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Joint Bank Account

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misscuppycake

misscuppycake

Shiny_Rock
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Jan 10, 2008
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164
So tonight, my boyfriend made a suggestion about having some sort of joined bank account in order to save for our future. We don''t have any immediate plans to get married or engaged, but he thought that since he''s finally pretty steady in his job that it would be a good idea. I didn''t really know what to say to this because I don''t know much about dealing with financial things, joint accounts, etc. Do you and your fiances/boyfriends (or even husbands) have a joint account? Or do you like to keep things separate?

I sort of kept the idea open and on the floor but I''m not really comfortable with it. My boyfriend could tell I was skeptical so we decided to just leave it for now. But what do you girls think about joint accounts in general?
 
Re: opening an account with your BOYFRIEND...no, no and NO. And one more no for good measure. Hell, I''ll throw in 2 more no''s!

What if things don''t go well and he takes the dough and gets the hell out of dodge?

I mean, it''s fine in theory to see how you both do with money before you get married, but this is one to save until you get the marriage certificate, IMHO.

And to answer your question, my husband and I only opened a joint account AFTER we got married. Not even when we were living together did we share accounts. If he wants to take my mula, he''s gonna have to marry me and/or go through a messy divorce to get it. Ha! Some people even have a tough time with joint accounts after they are married, much less just bf/gf. Personally, I could not see not having a joint account after we got married...I wanted to intertwine that aspect of our life too. Partners working toward lots of goals, including financial, together.
 
We live together and have a joint bank account. We each have our own accounts, too. The joint account is only for joint expenses - rent, utilities, groceries, cell phones, etc. We set up a budget and know how much we each need to contribute to the account.

We've also got a joint savings, and that is where we put the overflow from the above account (we overestimated on the budget). The savings go towards vacations, furniture, accessories for his ginormous tv, etc. This account usually only has a few hundred dollars in it.

I don't think I would want to combine all of our money, but for us this works.
 
I agree that marriage is the time to do these things. I like the idea of saving up and putting aside "future money" but that is just so risky! Does this mean my boyfriend has too lofty of ideas?
 
The ONLY thing I''d have a joint account for before marriage would be to cover joint expenses. i.e., you both contribute X amount per month and then it goes to bills (rent, utilities, etc).

But my savings are my own. I could see some kind of joint RRSP account once we get married. Til then though, I think that should remain separate (and the cynic in me thinks that everyone should still probably have some separate savings even WHEN married).
 
No, he''s just on crack. I''m just kidding...
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Saving is always a great idea. Why don''t you both open a higher interest (although with the way the fed are cutting the rates, I use that term loosely) savings account, or other type of account (finance gurus can input 2 cents here) and agree to put away X amount of money every month? You can both watch those accounts grow, and pat yourselves on the back, without having a joint account at this stage in your relationship.
 
Date: 1/28/2008 12:56:02 AM
Author: absolut_blonde
The ONLY thing I''d have a joint account for before marriage would be to cover joint expenses. i.e., you both contribute X amount per month and then it goes to bills (rent, utilities, etc).

But my savings are my own. I could see some kind of joint RRSP account once we get married. Til then though, I think that should remain separate (and the cynic in me thinks that everyone should still probably have some separate savings even WHEN married).
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Even then, he could screw you. He can overdraft on that account, causing it to show NSF (non sufficient funds) and it can affect your standing with the bank. Keep it separate and in the mean time, find out how he handles his finances.

