is it appropriate for the girl to expect her bf to spend...

[IndiBlue]

I could never imagine having an "expectation" on something as symbolic as an engagment ring.

My FI and I got engaged on January 25th and he purposed without a ring- Which was perfect! I didn''t feel the pressure of likeling something that he picked out and it was still a suprise. We had the good fortune of having a family heirloom stone pass down to us. The stone in and of it''s self isn''t as big as some of my friend''s, but I have a piece of history and I wouldn''t trade it for the world!

I don''t view the ring I wear as mine alone. It''s ours- It means as much to him as it does to me and for that reason alone anything that he would have given me would have been perfect.

 

[fire&ice]

I don''t think it appropriate to expect x carat & x amount of money. I *do* think it appropriate for a women to expect that a man spend energy thinking about how special he can make the ring considering *her* desires.

 

[dhog]

Date: 2/21/2006 2:42:45 PM
Author: decodelighted
I think more girls have e-ring expectations than are willing to admit it. We've been brougbt up with 'be grateful for any gift you get' ... but, honestly, and I'm sure I'm gonna stir something up with this comment: girls: ring size = boys: p*nis size.

If ladies had the ability to buy our fellas a foot-long-d*ng ... I think they'd have expectations too.

If we can't have it our way, why should you be able to have it your way.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 2/22/2006 1:00:55 PM
Author: dhog

Date: 2/21/2006 2:42:45 PM

Author: decodelighted

I think more girls have e-ring expectations than are willing to admit it. We''ve been brougbt up with ''be grateful for any gift you get'' ... but, honestly, and I''m sure I''m gonna stir something up with this comment: girls: ring size = boys: p*nis size.


If ladies had the ability to buy our fellas a foot-long-d*ng ... I think they''d have expectations too.

If we can''t have our way, why should you be able to have your way.

I can''t really argue about that, dhog. (But I can withold sex).

 

[dhog]

removed

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 2/22/2006 3:00:39 PM
Author: dhog
Is this the true meaning of 'you gotta pay to play'

I assure you (and my FI would gladly testify) that I was only teasing about "pay to play". I'm sure everyone would love to "have fun along the way" as well as a 1.7ct diamond (though some ladies on here are 3ct cravers!) .. I, myself, am fully, completely, gloriously, smoke 'em if you've got 'em afterwards, satisfied with the 1.5 ct e-ring I'm currently wearing - as well as the smokin' fiance that proposed with it. We both hope to have as much fun as possible "along the way" ... maybe we'll contribute to a "vacation fund" instead of an "upgrade fund".

((Happy now, Dhog? ... coding error ... geez ... over-serious much?))

 

[LuvThatBling]

The answer to me depends on the man''s financial circumstances.

When DH & I married, he spent less than $2K on my ring and I was *thrilled* with it. Since he was a recent college graduate, I didn''t expect him to spend some big amount on my engagement ring. I loved him & wanted to marry him; the ring was just a bonus. We bought a house later that year, so I would never try to tell someone to jeopardize a financial goal over an engagement ring.

But if I were marrying a man like the one who posted here, and he proposed with the same ring, I''d probably say "no". Because to me, getting an less expensive ring from a man making a nice salary, would tell me that he didn''t think much of me, since he would know that I *love* jewelry and that I would want a nicer ring. I''m not saying that I''d want him to run out and buy something that he couldn''t afford, but the man said that he was cheap and that trait doesn''t appeal to me in a husband. I would expect that he is going to be reasonably generous with me, as I would be with him.

After saying all of that *whew*, I will say that there are some women who really don''t care that much about jewelry or about engagement rings. They''d rather spend the money on something else. And if she''d rather spend the money on something else, then that is fine as well. I don''t believe in trying to attain a certain status, that you have to spend x% of your salary on an e-ring or keeping up with the joneses.

 

[Morticia]

My cousin (we''re not that close) told her then FI, before they were engaged, not to show up with anything less than 3 carats. I remember my grandmother and aunt thinking that was soooooooooooooo funny.

Same cousin whose parents took out a second mortgage on their house to give her the big "princessy" wedding she wanted.

Oh, and I went to that wedding. It was the cheesiest one I''ve been to yet. lol.

 

[dhog]

ALL JOKING ASIDE

I will say that if I could have afforded a beautiful
diamond 19 years ago I would have bought one.

my beautiful wife says the stone she has now has more meaning
now than then because of the hurdles and obsticles
that we had to overcome.

was I cheap no

were we poor yes

did we have other prioritys 3 children

do we regret it no

did it affect our love for one another no

she wore a 10 dollar band for 19 years because she loved me

and now its her turn to bask in the sun and live her life long
dream of wearing a beautiful diamond that her and I will
cherish forever

 

[autumngems]

I didn''t expect or desire anything specific as I wasn''t into jewelry at that point. I knew I didn''t want a Kentucky cluster, lol.
He gave me a .25 carat round and it sparkled like you would not believe. My teachers (senior year) would tell me they could see it coming down the hall. After 8 years I got the 1.11 oval and have been buying diamonds ever since. I set aside my engagement ring for my daughter and will pass it to her when she''s 18.

