Is it okay to flirt or hit on a married person?

[missy]

Either directly or indirectly. Whichever is more comfortable for you.

Normally, I'd say that too, Missy...

But this seems like it's an ongoing issue...

"When the guy asks me if I "missed" him, I usually respond: "I'm working, I don't think about anything but what I'm working on".

It just seems like indirect isn't working...

Yeah, then directly is the best way. It depends on the specific situation for sure. And while I dislike confrontation I do not shy away from it if necessary. It sucks to be put in such an uncomfortable situation and sometimes I really wonder what people are thinking.

 

[kenny]

Before I got married, I had lots of friends male and female....but noticed that I have stopped hanging out with a lot of my male friends because they have said some things which made me uncomfortable, even though they know I've been happily married for 15 years. I've kept in touch with "friends" on Facebook only, and keep my distance. There are a few offenders at work too, which I have no idea how to deal with! So here are some of the things these so-called friends have said:
1) one asked on Facebook: if you were not married right now, would you have accepted a dinner date with me?
2) an old friend from middle school confessed he had the biggest crush and asked if he "swooped in" and kissed me, what would I have done?
3) a guy at work constantly tells me my husband is a lucky guy, he wishes he were my hubby, or make references wanting
To find a girl "just like me"
4)Another guy keeps asking why I don't go to lunch with him and o my hang out with my gal pals at work. He never invites
other people, only me, and when passing my office he'd stick his head in and ask "miss me"?

I think I'm a prude, and I'm not flattered by these comments. They make me uncomfortable. When I told dh, he blew a gasket and told me that I had to be a b&#@h and tell these guys off once and for all! Is he right? Are these behaviors harmless in your opinion? Should I shrug it off, or do something about it? Take action about the 2 guys at work?

Honoring a marriage vow is NOT being a prude.
It is honoring a vow.
I wish more people would.

Tell these jerks the truth, that you are uncomfortable being the object of the type interest they are showing you.
If they continue repeat the exact same words, if necessary two or three times.
If it still continues end the friendship, and if at work report him to HR.
These guys are out of line.

And don't explain anything to them.
Feeling you need to do so gives these guys more power over you and they know it.
You are the boss of how you are to be treated by others.
You don't like it. PERIOD!

 

[CJ2008]

Either directly or indirectly. Whichever is more comfortable for you.

Normally, I'd say that too, Missy...

But this seems like it's an ongoing issue...

"When the guy asks me if I "missed" him, I usually respond: "I'm working, I don't think about anything but what I'm working on".

It just seems like indirect isn't working...

Yeah, then directly is the best way. It depends on the specific situation for sure. And while I dislike confrontation I do not shy away from it if necessary. It sucks to be put in such an uncomfortable situation and sometimes I really wonder what people are thinking.

Definitely depends on the situation. I hate confrontation and will usually try other ways first but if I ask directly and you ignore me then I will tell you straight out.

(sorry for the mini threadjack jaysonsmom)

 

[GliderPoss]

In a word? NO. I would be furious if it were the other way around and my husband's co-workers were shamelessly hitting on him so I would definitely not accept this. I'd be making it very clear to all that although it's very flattering - I'm not interested so please dont ask...

 

[kenny]

In a word? NO. I would be furious if it were the other way around and my husband's co-workers were shamelessly hitting on him so I would definitely not accept this. I'd be making it very clear to all that although it's very flattering - I'm not interested so please dont ask...

I'd absolutely NOT tell these men what they are doing is flattering.
That will be misinterpreted as encouragement by these guys who think with their cucumbers.

It's not like she's turning down a proposal of marriage (which calls for nice manners) … these guys are doing something NOT honorable.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Facebook is easy....DO NOT answer them! Delete their question so it is clear that you aren't interested in flirting back. Hopefully they will go away. But if they come back with the question again, just unfriend them.

I agree with the others as far as the office goes. I would say, I do not go to lunch alone with men as I am married, so no need to ask again.

Married people flirting with the opposite sex is asking for trouble, so don't be surprised when trouble comes. As Kenny said, flirting absolutely can be misinterpreted. I wouldn't be happy at all if my husband did it, so I don't do it either.

 

[Dancing Fire]

J'smom...when are you available for lunch?...

