Is it always better to know what''s wrong with you? Or ignorance bliss sometimes.

[KimberlyH]

Gypsy,

I''m hoping your final test comes back with conclusive results and that you continue to feel better.

K

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Gypsy, I''m hoping for your results to come quickly, and sending lots of hugs and prayers your way!

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 1/31/2009 12:32:54 AM
Author: Gypsy
Wow, lookit all the responses. I''ve been trying to keep distracted on RT.

My neurocardio-whatever is probably something I''ve had for a while. But it probably made itself so extremely obvious this last week because I''ve lost about 1/3 of my blood volume in the last two weeks (according to my doctor today) AND because I have an infection. Trifecta! SCORE! I''m not allowed back to work until 2/9 at the earliest.

EGADS!

All but ONE of my Lupis tests is back... and they ARE NEGATIVE!!!!

The only caveat is the one that isn''t back is the one that my Mom is particularly high on/ positive for. But apparently it''s a very specific test that is only run in a couple of labs, so it''s going to take a while for the results to come in. BUT so far... I''ve flunked 6 tests... come one LUCKY NUMBER SEVEN!

I think the PS Dust is working folks. So far, nothing unmanageable diagnosed!!!

That''s terrific news!

Dust etc. for good news on the final Lupis test!

I''m glad the doctors have ordered you to stay home for awhile. I know the need is obvious now, but as you keep getting better, well... so many of us are prone to return to work as soon as the light turns yellow, rather than waiting for the green, so to speak. Keep taking good care of yourself and give yourself the time your body needs to get well and recover from this assault!

Best wishes...

 

[Dreamer_D]

That''s all great news Gypsy! Do the docs have an idea why your blood vlume got so low? Is it related to the infection?

It is really amazing the effect that severe dehydration can have on the body. Being pregnant I have to watch it, and when I don''t drink enough I find I get tired, hot, can''t regulate my temperature, weak... I can only imagine what it must be like when taken to such an extreme that blood volume is low! Plus, with less blood volume you''d have toruble getting enough oxygen to all your musles too... anyways, I hope you feel much better really soon!

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Sending dust for a final negative test, gal! Hope you''re getting better quickly.

 

[Gypsy]

I''m feeling a little better today and it''s nice.

Blood volume being down was because of the um... unusual feminine bleeding, which should be better now (had a procedure while I was in the hospital).

Dehydration wasn''t severe, but I''m not a drinker... so combined with the low blood volume and the infection it means I have to be better about it. I am.

I totally agree with the yellow light/green light analogy. That''s exactly what I''ve been doing for years now... and I figure it''s time to stop. It results in complete physical breakdowns (this isn''t the first time, I was very sick with pnemonia a couple of years ago, it laid me out for over a month).

Thank you for the good wishes... I''m just hoping the last test result is a conclusive negative.

 

[AmberGretchen]

So glad to hear about the negative test results!! Woohoo!! Fingers and paws crossed for lucky number 7!!

 

[miraclesrule]

I hope that you start feeling better soon. You''ve had a lot of big life changes/stressors over the past year and maybe your body is pushing back.

We should make a water pact with each other.

 

[WishfulThinking]

Oh Gypsy, I am SO GLAD to hear about the test results!!

That''s fantastic. DW and I are sending dust for the last one, and keeping all of our fingers and toes crossed. Hope you''re on the mend and remembering to drink lots of fluids. I relate- I am not a drinker at all, and always have to consciously remember.

 

[Gypsy]

Thought I''d update and also ask for some advice.


Update: I didn''t flunk all the tests. The rhuematologist said I wasn''t fully positive for any of the tests, which isn''t the same as being negative.

Apparently I''m borderline positive for three of them, including the one that my mother has and puts me at high risk for blood clots and miscarriages. SO, I''m supposed to start on baby asprin as a precautionary measure, and monitor my test results annually, or if I have any of the symptoms he listed. Borderline postive apparently means I could just be a carrier, or I could develop the disease later in life. I am going to go for a second opinon at the Stanford clinic for rheumatology during my next vacation (July). So, I don''t HAVE lupis, but I''m not completely in the clear.

