Just need to get this off my chest

[sparklyforever]

Okay - this is more a vent to somehow put it out there in the world then to keep it inside all to myself any longer.. and i just don't know where else to put it. I just can't stop crying.

I have been married 11 years... today.
when we got married (after being together 6 years) he didn't have a ring, but promised one in two months time. that was 11 years ago. Today.

last year in the fall of 2009 as we were headed to our 10th anniversary I hinted that it would be the perfect opportunity for a ring. sent him two pictures... wasn't overbearing.

of course in my mind - i had him saving for the past 10 years for this. of course had though he would surprise me on our anniversary 10 last year.

He didn't.

He did say on our 10th anniversary one year ago today that it was time for a ring though. I asked for a budget and had though all was golden. It wasn't a huge budget, but I could make it work. I made a huge mistake of getting excited. learning as much as possible about cushions.

we did some shopping - we looked at diamonds... I gave him details as to what i wanted...
i thought he purchased a stone from where/what I wanted... but several months went by and i got an email from the vendor asking if i was still interested... at this point i was devastated as I realized he had not actually purchased anything... this was about 7 months after our 10th anniversary. we have had countless discussions... many emotions...and arguements about this all.

yesterday he got confused and told me happy anniversary.... he was wrong. our anniversary is today. I knew then that I yet again got myself thinking that he was going to give me a ring this 11th anniversary - but I could tell he had no intention at all. got the day wrong.. and I will be lucky to get a card.

I asked him about two weeks ago if i should just get myself an anniversary band myself and be done with this as it's just been too emotional for me. He said, no please don't. He continues to tell me to be patient but I just think I am a fool at this point.

Yes, he has been unemployed for the past two years... I know... I know.....but I really had thought he would have been saving from when we got married.

I can't talk to anyone about this... but I figured if anyone is going to understand it would be the people on pricescope. If he would just tell me what the situation was no ring, needing another year, then I would have an answer... but he won't even talk to me about this.
back in the fall he told me to wait two more weeks... that was in August I think.

I am so sad.

 

[missy]

I am so sorry Sparklyforever. I am sending you big cyber hugs right now as I can feel your pain and disappointment.

Not knowing your dh I cannot say what is going on in his head and I do not know your financial situation but I do feel it is time and he should make an effort. If you have not already had a heart to heart discussion with him about this I would do that first. He may not realize how important it is to you. Men are funny that way.

If you have the funds I say go ahead and take him with you on your journey to find your ring at least making him part of the process though you are the one to actually take the incentive and pick the ring you want. After 11 years of marriage you deserve that. I am so sorry he disappointed you regarding this issue.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

First of all, I want to say that I do not believe a ring makes a marriage...nor do I think anyone **needs** a ring to get engaged. However, I say this with the huge caveat that both people should be in agreement about that. If it's a matter of waiting for available funds, then it must be a priority. Marriages shouldn't start off with empty promises.

Now, girl, stop crying, stop being upset and disappointed and let down....AND GET YOURSELF A RING. Yep, I said it. Your DH has had ample opportunity to get the ball rolling, and he hasn't. If this matters to you, I say, grab the bull by the horns and do it yourself. At this point, it's safe to assume you're working with community money and if you can afford it, it's no longer a matter of saving, it has become a matter of doing. So why wait? If you know what you want and feel confident in the purchase, you're not doing yourself any favors in holding off. Rather than spending today hurt, spend your day knee deep in research. Find what you want and pull the trigger. If it makes you happy, have him sit next to you do it...if not, don't.

I realize this may not be "popular opinion". I know it's fairly unconventional. And yes, you should sit down and tell him the time is now. But I'm also willing to bet he's never had to wait 10 years to get something he's really wanted...be it a TV or car or whatever is important to him. Marriage is about a healthy dose of give and take...you've given him time to make the jump on his own, now take back what control over your needs that you have.

((hugs)) and Happy Anniversary!

 

[kateydid05]

Well first I see a communication breakdown somewhere...married 11 years and he won't explain what the problem is? He may be hurt that he is still unemployeed and cannot "provide" but it's 11 years now and owes you an honest explanation.

