Is engagement age inherited?

[Clio]

My mother was engaged at 18 and married at 19. Boy were my grandparents unhappy with her! Next week, though, my parents will celebrate their 38th anniversary.

I was engaged at 20 and married at 21.

My grandmother was engaged and married at 22 (engaged on Saturday, married on Wednesday).

 

[Elmorton]

I think it has a lot more to do with what was going on in the world at the time.

My parents got married (they don''t really agree on the details of when they got engaged) when they were 22/23 (so if they would have had a traditional year-long engagement, my mom would have been 21). My mom had just finished college/was in her first job and my dad was finishing grad school. When pressed, they''ll explain that they got married because all their friends got married. It was post-Vietnam, and there was a boom in people going to college, so that explains how two "farm kids" met and got married in the 70''s. My grandparents on my mom''s side got married 6 days after my grandfather returned from WWII after being a POW, so that explains the age of my grandmother on her wedding day, and WWII affected my paternal grandparents as well - they got married right before my grandfather was shipped out.

I got engaged at 23. It was at the end of my first year of grad school/the beginning DH''s second year at his first job after college graduation. When pressed, we''d probably say that we got married because we wanted the security of planning our futures together, since we were both at points where we were ready to move on and up. We were among the first in our groups of friends to get married (DH still is - only one of his friends is engaged nearly 3 years later). I think that''s because it''s a lot more acceptable today to take your time going through college/grad school (and grad school is definitely more prevalent in many occupations, I think), and it''s acceptable to make those first major milestones (we have several friends who have bought houses with a boyfriend/girlfriend) without marriage. Several of my friends have pursued careers where having a spouse isn''t exactly a benefit early on (long hours, need to be flexible in terms of location, lots of travel), which in turn, affects how they look at marriage/the optimum age to get married.

 

[NY Princess]

I don''t think so. My parents were married when mom was 18 and dad was 23. I was 31 and hubby was 27 when we tied the knot. My mother was soo relieved, she use to beg me to wait until I was at least thirty to get married. I followed her advice!

 

[Kaleigh]

I don't think so. I was 23 when I got engaged. I can't imagine DD getting engaged any time soon, she's got lots to do before she goes down that road. She does have a serious BF. But I know they are focussed on careers and what not.

I don't know how old my Mom was when she got married, early 20's for sure. She didn't go to college though. I never thought about her when I made my plans... I guess I never looked to her as a role model, fwiw.... Long story.

 

[NakedFinger]

This is a very interesting topic...

I dont think its inherited in the sense that I felt the need to get married/have kids by a certain age just because my parents did. But I definitely feel that the way one looks at marriage, is largely based on their parents (ie: my SIL's mom is divorced, and my SIL got divorced after a year of marriage. She definitely said that if she hadnt seen her mom go through it and survive it, or if she was a product of a 50 year marriage, she would have been more reluctant about divorce)

My parents were together since they were 12 got married at 20, had my oldest brother when they were 21 (whom buy the way, got married at 21, and had a baby at 22 lol). I have been with my SO since 16, am 25 now and will be married at 26. So obviously I didnt feel pressured to do it sooner just because they did (admittedly I was "ready" in the maturity sense and commitment sense at 20-21, but wanted to get school/house/job out of the way first), nor am I marrying my HS sweetheart because they did, but seeing their relationship, how deliriously happy they are after 27 years of marriage (and 34 years together total), reassures me that its possible to find the love of your life that young and have it work out. Had I not been a product of a long happy marriage of HS sweethearts, I am sure I would have been more skeptical with my relationship.

Contrary though, my mom measures everything on "her time" and loves to remind me that by the time she was my age she was married with three kids. Apparently I'm "behind"

LOL

 

[onvacation]

Date: 1/4/2010 2:40:00 PM
Author: musey

Date: 1/4/2010 2:08:48 PM
Author: onvacation

My parents and my inlaws are both [O-] / [A+]

Wow, even the Rh+/-? That''s quite a feat! I suppose you and DH are both A then? Now that I think about it, my inlaws are either AB+AB or AB+A, too. It''s crazy how much my dad and DH are alike. I''m just happy that they get along really well!

 

[sunnyd]

My parents were engaged and married at 20 and 21, and had two kids by the time they were 24/25!

I was engaged at 24 and married at 25.

Hubs'' parents were married at 25-ish I think, not early for the ''70s. He was definitely not ready until he was 24 (married at 26).

 

[kittybean]

My mom was engaged at 20, married at 21. She had her first child (me) when she was 28.

I was engaged at 24, married at 25. I think 28 sounds like a nice age to think about kids.

 

[jewelz617]

My mother and I were both married when we were 22. But I had my daughter at age 24 and she had me at 28.

