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Is it tacky to wear better diamonds than the Bride??

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Date: 3/18/2010 12:03:54 PM
Author: IndyLady

Date: 3/17/2010 11:59:52 PM
Author: VRBeauty

Date: 3/17/2010 9:07:26 PM

Author: lightningbug

If your husband is more handsome is she going to ask you to leave him at home, too?
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Bahahaha!
+1

What IS it about weddings that brings out the worst in people? Ugh.

As much as I hate to say it.... just wear your channel set band. Otherwise she''ll fixate on that one petty detail and it''ll bug her forever.

I''d still like to smack her upside the head for you. Sheesh.
 
Date: 3/18/2010 12:27:57 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 3/17/2010 2:13:49 PM
Author: Haven
A wedding is about a marriage between two people.
Period.

When people make it about other things, that''s their issue, not mine.
ITA with Haven, and no one has a right to tell you what jewelry to wear and when. However, I also agree with SBDE. If you are gracious and willing to be minorly inconvenienced for the comfort and happiness of the bride, it would speak volumes of you, and you alone.
Trillionare said it beautifully.
 
If you obey your sisters request it will speak volumes.
One volume is you did a very kind and selfless thing on her special day.
Another volume is you are perpetuating family behavior of immature spoiled brats.

I sincerely believe both are true.
 
Date: 3/18/2010 12:37:22 PM
Author: geckodani
Date: 3/18/2010 12:27:57 PM
Author: trillionaire
Date: 3/17/2010 2:13:49 PM
Author: Haven
A wedding is about a marriage between two people.
Period.

When people make it about other things, that''s their issue, not mine.
ITA with Haven, and no one has a right to tell you what jewelry to wear and when. However, I also agree with SBDE. If you are gracious and willing to be minorly inconvenienced for the comfort and happiness of the bride, it would speak volumes of you, and you alone.
Trillionare said it beautifully.
I agree.
Thank you, Trill, (and SBDE) for reminding me to be gracious always.
I should change my response.
I can''t imagine my sister asking me to do such a thing, but if she did, and if it really meant something to her, I''d probably wear only my wedding band. I''d still think it was an unreasonably rude request, but I''ve overlooked much bigger things from my sisters because I love them so.
 
Date: 3/18/2010 12:58:36 PM
Author: Haven

Date: 3/18/2010 12:37:22 PM
Author: geckodani

Date: 3/18/2010 12:27:57 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 3/17/2010 2:13:49 PM
Author: Haven
A wedding is about a marriage between two people.
Period.

When people make it about other things, that''s their issue, not mine.
ITA with Haven, and no one has a right to tell you what jewelry to wear and when. However, I also agree with SBDE. If you are gracious and willing to be minorly inconvenienced for the comfort and happiness of the bride, it would speak volumes of you, and you alone.
Trillionare said it beautifully.
I agree.
Thank you, Trill, (and SBDE) for reminding me to be gracious always.
I should change my response.
I can''t imagine my sister asking me to do such a thing, but if she did, and if it really meant something to her, I''d probably wear only my wedding band. I''d still think it was an unreasonably rude request, but I''ve overlooked much bigger things from my sisters because I love them so.
+1
 
Date: 3/18/2010 12:56:08 PM
Author: kenny
If you obey your sisters request it will speak volumes.
One volume is you did a kind thing on her special day, but another volume is you are perpetuating family behavior of immature spoiled brats.

I sincerely believe both are true.
lol Kenny. Weddings do not happen everyday. If, for example, her sister asks her to remove her rings for the birth of her X # of children, for birthday parties, graduations, proms, etc, I am sure she will politely, say 'Thanks, but no thanks.'
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Please see Haven's amended response above, she expressed the sentiment perfectly.
 
I only have time to peruse the most recent responses right now. I have to go buy more things for the bachelorette party.....

I will be gracious and only wear the channel set at the church, although DH has suggested that I put on my other rings at the reception. They are what I feel comfortable in and what I want to be wearing while dancing with DH at a wedding.
Thank you for all of your advice and support. I will come back later and fully read your well thought out responses. I''m sure there are things I''ve missed while scanning.



Oh, and yes, apparently I will have to leave both DH and JT at home...
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I didn''t really say that!!
 
Wow, that is nuts. If your sister had mentioned very kindly and tactfully to you that she might feel "outshined" on her wedding day if you wore your diamonds, I would absolutely leave them at home. However, that comment about them being GAUDY? How passive aggressive and immature. Sounds like your sister needs a good lesson in Getting Over Yourself. I don''t care for my own sister''s ering - and, incidentally, neither does she and she plans to get it reset as soon as it''s possible for her. However, despite the fact that NEITHER of us like her ering, I have NEVER and would NEVER say one negative thing about it.