I am not married but I know what goes on in my boyfriends bank account because we live together and we do nothing without consulting the other in terms of purchases. You thought he was saving? Is he doing anything frivolous with whatever money he does have? Perhaps he feels like hoarding his money because of the unemployment? Regardless that does not explain before two years ago...I don't know, I'm scratching my head over here.

I am in the camp that you should go out and buy yourself a beautiful ring

 

[blacksand]

Being unemployed for 2 years is HUGE. Even if you are financially secure, he probably feels like a failure right now. No, that doesn't explain why he didn't do anything about the ring in the 9 years prior, and it doesn't excuse it. But it certainly explains why he's not doing anything about it now. I wouldn't buy a ring if I were unemployed, either. I'd focus on finding work. And after two years, I'd be dealing with some pretty serious depression. Buying a ring would be the least of my concerns.

Now, of course he did have 9 years before this period to buy you a ring, and he promised to. No excuse for not doing it when he promised. He either didn't understand how important it was to you (communication breakdown) or didn't care (bigger problems). But I think that's moot now. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like he was saving up all those years you assumed he was saving up, and now he's unemployed, so it's probably unrealistic for him to make a big purchase now. Don't expect it to happen. If you can afford it, tell him this is important to you and you'd like to go shopping together. Order what you want, pay for it, and there you go. It’s not the most romantic anniversary present, but your husband doesn’t sound like the sweep-you-off-your-feet kind of guy, anyway, so I think it’s a good compromise. If your husband is not on board with spending joint funds now, save up your own money. If you already have your own funds, go ahead and buy whatever you want with them!

I am not saying your husband is without blame, and there is obviously a problem here. But it definitely sounds like you will have to take matters into your own hands if this is important to you.

 

[princesss]

Being unemployed for 2 years is HUGE. Even if you are financially secure, he probably feels like a failure right now. No, that doesn't explain why he didn't do anything about the ring in the 9 years prior, and it doesn't excuse it. But it certainly explains why he's not doing anything about it now. I wouldn't buy a ring if I were unemployed, either. I'd focus on finding work. And after two years, I'd be dealing with some pretty serious depression. Buying a ring would be the least of my concerns.

Now, of course he did have 9 years before this period to buy you a ring, and he promised to. No excuse for not doing it when he promised. He either didn't understand how important it was to you (communication breakdown) or didn't care (bigger problems). But I think that's moot now. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like he was saving up all those years you assumed he was saving up, and now he's unemployed, so it's probably unrealistic for him to make a big purchase now. Don't expect it to happen. If you can afford it, tell him this is important to you and you'd like to go shopping together. Order what you want, pay for it, and there you go. It’s not the most romantic anniversary present, but your husband doesn’t sound like the sweep-you-off-your-feet kind of guy, anyway, so I think it’s a good compromise. If your husband is not on board with spending joint funds now, save up your own money. If you already have your own funds, go ahead and buy whatever you want with them!

I am not saying your husband is without blame, and there is obviously a problem here. But it definitely sounds like you will have to take matters into your own hands if this is important to you.

I completely agree, and I couldn't have said it better myself!

 

[amc80]

I want to start off by saying I totally understand your disappointment, hurt feelings, etc. They are valid- you were promised something very special, and 11 years later, nothing. And up until the time of your husband's unemployment, I would say (based on what you've told us) that your husband shoulders most of that blame.

But, and there's always a but...

You need to look at the bigger picture. Your husband is unemployed. Obviously we don't know your financial situation. Maybe you still make plenty of money for luxury purchases. I'm assuming that's not the case. Even if your husband had saved up for all these years, would you really be comfortable using that money for a ring? I know I wouldn't. The bigger picture is that your family is going through some pretty tough times. And family-as-a-whole problems should trump your I-want-a-ring problems.

I know it sucks. I know you want the ring, especially since it was promised to you. Totally get all of that. But being a grown up sucks sometimes.

