Joint Bank Account

[Keepingthefaith21]

No, never. Ever. Even when we are married…maybe I would consider a joint savings account or a joint CD or other investment but checking account…no way!

We spilt the utilities and our mortgage. As long as he pays his share of the household bills, I don’t care what he does with his money just as I don’t expect to answer any inquires from him as to how I spend my money. We will split major purchases that are for our home but for the little things we each pay our own. In my previous relationship we fought constantly about money because we had joint accounts. I never got in the habit of buying myself objects that were not necessities (unless I found I had disposable income like a part of my yearly tax return) while my SO decided that if the money was there, might as well spend it on concert tickets and computer gadgets. The few times I actually wanted to buy something, I often times couldn’t because the account would be low on funds because of his spending.

In my SO’s previous relationship they also had a joint account and his ex would tell him that she had paid certain utilities with cash when she was actually taking the money and spending it on things for herself. Since we both had horrible experiences we decided to try keeping our own budgets and it’s working great. Why fix what isn’t broken, right?

 

[sweetjettagirl04]

Date: 1/28/2008 12:38:53 PM
Author: HollyS
Absolutely, positively NO!

NEVER co-mingle your money, or jointly purchase assets with a boyfriend. Yes, there will be somebody on this thread who will tell you everything worked out fine for them; but you would be putting yourself in a very vulnerable position without adequate legal protection. If this relationship blows up in your face tomorrow, whoever gets to the bank (or their computer) first, gets all the moola.

I was sharing my experience, but I wouldn''t tell someone that they should or should not do it. Fact is, if someone has to ask about it, then they shouldn''t do it. If there is doubt about it, don''t do it.

I can see everyone''s opinions on it, and I simply shared what happened with us. And, not everyone who ends up in this situation that ends the relationship is going to go through a horrible time. Come on, let''s cut the slack a little bit. Not everyone is spiteful and horrible, and things can end amicably with no harm done. I wouldn''t share my finances with someone who I had any doubts about whatsoever.

 

[HollyS]

Date: 1/28/2008 12:47:13 PM
Author: sweetjettagirl04

Date: 1/28/2008 12:38:53 PM
Author: HollyS
Absolutely, positively NO!

NEVER co-mingle your money, or jointly purchase assets with a boyfriend. Yes, there will be somebody on this thread who will tell you everything worked out fine for them; but you would be putting yourself in a very vulnerable position without adequate legal protection. If this relationship blows up in your face tomorrow, whoever gets to the bank (or their computer) first, gets all the moola.

I was sharing my experience, but I wouldn''t tell someone that they should or should not do it. Fact is, if someone has to ask about it, then they shouldn''t do it. If there is doubt about it, don''t do it.

I can see everyone''s opinions on it, and I simply shared what happened with us. And, not everyone who ends up in this situation that ends the relationship is going to go through a horrible time. Come on, let''s cut the slack a little bit. Not everyone is spiteful and horrible, and things can end amicably with no harm done. I wouldn''t share my finances with someone who I had any doubts about whatsoever.

Never means never. Under any circumstance, with anyone -- outside of marriage. There is no slack to cut. It''s the same principal as a pre-nup; if you have money, never marry anyone who will not sign a pre-nup. Period. ''Cause it ain''t about the love.

Lots of ugly bitter divorces happen to people who ''had no doubts'' about their spouse. I wouldn''t trust the odds just because ''I was sure'' things would work out with a BF or SO.

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 1/28/2008 12:00:30 PM
Author: anchor31

Date: 1/28/2008 11:51:26 AM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 1/28/2008 11:46:57 AM
Author: anchor31
My opinion is the same than buying a house before marriage. Not until I have that wedding band on my finger... Even then, it will only be for shared expenses (rent, groceries, bills), and we''ll each have our own checking accounts for personal spendings (so no fights about a $10.45 coffee!) and our own savings accounts.

OK, so question for those of you who do this. If it''s ONLY for expenses...what do you do when you go to dinner? Or other misc stuff? Do you take turns paying? Keep track?

I guess when we''ll be going out to dinner together or buy things for the both of us, etc. we''ll probably take the money from the joint account. When I''ll go out with the girls, buy stuff just for myself and that kind of thing, I''ll pay from my own pocket.