I think it''s a good compromise for you to not wear your rings during the ceremony and put them back on for the reception. It might even make her realize how ridiculous it was for her to wish that in the first place!
 
Sis thinks that diamonds are a waste of money, said that your rings are gaudy, and wants you to leave your anniversary band at home so you don't "outshine" her
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You are very gracious to accomodate her, SS. "You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din!"

 
I would do what she wants, only because it''s your sister, but I think it''s quite silly because she''ll be the only one wearing white, will, presumably, have a veil on, and will be the final person to walk down the aisle.... I have a feeling no one will be looking at her MOH''s hand. Just sayin''.
 
Date: 3/18/2010 1:27:20 PM
Author: somethingshiny
I only have time to peruse the most recent responses right now. I have to go buy more things for the bachelorette party.....

I will be gracious and only wear the channel set at the church, although DH has suggested that I put on my other rings at the reception. They are what I feel comfortable in and what I want to be wearing while dancing with DH at a wedding.
Thank you for all of your advice and support. I will come back later and fully read your well thought out responses. I''m sure there are things I''ve missed while scanning.

Oh, and yes, apparently I will have to leave both DH and JT at home...
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I didn''t really say that!!
better yet, let the bride wear all of your jewelry on her wedding day.
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I got kicked out of a wedding party once for being prettier than the bride.
The bride herself did not have issues, but her mother kept after her until I was ''unasked''.
People can be strange about weddings. Insecurity on parade.
I don''t really ''get'' though how sis says she doesn''t care about diamonds--but then expects you to leave your e-ring and wedding ring home?
It''s not like you''re planning to show up also wearing white and a veil.
If it were me, I''d have a good laugh in private but probably defer to her and wear the channel set only for the sake of peace at the actual wedding. Not that it will help matters, probably. Everyone still knows that you OWN the bling--which is the real problem. They don''t seriously think that Great Aunt Rhoda who flew in from far away will be so blinded by your rings that she''ll fail to notice the bride, they (I say ''they'' because there are some jealous bridesmaids colluding with sis on this)just want to make you feel uncomfortable. If they can attach words to your rings like ''gaudy'' and ''tacky'' in YOUR mind so that you feel self-conscious when you wear them from now on, it will make them happier about the fact that THEY don''t own your so-called tacky rings. They are behaving like witches and you should go to the wedding, whatever you decide, with your head held high.
 
Date: 3/17/2010 8:41:14 PM
Author: somethingshiny
I don''t have my original set anymore. My original diamond is in a pendant and the rest was traded in. All I have is my ''ering'' channel set band and 5 stone.


eta~ She could have had something PS worthy, but she thinks diamonds are a waste of money...
if she doesn''t value them then a) why does she have any and b) why does she care if you do? seriously folks!!

if it was ANYONE but your sister (or even a sister who irritated you lol) I wouldn''t budge. I hate feeling controlled and I would rebel!
 
Date: 3/18/2010 12:58:36 PM
Author: Haven
Date: 3/18/2010 12:37:22 PM

Author: geckodani

Date: 3/18/2010 12:27:57 PM

Author: trillionaire

Date: 3/17/2010 2:13:49 PM

Author: Haven

A wedding is about a marriage between two people.

Period.


When people make it about other things, that''s their issue, not mine.

ITA with Haven, and no one has a right to tell you what jewelry to wear and when. However, I also agree with SBDE. If you are gracious and willing to be minorly inconvenienced for the comfort and happiness of the bride, it would speak volumes of you, and you alone.

Trillionare said it beautifully.

I agree.

Thank you, Trill, (and SBDE) for reminding me to be gracious always.

I should change my response.

I can''t imagine my sister asking me to do such a thing, but if she did, and if it really meant something to her, I''d probably wear only my wedding band. I''d still think it was an unreasonably rude request, but I''ve overlooked much bigger things from my sisters because I love them so.

I think the WAY it has been done is rude - if my sister came to me and said look, I know this is irrational but it''s important to me blah blah blah... I would likely be soft and mushy - but the rude comments about being gaudy irritate me.
 