I agree that some separate accounts while married are nice. TGuy and I both allow ourselves a paltry 100 bucks per paycheck to go to our separate accounts. It used to be a bit more, but we bought a car last year so we cut down on our "allowance". Since we never use these accounts, it accumulates and we buy gifts for each other from them. Also any bonuses we get we keep separately.
 
do NOT do this!!!!!
my sister''s husband recently left her (they''re back together now) because they screwed up their bank account so badly. they would both write checks and not tell the other or else not write it down and now they cannot buy their daughter a new pair of glasses she needs! my parents have been married 50 YEARS and do not have a joint account and they are fine.

i expressed this to my so in a very matter of fact way that no way in hell will we ever have a joint checking account. i either give him half of the money for the bills and he writes a check or else he will give me half of the money and i''ll write a check. i see no reason whatsoever to have a joint account. most of the people who come through my line at the grocery store are married and have separate accounts as well. it will save you a lot of headache down the road, trust me!
 
TGal has summed up everything I wanted to say. No way in hell would I open a joint account until I have that wedding ring on my finger. It''s just too risky.
 
It works for some people and not for others. You said above that your not really comfortable with it, so there is your answer. My boyfriend and I opened a joint account when we moved in together for rent, utilities, etc..., and a savings account for our future home, both still keeping our own accounts. If I was not comfortable with either opening the account or moving in together, he would not be my boyfriend.
 
See, I have to disagree. BF and I have had a joint account for about 5 years now, and it works well. I''ve helped him learn how to budget, and he helps me refrain from shopping so much, because we both go over the account together and are on the same page. We''ve got a great system, and it hasn''t caused any harm yet. We both know what needs to be paid when, so we''re BOTH responsible for the account and the bills.
 
We''ve been together for almost 8 years and have lived together for 3+. No way would I join accounts til we are married... But once the ring is on the finger things need to be in joint name IMHO. We have discussed and I think we will open an account together that I can use, but what I make (much much much less than him) will stay in my account...
 
Listen to Judge Judy and me NOPE NADA NO

Joint bank accounts are a bad idea IMO I prefer things separately my friends think I am weird but at the end of the day I know how much I have and how much he has and how much we each have to spend.

I would personally both open single account and match savings for savings at the end of the day
 
I would not open a joint checking/savings/brokerage account before marriage. Even though we bought a house together, we have our seperate checking, savings and brokerage accounts. I think even after marriage, I would want to keep it this way. It''s not that I feel like I would get screwed by my FI because he stands to loose more than me since he makes way more than I do. I just like knowing that I have my own money
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It depends on the couple, I guess. We opened a joint account after living together about 5 years and shared the account for 2 years. We each contributed the same amount of money and only used it for bills, so we never had a ton of money in there. When I left, we split it down the middle. No fuss, no muss, it was never an issue. Could I have screwed him over? Sure. Could he have screwed me over? Sure. But we both knew that wouldn''t happen--neither of us would be in a relationship with somebody who would do that.

If you have different spending habits, don''t do it. If you can''t trust each other, don''t do it. If it''s easier for you to pay the bills using a joint account instead of tallying up who paid what all month and then owing each other money (which is what we did before the joint account), and you trust each other, then it''s really not a big deal. If you don''t end up getting engaged, it''s not really hard to close the account, especially if you only keep enough in it to cover the bills.

After marriage, we combined everything much more significantly--we still have individual accounts, but all of our investments are joint. I would have never done THAT before getting married.
 
DH and I got joint accounts once we were engaged and living together (I was a SAHM...DS from previous marriage) and it only made sense that way. We still only have joint accounts and credit cards...no separate accounts here. I would not, under any circumstances, get a joint account with someone who is just a boyfriend. Too risky IMO.
 
Wow. I''m clearly in the minority here.

DH and I bought a house in 2004 - when we were only dating - and we opened a joint account when we did.

We created a joint checking account, and linked it with our existing accounts...and we''d transfer money from our existing accounts and pay our mortgage and other expenses with the joint account. We also use it as a savings account.

I guess I never really considered that my DH (boyfriend at the time) and I would break up and he''d take my money. Maybe I was naive, but we got married and things are good.

So yeah, I guess everyone''s situation is different.
 
I would not open any sort of bank account with a boyfriend (for the same reasons as TGal).

