one, I couldn''t afford a 400+ dollar gift. Number two, if my friends were really good friends, they wouldn''t EXPECT a gift of a certain value from me. It''s a little rude and ungrateful in my opinion. Number three... Well, I only had two.

Oh yeah, it is going to be SWANK!!! I''m just as excited for her wedding as I am for my own (no joke). Mine is a laid back destination wedding in Hawaii and hers is this ultra-formal affair. We''re both so excited because it is almost like we both get to celebrate our own weddings twice! I''ll be lucky if my fiance wears a suit to our wedding - but he definitely will to hers! And I will be singing Ave Maria as she walks down the aisle . . . Oops, back to topic. She is not expecting anything from any of her guests, as far as gifts are concerned. So, Kaleidoscopic, unless the majority of your guests share the same culture as you and your family, you might end up disappointed. It has been my experience that guests give what they WANT to (some even ignore your registry choices), or what they can afford.

 

[E B]

$1,400 for invitations?

That being said...I don't think invitations are that important. I've seen people MAKE gorgeous invitations for dollars less per piece than something fancy and embossed by Vera Wang. As long as the invitation looks nice (and when I mean nice, I mean clean and well-printed), I doubt the guest won't know the difference. I certainly wouldn't.

We'll either make ours our hire this company I found (Designed by Chance) to do them...DbC's invites start at $1.00 a piece, and I'd like to keep them at $2.00pp tops. In your case, you could get away with something beautiful for around $6pp.

 

[selflove]

While I do agree that the invitation sets the expectation for the actual wedding, it doesn''t make any difference to me when I think about what to give for a gift. My gift depends on my relationship with the person getting married. Period.

I''ve never had a thought about giving a gift equivalent to the cost of my "seat" at the wedding. I mean, how would I even know the value of my "seat"? Even when I was BM in my best friend''s wedding, I had no idea what the per person charge was, much less someone who''s a more distant friend or family member.

That said, everyone''s splurges for their weddings are different. Nothing wrong with getting fabulous invitations...it will definitely set the expectation for the wedding!

 

[lilmaria]

I agree - we usually pay based on our plate to atleast cover some costs for our bride/groom. Nuclear family always gets a lot more than cousins, aunts and uncles. Then it is based on where the event takes place, at least in my experience.

 

[AndyRosse]

Which invitations are you thinking about that will cost over 1,000? Just asking, because maybe we can find something similar for you at a lower price.

I don''t know what type of invitations you were looking for, but I ended up going with a very traditional square invitation. I found a company in NC (www.reavesengraving.com) that does real engraving of invitations on top of the line papers for excellent prices! I spent around 500 for 125 invitations. I cannot say enough about this company, they were absolutely FANTASTIC. You can ask for them to send you sample invitations...they actually sent me a HUGE envelope filled with all types of invitations and papers. (Not to mention, they also do calligraphy. It costs around 1.00 to 1.25 each, and that includes them stuffing the envelopes with everything except the reception card and envelope. Well worth my money!)

 

[jcrow]

i say if you love them, get them. it''s your personal taste and comfort level.

personally i am **hoping** my invites don''t cost more than that. i am expecting $1000 or so. But, i choose to do something I love. I am looking to get mine letterpressed. and to me the extra money is worth it. i can cut back in other areas if necessary- but not on invites.

and i know it''s my own personal choice.

it''s your wedding. do as you see fit.

 

[teebee]

Oh, I also wanted to mention that I agree with others that I didn''t really expect our invitations to have an impact on the kind of gifts we receive... BUT, I did want invitations that communicate that this is a "formal" affair. Since our wedding is going to be in Arkansas and we live in Oklahoma (and both states often have that redneck image...) then I wanted to make sure our guests could infer from the invites that while we don''t want it to be stuffy, this isn''t a jeans and t-shirt type of casual wedding. I don''t think many of our friends would make that kind of mistake... but people are funny and you never know - so the invites were just one way of subtley saying, "hey, dress up, put a little effort into this - this isn''t HeeHaw and we''re not having a ho-down!!" haha

So definitely, if I''d found exactly what I''d wanted for much less, then absolutely that''s what I would have done! And, if I had the time to make invitations like ours, I would have done that too and that''s what I had planned on... But when I made that plan, I underestimated how busy I would be - there''s no way I have time to do my own invites... And even at the expense, it was a relief to hit "submit" on the online order form!!

And... also, the cost of our invites - only invites - was just about $300 - it was needing all of the enclosures that really did us in on the costs! But since it is out of town, I felt I really needed to have the map/directions, RSVP, reception, etc. in there for our guests... I would have been able to cut down on all that if we were having the wedding in town. Oh well...

 

[elepri]

We did get lots of compliments on our invitations so I think people definitely notice. However, I don''t think they base their gift-related decisions on your invitations (I certainly wouldn''t). It''s a personal preference, to me it was important to have nice invitations but not super expensive ones. As long as they don''t look cheap (thin paper, cheesy design, learly and poorly home-made, printed lables attached to the envelope), i really don''t care if they''re engraved or embossed or what not.