Is my cocktail reception NOT a cocktail reception?

[So_happy]

We had a tasting last week and our caterer pointed out that we shouldn''t feel obligated to list our reception as the cocktail variety seeing as though we are serving a full pasta station (plus hors d''oeurveres, crudite, and of course cake and coffee). She remarked that if I list it as a CR, people will be misconceieved (sp?) when they see enough food to make a meal, albeit it won''t come on one plate.

What do you all think about this? If you received an invitation that had not indicated it to be a "cocktail reception", would you be sort of miffed when you got there and there was no sit down meal nor was there a proper buffet? (But there was a pasta station that allows you to mix 4 different kinds of pastas like lobster ravioli, cheese filled tortellini, penne, and bowtie with 3 diff sauces like pesto/garlic, alfredo, and red and other additions like sausage, peppers, parm cheese and on and on)

 

[zoebartlett]

Well, first I have to say that the food you''re having sounds really yummy! Second, if I saw "cocktail reception" on the invitation, I definitely wouldn''t be expecting a pasta station with various sauces. I''d expect hors d''oeurveres, crudite, and, like you mentioned, cake and coffee/tea. I wouldn''t be miffed at all if there was no sit down dinner or buffet. I''d be pleasantly surprised to see enough food to make a meal, regardless of how it was served.

 

[labbielove]

We are considering doing the same (pasta station, apps,etc.) for our rehearsal dinner,

Is there a happy medium term out there "cocktails and appetizers?" just wondering, because I would rather be on the conservative side, having people expect less and be pleasantly surprised versus expecting a traditional sit down meal. Not that you aren''t having the same amount of food, but I guess it depends on your crowd (i.e. older folks would probably still consider that a cocktail reception since you''re not sitting down!)

 

[Jas12]

hmmm, i I too would rather people be surprised with the amount of food rather than expect something like a formal dinner.

Is there a gap b/w the ceremony and the reception during which people may run home or to a restaurant for a meal b/c they are not expecting much food with the ''cocktails'' ? or do people go directly from the ceremony to the reception? This would impact my decision...

Is it a big wedding? Could you not informally pass this info on through word of mouth, so that most people have an idea of what you have planned?

What about being a little more detailed on your invitation? Like, "join us for____" (insert general descriptions of what''s on offer)

Hope that helps a little

 

[sumbride]

What part of the country is your wedding again? I ask because we''re doing something very similar, but we''re just calling it a reception, because in the south, that''s what a reception traditionally is. Very few people would expect a plated dinner, so long as there is enough food to have a meal, even on multiple plates. I don''t think it''s technically a cocktail reception!

The food sounds awesome, by the way!

 

[ephemery1]

Mmmm.... sounds delicious!! We are attending 9 weddings this summer, and I'd LOVE for one of them to do something other than the traditional served meal (even though we did that, haha)!!

One thing to consider (if it helps at all): my husband's company does a big holiday party every year, usually at a nice hotel with yummy food. This year, they tried a new place, and it ended up being cocktails, hot and cold hor d'oeurves, fruit/veggie/cheese platters, and a pasta station similar to what you described. I was perfectly happy, but a lot of people (guys in particular) were NOT thrilled... they had come expecting a full meal, and none of them considered the pasta enough.

There were a fair amount of complaints about not being warned in advance that they should have eaten before they came.

So I think I agree with Labbie that I'd try to be more conservative on the invitation rather than just say "reception".... I know the term "heavy hor d'oeurves" is used fairly often... but maybe Jas's suggestion to just go into a bit more detail would be the easiest way to clarify?

ETA -- Sum makes a great point... we are in the Northeast, and I have NEVER been to a wedding that didn't serve a full, sit-down dinner, so I'd be genuinely shocked if I got an invite that said "reception" and it ended up being a lighter buffet-style meal. But sounds like that is completely dependent on part of the country...

 

[neatfreak]

Sumbride is right, reception doesn't mean DINNER. I would just write reception and let them call or ask if they're concerned about it.

Also, what TIME is the reception? And what time is the ceremony? That would impact what I would write too...

But I would avoid writing "cocktail reception" because that implies to ME that food won't really be served so people would probably eat beforehand...

 

[hikerchick]

I think you could call that a cocktails/hor d''oeurves/pasta station reception if you wanted to avoid any confusion BUT personally, if you listed it as a buffet reception I would be not at all shocked at that menu you listed. It sounds yummy actually.