It might change once we''ve tried it out. We''ll see.

Seriously!! Anchor, this is how I plan on doing things too. This is how both sets of our parents do it as well, and I think it works great. When we get married, I still want my own account to do stuff with, but we will have a joint for ''joint'' expenses, like rent and bills and fun stuff we do together. I would never throw all my money in the joint, because I don''t need to justify what I spend MY money on, as long as everything else is covered.

Just to lighten the tone, a funny thing about my parents: though my dad makes about 20x more than my mom, she does all the finances and always has. She gives my dad an allowance of $100 a week to spend on himself. Been that way for years. He recently gave himself a raise to $120 a week.

 

[chocolatefudge]

I''m sorry, but I don''t see a huge problem with opening a joint acocunt. I don''t think misscuppycake should as she''s clearly not comfortable with the idea, however I would myself.

1) If I didn''t trust my bf enough to do this I wouldn''t want to be with him!

2) It is practical if you are saving towards a wedding for example.

3)I don''t know a single person who has ever taken out a pre-nup and didn''t even know what one was before watching American tv shows! I know that if we were to split up the money in the accoutn would be split 50/50. OR we would record what was going in from each person and take back that amount.

 

[sweetjettagirl04]

I don't see a big deal either. Sorry if I shared my experience, and someone had a similar one that didn't work out. But, at the end of the day, I know that nothing bad is going to come of us having a joint account. There are probably a million reasons why someone would tell you not to, but it's not that big of a deal for me. Not every relationship ends poorly, so there's no need to keep harping on that fact.

It comes down to the original reason for the post - she wasn't sure. She asked for opinions and experiences that were shared. If she had no doubts about it whatsoever, she wouldn't have posted the question.

1) If I didn't trust my bf enough to do this I wouldn't want to be with him!
I agree. Some people might think it's silly - but it's money. It's only money. It comes, it goes, you make more, you spend it, you save it, whatever. At the end of the day, it's just money. Doesn't really mean much to me, my relationship means much more than our combined balance at the bank.

 

[Pandora II]

FI and I have been living together for 3 years and have a house together.

We don''t have a joint bank account and have no plans to get one.

He is super-good with figures and has ''the spreadsheet'' where everything goes. I''m one of these people who opens the bank statement and thinks hooray I''m in the black. So I just send him a direct debit every month that covers bills and mortgage and a separate one for household expenses. If I go to the supermarket, I give him the receipt when I get home and he puts it in the spreadsheet and we split it all 50:50. Most of the time we buy groceries online and have them delivered.

Otherwise, my money is mine to spend how I like.

The only reason I could ever see us having a joint account is if we have a kid - maternity leave in the UK is a year, but your salary takes a mega nose-dive and I will need him to buy all the things I could currently do on my own.

I watched my mother (who stayed at home to bring the 4 of us up) asking my father for money to go shopping so she had some cash as well as joint account credit card etc. I didn''t like it, so I sat my dad down and asked him to open her an account and pay her a ''salary'' every month so she had her own money if she wanted to buy a new dress or cosmetics or something a bit frivolous without her asking him for $x.

My mother thought I was nuts at the time. 10 years on she loves having her own account and her ''own'' money to spend as she pleases.

 

[bee*]

Date: 1/28/2008 1:54:03 PM
Author: sweetjettagirl04

1) If I didn''t trust my bf enough to do this I wouldn''t want to be with him!

I agree. Some people might think it''s silly - but it''s money. It''s only money. It comes, it goes, you make more, you spend it, you save it, whatever. At the end of the day, it''s just money. Doesn''t really mean much to me, my relationship means much more than our combined balance at the bank.

But the thing that I see with this is who actually opens a joint account without trusting their bf''s. No one (or else a tiny minority). Yet so many of those relationships split up. I trust D 100% with everything, however both of us agree that we wouldn''t open a joint account till we get married. I don''t think that anyone is in a relationship where they imagine that they will split (me included) however it just seems to happen to a huge amount of relationships. From knowing friends who got divorced also, it''s fine to say it''s just money now when you''re happy in the relationship, it''s when the split happens that this money becomes a much bigger thing.