 

[LaraOnline]

Well I am very old school and my actual life style does not really facilitate much mixing with available men tbh...
so this all seems a bit much and I would avoid.
The closest I ever got was a facebook connection with a rather sexy guy I knew before I married, and he started messaging me a lot, asked to meet up and sent me photos of himself (clothed!!) I'm afraid I just froze him out.

 

[monarch64]

Kenny's answers make so much sense to me, JaysonsMom.

Here's what I think, aside from what I originally posted:

Marriage is something to be protected. You protect it because you took really serious vows. You protect it because you protect your relationship with this person you've chosen against all others. You protect it because it's this really important thing that you went to a lot of trouble for and spent a lot of money on.

An aside: So many people are FIGHTING just for the right to be married. And yet, we (heteros, yup I'm getting political)take it for granted.

If someone hits on me or says anything disrespectful towards my marriage? I am damn well going to tell my husband, and if the same thing happens to him, he is damn well going to tell me. And we are damn well going to figure it out TOGETHER. Your post brought up a good conversation in my own marriage today. Thank you.

Marriage is a legal oath, something people are FIGHTING for the right to in America. It's not cool that people just take it for granted. My husband and I made a huge committment so we could spend the rest of our lives together, legally. And everyone should have that right. Anyone tries to **** with that? NOT A GOOD PERSON. PERIOD.

 

[momhappy]

I guess that I don't see a little harmless flirting as taking a marriage for granted. From my understanding, nothing has happened with OP - She's not being dishonorable in terms of her marriage vows, she's not contemplated cheating, etc. It's a couple of guys, making a couple of odd comments, so I'm not sure what the fuss is about. As others have mentioned, if OP is uncomfortable with the odd comments/flirting, then tell the guys that you're not interested in that sort of dialogue and move on with life. In a sense, you invite those sorts of behaviors by not shutting them down when they occur.

 

[movie zombie]

....... In a sense, you invite those sorts of behaviors by not shutting them down when they occur.

I agree!

 

[junebug17]

Well, if the flirting is making you uncomfortable then it's not ok! Some women are ok with this kind of banter, but you're not and that's all that matters. It's interesting, these guys are flirting in a way that can be explained as socially acceptable (I can hear their defenses - What's wrong with asking a co-worker to lunch? just being friendly! I'm just kidding when I ask her if she misses me! What's wrong with joking around with a co-worker?) I think that's what's making confronting them seem awkward and making you feel as if you're overreacting - they're not really doing anything wrong per se or saying inappropriate things. They're skirting close to the line but not crossing it.

You are feeling uncomfortable so they are indeed doing something wrong - but they're not going to know this unless you tell them; these guys obviously need the direct approach - I guess they think they are being quite charming and witty

I sympathize with you, I hate confrontation as well - but if you want this annoying behavior to stop (and it does sound really, really annoying to me - a guy popping his head in all the time asking if you miss him, and him thinking he's quite the wit? Please.) then you're going to have to say something to them. It sounds like this whole thing is stressing you out, and who needs that?

For the lunch guy, I think I would just say "Look Bill, I'm going to have to be honest here - since I'm married, I just don't go to lunch with other guys so I'm not going to accept your inivite. Just wanted to let you know!" It might be hard for you but it's a perfectly reasonable thing to say. Won't it be great to not have this guy asking you anymore?

And for the "miss me" guy, I think you're going to have to say "Look Pete, I know you're just joking around, but I'm finding it really distracting when you do this. Could you do me a favor and stop? I'd really appreciate it!"

I think once you let these guys know their behavior is bothering you, they'll knock it off.

 

[TC1987]

They sound like creepers. Just say no and freeze them out. They enjoy making you uncomfortable. Don't play their game. Getting bent out of shape is unnecessary, just freeze them out.

^ I agree. It's one thing to say a "flirty" remark to some married person who is a platonic friend and it's well-established that it's just friendship and there's no real emotional intimacy and no physical hookup will ever occur. I think whatever is said as "flirty" remark, it's made for the benefit of the receiver, not the speaker. I think to be flirting, it has to be understood that it's more or less just idle chit-chat that ends right there.

a guy popping his head in all the time asking if you miss him, and him thinking he's quite the wit?

Reminds me of that Geico commercial: "It's. hump. day."
"Oh. How. could. I. miss. you. if. you. never. go. away."