I also have fibromyalgia, which is something two of the other doctors mentioned as a posibilites, but this one seemed pretty certain I have it. YAY! LOL.

Okay... so here''s the advice part: If you''ve read any of my posts the last few days I''ve just been impatient and quick to anger, and I''m like that right now offline too. John said that it''s like the filter that enables me to evaluate what people are saying to me and interpret it in a non-judgemental way is gone. I''ve been extremely sensitive and very snappish. I can actually FEEL my blood pressure rising and my temper break when something rubs me the wrong way, and I just feel like tearing the person apart.

Any advise on taking a chill pill? I can''t be like this at work. I''m in situations where people irritate the crap out of me all freaking day and my JOB is to work through it and get the job done.

I don''t know why I''m reacting like this, but it''s got me concerned. It could just be I''m cranky and in some pain, and grumpy with it. But I''m afraid its more.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Gpysy, you''re going through a lot right now...I think it''s only natural to have that manifest itself in someway...like being short tempered or distracted. Give yourself a break, and don''t feel overly bad on it, you have a lot on your plate right now.

Personally, if it were me, I would take some time off. I know right now, in this current economic climate that might not be the most sage advice, but if you''re really finding yourself **not** doing your job to your standards better you take some time for you than just go to work out of obligation, but not really be invested 100%.

I am sure if you open up to your superior, and let them know that you''re walking a very fine line emtionally you can work something out with them. As a boss, I care about my employees very much--and I''d rather face honesty any day and accomidate that over having someone come in a fake it because they think that''s what I want. First and foremost is your life, work must, must, must come second to that.

 

[Upgradable]

Gypsy, I''m sorry for what you''re going through. The frustration at not being able to function at the level you expect of yourself is the toughest part! I''ve got a thread started here in this forum about fibromyalgia. We''re sharing stories and resources. Relax, and give yourself a break. 1/3 of your blood volume????????

 

[mrssalvo]

gypsy, what a rollercoaster. I will keep you in my prayers though all of this. as for being quick to anger etc. I think it''s probably just a result of all the stress you are under and the waiting. just the waiting and fear of the unknown can drive anyone crazy or make them more irritable. hang in there sweetie!!!

 

[VRBeauty]

Gypsy:

Please try to find a way to get in to Stanford for further testing earlier than July. You owe it to yourself to know what''s going on with your body now, not six months from now!

As to work, if you absolutely can''t take the time off, I''d second Italia''s suggestion. Talk with the supervisors you trust about your situation. Also explore with them whether working from home for awhile is a possibility, and the possibility of working reduced hours. You may find that it helps a lot to be able to rest or even take a nap at some point during the workday.

I''m so sorry that the news isn''t as good as it first appeared to be. At the same time, I''m glad you''re getting some answers!

 

[Gypsy]

Hi All,
Italia thank you so much for your advice, by the time I return to work next Monday, I will have already been out for 3 weeks. My doctor would extend it for another week if I asked, but... I'm afraid to put by head on the chopping block like that. My direct boss... she's a nice person but she's under a lot of pressure right now for various reasons and is barely holding it together as it is. I am getting over what had me laid out, and I do feel that by Monday, physically I will be okay to return to work. I can always take a nap if I need to, and do actually. We have a dark quiet room where I can lay down for some time between meetings, and do need to do that at least once a week. It's not actually the return to work that I'm worried about. I'm a contract negoriator. My job is conflict, conflict resolution. A temper is a very bad thing to have, especially with filters being weak. But I will definitely try to take it easy as much as I can... hopefully my temper will get better as I physically get better.

Hi Upgradable, yeah a 1/3 of my blood volume. I was really sick, and scared with it. My body just felt so wrong, like roadkill... all my muscles were just so weak, I couldn't open a bottle of water. Even now my hands are really weak. My concentration's shot too. But that's already improved since last week, so I'm hopeful about that. I will have to check out your thread, I could use some advice. Thank you honey.

I will Mrs.S. Thank you ((HUGS)).