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 1/28/2008 2:10:58 PM
Author: bee*

Date: 1/28/2008 1:54:03 PM
Author: sweetjettagirl04

1) If I didn''t trust my bf enough to do this I wouldn''t want to be with him!

I agree. Some people might think it''s silly - but it''s money. It''s only money. It comes, it goes, you make more, you spend it, you save it, whatever. At the end of the day, it''s just money. Doesn''t really mean much to me, my relationship means much more than our combined balance at the bank.

But the thing that I see with this is who actually opens a joint account without trusting their bf''s. No one (or else a tiny minority). Yet so many of those relationships split up. I trust D 100% with everything, however both of us agree that we wouldn''t open a joint account till we get married. I don''t think that anyone is in a relationship where they imagine that they will split (me included) however it just seems to happen to a huge amount of relationships. From knowing friends who got divorced also, it''s fine to say it''s just money now when you''re happy in the relationship, it''s when the split happens that this money becomes a much bigger thing.

Ditto! What happens if you have a horrible split and maybe you''ve been putting in WAY more money into the account, so you don''t want to let now ex-BF have 50% of it, because actually only 30% of it is his money that he earned. Just my opinion...

Anyway, I think it''s a personal decision that each couple makes, you always hope it works...

 

[repartee]

As someone who has been fed a pretty steady diet of have-your-own-bank-account-independent-woman advice by magazines and talking heads alike, I''m pretty surprised to find myself with nothing but joint accounts when I got married. Money is tricky, but for me, it was pretty imporatant that we share this aspect of our life. I guess I''m responding more to couples who have joint accounts even after marriage.

To me, if you can''t trust someone with money, what can you trust them with? And what exactly does it mean that you have your "own" money (whether you''re married or unmarried)? If all of a sudden you stopped working, does that mean you go into "debt" on any shared rent/utilities/food? If you needed medical care and "your" money was all tapped out, is that just too bad?

If the two of you have laid out shared financial goals (i.e. saving, charitable giving, budgets), it doesn''t seem like there should be a lot of "questioning" around purchases. If you know each other well enough to marry, you should know each other well enough to know spending habits and how much money you need to keep in liquid accounts. Good communication, the bedrock of any marriage, can solve most any of the issues of joint accounts.

I think having a separate pot of money set aside could also signal to your partner that you need "insurance". I guess I haven''t really heard any compelling arguments for keeping things separate after marriage. And yes, maybe I''m naive, but isn''t trust and sharing part of being married?

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I think the moral of the story here is that if you do open a joint account, don''t put more money in it than you''re comfortable losing in case your boyfriend-that-you-trust-100% does a 180 and steals it all.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 1/28/2008 4:13:35 PM
Author: repartee
As someone who has been fed a pretty steady diet of have-your-own-bank-account-independent-woman advice by magazines and talking heads alike, I''m pretty surprised to find myself with nothing but joint accounts when I got married. Money is tricky, but for me, it was pretty imporatant that we share this aspect of our life. I guess I''m responding more to couples who have joint accounts even after marriage.

To me, if you can''t trust someone with money, what can you trust them with? And what exactly does it mean that you have your ''own'' money (whether you''re married or unmarried)? If all of a sudden you stopped working, does that mean you go into ''debt'' on any shared rent/utilities/food? If you needed medical care and ''your'' money was all tapped out, is that just too bad?

If the two of you have laid out shared financial goals (i.e. saving, charitable giving, budgets), it doesn''t seem like there should be a lot of ''questioning'' around purchases. If you know each other well enough to marry, you should know each other well enough to know spending habits and how much money you need to keep in liquid accounts. Good communication, the bedrock of any marriage, can solve most any of the issues of joint accounts.

I think having a separate pot of money set aside could also signal to your partner that you need ''insurance''. I guess I haven''t really heard any compelling arguments for keeping things separate after marriage. And yes, maybe I''m naive, but isn''t trust and sharing part of being married?

Count me in as one of the naive ones...

For me, this was the reason why we need a joint account. I thought about doing what Anchor suggested above (and it works for a lot of people), but I thought logistically it seemed more a pain in the booty. I mean, OK, if we go out to dinner, who pays? And if it comes out of a joint account, how much "extra" do we put in above and beyond the necessities?