 

[jaysonsmom]

I wish there were "LIKE" buttons on PS. I don't have time to post responses right now, but a lot of you gave me some good sound advice and great insight on the minds of men!

 

[kenny]

Well, if the flirting is making you uncomfortable then it's not ok! Some women are ok with this kind of banter, but you're not and that's all that matters. It's interesting, these guys are flirting in a way that can be explained as socially acceptable (I can hear their defenses - What's wrong with asking a co-worker to lunch? just being friendly! I'm just kidding when I ask her if she misses me! What's wrong with joking around with a co-worker?) I think that's what's making confronting them seem awkward and making you feel as if you're overreacting - they're not really doing anything wrong per se or saying inappropriate things. They're skirting close to the line but not crossing it.

Ah yes, that elusive "the line" which I actually define yet assume the entire universe agrees to.
Let's throw out the term 'common sense' as proof of where that line belongs.
Slippery slope, there.

I adamantly disagree that any of us must tolerate any such so-called social norm, especially when it comes to sexual oppression.
Each of us gets to put our foot down when we feel something crosses our opinion of where the line is.

Of course it's usually men oppressing women but any gender can be oppressor or victim.

 

[momhappy]

Who here has said that OP should tolerate the behavior? On the contrary, most of us have said that OP should address it (actually, many of us agree that OP should have addressed it loooooooong ago). Some of us have said that the situations that OP has described, sound relatively harmless, but that doesn't imply that those situations should be tolerated.
As far as whether or not these guys have done anything "wrong" well that's debatable in my book. Just because something makes us uncomfortable, doesn't necessarily mean that it's wrong. I am uncomfortable around sports mascots (the people who wear those costumes with the giant heads….. ), but that doesn't make them wrong, it just means that for some weird reason, they make me uncomfortable.

 

[pregcurious]

Jaysonsmom, I think you hit the nail on the head. I won't comment on the morality or right/wrong of it, but it's a sign that people don't respect marriage as something not to interfere with. It's bad enough when a marriage doesn't work between 2 people, but when other people interfer, it not just sad but ugly.

 

[momhappy]

Jaysonsmom, I think you hit the nail on the head. I won't comment on the morality or right/wrong of it, but it's a sign that people don't respect marriage as something not to interfere with. It's bad enough when a marriage doesn't work between 2 people, but when other people interfer, it not just sad but ugly.

But as a receiver of flirting, aren't you obligated (as a married person) to deflect those sorts of advances? If you do nothing in response to the flirting, couldn't that also be perceived as a lack of respect for your own marriage?
My comments are not necessarily directed at OP - just general questions/comments about marriage & flirting.

 

[gem_anemone]

A little harmless flirting is ok in my book. Hitting on a married person is not ok and the person hitting on the married person is scum (IMO).

 

[missy]

Jaysonsmom, I think you hit the nail on the head. I won't comment on the morality or right/wrong of it, but it's a sign that people don't respect marriage as something not to interfere with. It's bad enough when a marriage doesn't work between 2 people, but when other people interfer, it not just sad but ugly.

But as a receiver of flirting, aren't you obligated (as a married person) to deflect those sorts of advances? If you do nothing in response to the flirting, couldn't that also be perceived as a lack of respect for your own marriage?
My comments are not necessarily directed at OP - just general questions/comments about marriage & flirting.

Yes, I agree with this. If someone is flirting with you (and it makes you uncomfortable or would make your SO unhappy if he/she was there) and you do nothing to let that person know it is not acceptable you are part of the problem and it is disrespectful to your spouse and to your marriage.

 

[sonnyjane]

Jaysonsmom, I think you hit the nail on the head. I won't comment on the morality or right/wrong of it, but it's a sign that people don't respect marriage as something not to interfere with. It's bad enough when a marriage doesn't work between 2 people, but when other people interfer, it not just sad but ugly.

But as a receiver of flirting, aren't you obligated (as a married person) to deflect those sorts of advances? If you do nothing in response to the flirting, couldn't that also be perceived as a lack of respect for your own marriage?
My comments are not necessarily directed at OP - just general questions/comments about marriage & flirting.

Yes, I agree with this. If someone is flirting with you (and it makes you uncomfortable or would make your SO unhappy if he/she was there) and you do nothing to let that person know it is not acceptable you are part of the problem and it is disrespectful to your spouse and to your marriage.