Just a thought: It seems that everyone who responded "yes" lives with her SO, if memory serves missy does not so the situation is quite different.
 
Date: 1/28/2008 10:37:05 AM
Author: KimberlyH
I would not open any sort of bank account with a boyfriend (for the same reasons as TGal).

Just a thought: It seems that everyone who responded ''yes'' lives with her SO, if memory serves missy does not so the situation is quite different.
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I actually had a bank account with him before we lived together, I needed to start an account in my new city and had started a new job, so for my direct deposit to go in right away, I used his, and never ended up opening my own. It actually helped a lot because at the time he didn''t have the concept of balancing a checkbook, so my terms were that if I were added on, I was going to take full control and help him out, but he had to go by my rules, and now he''s more responsible than me sometimes! Mine was out of necessity, and it was a quick fix at the time, because I was going to get my own, but things worked out well for us the way they were.
 
Date: 1/28/2008 10:48:40 AM
Author: sweetjettagirl04

Date: 1/28/2008 10:37:05 AM
Author: KimberlyH
I would not open any sort of bank account with a boyfriend (for the same reasons as TGal).

Just a thought: It seems that everyone who responded ''yes'' lives with her SO, if memory serves missy does not so the situation is quite different.
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I actually had a bank account with him before we lived together, I needed to start an account in my new city and had started a new job, so for my direct deposit to go in right away, I used his, and never ended up opening my own. It actually helped a lot because at the time he didn''t have the concept of balancing a checkbook, so my terms were that if I were added on, I was going to take full control and help him out, but he had to go by my rules, and now he''s more responsible than me sometimes! Mine was out of necessity, and it was a quick fix at the time, because I was going to get my own, but things worked out well for us the way they were.
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Thanks for sharing, jetta, that adds a different perspective to this thread and I''m glad it worked out well for you! It also caused me to pause, and I realized that although DH and I didn''t open any joint accounts prior to marriage we did comingle money.

Ultimately, the fact that the OP isn''t comfortable with the idea should be the answer to her question.
 
I agree. If you're hesitant about it, then it's something better left separate. It's something that is very personal, and some people aren't willing to share. I have several friends who are married/engaged that don't have joint accounts, and probably never will, and it's all in what works for the individual.
 
Date: 1/28/2008 8:47:47 AM
Author: sweetjettagirl04
See, I have to disagree. BF and I have had a joint account for about 5 years now, and it works well. I''ve helped him learn how to budget, and he helps me refrain from shopping so much, because we both go over the account together and are on the same page. We''ve got a great system, and it hasn''t caused any harm yet. We both know what needs to be paid when, so we''re BOTH responsible for the account and the bills.
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I''m not saying that just because someone is a bf, that it can''t work well WHILE he is your bf. The problem is that there is a good chance that the bf MAY not become your HUSBAND. That is when the issues arise.

For every woman whose bf becomes her husband, I''d say there are 3 that don''t make it. Not a scientific poll, mind you, but you get the idea...
 
I know a couple who joined accounts, they''ve been together 3 years, live together, plan on getting married, and MAN do they have the WORST money fights I have EVER seen!!!
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Why did you spend $10.45 on coffee? What did you get? Were you alone? I think she moniters every cent that comes outta there. Maybe their relationship is not that great, but I think if you''ve barely even discussed the prospect of marriage, I''d stay away from a joint account. Not saying your relationship is like that, but just throwing that out there...
 
Date: 1/28/2008 5:16:46 AM
Author: bee*

TGal has summed up everything I wanted to say. No way in hell would I open a joint account until I have that wedding ring on my finger. It''s just too risky.
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Ditto. I posted on this previously, when we were talking about the "buying a house with your boyfriend." It''s very risky to combine all of your finances with your husband, nevermind a boyfriend.

