"Jewellery addiction" / Compensation

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

You and @AllAboardTheBlingTrain make me so self-conscious that I don't have more female friends. I think all my female friends from high school are married, or like me, stuck in coronavirus wedding limbo, and I've kept up with more guy friends from college and online gaming than female friends, none of whom solicit any advice from me on jewelry! The only non-work friend I contact on a daily basis happens to be my fiance. He appreciates my collection but never requests additional pieces. :p

My female friends are not big jewelry lovers, the engagement ring search is the only thing any of them would want to discuss! But I tend to share my ideas with them anyway - they’re all good enough friends to listen to me ramble on maybe you can get one of your guy friends to humor you when you discuss your projects or come discuss it with us, your online friends! Also, once the coronavirus situation let’s up, maybe you can look at meeting new people through meet-ups (like reddit) or hobby clubs from your area!

 

[arkieb1]

I've collected minerals, rocks, crystals and gemstones for 30+ years, I like them, I joined here and found my "tribe" so to speak when it comes to that stuff.

Online gaming is my other major hobby.

I also find I like hunting for, buying, and looking at gemstones probably far more than I do wearing them, which explains why I have a lot that are unset. Some people like jewellery, I like jewellery, but I'm a gemstone collector first and foremost....

 

[voce]

Also, once the coronavirus situation let’s up, maybe you can look at meeting new people through meet-ups (like reddit) or hobby clubs from your area!

Well...I work a full-time job, plus I have 2 side gigs, plus the time I spend on online gaming...sometimes I can barely make the deadlines for my side gigs as it is, and don't get enough sleep as it is, so I can't see myself having the energy to meet new people and be a decent friend. I guess that means I'm prioritizing my and my family's needs/bling-spending over the desire to make new friends at a hobby club. I'm loathe to give any existing commitment up for new opportunities for new friends.

 

[1ofakind]

. I don’t know anyone who appreciates jewelry in my social circle and i don’t flaunt my pieces—so I certainly don’t do it for anyone’s approval.

I can relate to this. I know only one person who has a nice collection and she doesn't flaunt either. We quietly compliment each other when we know it won't attract too much attention. I will say her collection is substantially more significant than mine. I recently eyed her wearing what looked like ~4ct FLY cushion that we had a little talk about. Yum!! I'd love to see the rest but we are only casual friends and I haven't asked....yet.
I would love to have a friend IRL who I could talk to about jewelry without it turning into something competitive etc. One woman I know (not friends) noticed my wedding ring and immediately grabbed onto her husband and asked why she doesn't have a ring that nice...she was pissed...and a little drunk. I'm not interested in drama.

 

[Bron357]

My 5 cents.
I was always a sensitive child, probably because I was “on the spectrum” and we moved a lot while I was younger. I found it profoundly unsettling and I sought to “tether myself” with possessions. I found a lot of comfort and certainty in “my things” and I sought to expand my collections of things anyway I could. I also loved looking for and finding “treasures”. I had a lot of collections including dead moths, rocks and leaves. The Aspergers in me would have me writing up or memorising details about them (garnering knowledge in those days from books at the library and with an encyclopaedia). I knew a lot of weird facts for a 10 year old ha ha.
Coloured and sparkly things were an obsession of mine from a young age. I loved collecting the coloured wrappers and fouls for sweets and chocolates. I actually wanted the wrapper or foil lmore than the actual sweet or chocolate and to my mothers horror I would paste them onto the windows (aka stained glass).
Decades later and with a better understanding of myself and my habits I realise that my desire to feel “tethered” remains strong and having “stuff” is part of me and my personality. I also never lost the desire to “search for things” be it information or objects, I still love a search mission. I find it satisfying, moreso the research and the looking rather than the attainment at the end.
So yes, for some people, like me, the main source of enjoyment actually comes from the “before” part. Like holidays, I much prefer the planning of the holiday, the looking forward to the holiday than actually going on the holiday. I always say my favourite day is the day before the holiday starts!