I may be off-base, but I also find it a bit odd that the OP told her husband. Naturally he was upset to hear that news. Who wouldn't be? If someone hit on me and it made me uncomfortable, how does my husband benefit from hearing that news? I feel like you'd only share that information with your husband if you wanted to incite anger or jealousy.

 

[jaysonsmom]

Jaysonsmom, I think you hit the nail on the head. I won't comment on the morality or right/wrong of it, but it's a sign that people don't respect marriage as something not to interfere with. It's bad enough when a marriage doesn't work between 2 people, but when other people interfer, it not just sad but ugly.

But as a receiver of flirting, aren't you obligated (as a married person) to deflect those sorts of advances? If you do nothing in response to the flirting, couldn't that also be perceived as a lack of respect for your own marriage?
My comments are not necessarily directed at OP - just general questions/comments about marriage & flirting.

Yes, I agree with this. If someone is flirting with you (and it makes you uncomfortable or would make your SO unhappy if he/she was there) and you do nothing to let that person know it is not acceptable you are part of the problem and it is disrespectful to your spouse and to your marriage.

I may be off-base, but I also find it a bit odd that the OP told her husband. Naturally he was upset to hear that news. Who wouldn't be? If someone hit on me and it made me uncomfortable, how does my husband benefit from hearing that news? I feel like you'd only share that information with your husband if you wanted to incite anger or jealousy.

I shared the information with my husband because a couple of these events happened in the past week (being pesterd to go to lunch, and the FB "friend" asking if I would have gone out if I were not married), and I was finally at my breaking point. I asked my husband what type of signals am I giving off that I'm not aware of? He told me that some guys are scum and they will test my boundaries, and that is why he never introduced me to his guy friends until we were a "solid" item. They will hit on a women married or not. My husband is also the type to tell me if he notices other men oogling me....I tend to talk about everything with my husband, is that wrong?

 

[missy]

Jaysonsmom, I think you hit the nail on the head. I won't comment on the morality or right/wrong of it, but it's a sign that people don't respect marriage as something not to interfere with. It's bad enough when a marriage doesn't work between 2 people, but when other people interfer, it not just sad but ugly.

But as a receiver of flirting, aren't you obligated (as a married person) to deflect those sorts of advances? If you do nothing in response to the flirting, couldn't that also be perceived as a lack of respect for your own marriage?
My comments are not necessarily directed at OP - just general questions/comments about marriage & flirting.

Yes, I agree with this. If someone is flirting with you (and it makes you uncomfortable or would make your SO unhappy if he/she was there) and you do nothing to let that person know it is not acceptable you are part of the problem and it is disrespectful to your spouse and to your marriage.

I may be off-base, but I also find it a bit odd that the OP told her husband. Naturally he was upset to hear that news. Who wouldn't be? If someone hit on me and it made me uncomfortable, how does my husband benefit from hearing that news? I feel like you'd only share that information with your husband if you wanted to incite anger or jealousy.

Not necessarily. I would not keep that from my dh either. Perhaps the OP was looking for some advice from her dh. Keeping something like this secret would make it look like there was something to hide. And I know I would be majorly pissed if my dh kept something like this from me.

 

[missy]

Jaysonsmom, I think you hit the nail on the head. I won't comment on the morality or right/wrong of it, but it's a sign that people don't respect marriage as something not to interfere with. It's bad enough when a marriage doesn't work between 2 people, but when other people interfer, it not just sad but ugly.

But as a receiver of flirting, aren't you obligated (as a married person) to deflect those sorts of advances? If you do nothing in response to the flirting, couldn't that also be perceived as a lack of respect for your own marriage?
My comments are not necessarily directed at OP - just general questions/comments about marriage & flirting.

Yes, I agree with this. If someone is flirting with you (and it makes you uncomfortable or would make your SO unhappy if he/she was there) and you do nothing to let that person know it is not acceptable you are part of the problem and it is disrespectful to your spouse and to your marriage.

I may be off-base, but I also find it a bit odd that the OP told her husband. Naturally he was upset to hear that news. Who wouldn't be? If someone hit on me and it made me uncomfortable, how does my husband benefit from hearing that news? I feel like you'd only share that information with your husband if you wanted to incite anger or jealousy.

