Is it just me or is this

[miss_flo]

I was reading one of the syndicate advice columns running in our paper recently when I came across this article: MISS MANNERS: Web weddings the new trend?

Are these women totally out of touch with contemporary wedding etiquette or is it just me? Assuming the couples they''re discussing are in that "first wedding wave" age group of 21-25 year olds, they are also the same kids that grew up with AIM and MySpace and Facebook documenting their social lives. Why is it considered rude/tacky/upsetting to host a wedding profile with all their important information? Any clues or insight into their thinking would be appreciated

 

[miss_flo]

Crap sorry the title was meant to be "Is it just me or is this ''advice'' archaic?" It won''t let me edit the title now

 

[musey]

In this instance, I find "Miss Manners'" advice to be offensive. How dare she (and the "gentle reader," for that matter) draw the conclusions they did? Here's my favorite:

The unlimited space on the Internet seems to have turned everyone into the person no one wants to sit next to on the airplane. And beyond the widespread general desire to pour out their lives and thoughts to all and sundry, lovers are notoriously susceptible to believing that they are the center of the universe and the envy of all.

Excuuuuse me, but I thought I was being helpful to my guests by creating a wedding website. We posted a very comprehensive list of accommodations, detailed directions and maps coming from every direction, information on the venue and where we chose it, link to the registry information. It has absolutely nothing to do with spouting excessive information about ourselves. Having a wedding website does not automatically mean that we "believe we are the center of the universe and the envy of all." That thought would never, ever have entered my mind.


Good to know that the "older set" looks so poorly on this, what I thought was just a helpful planning tool for our guests. Maybe I shouldn't include the info on our invites.

 

[mirre]

I don''t know that I will have a wedding website... but I think that they are meant to be informative, fun, and helpful, it could also serve as a type of "scrapebook" after the wedding.

Miss Manners should probably take some of her own advice. I don''t exactly appreciate her bashing the ones who use the internet for their wedding things just because some people don''t. It''s not like they are singling people out I''m sure everyone gets an invite with directions or something like that. UGH!

I think all it is, is that the "gentle reader" and Miss Manners are probably a little old fashioned and aren''t used to that type of thing.

What I didn''t appreciate the most was that by putting information about your wedding and pictures and how you met one another on the internet for friends and family to see you are taking the ROMANCE out of getting married?!?

I wish I wouldn''t have read that... it''s pretty agrivating.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

I think it''s a generation gap thing. Even my mother, who has to use computers and the internet for her job, is often complaining about sites being too "busy" - which is how she describes a content heavy site. Think back to the way websites were structured even as recently as 10 years ago. They were not full of drop down menus and pop-up ads and they certainly were not created as frequently for personal use as they are today. More often than not early sites were simple text based HTML coding that was cut and dry. The newer, brighter, faster internet can be overwhelming to people who are not technology savvy. As long as you make your site an optional aspect for your guests (i.e pertinent info is distributed via snail mail) I think a website is a great resource for guests.

Having a website is nothing more than another way to get information to your guests fingertips when they need/want it. If you want to share your story, I think it''s fantastic. A lot of couples have very interesting stories to their relationships and I think it only adds to the romance of the wedding. It''s also helpful for people attending as a plus one. It''s a great way to research the groom and bride so you know a bit about them before meeting them on the biggest days of their lives.

The internet is how I see the future. In fact the other evening I was joking with several friends at soon weddings will be held via teleconference over the internet if you have extended family that can not make the event or if a relative is hospitalized.

In this case, I believe Miss Manners is showing her age

 

[anchor31]

Date: 10/16/2007 2:19:53 PM
Author: musey

In this instance, I find ''Miss Manners'''' advice to be offensive. How dare she (and the ''gentle reader,'' for that matter) draw the conclusions they did? Here''s my favorite:

The unlimited space on the Internet seems to have turned everyone into the person no one wants to sit next to on the airplane. And beyond the widespread general desire to pour out their lives and thoughts to all and sundry, lovers are notoriously susceptible to believing that they are the center of the universe and the envy of all.

Excuuuuse me, but I thought I was being helpful to my guests by creating a wedding website. We posted a very comprehensive list of accommodations, detailed directions and maps coming from every direction, information on the venue and where we chose it, link to the registry information. It has absolutely nothing to do with spouting excessive information about ourselves. Having a wedding website does not automatically mean that we ''believe we are the center of the universe and the envy of all.'' That thought would never, ever have entered my mind.


Good to know that the ''older set'' looks so poorly on this, what I thought was just a helpful planning tool for our guests. Maybe I shouldn''t include the info on our invites.

I have nothing to say here but DITTO!

 

[nessvan12]

Date: 10/16/2007 2:45:31 PM
Author: Keepingthefaith21


I think it's a generation gap thing. Even my mother, who has to use computers and the internet for her job, is often complaining about sites being too 'busy' - which is how she describes a content heavy site. Think back to the way websites were structured even as recently as 10 years ago. They were not full of drop down menus and pop-up ads and they certainly were not created as frequently for personal use as they are today. More often than not early sites were simple text based HTML coding that was cut and dry. The newer, brighter, faster internet can be overwhelming to people who are not technology savvy. As long as you make your site an optional aspect for your guests (i.e pertinent info is distributed via snail mail) I think a website is a great resource for guests.

Having a website is nothing more than another way to get information to your guests fingertips when they need/want it. If you want to share your story, I think it's fantastic. A lot of couples have very interesting stories to their relationships and I think it only adds to the romance of the wedding. It's also helpful for people attending as a plus one. It's a great way to research the groom and bride so you know a bit about them before meeting them on the biggest days of their lives.