 

[slg47]

ok so you didn't say anything for 10 years? does anyone else see a problem with this?

honestly I think you should have said something maybe 8, 9 years ago-be honest with him, let him know how much it would mean to you, etc.

but now that he has been unemployed for the last 2 years, I don't think expecting a ring is reasonable. a ring is a luxury item, and he probably can't afford it right now (I don't know your financial situation but buying an expensive luxury item after 2 years unemployment doesn't seem like a super awesome idea).

it seems like the issue isn't a lack of a ring but the fact that he didn't honor his promise after 10 years. although, I must say, if you didn't bring it up for 10 years, and when you brought it up he was unemployed, it seems like part of this is a lack of communication on your part.

 

[confusedaisy]

Being unemployed for 2 years is HUGE. Even if you are financially secure, he probably feels like a failure right now. No, that doesn't explain why he didn't do anything about the ring in the 9 years prior, and it doesn't excuse it. But it certainly explains why he's not doing anything about it now. I wouldn't buy a ring if I were unemployed, either. I'd focus on finding work. And after two years, I'd be dealing with some pretty serious depression. Buying a ring would be the least of my concerns.

Now, of course he did have 9 years before this period to buy you a ring, and he promised to. No excuse for not doing it when he promised. He either didn't understand how important it was to you (communication breakdown) or didn't care (bigger problems). But I think that's moot now. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like he was saving up all those years you assumed he was saving up, and now he's unemployed, so it's probably unrealistic for him to make a big purchase now. Don't expect it to happen. If you can afford it, tell him this is important to you and you'd like to go shopping together. Order what you want, pay for it, and there you go. It’s not the most romantic anniversary present, but your husband doesn’t sound like the sweep-you-off-your-feet kind of guy, anyway, so I think it’s a good compromise. If your husband is not on board with spending joint funds now, save up your own money. If you already have your own funds, go ahead and buy whatever you want with them!

I am not saying your husband is without blame, and there is obviously a problem here. But it definitely sounds like you will have to take matters into your own hands if this is important to you.

I agree with everything blacksand said except for the part about buying your own ring. On one hand, I feel like- you've waited long enough, you deserve to treat yourself to something that you've been desiring for 11 years. On the other hand, blacksand is right- he probably feels like a failure. He's been unemployed for 2 years and then you go out and buy yourself your dream ring- I just feel he would be demoralized even futher. If you think he would eventually get over it, then go out and get your ring. Otherwise, I say wait until he's a bit more financially stable and then, if he still wavers about the ring, move forward and get it for yourself. Happy Anniversary and I'm so sorry that this is what you're dealing with!!

 

[Anonymous]

I might be misinterpreting your post, but it sounds like you don't have a ring at all - not even a wedding band. Is that correct? Does your DH have a ring that he wears? If not, has there been a discussion about him getting one and wearing it?

I think it's true that you can't really dump thousands on a ring when he's unemployed, but life still has to go on even without a job. Life progresses, we make priorities and lower our expectations to meet our current means. When my FI and I started dating, he was making 60K a year and he envisioned buying me 1+ ct ring. Unfortunately, he was laid off so his income was cut in half.

We set a much lower budget, researched online vendors and diamonds together extensively and eventually he was able to buy my ering. It's modest, but I love the fact that he put the effort into saving diligently and researching. He was receiving UI benefits and we were able to keep a safe cushion in savings after purchasing it. If it would have meant that our financial security would have been compromised, he wouldn't have done it.

I guess my point is this...I know people operate differently, but you should be able to know at least what he's saved and what his plans are, regardless of his employment status. You aren't awaiting a proposal, or even newlywed. You've been married for eleven years. You should be able to have an honest conversation about it. If you have joint funds, you know what your financial situation is. Has he been pulling money out of his checks (UI, and before that paychecks) with the purpose of saving it for your ring?

I know you said there have been many arguments, so he knows this is pretty important to you..and if you don't have a ring at all, I can truly understand why. I'm sorry. I hope you're able to have a productive, healthy conversation with him and come to some kind of resolution so you can at least feel better about the situation even if there's no finances for a ring. *hugs*

 

[Dancing Fire]

if it make you feel any better i don't have a ring on my finger either...