Also, these types of decisions are heavily influenced by your particular audience. The part of the country, your guests'' general "status" and their general personalities. I say this because we are making a few decisions that I am SURE the "etiquette police" would turn their nose up at BUT our particular audience is composed of pretty laid back, loving and generally non-judgemenetal people who we are certain won''t react poorly.

So, if you have folks who are easily "miffed", play it safe and list it as a cocktail reception and they can be pleasantly surprised by all that food and if your guests are more like mine and they wouldn''t ever consider being put off by a reception not having a plated meal or a zillion buffet choices, list it as a reception. Personally, I consider your menu a reception. Hope that helps.

 

[Kit]

IMO you should keep it as cocktail. You are having a ton of food and most likely everyone will leave full and satisfied, which is great! But it''s not a sit down, and it''s not really the type of food people think of as a "meal" even though they will eat plenty. You want your guests to be pleasantly surprised and not let down in any way.

I would not be "miffed" if there were a pasta station among other cocktail type of foods. Personally I think it''s strange that your caterer suggested that! Depending on the time of day of your event, people may be thinking Well, we''ll get dinner after the reception. And then cancel those plans because they''ll have eaten so much.

If your invite didn''t say cocktail, and I arrived to appetizers and a pasta station, I would think Geez they really skimped on the food--even though there would be plenty. It''s almost a mental thing you have to do with your guests.

 

[Kit]

Hmm...now that I reread the other posters, I have to agree with others that this is really a regional issue. Because in the Northeast a reception IS a meal if it''s occuring in the evening dinner hours. In my (regional) view, it''s just not right to invite people to an event occuring from 5:00 - 9:00 and not feed them properly. Whether it''s a plated dinner, buffet or other form is kind of secondary as long as the food is high quality and plentiful.

I have actually never been to a wedding with a reception occuring during breakfast or lunch anyways, but if I did and the invite said "reception" I would expect an appropriate meal for that time of day. Cocktail reception is something really specific meaning drinks and munchies. People know that the munchies part varies but at a wedding I think people expect a little bit more than the usual offerings at a corporate party or social event.

 

[havernell]

Like someone else said, I think "a reception of heavy hors d''oeurveres" may be a good phrase to use to describe your reception. That way, no matter what part of the country you are from, people (like me) who know they can make a meal out of finger foods and whatnot will know not to eat beforehand but other people (like my fiance) who would still be hungry after appetizers and some pasta know to make plans to eat something either right before or after the reception.

 

[surfgirl]

What about calling it a "Cocktail & Buffet Reception" or a "Cocktail & Light Buffet Reception"? I think most receptions are assumed to provide a full meal. It sounds like you are, but in the form of a buffet with less options...is that correct?

 

[Pandora II]

If I do events that are not quite dinner but more than just drinks and nibbles I describe it as:

"Cocktails and substantial canapes"

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 5/24/2007 10:02:54 AM
Author: neatfreak
Sumbride is right, reception doesn''t mean DINNER. I would just write reception and let them call or ask if they''re concerned about it.

Also, what TIME is the reception? And what time is the ceremony? That would impact what I would write too...

But I would avoid writing ''cocktail reception'' because that implies to ME that food won''t really be served so people would probably eat beforehand...

I know "reception" doesn''t actually equate with "dinner" but I''ve never been to a reception that didn''t have a complete meal served. If I saw "reception" on an invitation, I wouldn''t think to call and ask -- I''d just assume we''d be eating a meal. I''m in New England and I was surprised to hear that in the south, full dinners aren''t commonly served. I''ve been to a few dinner buffets at wedding receptions but most of the recpetions I''ve been to were sit down dinners. I guess it does depend on the region. I do think that it''s a nice change to offer something a little different.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 5/24/2007 11:01:56 AM
Author: hikerchick
I think you could call that a cocktails/hor d''oeurves/pasta station reception if you wanted to avoid any confusion BUT personally, if you listed it as a buffet reception I would be not at all shocked at that menu you listed. It sounds yummy actually.

Also, these types of decisions are heavily influenced by your particular audience. The part of the country, your guests'' general ''status'' and their general personalities. I say this because we are making a few decisions that I am SURE the ''etiquette police'' would turn their nose up at BUT our particular audience is composed of pretty laid back, loving and generally non-judgemenetal people who we are certain won''t react poorly.