 

[Lisa Loves Shiny]

Am I compensating? Pretty sure I am. It reduces anxiety which I believe is genetically hardwired in my brain. After I reached 35 I realized I could learn new things, new ways of thinking but certain things seem part of my psyche. So I do the math. If my obsessions are not harmful I live with them.

 

[Roselina]

Do you think you are? If so, compensating for what? Do you have to run a list in your mind of all the aspects of your life? Like your career, social life, love life, spiritual life, etc to see if any is lacking? I’m pretty fulfilled in those aspects. Or is it to compensate for insecurity? Funny. I don’t know anyone who appreciates jewelry in my social circle and i don’t flaunt my pieces—so I certainly don’t do it for anyone’s approval.

I‘m not sure. I certainly don‘t do it for anyone but myself. Some pieces I hardly wear because in many situations it does feel odd. I don‘t want people to think that I‘m bragging.
I have a very happy marriage. Otherwise I tend to always pick the harder way. I have a job I love but my position is incredible challenging and I could make it a lot easier for myself by just doing something else. But I want this, and even if it does not always make me happy it fulfils me. I seem to very much define myself over my job. We have a child we love over the top but is struggleLing at times which costs a lot of energy. This leaves me a rather lonely person with little time for friends - the few I have are not interested in jewellery- and I find piece in my jewellery world.

 

[nala]

I‘m not sure. I certainly don‘t do it for anyone but myself. Some pieces I hardly wear because in many situations it does feel odd. I don‘t want people to think that I‘m bragging.
I have a very happy marriage. Otherwise I tend to always pick the harder way. I have a job I love but my position is incredible challenging and I could make it a lot easier for myself by just doing something else. But I want this, and even if it does not always make me happy it fulfils me. I seem to very much define myself over my job. And we have a rather difficult child, we love over the top but the situation is draining and challenging. This leaves me a rather lonely person with little time for friends - the few I have are not interested in jewellery- and I find piece in my jewellery world.

I think hobbies can be a form of escape. An escape from worries, stress, etc.—that’s why they call it retail therapy! I love jewelry bc I can enjoy it now. It gives me pleasure to own these baubles. Why must I own every bauble? Bc when the opportunity presents itself, I want to. There will come a time when I’m not in a happy place and even jewelry will not make me happy. I’ve Been there before. And for me, shopping didn’t bring me happiness. I tried to force myself to do it—to cheer myself up, to compensate for a great loss —and for me, it didn’t work. I didn’t feel one ounce of pleasure. Hope that helps.

 

[Snowdrop13]

Am I compensating? Pretty sure I am. It reduces anxiety which I believe is genetically hardwired in my brain. After I reached 35 I realized I could learn new things, new ways of thinking but certain things seem part of my psyche. So I do the math. If my obsessions are not harmful I live with them.

This is me! I find looking at jewellery (for me, or others) and planning a purchase incredibly soothing. It’s a great distraction from all of the worries of life. I often plan and then do NOT buy, which makes me feel I have some control. I have most of the staple pieces now and only buy small items these days.

 

[missy]

I can only speak for me. It’s a hobby. I enjoy beautiful pieces. I enjoy beautiful art. It’s a different expression of art imo. It brings me joy. I don’t have to wear it to experience that joy. But when I do wear it I love looking at it and I love the way it feels.

It’s not hiding anything on a deeper level for me. I also enjoy the thrill of the hunt. So the entire process from searching to finding to possessing brings me pleasure.

 

[missy]

It also brings me joy to help others find their dream pieces.

I’m grateful to PS for so much and one of the most wonderful things about PS is finding people who share the love of bling.
And animals and other good causes.

Thank you PS and PSers.

 

[MeowMeow]

You are so right but it makes me wonder....are we crazy?
I mean the average person searching for an engagement ring usually admits defeat at some point and mentions hair pulling and a need for cocktails.

Are we then sick or odd for *enjoying* this tedious & time consuming process?


The answer is probably, but I just don't care. As long as Im not taking out loans or opening new lines of credit for this I will continue to feel zero guilt.