I don''t like the idea of *my* paycheck...because if tough times happen...er...can I have some of *your* paycheck? TGuy has already been laid off once in the course of our marriage. I don''t want him (or me) to ever feel scared when these kinds of things happen. As one poster mentioned, what about when you go on maternity leave? Then all of the sudden, my money isn''t enough anymore?

Again, this is why I chose what was right for us. When I got married, I decided I needed to trust my husband in all things...that he would never be with any other woman than me. That he would keep what is best for BOTH of us in mind in all things. That he wouldn''t blow money in a crazypsychoman fashion.

In turn, when he does spend on something I don''t agree with, I''ve learned to become more flexible and be more communicative if necessary. He wants to spend some money out with the boys (and boy, they can spend), I''ve learned to go with it within reason. TGuy does hate it when I broach money matters, and I do moreso now because we are preparing for TTot. But marriage can''t all be about nice words and happy conversations. Sometimes you gotta wade through the issues.

 

[sweetjettagirl04]

Date: 1/28/2008 4:13:35 PM
Author: repartee
As someone who has been fed a pretty steady diet of have-your-own-bank-account-independent-woman advice by magazines and talking heads alike, I''m pretty surprised to find myself with nothing but joint accounts when I got married. Money is tricky, but for me, it was pretty imporatant that we share this aspect of our life. I guess I''m responding more to couples who have joint accounts even after marriage.

To me, if you can''t trust someone with money, what can you trust them with? And what exactly does it mean that you have your ''own'' money (whether you''re married or unmarried)? If all of a sudden you stopped working, does that mean you go into ''debt'' on any shared rent/utilities/food? If you needed medical care and ''your'' money was all tapped out, is that just too bad?

If the two of you have laid out shared financial goals (i.e. saving, charitable giving, budgets), it doesn''t seem like there should be a lot of ''questioning'' around purchases. If you know each other well enough to marry, you should know each other well enough to know spending habits and how much money you need to keep in liquid accounts. Good communication, the bedrock of any marriage, can solve most any of the issues of joint accounts.

I think having a separate pot of money set aside could also signal to your partner that you need ''insurance''. I guess I haven''t really heard any compelling arguments for keeping things separate after marriage. And yes, maybe I''m naive, but isn''t trust and sharing part of being married?

That''s what my thinking is. It''s always turned into "this could be hell if you split up" - but I have enough faith in my SO and in my relationship to know that IF something does happen - it''s not going to end horribly. To say I have "my money" is that I make mine, I have my own savings, and my own credit accounts, which is enough for me. I don''t have to be totally independent from my SO to feel secure. I would rather share our account than have to write checks to him or vice versa like it''s a roommate type deal. I believe that trust and sharing are a huge part of the relationship, and I don''t buy into the "what ifs". Maybe I''m too much of a romantic to think otherwise, but that''s where I am, and it''s working. It''s not broken, so I''m not trying to fix it. I''m not going to think of "what if" we aren''t together - because that''s not fully trusting him.

 

[Kay]

I would not be comfortable opening a large savings account before marriage unless 2 signatures were required for withdrawals. I can see the benefit of a small checking account for some unmarried couple who live together -- if there is just enough to cover each month''s bills, the risk is pretty low.

As for married people, different systems work for different couples. DH and I have been married for 2 years and together for nearly fourteen years. We have never had a joint bank account or credit card. We lived together for 4 years before we got married, and developed a system for bills: I pay the mortgage and property taxes (I bought the house before he moved in and I make more $), he pays for utilities, groceries and usually picks up the tab for meals out, we each pay our own credit card bills and student loans. When we got married, we didn''t bother to make any changes because it works for us. When we bought a new car last year, we each wrote a check for half. Because of some of the discussions here on PS, I recently asked DH if he thought we should open a joint account. His response was that we could if I wanted too but he thought our system was fine. We both spend well within our means and discuss large purchases, but we do not have to keep track of each other''s spending to balance a joint account.

 

[misscuppycake]

Thank you for all these wonderful responses!! I definitely know what my decision is now. Someone mentioned earlier that my situation was different from a lot of the girls posting in this thread because I don''t live with my boyfriend. That is correct. I also plan to wait for marriage to move in together.