I just have to say, I''m several years older than my sis and I''ve pretty much always had a few nice pieces of jewelry. For proms and the like, sis would come to me and ask to borrow all of my good pieces instead of buying costume jewelry for the events. She USED to like my taste and took full advantage of my lenient lending policy. That''s why this has struck such a chord with me (and I kind of feel attacked). I think someone is pushing her to feel this way because it just doesn''t seem normal for her.

Yes, she considers diamonds a waste of money. So again, I''m not sure why it''s such a big deal if she seriously looks at my hand and thinks "what a waste!"

I am irritated at the way this was handled, mainly because it WASN''T handled. It was nasty and rude. Then I start going off on tangents in my mind thinking, "If she can''t handle a RING at her wedding, how will she handle MARRIAGE??"

I''m glad to see that I''m not crazy for not just removing my rings at once. Like I said, I''ll wear the simple ring at the ceremony and put on the rest at the reception. I really can''t see going to a wedding WITHOUT my rings, ya know??

I am concerned about giving in. It''s not usually in my temperament to back down especially on such a blatantly ridiculous issue. I do think Kenny has a point about the "spoiled brat" aspect, but I don''t see a way around it.



This is the first wedding I''ve been in. My friends were either married when I met them, currently engaged, or eloped. I was astounded when this started and I began to wonder if this was "normal" behavior. SOO glad to see it''s not.


Oh, and just for giggles, I thought I''d share the latest of Zilla....

My mom missed the last step in her house and broke her foot. Sis is PO''d because mom will be limping down the aisle. Mom has decided to wear pants to hide the cast instead of the skirt that she had originally chosen. Apparently, Mom is in trouble and it''s all her fault....

I can''t wait for this to be over....

Thanks again for all of your responses. I was so floored at first I was thinking in circles!!
 
Date: 3/18/2010 8:06:38 PM
Author: Black Jade
I got kicked out of a wedding party once for being prettier than the bride.
The bride herself did not have issues, but her mother kept after her until I was ''unasked''.
People can be strange about weddings. Insecurity on parade.
here''s one for you...the mother of the bride asked the daughter to pick the ugliest friend that she knew to be her MOH so that her daughter will look much prettier in front of all the guests.
 
Really, this is just ridiculous. I would wear your jewelry. Should I ask my mom not to wear her 4ct diamond ring my dad gave her for their 30th anniversary? It will take away from my 1 ct e-ring!!! I would not cave to stupidity and that is what this is.
 
Date: 3/18/2010 8:17:07 PM
Author: Cehrabehra
I think the WAY it has been done is rude - if my sister came to me and said look, I know this is irrational but it''s important to me blah blah blah... I would likely be soft and mushy - but the rude comments about being gaudy irritate me.
I agree that she was rude about the way she approached the issue.

HOWEVER, I firmly believe that one of the great luxuries of being a sister and of having a sister is that you can suffer from infrequent bouts of utter selfishness, irrational behavior, just plain rudeness, carelessness, callousness, shallowness, bratiness, and a whole rash of other "nesses" that I won''t list here, YET your sister(s) will always be there for you, and love you, anyway.

And THEN, once the appropriate time comes (in this case, when the big day is over), your sister(s) will smack you upside the head and tell you exactly what you did wrong and how you can do better next time.
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At least, that''s how it goes in my family. There are four of us, so the potential for drama is nearly without limits.
 
Date: 3/18/2010 8:59:01 PM
Author: somethingshiny
I just have to say, I''m several years older than my sis and I''ve pretty much always had a few nice pieces of jewelry. For proms and the like, sis would come to me and ask to borrow all of my good pieces instead of buying costume jewelry for the events. She USED to like my taste and took full advantage of my lenient lending policy. That''s why this has struck such a chord with me (and I kind of feel attacked). I think someone is pushing her to feel this way because it just doesn''t seem normal for her.

Yes, she considers diamonds a waste of money. So again, I''m not sure why it''s such a big deal if she seriously looks at my hand and thinks ''what a waste!''

I am irritated at the way this was handled, mainly because it WASN''T handled. It was nasty and rude. Then I start going off on tangents in my mind thinking, ''If she can''t handle a RING at her wedding, how will she handle MARRIAGE??''

I''m glad to see that I''m not crazy for not just removing my rings at once. Like I said, I''ll wear the simple ring at the ceremony and put on the rest at the reception. I really can''t see going to a wedding WITHOUT my rings, ya know??

I am concerned about giving in. It''s not usually in my temperament to back down especially on such a blatantly ridiculous issue. I do think Kenny has a point about the ''spoiled brat'' aspect, but I don''t see a way around it.