 

[HaloBelle]

Being unemployed for 2 years is HUGE. Even if you are financially secure, he probably feels like a failure right now. No, that doesn't explain why he didn't do anything about the ring in the 9 years prior, and it doesn't excuse it. But it certainly explains why he's not doing anything about it now. I wouldn't buy a ring if I were unemployed, either. I'd focus on finding work. And after two years, I'd be dealing with some pretty serious depression. Buying a ring would be the least of my concerns.

Now, of course he did have 9 years before this period to buy you a ring, and he promised to. No excuse for not doing it when he promised. He either didn't understand how important it was to you (communication breakdown) or didn't care (bigger problems). But I think that's moot now. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like he was saving up all those years you assumed he was saving up, and now he's unemployed, so it's probably unrealistic for him to make a big purchase now. Don't expect it to happen. If you can afford it, tell him this is important to you and you'd like to go shopping together. Order what you want, pay for it, and there you go. It’s not the most romantic anniversary present, but your husband doesn’t sound like the sweep-you-off-your-feet kind of guy, anyway, so I think it’s a good compromise. If your husband is not on board with spending joint funds now, save up your own money. If you already have your own funds, go ahead and buy whatever you want with them!

I am not saying your husband is without blame, and there is obviously a problem here. But it definitely sounds like you will have to take matters into your own hands if this is important to you.

I agree with everything blacksand said except for the part about buying your own ring. On one hand, I feel like- you've waited long enough, you deserve to treat yourself to something that you've been desiring for 11 years. On the other hand, blacksand is right- he probably feels like a failure. He's been unemployed for 2 years and then you go out and buy yourself your dream ring- I just feel he would be demoralized even futher. If you think he would eventually get over it, then go out and get your ring. Otherwise, I say wait until he's a bit more financially stable and then, if he still wavers about the ring, move forward and get it for yourself. Happy Anniversary and I'm so sorry that this is what you're dealing with!!

I completely agree with the original and the addition. If you can, buy yourself something sparkly - earrings or a bracelet as a self present for your anniversary but don't get a ring.

It will only depress him further knowing that he is unsuccessful at the workplace and now at home. Was he wrong to wait so long - YES. Were you sort of to blame just a little as well for not buying yourself a ring before this fiasco - unfortunately yes. The timing is just terrible and mean if you do it now. Here is what I would do: Wait until he gets a job, tell him when he gets it that he has 6 months (arbitrary time to make a point, make it whatever you want) and then if he doesn't - go buy whatever you want. a big beautiful sparkler that only you would have picked out.

I think that is the most tactful way to get your point across without completely disregarding his feelings (which he sort of deserves...)

 

[briolette]

I'm so sorry you are going through this and I understand your feeling of disappointment. It's not really the ring itself, I bet. It's more the disappointment of your DH not being good with his word, not spending the 9 years prior saving up and not treating you like a priority.

I'm sure him being unemployed right now doesn't help either. A ring may very well be at the bottom of his priority list because he's trying to make ends meet with savings. He may be protecting the nests egg (that is to say there may be funds for a ring, but he doesn't want to touch it...)

You're feelings are very valid and it sounds like you've talked about it some with him. There's a probably a pride issue involved--HE wants to get the ring for you when he can. Perhaps there's a disconnect when it comes down to how much this is hurting you. After all, if he's not that into jewelry, it may not be that big of a deal to him.

If you have the means to do so, buy something for yourself. It doesn't have to replace your ring from him, but honor yourself. Jewelry is something you value. I think even buying yourself a ring is fine.

Does it have to be something fancy? Perhaps you guys can compromise and get something smaller so you can have a ring on your finger.

*hugs* hang in there.

 

[iota15]

Honey, he's unemployed. I know you want it (we ALL understand that here), but could you wait until he's employed again before purchasing it. If you buy a huge sparkler now for yourself, even with HIS money, EVERYONE will assume YOU paid for it. I wouldn't want to be in your husband's position when people start nattering on about his unemployment and where such money would come from - even though it's none of their business!