I shared the information with my husband because a couple of these events happened in the past week (being pesterd to go to lunch, and the FB "friend" asking if I would have gone out if I were not married), and I was finally at my breaking point. I asked my husband what type of signals am I giving off that I'm not aware of? He told me that some guys are scum and they will test my boundaries, and that is why he never introduced me to his guy friends until we were a "solid" item. They will hit on a women married or not. My husband is also the type to tell me if he notices other men oogling me....I tend to talk about everything with my husband, is that wrong?

We crossed post Jaysonsmom. I agree. Keeping secrets are not good and I share everything with my dh too.

 

[jaysonsmom]

I have to say... I am an attractive, smart, funny person, but at work, I've NEVER received comments like that. I receive them from strangers at the bar, but I've worked with a lot of guys and have never had comments that are that direct. Are you sure you're not in some way misleading them? When they make those comments, what's your reaction?

Noticed you keep making these comments that seem to point the fingers at me. I didn't make these things up. The probability me of me being hit on or flirted with may be higher because I have a few years on you, plus, these did not all happen at the same time....it is spread over almost 20 years of being a working adult, and I work in a huge corporation with hundreds of people in the same building.

 

[JewelFreak]

It was a great idea to talk this over with your DH, JM -- getting the male perspective is helpful & sounds like he gave you good info. It's not easy for men & women to figure out what each other is thinking, or meaning, in most cases.

I agree with him that there are bozos who will hit on any woman -- some just think it's fun, many want to prove to themselves that they're Big Dudes, which is kind of sad.

Of course you're not making it up & I don't think anyone believes that. Most women have had guys make comments to them. I used to laugh most of them off & secretly take them as a compliment, which you can do. Others who persisted, I told to buzz off & was careful not to say anything that could be taken as flirtatious -- even by somebody looking for it -- after that. Friendly & impersonal. You can do that too.

Realize that, if you took most comment-makers up, they'd be terrified. They're not serious; they may be clumsy flirts, who knows? Let most of it slide off you. Tell the last guy to hit the road & have lunch with somebody else.

--- Laurie

 

[Dancing Fire]

[quote="missy|1393288828|
We crossed post Jaysonsmom. I agree. Keeping secrets are not good and I share everything with my dh too.[/quote]



What he doesn't know won't hurt him...

 

[momhappy]

Jaysonsmom, I think you hit the nail on the head. I won't comment on the morality or right/wrong of it, but it's a sign that people don't respect marriage as something not to interfere with. It's bad enough when a marriage doesn't work between 2 people, but when other people interfer, it not just sad but ugly.

But as a receiver of flirting, aren't you obligated (as a married person) to deflect those sorts of advances? If you do nothing in response to the flirting, couldn't that also be perceived as a lack of respect for your own marriage?
My comments are not necessarily directed at OP - just general questions/comments about marriage & flirting.

Yes, I agree with this. If someone is flirting with you (and it makes you uncomfortable or would make your SO unhappy if he/she was there) and you do nothing to let that person know it is not acceptable you are part of the problem and it is disrespectful to your spouse and to your marriage.

I may be off-base, but I also find it a bit odd that the OP told her husband. Naturally he was upset to hear that news. Who wouldn't be? If someone hit on me and it made me uncomfortable, how does my husband benefit from hearing that news? I feel like you'd only share that information with your husband if you wanted to incite anger or jealousy.

I shared the information with my husband because a couple of these events happened in the past week (being pesterd to go to lunch, and the FB "friend" asking if I would have gone out if I were not married), and I was finally at my breaking point. I asked my husband what type of signals am I giving off that I'm not aware of? He told me that some guys are scum and they will test my boundaries, and that is why he never introduced me to his guy friends until we were a "solid" item. They will hit on a women married or not. My husband is also the type to tell me if he notices other men oogling me....I tend to talk about everything with my husband, is that wrong?

I don't necessarily think that it's wrong to share everything with your husband if that's what you choose to do. I don't share absolutely everything with mine, but we certainly share a lot. For something like this, it really would depend on the context as to whether or not it would be something that I would share. If I was genuinely seeking his honest advice and opinions on the matter, then yes, I would share.
I guess that my point was more about your response to the situations. It's my opinion that not deflecting the attention, is leaving the door open for more unwanted attention. You mentioned that you asked your DH if perhaps you were giving off signals. Do you think that by not rejecting the advances/flirting, that's the way you are possibly sending signals? Men might perceive your lack of rejection as an invitation to offer more flirting. In other words, you're not rejecting them, so maybe they think that there is some potential interest on your part? I will say, though, that not everyone who gets hit on (married or unmarried) is sending out some sort of signals. You might be doing absolutely nothing at all, and guys just like to flirt with you
I once had an old, close, guy friend message me on FB. He said something along the lines of "do you ever wonder what would have happened if we would have hooked up?" I politely replied by NOT dignifying his question with an answer and I instead told him that I was happily married, had children, etc. The deflection threw him off the trail and I went on with life.