So, if you have folks who are easily ''miffed'', play it safe and list it as a cocktail reception and they can be pleasantly surprised by all that food and if your guests are more like mine and they wouldn''t ever consider being put off by a reception not having a plated meal or a zillion buffet choices, list it as a reception. Personally, I consider your menu a reception. Hope that helps.

Just out of curiosity, what are you doing that''s different (or at least could be perceived as different)?

 

[Fancy605]

I''ve been to weddings that had enough food for meals that weren''t "really" meals, and usually they just call it heavy hors d''oeurveres or cocktail. No one is ever miffed when there is more food than expected. What region are you in?

Of course to avoid any confusion at all, you could include menu cards with your invitations--but that''s an extra cost that could be used elsewhere.

 

[FireGoddess]

It''s a tough one. I don''t know the right words but I would write something...not cocktail reception, but writing nothing would imply to me a sit down dinner or buffet. Can you write ''hors d''oeurveres will be served'' or something? I''d rather be pleasantly surprised than have my expectations come up too short!

 

[So_happy]

Thank you all very much for your plentiful suggestions, viewpoints, and nod to regional sensitivities! You all are a great sounding board!

Let''s see, many of you asked of the details and mentioned that those details would perhaps have a bearing on what you''d do, so here are some of them. Hope I addressed them all!

~Ceremony is on a Sunday, 5:30-6, then a 30-40 (depending on traffic) drive to reception which will be from 7-11, so yes they are in succesion and guests will most likely not have time to stop by for something to eat in between.
~I am in Rhode Island but from MA. Most guests are coming from Mass and NYC but my family (hope they can come!!!) would be coming from Illinois.

I like Pandora''s suggestion for wording alot! Although, I''m trying to find another word in place of "canape". In all, I like the idea of coming up with a line that indicates there will be more than HDs but less than full buffet. I also agree with the posters who said that it''s better to surprise them (by noting it''s a cocktail reception but having more food than a typical cr) than to dissapoint them (by noting it a "reception" where, I too, would assume a sit down or buffet would be served.)

So, for those that needed more info, do the above details help?

And for those who agree a creatively worded phrase is best, could you help me brainstorm?

THANK YOU ALL!!!!

 

[KimberlyH]

I would get it if the wording stated "cocktail reception and heavy hors d''oeurveres/canapes." I think our invites said "dinner reception immediately following ceremony" or something along those lines. I live in Southern CA so not sure how that translates to where you are. Regions make a huge difference in regards to what is normal and what equates to big no-nos.

 

[winternight]

I don''t think I''d use the word "heavy" at all - the food sounds great but I don''t think its necessarily a full meal for some people. Personally if I got an invite with "heavy" hors d''oeuvres I''d be confused.

How about just cocktail, hors d''oeuvres, and pasta stations? Have you thought maybe about something like chicken or fish? Or maybe lassagna or a heavier pasta dish? Just if you''re worried about the timing/food issue. The pasta sounds really good though - much better then many sit down dinners I''ve had!

 

[Gypsy]

FSIL''s wedding had extremely heavy cocktails... three stations etc. And most people said that they would have loved 3 hours of that instead of a sit down dinner. So, I think your reception is going to be lovely. As for the invite I would use the "heavy" language. Or just leave it at ''reception to follow''... if you have enough food for long enough that everyone can get to it all I don''t really see the point in highlighting what the format is going to be it unless you really want to.

I wouldn''t put "buffet reception to follow" nor would I put "sit down dinner reception to follow."

For light hourdourves or dessert receptions I see the point-- people shou make arrangements for food.

But you are providing food, and plenty of it from the sound of you post... so why even include it?

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 5/24/2007 10:01:56 AM
Author: ephemery1
Mmmm.... sounds delicious!! We are attending 9 weddings this summer, and I'd LOVE for one of them to do something other than the traditional served meal (even though we did that, haha)!!

One thing to consider (if it helps at all): my husband's company does a big holiday party every year, usually at a nice hotel with yummy food. This year, they tried a new place, and it ended up being cocktails, hot and cold hor d'oeurves, fruit/veggie/cheese platters, and a pasta station similar to what you described. I was perfectly happy, but a lot of people (guys in particular) were NOT thrilled... they had come expecting a full meal, and none of them considered the pasta enough.