I don't think we are at all! I think it's an interest or a hobby like anything else. For instance my husband loves computers. They are his hobby like shineys are mine. If I had to build myself a new computer because mine died and was impossible to fix I would very quickly want to start pulling out my hair the same way others feel that way about engagement ring shopping because computers and all their eeny weenie parts are not that interesting to me like they are him. Thankfully if it came to having to replace my computer I can have him build me a new one so i can avoid that tedium!!

I feel similar tedium when people who like cars talk about them because my interest in cars goes as far as, does this car look nice?? Then I'm zzzzzz

For me as long as jewellery does not interfere with acquiring food, shelter, work, and in my case caring for my kid. Why not? Everyone has a hobby as I mentioned earlier. Nobody's hobby is better than someone else's.

 

[Slickk]

TBH, for me, yes! Jewelry forums, buying and designing jewelry pieces did begin at a time when I had lost both of my parents. Oogling and buying new jewelry helped keep my mind busy at a time when I needed it the most. I have always loved jewelry and DH has known this and bought me many a piece at the mall. Now he knows, I buy the jewelry in the house and he can stick to his cars.
I am so thankful for the people, distraction and the education of real fine jewelry PS brought to my life.

 

[partgypsy]

I identify with a lot of what people already wrote such as Arkieb and Bron. As a kid over different time points I had collections of teeth, feathers, pretty rocks, old postcards. So I do have that "ooh shiny object" gene. I'm not the only one. My uncle was a geologist and had a collection of stones. My grandmother had a extensive collection of costume jewelry, stored pristinely in multiple jewelry boxes and hatboxes. An ancestor made stained glass windows: my mother was fascinated with his carrying case with all his glass samples. And a past relative was an opera singer, who in addition to the amazing costumes and faux jewelry she wore when performing, allegedly had quite a nice collection of the "real stuff" as well.
I'm not really into clothes, shoes, makeup etc, but every once in awhile I would buy myself something pretty (usually semiprecious stone earrings) to treat myself. What did change was that I was working more, making more, but especially after the addition of kids, very little down time to hang out with friends, do art, relax and be creative, (things that did give me joy). The jewelry thing was escapism I could do during small breaks, Post pricescope, and educating myself about gemstones, the difference was spending more time researching and buying much nicer pieces than I would have normally considered. And, I do have to admit that during the times I was doing that the most, was when I was having rough periods in my marriage. I did not want to get divorced. I loved him. But he had already left the marriage. Though it was terrible, traumatic, a lot of grief, ironically my anxiety levels are now much lower than when I was married! I have been able to return to doing art, and am not as obsessive about gems and jewelry (though I still love them). Anyways the only thing I regret was, I had this nagging feeling of an itch I couldn't scratch. In retrospect I should have examined that feeling and addressed it directly (issues with my marriage), than using jewelry/gemstone obsession as an escape/release valve. Most likely it would not have changed anything, it was a way for me to cope in kind of an impossible situation, but it's something I think about.

 

[LLJsmom]

How do you define compensating? I get stressed out about work, family, kids, partner, life, and I look at my bling and I go, "at least I have these pretties to look at", and I feel a little better. Am I compensating? Probably. The search is a form of therapy. Planning next pieces are an escape. Sure you can also label it a hobby. Whatever. Provided I'm not being overly irresponsible about it, I'll go with it. Because seriously, do I NEED another bracelet?

 

[GliderPoss]

I definitely enjoy the thrill of the hunt, purchase & design stage just as much as the jewel itself! I've always been attracted to shiny things (nickname is "bowerbird").

No doubt I'm compensating for some deep psychological fail somehow... I try not to over analyse it.

 

[echomomm]

This is me. It took me a long time to realize this about myself. And it's not just limited to jewelry. I do it with housewares and dishes and everything that I love materialistically wise.

I absolutely agree. I can get lost in researching ANY purchase, and sometimes I don't buy something for a year or more simply because I cannot decide. I just spent a ridiculous amount of time researching flatware, for example.