 

[sxn675]

I don''t know about having an actual dollar amount or carat size in mind. I also don''t think going into debt for a ring is a good idea. I do think that the ring should be a "significant" purchase given the person''s financial constraints etc. I agree with the person who said that it shouldn''t be "pocket money" (barring millionaire status of course!).

I would be very hurt if my husband spent a huge amount of time and money picking out a car or something for his hobbies, and hardly spent any time, energy or money on my ring (unless he had a family ring or something, but that is different). That''s not to say that I equate money with love. But, I do love jewels and my husband knows it, so I''d expect him to keep that in mind when purchasing a gift with which to ask me to spend my life with him!

 

[msdarlinjoy]

Hi Dancing Fire,

I accepted my hubby''s proposal with out a ring. He did have some money set aside, about $3,000.00. (It definately wasn''t 2 months salary, that''s for sure! Maybe I should of held out longer?) We were going to go ring shopping, but we were spending alot of money at the time on an attorney to help his youngest son who was in a bad situation. I knew that court costs were going to be enourmous in the upcoming year, and I told him that I could not in any shape or form accept such a gift when the child needed the help, and the money would help do just that.

When we were about to get married, we still were shelling out lots of money for attorneys, and I picked out a pave setting for like $700.00 WG and slipped a CZ that I got from Wink! It''s not until almost 2 yrs later that I will be getting a real diamond, and it definately is less than the orriginal amount of money he was going to spend. I am just thankful that I am getting a real stone, and of course did my homework to get the best possible for our money.

I don''t think it is wise for a man to buy a diamond that he can not affoard and put it on plastic. I know lot''s of people do it, It just doesn''t make any financial sense to pay all that intrest (Down the drain). I think it would be wiser to buy a small diamond with someone who has an upgrade policy, save the money over the next couple of years, and then get the upgrade. That''s just my .03 though.

I don''t think it is wise for a man to buy his future wife a $2,000.00 ring when in fact he buys himself a toy that costs $4,000.00 either! Give and take, be respectful of eachother, don''t be selfish, treat the other like you want to be treated, etc...

I think both should be involved in a conversation about life ... and what life means ... circumstances, and financial challenges, planing for the future, etc...

I agree, there are women out there that are spoiled rotton, think the world revolves around only their wishes and desires, but also, I have met men who were the same way! If I were a guy and a woman told me not to show up unless I had a 2ct diamond, I wouldn''t show up! There are lots of nice fish out in the sea of life, I would just go back fishin!

I think most girls grow up thinking of the "special day". I think most women, and I could be wrong, but I think most women would just like to feel special in the way that their husband to be, actually took the time and energy to find a way to "sweep" them off of their feet. A ring doesn''t have to be involved. But consideration, creativity, thoughtfullness & love should be. I think most of us still long for the old days ... where the prospective man would court the lady for days on end. Most didn''t have much $ back then for a fancy ring, or fancy wedding, but they made up for it in different ways. Writing a short poem, playing an instrument, if they were a type of crastsman ... they would make her something, bringing flowers to her that were hand picked from the garden, some of these things I think are more simple, yet have more feeling and emotion connected to it.

I also think myself, the man kinda gets jipped! Woman gets $2,000.00 + ring, and what does the man get? Even though that my initial ring cost under $1,000.00, I knew eventually that my husband would be getting me a real diamond (Oh he really didn''t like the fact that my ring had a CZ in it, but I am a stuborn woman who wasn''t going to do the credit card thing!) and I only spent I think $100.00 bucks on his titanium ring (Metal allergies) so I thought to myself, what could I give him that would be very special to him, that he would use at least weekly ... if not daily and would make his soul happy ... so I bought him a $1,400.00 electric guitar from money that I had been saving over the previous year for a diamond ring for him. It took 3 different families to secretly store, and transport that darn guitar the day of the wedding so that I could give it to him at the hotel on our wedding day. (He was so surprised, and pleased to say the least!)

I feel that you marry the guy, not the jewelry ... so if a woman demanded something and was unreasonable ... I would have to pass on the woman!