There were a fair amount of complaints about not being warned in advance that they should have eaten before they came.

So I think I agree with Labbie that I'd try to be more conservative on the invitation rather than just say 'reception'.... I know the term 'heavy hor d'oeurves' is used fairly often... but maybe Jas's suggestion to just go into a bit more detail would be the easiest way to clarify?

ETA -- Sum makes a great point... we are in the Northeast, and I have NEVER been to a wedding that didn't serve a full, sit-down dinner, so I'd be genuinely shocked if I got an invite that said 'reception' and it ended up being a lighter buffet-style meal. But sounds like that is completely dependent on part of the country...

Okay. So these are all valid points. Ignore my post.

I would use the 'heavy' language.

 

[So_happy]

Date: 5/25/2007 12:19:20 PM
Author: Gypsy

Date: 5/24/2007 10:01:56 AM
Author: ephemery1
Mmmm.... sounds delicious!! We are attending 9 weddings this summer, and I''d LOVE for one of them to do something other than the traditional served meal (even though we did that, haha)!!

One thing to consider (if it helps at all): my husband''s company does a big holiday party every year, usually at a nice hotel with yummy food. This year, they tried a new place, and it ended up being cocktails, hot and cold hor d''oeurves, fruit/veggie/cheese platters, and a pasta station similar to what you described. I was perfectly happy, but a lot of people (guys in particular) were NOT thrilled... they had come expecting a full meal, and none of them considered the pasta enough.

There were a fair amount of complaints about not being warned in advance that they should have eaten before they came.

So I think I agree with Labbie that I''d try to be more conservative on the invitation rather than just say ''reception''.... I know the term ''heavy hor d''oeurves'' is used fairly often... but maybe Jas''s suggestion to just go into a bit more detail would be the easiest way to clarify?

ETA -- Sum makes a great point... we are in the Northeast, and I have NEVER been to a wedding that didn''t serve a full, sit-down dinner, so I''d be genuinely shocked if I got an invite that said ''reception'' and it ended up being a lighter buffet-style meal. But sounds like that is completely dependent on part of the country...

Okay. So these are all valid points. Ignore my post.

LOL. Yeah, Ephermery''s post gave me pause, too

.

I''m almost ready to skip the lovely pasta station all together, add some more HDs onto my list, and call it a "Cocktail Reception" and feel secure in that wording lol.

 

[Gypsy]

I wouldn''t cancel the pasta. Just put cocktail, and let your guests be pleasantly surprised by your generous interpretation of ''cocktail'' reception.

As a guest I prefer stations and displays. If the hourdourves are passed, you get one bite of something heavenly then you feel like you have to stalk the server to get another.

 

[hikerchick]

Oh, keep the pasta station, it sounds great. Just list it as a cocktail reception and let the guests be thrilled that there is a pasta station they didn''t expect.

 

[FireGoddess]

I think the pasta station is a great touch - don''t get rid of it. I''ve seen amuse bouche of pasta (basically, a forkfull) arranged on plates. It could qualify as an appetizer. Or real food.

 

[So_happy]

Okay, the pasta station stays!!

I wasn''t REALLY going to nix it....just wanted to avoid feeling anxious about what people will expect based on what I print on the invites. Heck, FI and I want to eat something too and that pasta station may be all we get all night!!!

I''m going to print "cocktail reception" unless I can figure out what a canape is or can find another word besides "heavy" to describe my particular reception

To that end, I''m still open to further wording suggestions......

 

[hikerchick]

Re: wording

how about "copious"
or "appetizers plus"

 

[So_happy]

Date: 5/25/2007 2:39:11 PM
Author: hikerchick
Re: wording

how about 'copious'
or 'appetizers plus'

Copious is cute! I'll note that down on my list

A friend of mine just suggested instead of writing "Cocktail Reception" or whatever, I just write "Celebration to follow".

What do we think of that? I kinda liked it.

ETA: spelling errors needed fixed and I wanted to add that "celebration to follow" would be really ambigious but may prompt them to clear up confusion by visiting our website or calling us.......right?

 

[hikerchick]

How many guests ?? I also love the "Celebration to follow" wording BUT if you have a large number of guests this might pose a problem with its ambiguity.