Don't get me wrong - there's nothing wrong with You paying for, or contributing to your ring. However, with the burden of a looong unemployment, a big flashy luxury purchase not only doesn't feel right, I think it'd be ego deflating and stir more chatter around an already touchy topic.

To help you wait - rather than buy your dream, or close to dream ring - go shopping with your man today for a beautiful simple band, or something shiny, or with colored stones under whatever budget you're both comfortable with. Lots of ladies in waiting have "placeholder" jewelry until their fiance's to be can afford/make/buy The Ring.

 

[Amber St. Clare]

Seriously? He's been unemployed for 2 years and all you can focus on is a ring?

 

[Anonymous]

Seriously? He's been unemployed for 2 years and all you can focus on is a ring?

Not very kind, even if there is some truth to it. My guess would be that she's thinking about far more than just a ring, but it's the thing that she can talk to us here at PS about. I'd also guess that it's not as much that she doesn't have a ring after being married to the guy through thick and thin for the past eleven years as it is about not being able to get her husband to talk to her about it. She said herself if he would just talk to her about it honestly instead of stringing her along with "two more weeks, two more months" then she'd be okay.

Just food for thought. Yes, it's tough being unemployed but it's also pretty challenging to be the wife of someone that's unemployed and struggling emotionally. Our husbands are (usually) our rocks. We trust what they say, we know we can rely on them. When they stop following through on promises then dodge the question, regardless of the reasons behind it, it's very distressing. My guess is THAT is what she's really upset about. I could be very wrong, just throwing that out there.

 

['Halo' Kitty!]

i think its odd that he's been unemployed for two years? Do u pay for everything? if u have the money go buy yourself something small. It doesnt make sense why u have to worry about who buys the ring..Apparently in 11yrs u havent gotten a ring and it upsets u. Maybe im alone here but i seriously doubt he's ever been 'saving' for a ring. How long does it really take to save up (u said small budget) I guess im just not really sympathetic to the husband at all. i dont know the situation but it doesnt sound like you two are on the same page or communicating?

 

[swingirl]

ok so you didn't say anything for 10 years? does anyone else see a problem with this?

honestly I think you should have said something maybe 8, 9 years ago-be honest with him, let him know how much it would mean to you, etc.

but now that he has been unemployed for the last 2 years, I don't think expecting a ring is reasonable. a ring is a luxury item, and he probably can't afford it right now (I don't know your financial situation but buying an expensive luxury item after 2 years unemployment doesn't seem like a super awesome idea).

it seems like the issue isn't a lack of a ring but the fact that he didn't honor his promise after 10 years. although, I must say, if you didn't bring it up for 10 years, and when you brought it up he was unemployed, it seems like part of this is a lack of communication on your part.

Ditto. You didn't say anything for the first 8 years? I am assuming you currently are the only bread winner so how could he possibly "buy" you a ring now (even if he wanted to which it doesn't seem like he does)?

Are there deeper issues that also haven't been discussed because something that bothered me as much as not having a ring bothers you, certainly would have been addressed and resolved sooner. Since you are currently looking at diamond studs and were considering Leon Mege for a custom setting I can only guess the issue isn't budget.

 

[Tuckins1]

I'm really sorry. I don't have much to add, the other posters said what I was thinking. Just want to send you (((HUGS)))

 

[suchende]

I am guessing the ring isn't the only thing you're disappointed that he isn't able to provide for you right now, but it's easy to pin your feelings to this heavily symbol-charged gift. The economy is so terrible right now, I know you two are not alone. It seems like more the time to make other big changes, like sending your husband back to school or moving to a larger city with more opportunities, and put the ring off even more painful months and years.

Good luck.

 

[sparklyforever]

Tammy 77
you hit it right on the head.
Thank you.