Thanks for an interesting thread!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/27/2006 1:25:50 AM
Author: Mrs Darlin Joy
Hi Dancing Fire,


I don''t think it is wise for a man to buy a diamond that he can not affoard and put it on plastic. I know lot''s of people do it, It just doesn''t make any financial sense to pay all that intrest (Down the drain). I think it would be wiser to buy a small diamond with someone who has an upgrade policy, save the money over the next couple of years, and then get the upgrade. That''s just my .03 though.

what those women don''t realize is that after the marriage the e-ring debt becomes both of their debt.

I also think myself, the man kinda gets jipped! Woman gets $2,000.00 + ring, and what does the man get?

SEX?

I feel that you marry the guy, not the jewelry ... so if a woman demanded something and was unreasonable ... I would have to pass on the woman!

i should of marry you.

Thanks for an interesting thread!

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 2/27/2006 4:26:08 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 2/27/2006 1:25:50 AM
Author: Mrs Darlin Joy
Hi Dancing Fire,


i should of marry you.

Wait a MINUTE......i''M very HURT now DF

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/27/2006 4:45:08 AM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 2/27/2006 4:26:08 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 2/27/2006 1:25:50 AM
Author: Mrs Darlin Joy
Hi Dancing Fire,


i should of marry you.

Wait a MINUTE......i''M very HURT now DF

good morning Lorelei

don''t worry, you are still my brit GF.

time for bed.

after i check the UK stock market.

 

[Lorelei]

Thats all right then...stare........

have fun with the stock market and sweet dreams

 

[msdarlinjoy]

Date: 2/27/2006 4:26:08 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 2/27/2006 1:25:50 AM
Author: Mrs Darlin Joy
Hi Dancing Fire,


I don''t think it is wise for a man to buy a diamond that he can not affoard and put it on plastic. I know lot''s of people do it, It just doesn''t make any financial sense to pay all that intrest (Down the drain). I think it would be wiser to buy a small diamond with someone who has an upgrade policy, save the money over the next couple of years, and then get the upgrade. That''s just my .03 though.

what those women don''t realize is that after the marriage the e-ring debt becomes both of their debt.

I also think myself, the man kinda gets jipped! Woman gets $2,000.00 + ring, and what does the man get?

SEX?

I feel that you marry the guy, not the jewelry ... so if a woman demanded something and was unreasonable ... I would have to pass on the woman!

i should of marry you.

Thanks for an interesting thread!

Dancing Fire ... you are spot-on with the after marraige debt ... Hey what''s mine is now ours!

Sex for $2,000.00?

My hubby say''s "A hooker would cost less, and you could get a new one anytime you wanted ... SEX, that is."

Dancing Fire ... I don''t know if you could stand me when I am being opinionated

and stuborn

?

As I get older, I am becoming a lil'' more daring and bold.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/28/2006 2:21:01 AM
Author: Mrs Darlin Joy

Date: 2/27/2006 4:26:08 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 2/27/2006 1:25:50 AM
Author: Mrs Darlin Joy
Hi Dancing Fire,


I don''t think it is wise for a man to buy a diamond that he can not affoard and put it on plastic. I know lot''s of people do it, It just doesn''t make any financial sense to pay all that intrest (Down the drain). I think it would be wiser to buy a small diamond with someone who has an upgrade policy, save the money over the next couple of years, and then get the upgrade. That''s just my .03 though.

what those women don''t realize is that after the marriage the e-ring debt becomes both of their debt.

I also think myself, the man kinda gets jipped! Woman gets $2,000.00 + ring, and what does the man get?

SEX?

I feel that you marry the guy, not the jewelry ... so if a woman demanded something and was unreasonable ... I would have to pass on the woman!

i should of marry you.

Thanks for an interesting thread!

Dancing Fire ... you are spot-on with the after marraige debt ... Hey what''s mine is now ours!

Sex for $2,000.00?

My hubby say''s ''A hooker would cost less, and you could get a new one anytime you wanted ... SEX, that is.''

Dancing Fire ... I don''t know if you could stand me when I am being opinionated

and stuborn

?

As I get older, I am becoming a lil'' more daring and bold.

ask Kobe how much it cost him?

 

[msdarlinjoy]

Ha,Ha,ha ...

Dancing Fire, If Kobe would have only just "Paid Up" it would have been alot less then what it "did" cost him ... Probably more than $2,000.00! And what ever happened to that diamond ring he bought for his wife as an after thought?

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 3/1/2006 2:05:53 AM
Author: Mrs Darlin Joy
Ha,Ha,ha ...

Dancing Fire, If Kobe would have only just ''Paid Up'' it would have been alot less then what it ''did'' cost him ... Probably more than $2,000.00! And what ever happened to that diamond ring he bought for his wife as an after thought?

i think, more like 3 million [$$)].

and she still have it.