This is the first wedding I''ve been in. My friends were either married when I met them, currently engaged, or eloped. I was astounded when this started and I began to wonder if this was ''normal'' behavior. SOO glad to see it''s not.


Oh, and just for giggles, I thought I''d share the latest of Zilla....

My mom missed the last step in her house and broke her foot. Sis is PO''d because mom will be limping down the aisle. Mom has decided to wear pants to hide the cast instead of the skirt that she had originally chosen. Apparently, Mom is in trouble and it''s all her fault....

I can''t wait for this to be over....

Thanks again for all of your responses. I was so floored at first I was thinking in circles!!
Oh really
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I think you should wear a tiara to the wedding--and make sure it is gaudy
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Now, what would be tacky is if your husband waited until the reception to surprise you with another upgrade and a proposal, saying that this wedding made him realize he would be glad to do it all over again with you.

That, would be upstaging.
 
I think we need to bedazzle mom''s cast and glue little acrylic gems to her toenails
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Date: 3/19/2010 12:14:26 AM
Author: Haven
Date: 3/18/2010 8:17:07 PM

Author: Cehrabehra

I think the WAY it has been done is rude - if my sister came to me and said look, I know this is irrational but it''s important to me blah blah blah... I would likely be soft and mushy - but the rude comments about being gaudy irritate me.

I agree that she was rude about the way she approached the issue.


HOWEVER, I firmly believe that one of the great luxuries of being a sister and of having a sister is that you can suffer from infrequent bouts of utter selfishness, irrational behavior, just plain rudeness, carelessness, callousness, shallowness, bratiness, and a whole rash of other ''nesses'' that I won''t list here, YET your sister(s) will always be there for you, and love you, anyway.


And THEN, once the appropriate time comes (in this case, when the big day is over), your sister(s) will smack you upside the head and tell you exactly what you did wrong and how you can do better next time.
9.gif



At least, that''s how it goes in my family. There are four of us, so the potential for drama is nearly without limits.
this is SO true - by not wearing the rings you get to tease her mercilessly the rest of her life about it lol
 
wow, your sis is in full bridezilla mode
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that comment about your mother is almost unbelievable
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i would wear the rings, she needs to grow the heck up.

sheesh!

(sorry i don''t tolerate bad behaviour special day included!!!)

i would not cut this slack with my sister (but then she wouldn''t be ridiculous enough to ask me)
 
I think you should wear your jewellry. If the bride wants you to not wear it that is ridiculous (or other people don''t in order to "protect" the bride). I suspect she is just jealous labelling your jewellry as gaudy. I''d say "suck it up buttercup", just because she''s bride doesn''t mean she can control every aspect of your apprearance. I never did that, I let my bride''s maids pick thier dress (I chose the colour) and they could do what htey wanted otherwise - hair, make-up, jewellry etc.
 
SS--you should've told your sis to get a larger bouquet so it would be sure to cover all your bling while you're standing at the altar up there infringing on her spotlight, holding her bouquet for her.
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I have the perfect solution.

1. Sis wants to look better than anyone else in the room.
2. Sis thinks your bling is gaudy.
3. Wear ALL your bling.

You both get what you want.
There, problem solved.
 
Date: 3/17/2010 2:58:09 PM
Author: somethingshiny

If this wasn''t for my sis, I''d laugh it off, but I really don''t want to irritate her on her wedding day.
HI:

Very considerate--shows sense and sensibility.
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cheers--Sharon
 
LOL, Monnie! I just saw our bouquets, they are teeny so they won''t help to hide anything.

Haven is right about the sisterly things. She is crazy as a loon right now, but she''s my sis and this too shall pass. Someday I''ll lose my mind and she''ll have to deal with it. I can''t imagine losing my mind in a similar fashion, but ya never know...


Re: the bedazzling. I suggested this to my mom yesterday, just to make sure that someone is blinged out. My mom thought it was hilarious.
 
I guess I be the voice of dissension. I think people need to pick their battles. Is this battle really THAT important? Who/what do you love more, your sister or your rings? I love my sister, and even if I thought it was silly (and I do, never heard of such a thing), I would agree with her request as long as it wasn't exremely burdensome. I would even let her wear my rings on her day, I don't care.

Yes it was handled badly but as we have seen people do not behave their best when planning a wedding. And if you do decide to wear your larger set during the ceremony (which sound beautiful btw and not too large at all) unfortunately you will be painted the petty one, not your sister.
 
Don''t do it. It''s her special day and if it''s going to upset her, I''d not wear them.
 
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