 

[RobertaB]

This is sad and I feel terrible for both of you. He's probably depressed about being out of work for two years and he can't express how bad he feels about it so he is avoiding it by making promises to buy something he can't afford. He knows he can't afford it but he wants to make you happy. So he's buying time. I have to feel for him. It's not the best way to address what's going onion his head but he's just trying to hold things together. You can't afford a ring right now as a couple because you are married and he is unemployed. The mature thing to do would be to talk with him that once he's secured a job and it's lasted for a good six months you ARE getting your ring. Hopefully he will want to be involved in the selection of it, but you deserve a ring and once the financial crises passes you must get one. Once he has a secure job it's not a matter of asking him for a ring. It's a matter of figuring which one you want, and buying it. Just like you can't get your ring now because you're married and he's out of work, you CAN buy your own ring once he has work because you ARE married. And you'll enjoy that ring just as much as if he'd bought it, probably more because it will be exactly to your taste.

 

[afreebird]

Here's my brutally honest opinion. I wouldn't want a ring from some loser who's been unemployed for two years, much less from someone who I had to remind for TEN YEARS that I would like a ring. What a douche.

Honestly, I don't think you're this emotional about a ring. The ring is probably a symptoms of other problems, and the most glaringly obvious example that he is not prioritizing your feelings. I'm sorry to be so harsh, but I can't imagine a man being unemployed for two years, if illness or disability is not a factor. He's had ten years to buy you a ring, but hasn't, and he's had two years to find a job or a new line of work, but hasn't.

 

[RobertaB]

Here's my brutally honest opinion. I wouldn't want a ring from some loser who's been unemployed for two years, much less from someone who I had to remind for TEN YEARS that I would like a ring. What a douche.

Honestly, I don't think you're this emotional about a ring. The ring is probably a symptoms of other problems, and the most glaringly obvious example that he is not prioritizing your feelings. I'm sorry to be so harsh, but I can't imagine a man being unemployed for two years, if illness or disability is not a factor. He's had ten years to buy you a ring, but hasn't, and he's had two years to find a job or a new line of work, but hasn't.

Oh my! I don't think you are aware of how high unemployment is right now. There are lots of good people who are unemployed or underemployed and that doesn't mean they are losers.

 

[Bunny007]

Here's my brutally honest opinion. I wouldn't want a ring from some loser who's been unemployed for two years, much less from someone who I had to remind for TEN YEARS that I would like a ring. What a douche.

Honestly, I don't think you're this emotional about a ring. The ring is probably a symptoms of other problems, and the most glaringly obvious example that he is not prioritizing your feelings. I'm sorry to be so harsh, but I can't imagine a man being unemployed for two years, if illness or disability is not a factor. He's had ten years to buy you a ring, but hasn't, and he's had two years to find a job or a new line of work, but hasn't.

What she said (but a wee bit less brutally ) I just can't muster any blame for OP or any sympathy for her husband.

We don't really know whether she waited 9 years to bring it up. I would guess that she didn't, since she said they've had many fights and arguments about it. But I wouldn't feel any differently if she had waited 9 years. Why is it OP's responsibility to chase him around for the next decade, nagging him for something he promised to her? She's his wife, not a debt collector.

I'm willing to bet the ring isn't the problem and buying one for herself isn't going to help. Sorry OP, I feel for you.

 

[afreebird]

Here's my brutally honest opinion. I wouldn't want a ring from some loser who's been unemployed for two years, much less from someone who I had to remind for TEN YEARS that I would like a ring. What a douche.

Honestly, I don't think you're this emotional about a ring. The ring is probably a symptoms of other problems, and the most glaringly obvious example that he is not prioritizing your feelings. I'm sorry to be so harsh, but I can't imagine a man being unemployed for two years, if illness or disability is not a factor. He's had ten years to buy you a ring, but hasn't, and he's had two years to find a job or a new line of work, but hasn't.

Oh my! I don't think you are aware of how high unemployment is right now. There are lots of good people who are unemployed or underemployed and that doesn't mean they are losers.

I'm aware. I'm also aware that to be unemployed for two years, barring health issues or taking time off to pursue an advanced degree, is to be unemployed by choice. If you're in a field in which you can't find employment for two years, it's time to check into a new line of work.

His long-term unemployment, combined with the fact that after ten years (8 of which he was presumably employed) he hasn't followed through with his promise of buying a ring, causes me to assume he isn't exactly sterling. But that's my assumption.