The internet is how I see the future. In fact the other evening I was joking with several friends at soon weddings will be held via teleconference over the internet if you have extended family that can not make the event or if a relative is hospitalized.

In this case, I believe Miss Manners is showing her age

Um...yea, what she said...

Funny you say that about weddings over the internet. tHere is a church here in San Antonio that offers that service as part of the wedding package so that OOT family and friends can still witness the ceremony if they can't make it! I think thats a great idea. I have family who don't live in this country that would love to still be able to feel a part.

 

[robbie3982]

Personally, I love wedding websites. I love to read the story of how they met and how the proposal happened. I like to see how the bridal party knows the couple. If you''re not interested enough in the couple to want to know this stuff, why would you be going to the wedding???

 

[Pandora II]

I'm having a website - and even my ultra-conservative, etiquette obsessed, very formal parents think it's a great idea.

My cousin is getting married in May and I just got the most boring looking STD, with 'I've given your mother some advice on accommodation' written at the top.

Well, FI and I are in our mid-30's and haven't lived with our parents for about 17 years now, I resent being treated like some child who will obviously go where my mother goes. It would have ben so much better to have a website setting out accommodation ideas so I could have got on and booked it by now. As it is I rang my mother - who can't remember where she put the info!

All our friends have busy jobs and would prefer to have everything online. For example I have put links to the train-ticket booking line on the directions page and links to various activities in the area, hotels etc etc.


That said, when I looked down the links of possible pages one could have on 'wedding.window.com', it could become a bit nauseating if you did all of them.

I went for a welcome page, a brief history of how we met and the proposal. The other pages are mainly directions, accommodation, rsvps, information the venue wants me to give on smoking, children, safety (the place is full of 11th century ruins) and English Heritage rules.

I did a short page on our families - with a photo of each member and two vaguely humorous lines on each and the same for the bridal party. A lot of people coming only know one of us and haven't seen us in years - so a good way to catch up with our lives, and have an idea of who some people are before they get there.

 

[anchor31]

I agree with Pandora, my website is very minimal as well. We didn''t even put stories or pictures of our BP or family, as per their request. There''s nothing showoff-y about it, just useful information people are going to need (time and place of events, accomodations, restaurants and things to do, maps, contact info and FAQs...). Only my parents are local, people will have to drive 1-6 hours to come, and I couldn''t justify spending a fortune on postage (and wasting a ton of paper!) sending maps and stuff to everyone.

 

[KimberlyH]

I''ve seen wedding websites that make me feel like the letter writer and Miss Manners,and I''ve been to weddings where I''ve felt like an extra in a production, not a guest helping celebrate the bride and grooms'' wedding day.

I''ve also seen well done wedding websites that provide necessary and helpful information (I''m in the don''t announce where you''re registered camp, even on your website, if I want/need to know I''ll ask).

I''m 4 months into being 30, so there''s no generation gap here, I just think that more often than not less is more than enough.

 

[miss_flo]

Thanks for the responses! I''m beginning to realize that web page phobia isn''t simply a generational issue, though that''s a factor. It seems many people feel that romance is closely tied to mystery, both within the relationship and from the perspective of outsiders. I "get" that many people are private and expect others to be the same, and I see that over-sharing is considered faux pas and tasteless to some.

Still, I think Miss Manners was off for launching an attack on people who do choose to supplement their wedding invitations with a web site. In lieu of all the travel brochures and event pamphlets she referred to, it saves a lot of paper and money to provide that info on a site with links and print options. All the web sites of weddings I''ve attended recently were tasteful and helpful, rather than obnoxious and selfish.

Then again, I suppose it depends on which circles you run with. I can imagine some people abusing the privilege of unlimited space by jamming Flash players and graphics and glamor shots into a site to make it flashier.

Which is just dumb.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 10/17/2007 4:05:53 PM
Author: news_girl
Thanks for the responses! I''m beginning to realize that web page phobia isn''t simply a generational issue, though that''s a factor. It seems many people feel that romance is closely tied to mystery, both within the relationship and from the perspective of outsiders. I ''get'' that many people are private and expect others to be the same, and I see that over-sharing is considered faux pas and tasteless to some.

Still, I think Miss Manners was off for launching an attack on people who do choose to supplement their wedding invitations with a web site. In lieu of all the travel brochures and event pamphlets she referred to, it saves a lot of paper and money to provide that info on a site with links and print options. All the web sites of weddings I''ve attended recently were tasteful and helpful, rather than obnoxious and selfish.

Then again, I suppose it depends on which circles you run with. I can imagine some people abusing the privilege of unlimited space by jamming Flash players and graphics and glamor shots into a site to make it flashier.

Which is just dumb.

Maybe so... On the other hand, I like that our aunts will be able to read where were at in our lives, how we met, etc. on the website so they don''t start asking me how old I am and if I''m still in high school (um... graduated college?) AT the wedding, ya know?

 

[miss_flo]

Anchor: That's exactly why I rely on wedding sites for certain situations!

lol Many of my engaged friends are in the military or went away for college, which means I know nothing about their fiancee and very little about their relationship together. It helps to have information like that so I don't embarrass myself by asking an obvious question. Thanks for your reply!

 

[nebe]

Miss Manners...

Almost everyone I know who has been married in the last five years has had a wedding website. It''s not self-centered. It''s helpful.