VR: I will either take the first appointment available for a Friday (I work from home on Fridays) or work something out. I'm not in immediate danger, and I'm not planning to get preggers, well... ever, so it's not as bad as it sounds. I will make sure I actually take my lunch break (I usually just work through and eat something at my desk) and nap during it. That's definitely manageable. I'm sorry the news isn't as good as well, but as you said, getting answers is really important. Thank you very much VR.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Gypsy A little psychobabble to brighten your day

Our ability to regulate our behaviour and moods and thoughts and feelings is actually a finite resource. We have a certain amount of self-regulatory capacity, like a tank of fuel, and when that tank is depleted in some way then there is simply less self-regulation left to go around. Being sick and worrying about your health has probably been eating up a large volume of your reserve, so it is NOT AT ALL surprising that you are feeling irritable, snappish, and generally snarky. The term we like to use in my field is "ego-depleted", which sounds so much better than "bitchy"

. My point is that you should not worry about what it may *mean* in the grand scheme that you are feeling this way. It is totally normal and as your energy reserves fill up you will find it easier to regulate your behaviour more generally.

But what to do in the short term? Well, research suggests that self-regulation actually runs on glucose. Yup, you heard me. Good old sugar. If you are needing to go back to work and are feeling depleted, then keep a bottle of juice mixed with water by you and sip it all day long. Chocolate milk is also really good. Before an important phone call or meeting, be SURE to drink a glass of chocolate milk or some juice as well. Research suggests that taking such a "glucose shake" really really improves people's self-control! So until your natural reserves are improved, why not try a supplement? Your butt may get bigger, but you will have a happier and more managable life

.

 

[mia1181]

Oh Gypsy well, it''s good that the tests weren''t positive. I wish they were fully negative but I am hoping that it''s just because it runs in your family and you are a carrier.

I''m going to have to agree with the others that you are under a lot of stress right now and your body/brain is having a hard enough time dealing with that. I''m sure you''ll return to your self soon.

Take care of yourself girl! Are you into the spa thing? Maybe we should hit a spa this weekend!

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 2/3/2009 9:18:36 PM
Author: dreamer_dachsie
Gypsy A little psychobabble to brighten your day

Our ability to regulate our behaviour and moods and thoughts and feelings is actually a finite resource. We have a certain amount of self-regulatory capacity, like a tank of fuel, and when that tank is depleted in some way then there is simply less self-regulation left to go around. Being sick and worrying about your health has probably been eating up a large volume of your reserve, so it is NOT AT ALL surprising that you are feeling irritable, snappish, and generally snarky. The term we like to use in my field is 'ego-depleted', which sounds so much better than 'bitchy'

. My point is that you should not worry about what it may *mean* in the grand scheme that you are feeling this way. It is totally normal and as your energy reserves fill up you will find it easier to regulate your behaviour more generally.

DD: Bitchiness is underrated IMHO

and probably gets a bad rap due to its association with the female of the species. Nonetheless, I appreciate the PC and work-appropriate pseudonym -- thanks!

Now back to the topic at hand. I hope you're starting to feel stronger, Gypsy. I suspect that awareness of your tendancy towards ego-depletedness will help you monitor the situation when you do get back in the office.

Take it easy...

 

[snlee]

Hi Layla, thinking of you and hoping you are feeling better. I''m sorry to hear not all seven tests came back fully negative. I think getting a second opinion is good. I hope you get more answers. Take care of yourself. Hugs.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 2/3/2009 3:12:56 PM
Author: mrssalvo
gypsy, what a rollercoaster. I will keep you in my prayers though all of this. as for being quick to anger etc. I think it''s probably just a result of all the stress you are under and the waiting. just the waiting and fear of the unknown can drive anyone crazy or make them more irritable. hang in there sweetie!!!

DITTO. You have so much going on, uncertainty and the like. I''d be quick to anger and snap too. I think your reactions are normal sweetie. Hang in there!!! HUGE HUGS!!xxoo

 

[ladypirate]

Gypsy, one thing you may try is contacting your local Arthritis Foundation Office. Fibromyalgia and Lupus both fall under the Arthritis umbrella and they have information about both of them. They usually offer support groups and whatnot around town as well, so it''s definitely worth looking into.