 

[IloveAsschers13]

My parent''s story is one of those exceptions- my dad and her got married in May and I was born in Dec. You do the math

. My mom was 20 and my dad was 23. I just turned 22 and I am NOT even CLOSE to being ready to get married... So totally different.

 

[Express]

I just got engaged a couple weeks ago, and I''m 23. I honestly didn''t feel ready until we moved in together, which was in August. At that point we had been together for 4 years.

My mom got engaged when she was either 29 or 30 I think.

 

[iheartscience]

My mom was 22 or 23 when she and my dad got married. My dad was 24 I think. I got engaged at age 25 and got married at age 27, so I''m off. I definitely wasn''t ready at age 22! My older sister (she''s 10 years older than me) got married at age 26 and I always thought that was "old enough" to get married.

 

[musey]

Date: 1/5/2010 3:17:08 PM
Author: onvacation

Date: 1/4/2010 2:40:00 PM
Author: musey

Date: 1/4/2010 2:08:48 PM
Author: onvacation

My parents and my inlaws are both [O-] / [A+]

Wow, even the Rh+/-? That''s quite a feat! I suppose you and DH are both A then? Now that I think about it, my inlaws are either AB+AB or AB+A, too. It''s crazy how much my dad and DH are alike. I''m just happy that they get along really well!

Yep! Crazy, huh? And it''s the same across genders, too (men are A+, women are O-). Hubs and I are both A+.

 

[Haven]

My mom was 20, and I was one month shy of 27.

I was nowhere near close to being ready to be engaged at 20. I was ready to start thinking about it and dreaming of rings around 25.

I think El''s post makes some really great points. In addition, it seems like our social circles and educational goals also affect the age at which we marry. Most of my friends married in their mid twenties to early thirties, and most of them pursued graduate or professional degrees before marrying. I imagine that many of us would have married sooner if we weren''t so focused on school for so many years.
Add to that the fact that our parents'' educational experiences are likely to influence our own, and perhaps you''ll see some multi-generational coincidences there. (Of course, my mom ruins that idea for me, because she graduated undergrad early, got married, and THEN pursued her master''s. But it was a different time, I suppose, and her father had just died unexpectedly so she was looking for some stability.)

 

[maxxwell]

hello, This is good that you are feeling for engagement. most of the ladies got engaged at the age of 23-28 and you are also comes between this age then it is not bad to get engaged. my elder sister get engaged at the age of 26 so this is usual. but the main decision depends on you.
thanks


___________

 

[AdiS]

My mother and I were both engaged at 20, married at 21. We also recently had a laugh because their wedding date was 06/06 and ours was 09/09 (absolutely unintentional!)

As for kids though, she was younger than I am now when she had me, and I''m nowhere near ready for that, so... yeah. I obviously haven''t inherited that one.

 

[lilyfoot]

I didn''t even know what age my mom got engaged, I had to email her to find out. She got engaged at 22, my dad was 32.

I am 21 and just got engaged (FI is 24). I have an older sister who is 23 and is not and has never been, engaged.

 

[yssie]

My mum was 23 when she married - my dad is seven years her senior. My grandmother was married at 15 and had my mum at 18... my folks would have lambasted me if I'd gone that route

. FI and I were both 22 when we got engaged, I'll be 24 at our wedding

 

[fuzzers]

I think it''s kind of backwards for me, compared to the other posters! My parents got engaged at 29 and 27, and SO and I will likely be 23 and 25 when we get engaged. I plan to wait until I''m 27 or 28 to start a family though.

 

[bee*]

My mam was 23 getting engaged and she married at 24. I was 25 getting engaged and 27 getting married. Not a huge difference between us but I don''t think it''s inherited.

 

[elrohwen]

My mom was 20 and my dad 25 when they married. My mom was 30 (dad was 35) when I was born.

I was married at 25 and hope to have kids a little before 35. So I guess that''s the same as my dad''s age. I would not have been ready to get married at 20 like my mom did!

 

[Tazie973]

My mom was engaged at 29 and my father was 32, they divorced 35 years later. I was married at 16 divorced at 18 with 2 kids. And now engaged at 36. I think im ready now.

....my first wedding was when i was a juvi so its sealed and dont count.

Our parents kinda forced us to get married and well we found out we really didnt like each other much...so much that our 18 yr old and 17 yrs sons dont ever see him, he was a dead beat dad....his loss my gain.

 

[kama_s]

My mother was engaged at 17, married at 18 (arranged marriage). I got engaged at 25, and was "ready" to be engaged mere 3 months before I got engaged. Not surprising though, because I don''t seem to follow any trends/traditions/norms of my family or culture.