But I always come back to bling. I adore diamonds and gemstones and pearls and, most of all, gold. Rich, deeply colored, high karat gold. I don't buy nearly as much as I admire, but when I finally make a purchase, it is generally something I will adore forever.

As a PP mentioned, as long as I keep the purchases within my means, it is actually cheaper than therapy. So whether it soothes anxiety or wards off depression or simply keeps me from obsessing about other things, it is worth it.

 

[snotty_pie]

I am a ring addict, and I love the hunt for a new stone. I have helped a ton of my friends acquire their engagement rings, and I love the hunt for them as well! One of my coworkers received his engagement ring diamond from IDJ this morning, in fact!

I celebrate major projects at work with gems, and I name the stones after the projects that are successfully completed. I have a necklace named after a data center migration (pre-cloud days!).

Am I addicted? Probably, but I never spend more than my jewelry budget. Like many of you, I was a mineral collector as a child and still love a good geode. I don't collect many other things (not excited by clothes, shoes, or purses).

We've been on lockdown here since early March, and one of my girlfriends asked me if I still wear jewelry now that we're at home all day. I said, "Are you kidding? My jewelry box is out all day now, and I switch rings between meetings when I am bored." Apparently this is abnormal.

 

[marymm]

When I think of the term "jewelry addiction," I think of someone who is regularly spending undue amounts of time on jewelry pursuits to the detriment of work / school / sleep / chores / family / (fill in the blank) ... someone who calls in sick to work or misses class or family celebrations because of the hunt ... someone who refuses to stop and eat / shower / converse because her only focus is searching for a good buy or her holy grail item .... someone who buys things they cannot afford and racks up unplanned debt ...

Me, I'm a gemstone and jewelry enthusiast. I research and educate myself on colored stones and diamonds, metal properties, jewelry design periods, vendors, current trends in style and price, etc. My interest in rocks and shiny things began when I was a young child; I've always had a collection of rocks and crystals and I've always loved jewelry. At various times in my life I've spent more and less time, more and less money, but my gemstone/jewelry hobby has always been a part of my life. For the last 10 years or so, I've had more time to spend, and more money to spend, and I've been bringing to fruition different projects that have been in the back of my mind for a while.

Sometimes I do get caught up in the attraction of: "more" "better" "bigger" ... as I do when I find that perfect bra or shoes and I want to buy them in every color "just in case they stop making them," or when I run across a new-to-me book author with 10 novels I haven't read yet and I want to buy them all at once ... but usually I am able to tone myself down and spread out the joy (and the purchases).

I had to look it up to confirm my understanding, but compensation is a strategy whereby one covers up, consciously or unconsciously, weaknesses, frustrations, desires, or feelings of inadequacy or incompetence in one life area through the gratification or (drive towards) excellence in another area.

I guess if it is unconscious, I wouldn't know, but thinking about it consciously, I doubt my life-long enthusiasm for colored gemstones, diamonds and jewelry is a form of compensation. And if it is, well, I'm okay with the form it has and is taking in my life.

 

[doberman]

I've been thinking about this. I dont think I'm compensating, I just like glittery gems. As a kid I would go rock hunting and come back with all kinds of rock crystals and I would polish rocks in my polisher. I took geology in college and should have majored in it, but I didn't want to work for an oil company. My love of rocks has just evolved into this love of precious stones. I like big rocks and I cannot lie.....

 

[diamondhoarder]

We've been on lockdown here since early March, and one of my girlfriends asked me if I still wear jewelry now that we're at home all day. I said, "Are you kidding? My jewelry box is out all day now, and I switch rings between meetings when I am bored." Apparently this is abnormal.

This is me! I'm wearing more bling at home on my own than I would normally wear to go out of the house. Multiple ring changes per day I'm pretty sure that whenever I look at sparkly things I'm getting some kind of dopamine hit. Its definitely been helping with the lockdown anxiety. But other things that give a dopamine hit are known to be highly addictive, so maybe there is something in his idea of bling addiction.