*hugs*

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 2/3/2009 9:18:36 PM
Author: dreamer_dachsie
Gypsy A little psychobabble to brighten your day

Our ability to regulate our behaviour and moods and thoughts and feelings is actually a finite resource. We have a certain amount of self-regulatory capacity, like a tank of fuel, and when that tank is depleted in some way then there is simply less self-regulation left to go around. Being sick and worrying about your health has probably been eating up a large volume of your reserve, so it is NOT AT ALL surprising that you are feeling irritable, snappish, and generally snarky. The term we like to use in my field is ''ego-depleted'', which sounds so much better than ''bitchy''

. My point is that you should not worry about what it may *mean* in the grand scheme that you are feeling this way. It is totally normal and as your energy reserves fill up you will find it easier to regulate your behaviour more generally.

But what to do in the short term? Well, research suggests that self-regulation actually runs on glucose. Yup, you heard me. Good old sugar. If you are needing to go back to work and are feeling depleted, then keep a bottle of juice mixed with water by you and sip it all day long. Chocolate milk is also really good. Before an important phone call or meeting, be SURE to drink a glass of chocolate milk or some juice as well. Research suggests that taking such a ''glucose shake'' really really improves people''s self-control! So until your natural reserves are improved, why not try a supplement? Your butt may get bigger, but you will have a happier and more managable life

.

Hi Dachsie, that was very interesting, and quite comforting as well. Not to mentioned nicely explained so that us lay people can understand it. The last few days I''ve felt better... I''ve been sleeping A LOT (today was a bad day and I didn''t get out of bed till 5 pm), and when I''m up I''ve been sipping on gatorade. It''s my drink of choice when I am feeling sick. Makes sense now though.

Chocolate milk and juice are completely manageable for the short term. Thank you so much honey for giving me something concrete to work with. I needed that.

''
Good news: John has another Job interview on Tuesday, so my fingers are crossed. He didn''t get the last job he interviewed for but was offered a different one, that was impractical and financially unsupportable for us (unfortunately). This job is actually with the same company he got laid off from (long story apparently how a company with a hiring freeze is now hiring), so it would be best as we wouldn''t have to move, would continue to get our rent discount, plus as it''s in a high income area, it would be a raise for him.

Hi Mia honey, thank you so much for the check in. I haven''t done anything spa related in a while. John needs to come into the city on Saturday though, so he might be able to drop me off for something like a pedicure? You, and Amber (if she''s available and feeling better), and anyone else who wants to join? I think that would be a lot of fun and still fiscally responsible.
I promise VR I am taking it easy. ((HUGS))

Thank you snlee (love the new AV) I think I''m definitely going to go that route.


Much Huge Hugs Kaleigh thank you!

Hi Lady P... that''s a great idea. I''m going to look that up! ((HUGS))

 

[rainwood]

Gypsy, I understand your situation completely but for somewhat different reasons. I too am a lawyer and do a lot of negotiations, and am going through menopause. I''m lucky that I don''t have much in the way of hot flashes, but I do have anger flashes that are a byproduct of the hormonal imbalance that the start of "the change" can bring on. Here are a couple of techniques I''ve started to use to minimize getting angry and fouling up a negotiation.

First, I try very hard for the 5 minutes or so before negotiations to stop prepping and just sort of deep breathe, think about something funny or fun, and just get into as mellow a mental space as possible. My schedule doesn''t always allow me this 5 minutes, but I try really hard to carve out that time so I don''t start out stressed and in battle mode from the beginning. And when I feel those flashes of anger, I just start taking long breaths, but not being obvious about it since it isn''t yoga class! The breathing does two things: it stops me from saying something in anger that isn''t useful to the negotiation because I''m too busy breathing and it allows the flash of anger to pass. It also makes it look like I''m seriously considering whatever lame ass thing they''ve just said even if all I''m thinking is that the person on the other side of the transaction is a complete idiot. I''m not always 100% successful in keeping everything in check but these techniques do seem to help.

Hope you feel better soon.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 2/5/2009 3:29:21 AM
Author: rainwood
Gypsy, I understand your situation completely but for somewhat different reasons. I too am a lawyer and do a lot of negotiations, and am going through menopause. I'm lucky that I don't have much in the way of hot flashes, but I do have anger flashes that are a byproduct of the hormonal imbalance that the start of 'the change' can bring on. Here are a couple of techniques I've started to use to minimize getting angry and fouling up a negotiation.