However, just to clarify I didn''t mean a joint account of all our earnings. It would''ve just been a brand new account with both our names on it in which we would put money into every so often and no one could touch it. It would be for the wedding, house, and all future expenses. But either way, I still don''t think I''m ready at this point. I don''t think it''s a bad idea in theory but hearing what you girls have to say about all the legalities and signatures and all that stuff, I think it''s better if we just save in GENERAL--not necessarily do it in an account.

 

[rubybeth]

Date: 1/28/2008 11:31:48 AM
Author: sandia_rose

If you really want to do this, some banks (not all - you will have to check) will allow people to have a two-signature account. That means that, if one party wants to take money out of the account or write checks, two signatures are needed. This eliminates the risk that one person can drain the account unknown to the other party - and it protects you as well as him. Both people can, however, add money to the account whenever desired.

When I was married, I didn''t combine finances with my ex. We would write two checks out of our own accounts to cover the mortgage, utilities, etc. He''d cover 50% and I would cover 50%. This would drive creditors crazy....but in the end, money is money - doesn''t matter how it comes, as long as it''s good. When I got divorced, my lawyer told me that this was the smartest decision I made in my marriage - he saw so many women (and some men, too) whose credit and finances were destroyed and/or negatively affected by a partner who had no regard for or no knowledge as to how to manage money.

My mom''s advice was: Every woman needs to have two things of her own - an education and money. With those two things, you will never be put into the position of being taken advantage of or depending on someone else. My mom was widowed at 29 and learned the hard way about merging money with a man and being clueless about money/education.

I have to agree with Bridget about this one. I like the idea of joint accounts for the convenience of paying bills, and the ''two signatures required'' aspect of an account like the one she mentioned would prevent him just charging a bunch of random stuff with a debit card or not writing down what was purchased from that account. Also, he can''t run off with everything in the account, NOT that I think your BF would do that, misscuppycake.

Money is one of the biggest issues in marriage, and I think it''s wise to sit down with a financial planner if possible, or at the very least, go over expectations about money, before marriage. Look everything over--credit history, attitudes towards money (spending and saving), what will be done about mortgages, retirement, etc. My parents didn''t start planning for retirement until they were in their mid-30s, and I''m doing it now (at 26) because I enjoy knowing I''m taking care of my future. I also make quite a bit more than BF at this point, and I''m working on a masters while he is working on a 2nd bachelors to teach high school.

Also, while my next point is pretty dour, I think it''s got some truth. Whoever has the most money often has the most power in a relationship in a way because they know they could ''make it'' without that other person, while the more dependent you are on someone for your financial wellbeing, the less likely it is that you can leave easily if things fall apart. So, having your own account, even after marriage, is great. Having your own career, or at least a job that means you can support yourself, is even better, and I know you''re headed toward that, misscuppycake, so I say: wait for the joint stuff until you''re at least living together/engaged/married.

 

[partgypsy]

Even if you get married, it can be a bad deal. A former coworker married a second time. Her husband was good looking, charming, but would not get a job. But had no problem spending her money. It was getting stressful to her. She confided in her sister, and her sister''s husband who was good at finances, told her BEFORE she had the talk with him that it was not working out, to close the bank account, cancel her credit, etc. She explains that he would never take advantage of her that way, but goes along with them just to appease them. So she has the talk with him, he says he loves her, leaves. He comes back 2 hours later, furious! Sure enough he tried to tap her, clean out the accounts, but she was luckily a day ahead of him. Pretty heartbreaking really.

 

[partgypsy]

After posting that, I guess I would sound pretty hypocritical to admit that hubby and I when we moved in together got a joint checking and savings account. However us moving in was the big decision in our relationship as far as it goes. And it wasn''t too different because before that he didn''t having a checking account, just kept his cash and coins in a change jar! This way we could open an account and have our 2 nickels rub against each other

.

 

[lovelyrita]

We share a joint savings account which we use to move money from our personal checking accounts. For shared bills, the house we both own, utilities, lawn care, pest control, and insurance get split down the middle. He pays all the bills from his account and I transfer my half to him through the joint savings. This system works well for us.

My DF is anal and keeps his checking to the penny while I have a general idea but not exact. It would not work for us to share a checking. We do pay our personal bills, car insurance, student loans, and the like from out personal checking.

The moral of the story is that you have to find a system that works for you and that you both are comfortable with.