If you really want to do this, some banks (not all - you will have to check) will allow people to have a two-signature account. That means that, if one party wants to take money out of the account or write checks, two signatures are needed. This eliminates the risk that one person can drain the account unknown to the other party - and it protects you as well as him. Both people can, however, add money to the account whenever desired.

When I was married, I didn''t combine finances with my ex. We would write two checks out of our own accounts to cover the mortgage, utilities, etc. He''d cover 50% and I would cover 50%. This would drive creditors crazy....but in the end, money is money - doesn''t matter how it comes, as long as it''s good. When I got divorced, my lawyer told me that this was the smartest decision I made in my marriage - he saw so many women (and some men, too) whose credit and finances were destroyed and/or negatively affected by a partner who had no regard for or no knowledge as to how to manage money.

My mom''s advice was: Every woman needs to have two things of her own - an education and money. With those two things, you will never be put into the position of being taken advantage of or depending on someone else. My mom was widowed at 29 and learned the hard way about merging money with a man and being clueless about money/education.

Bridget in Connecticut.
 
Sandia Rose, I agree...while a joint account is right me and TGuy as a married couple, it is not right for everybody. We talked a lot of about finances before marriage and since due to circumstances we had to live together, I got to see firsthand how he managed money on a day to day basis. He is responsible, had no debt, and is not a big spender. So am I. I felt confident that merging our financial lives would be more beneficial than not. I''m also a traditionalist and felt that having a joint account was the right way to go in terms of really trusting each other as man and wife. But that''s only my opinion for my situation.
 
I can see where others would have hesitation to do such a thing. It worked out well for us. We don''t fight about money, because we''re both responsible, and we have no reason to question one another. The key thing in joining the account was about the budget. We both know what we can spend each week, and we don''t question what each other spent it on. I guess the real keyword to our situation is trust. We implicitly trust one another. I do have my own money, and he has his own money, and both of us have savings as well. I wouldn''t have kept the account joint if, down the line, I thought that "if" we wouldn''t be together anymore, that he''d try to screw me over in any way. I''m not saying it works for everyone.
 
My opinion is the same than buying a house before marriage. Not until I have that wedding band on my finger... Even then, it will only be for shared expenses (rent, groceries, bills), and we''ll each have our own checking accounts for personal spendings (so no fights about a $10.45 coffee!) and our own savings accounts.
 
Date: 1/28/2008 11:46:57 AM
Author: anchor31
My opinion is the same than buying a house before marriage. Not until I have that wedding band on my finger... Even then, it will only be for shared expenses (rent, groceries, bills), and we'll each have our own checking accounts for personal spendings (so no fights about a $10.45 coffee!) and our own savings accounts.
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OK, so question for those of you who do this. If it's ONLY for expenses...what do you do when you go to dinner? Or other misc stuff? Do you take turns paying? Keep track?
 
Date: 1/28/2008 11:51:26 AM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 1/28/2008 11:46:57 AM
Author: anchor31
My opinion is the same than buying a house before marriage. Not until I have that wedding band on my finger... Even then, it will only be for shared expenses (rent, groceries, bills), and we''ll each have our own checking accounts for personal spendings (so no fights about a $10.45 coffee!) and our own savings accounts.
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OK, so question for those of you who do this. If it''s ONLY for expenses...what do you do when you go to dinner? Or other misc stuff? Do you take turns paying? Keep track?
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I guess when we''ll be going out to dinner together or buy things for the both of us, etc. we''ll probably take the money from the joint account. When I''ll go out with the girls, buy stuff just for myself and that kind of thing, I''ll pay from my own pocket.

It might change once we''ve tried it out. We''ll see.
 
Absolutely, positively NO!

NEVER co-mingle your money, or jointly purchase assets with a boyfriend. Yes, there will be somebody on this thread who will tell you everything worked out fine for them; but you would be putting yourself in a very vulnerable position without adequate legal protection. If this relationship blows up in your face tomorrow, whoever gets to the bank (or their computer) first, gets all the moola.
 
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