First, I try very hard for the 5 minutes or so before negotiations to stop prepping and just sort of deep breathe, think about something funny or fun, and just get into as mellow a mental space as possible. My schedule doesn't always allow me this 5 minutes, but I try really hard to carve out that time so I don't start out stressed and in battle mode from the beginning. And when I feel those flashes of anger, I just start taking long breaths, but not being obvious about it since it isn't yoga class! The breathing does two things: it stops me from saying something in anger that isn't useful to the negotiation because I'm too busy breathing and it allows the flash of anger to pass. It also makes it look like I'm seriously considering whatever lame ass thing they've just said even if all I'm thinking is that the person on the other side of the transaction is a complete idiot. I'm not always 100% successful in keeping everything in check but these techniques do seem to help.

Hope you feel better soon.

Totally true. Thank you rainwood. One of my previous co-workers was going though menopause, and it was very difficult for her not to people they were idiots straight out.

Most of my negotiations should be phone negotiations the first couple of weeks, which also helps. They can't see me mouthing "You are an IDIOT".

I also have to avoid back to back meetings/negotiations... they wear on me. I support many groups in our organizations, so switching gears so often without breaks really lowers my patience. I think I'm going to block out time as I can between meetings for prep/breathing/sugar drinking... at least for my first week.

I am going to start working from home again tomorrow just for 3 hours, and then 4 hours on Friday... I need to be able to see how I'm reacting in a controlled environment.

Have to remember to charge my ipod for next week too. Blocking everyone at work out while redlining and drafting is going to be important. I work in a noisey area.

Hopefully with a little planning and prep, I'll be okay.

 

[swimmer]

Oh Layla! I thought this was more a hypothetical question thread --but you aren''t DancingFire so I should have checked earlier.

Wow, it is great that you have info and even though it is not conclusive, it is not definitive either...well heck, get excited about no PCOS, right? But still mucho hugs out to you for going through this insanity. Wow, glad that this downward spiral is post-wedding, John is amazing. You are a wonderful couple to support each other in trying times, the Ghanaian saying is something like: only when the fabric is tested and pulled do you see the real strength and beauty in the design.

You have gotten great advice on dealing with people, the deep breath is such an amazing tool. Hugs to you and John, thinking of you!

 

[mia1181]

YAY for John''s interview! Sending lots of dust.

Saturday is good for me and my feet have been DYING for a pedi. You should see the chipped polish I have been rockin''!

AmberGretchen- are you in? (Should we email her?)

 

[Burk]

Sorry I didn''t read this earlier! So sorry for everything you''ve been going through, Gypsy! *hugs* Good luck transitioning back to work!

 

[asscher_girl]

Hey Gypsy, so sorry to hear about all of this, you poor thing. I hope you get better soon! Sending you some healthy ps dust! And I''ll keep my fingers crossed for John''s job interview! How are you guys liking your new place, all settled in?

 

[Upgradable]

Stopping by to see how you''re feeling Gypsy? Hope you''re doing better. How did the partial work days at home go? Still, read the clues your body is giving you and rest when you need to. It''s better in the long run to sacrifice in the short.

I''ll also add my observations that many of the derogotory terms associated with losing one''s temper and mental control are very misogynistic! Hysterical, bitchy, even lunatic. Well, I still say it''s a good thing that the women are the one''s who are responsible for bearing and weaning the young, because if our species had to rely on men to do that, we''d have become extinct LONG before now!!!

 

[Harleigh]

Hi Layla,

I thought I chimed in a few days ago when VRBeauty clued me in to your not feeling well, but I don''t see my post. I still don''t have my computer back yet, and work has been so frustrating that I haven''t had time to get on here.

I''m so sorry you''re having to deal with so much...I truly hope you are managing as well as you can and continue to get more information.

Hang in there, and in case you didn''t see it in the GTG thread, it was lovely to meet you and John back in January...hope we can do it again!

Feel better soon!