It's a little strange to be crying over a ring. Rings shouldn't be the cause of tears, but I can certainly understand crying over the lack of ambition in your man to make you happy by gifting you with a ring, even before he was unemployed. That must hurt your feelings. If you can afford it, buy your own diamond. What's the difference? Would you really feel sentimental about a piece of jewelry you had to remind someone for ten years to buy for you?

 

[iugurl]

I wouldn't want a ring from some loser who's been unemployed for two years, much less from someone who I had to remind for TEN YEARS that I would like a ring. What a douche.

Wow. NOT NICE
My husband got laid off last April. We were devastated. It did run through our mind that he COULD be unemployed for several YEARS. Look around. Just because you don't know anyone who is unlucky enough to be out for work for awhile, does NOT mean he is a loser. Wow. My husband found a job in July. We were excited, but actually shocked. So many people are out of work.

If this couple doesn't need the money, then maybe they decided to hold off for a "career" job besides the mall, fast food, restaurants etc. If they needed the money, well then he should have taken what he could get. If she is thinking about purchasing a ring, it does not seem as though their financial situation is that dire.

I am not saying he is innocent. He might be the type of person who thinks if one does not talk about it (it =ring) then maybe she does not care about a ring. You act as though all 10 years she has been reminding him. It seems, by what she posted at least, that it was 1 year. Which it as been one year, so I agree what is he waiting for? If he does not have the money, or wants to wait until he has a job, then he should communicate that with her...

I wish she would come back and explain more about the situation. It is so hard to tell from what she wrote. Does she have a ring at all? Has it been mentioned the first 9 years of marriage that she wanted a ring?

 

[confusedaisy]

Here's my brutally honest opinion. I wouldn't want a ring from some loser who's been unemployed for two years, much less from someone who I had to remind for TEN YEARS that I would like a ring. What a douche.

Honestly, I don't think you're this emotional about a ring. The ring is probably a symptoms of other problems, and the most glaringly obvious example that he is not prioritizing your feelings. I'm sorry to be so harsh, but I can't imagine a man being unemployed for two years, if illness or disability is not a factor. He's had ten years to buy you a ring, but hasn't, and he's had two years to find a job or a new line of work, but hasn't.

Oh my! I don't think you are aware of how high unemployment is right now. There are lots of good people who are unemployed or underemployed and that doesn't mean they are losers.

I'm aware. I'm also aware that to be unemployed for two years, barring health issues or taking time off to pursue an advanced degree, is to be unemployed by choice. If you're in a field in which you can't find employment for two years, it's time to check into a new line of work.

His long-term unemployment, combined with the fact that after ten years (8 of which he was presumably employed) he hasn't followed through with his promise of buying a ring, causes me to assume he isn't exactly sterling. But that's my assumption.

It's a little strange to be crying over a ring. Rings shouldn't be the cause of tears, but I can certainly understand crying over the lack of ambition in your man to make you happy by gifting you with a ring, even before he was unemployed. That must hurt your feelings. If you can afford it, buy your own diamond. What's the difference? Would you really feel sentimental about a piece of jewelry you had to remind someone for ten years to buy for you?

My honest opinion? That was really insensitive and presumptuous. You can't make sweeping judgements about his employment status without having more information. Also, it is very untrue that for someone to be unemployed for 2 years it means they aren't trying. That may be the case in the town/city where you live, but in general it's a very difficult economy for people at all levels and in many fields. Finally, she came on here to de-stress and to vent and to get support. Making assumptions and negative comments doesn't help her and it doesn't help build community. Just my opinion.

 

[afreebird]

I know quite a few people who have found themselves unexpectedly unemployed. I'm in Houston. Enron; hello? But I know no one who has been unemployed (and actively searching to remedy their unemployment status) for two years. And not buying your wife a ring after eleven years after saying you would is just strange.

 

[suchende]

I know quite a few people who have found themselves unexpectedly unemployed. I'm in Houston. Enron; hello? But I know no one who has been unemployed (and actively searching to remedy their unemployment status) for two years. And not buying your wife a ring after eleven years after saying you would is just strange.

In my industry, Texas is known as something of an employment shangri-la. Your perspective may be a bit skewed.