 

[jaysonsmom]

Jaysonsmom, I think you hit the nail on the head. I won't comment on the morality or right/wrong of it, but it's a sign that people don't respect marriage as something not to interfere with. It's bad enough when a marriage doesn't work between 2 people, but when other people interfer, it not just sad but ugly.

But as a receiver of flirting, aren't you obligated (as a married person) to deflect those sorts of advances? If you do nothing in response to the flirting, couldn't that also be perceived as a lack of respect for your own marriage?
My comments are not necessarily directed at OP - just general questions/comments about marriage & flirting.

Yes, I agree with this. If someone is flirting with you (and it makes you uncomfortable or would make your SO unhappy if he/she was there) and you do nothing to let that person know it is not acceptable you are part of the problem and it is disrespectful to your spouse and to your marriage.

I may be off-base, but I also find it a bit odd that the OP told her husband. Naturally he was upset to hear that news. Who wouldn't be? If someone hit on me and it made me uncomfortable, how does my husband benefit from hearing that news? I feel like you'd only share that information with your husband if you wanted to incite anger or jealousy.

I shared the information with my husband because a couple of these events happened in the past week (being pesterd to go to lunch, and the FB "friend" asking if I would have gone out if I were not married), and I was finally at my breaking point. I asked my husband what type of signals am I giving off that I'm not aware of? He told me that some guys are scum and they will test my boundaries, and that is why he never introduced me to his guy friends until we were a "solid" item. They will hit on a women married or not. My husband is also the type to tell me if he notices other men oogling me....I tend to talk about everything with my husband, is that wrong?

I don't necessarily think that it's wrong to share everything with your husband if that's what you choose to do. I don't share absolutely everything with mine, but we certainly share a lot. For something like this, it really would depend on the context as to whether or not it would be something that I would share. If I was genuinely seeking his honest advice and opinions on the matter, then yes, I would share.
I guess that my point was more about your response to the situations. It's my opinion that not deflecting the attention, is leaving the door open for more unwanted attention. You mentioned that you asked your DH if perhaps you were giving off signals. Do you think that by not rejecting the advances/flirting, that's the way you are possibly sending signals? Men might perceive your lack of rejection as an invitation to offer more flirting. In other words, you're not rejecting them, so maybe they think that there is some potential interest on your part? I will say, though, that not everyone who gets hit on (married or unmarried) is sending out some sort of signals. You might be doing absolutely nothing at all, and guys just like to flirt with you
I once had an old, close, guy friend message me on FB. He said something along the lines of "do you ever wonder what would have happened if we would have hooked up?" I politely replied by NOT dignifying his question with an answer and I instead told him that I was happily married, had children, etc. The deflection threw him off the trail and I went on with life.

You're absolutely right, I should "shut them down completely" with total rejection, which I just did by unfriending one the FB offender, the other, my middle school friend I did not unfriend, because like most responders pointed out, it was just harmless reminiscing, and we live halfway across the world from each other, and have communicated once in the past 5 years when we first signed up on FB.

The coworker situations are tricky. I don't want them to think I'm 'overreacting' because I'm assuming they are hitting on me, what if they are really just interested in getting to know me via lunch, or making these comments as compliments, but being perceived as flirtatious (inappropriate) by me? I also have to see them everyday, and work together, so I don't want things to get awkward. I have made up my mind to tell off the one who asks me to lunch to stop asking because I'm a married woman who will not go out to eat with him one on one because don't think it is appropriate, but (thank God) this hasn't happened today!

 

[momhappy]

^Yes, you're right. The co-worker situation is awkward and deserves to be handled carefully. I agree with you that saying something like, "I'm happily married and don't go to lunch with men." Or just flat out, "Um, no" as a response to the "Did you miss me" comment. Good luck on your situation - I'm sure that you'll figure it out