I'm always on the hunt for the next "treasure" and love the whole process of finding something unique and special, but it must also be for an amazing price too, and I tend to consider whether the purchase could be sold again without taking a loss if I ever needed to do that, or want to trade or upgrade. I try to avoid things with a retail level of mark-up, and prefer pre-loved items or finding the perfect loose stone for a great price and having it made into a lovely piece of jewellery as inexpensively as possible..

So the cost criteria does put the brakes on purchases. I can still get a huge amount of pleasure from just window shopping, although jewellers probably hate me because I'm one of those annoying people who really is "just looking" (whilst quitely thinking about how I could probably find a way to own something similar for a much lower a price after a lengthy "needle in a haystack" type search).

Like others in this thread I have had a love of crystals, gems and sparkly objects since childhood, and loved collecting fossils, shells, rocks and minerals. I had a phase of loving chemistry when I discovered I could grow my own crystals at home.

My husband is supportive of my bling habit because he says that he sees how much pleasure I get out of each of my pieces and how much time, care and research is involved in each one. I also take care to ensure that all of our financial needs as a family are always prioritised before I would even consider spending on myself. So all in all I'm hoping that this adds up to a "healthy" hobby rather than an unhealthy addiction. But I may be in deep denial...........

 

[snotty_pie]

This is me! I'm wearing more bling at home on my own than I would normally wear to go out of the house. Multiple ring changes per day I'm pretty sure that whenever I look at sparkly things I'm getting some kind of dopamine hit. Its definitely been helping with the lockdown anxiety. But other things that give a dopamine hit are known to be highly addictive, so maybe there is something in his idea of bling addiction.

I'm always on the hunt for the next "treasure" and love the whole process of finding something unique and special, but it must also be for an amazing price too, and I tend to consider whether the purchase could be sold again without taking a loss if I ever needed to do that, or want to trade or upgrade. I try to avoid things with a retail level of mark-up, and prefer pre-loved items or finding the perfect loose stone for a great price and having it made into a lovely piece of jewellery as inexpensively as possible..

So the cost criteria does put the brakes on purchases. I can still get a huge amount of pleasure from just window shopping, although jewellers probably hate me because I'm one of those annoying people who really is "just looking" (whilst quitely thinking about how I could probably find a way to own something similar for a much lower a price after a lengthy "needle in a haystack" type search).

Like others in this thread I have had a love of crystals, gems and sparkly objects since childhood, and loved collecting fossils, shells, rocks and minerals. I had a phase of loving chemistry when I discovered I could grow my own crystals at home.

My husband is supportive of my bling habit because he says that he sees how much pleasure I get out of each of my pieces and how much time, care and research is involved in each one. I also take care to ensure that all of our financial needs as a family are always prioritised before I would even consider spending on myself. So all in all I'm hoping that this adds up to a "healthy" hobby rather than an unhealthy addiction. But I may be in deep denial...........

ARE WE THE SAME PERSON???

 

[snotty_pie]

I had to look it up to confirm my understanding, but compensation is a strategy whereby one covers up, consciously or unconsciously, weaknesses, frustrations, desires, or feelings of inadequacy or incompetence in one life area through the gratification or (drive towards) excellence in another area.

I definitely get more intense about a gem hunt when things are stressful at work. That's the only thing that gives me pause about the "compensation" statement. But it doesn't prevent me from doing my job, paying my bills, or spending time with my family. So

 

[pearaffair]

Relevant article about a doctor’s music-buying addiction and quest to complete and perfect his collection: https://www.sfcv.org/article/losing-yourself-in-the-music-confessions-of-a-classical-music-shopper

“ Addiction is any behavior, substance-related or not, associated with craving and instant pleasure and relief, where there are long-term negative consequences, and you still persist in it. You can love classical music and not be addicted to it, in the sense that you don’t have to have it right away, you’re not depending on it to give you escape from distress, you’re just enjoying it. And you’re not lying to your wife, and you’re not ignoring your children.”