Leave sparklies at home for holidays with DH''s fam?

[Larissa]

It really sucks that the NZ/Ausies that you have encountered have that attitude!!

I''m from the south of the US (born in TX, and then lived in GA) and currently live in London. I easily have the largest ring of anyone I know and often get comments like "but in the US everything is big, right!" (my center is .47) so I can understand the wanting not to wear it. My MIL thinks it "huge" and "unnessary" while my own mother wears a very nice fake twice the size of mine since my parents can''t afford to upgrade her .25 carat. And our parents met 3 days before the wedding, talk about cultural differences

Also, my partner got the "you''re stealing her away from us" a bit. Not that my friends and family don''t like him (they adore him), but the thought that I was marrying and settling 5,000 miles away from home when most have salaries that don''t allow them to me on a regular basis. That might be where the negative feelings are coming from. I know that we''ve both been threatened with death by his friends if we ever chose to settle in the US

If it were me, I''d wear the rings and attempt not to take it personally.

 

[LizzieC]

Date: 10/12/2006 12:58:49 PM
Author: pearcrazy
Eh, they already don''t like you. Why try to kiss up now? I say wear your rings proudly, the way your DH intended them. I think he needs to have a talk with his friends and make it clear that you are his wife now and they just need to get over whatever chip is on their shoulder about you. They can''t make a generalization about you because of where you were born.

Yeah, that''s a good idea. I think that I will put DH on notice that he has to say something to them if they''re at it again. Like I said above, I didn''t say anything to DH about it at the time, because I didn''t want to spoil his brief visit. But he knows now.

See, I thought this thread was going to say that you were worried about a famiy member stealing your rings while you were there. That''s the problem I have with my DH''s family. He has an aunt with a gambling addiction. She stole my MIL''s wedding set and some other jewelry during a Christmas party once (according to my MIL, another family member tipped her off). I''ve been warned not to take my rings off or leave any expensive jewelry around. Sad huh?

Whoa, I''m glad I don''t have that to worry about! That is sad.

 

[Ellen]

I say wear it. And if anyone comments, say, "Why this old thing? this is my traveling jewelry, I left the good stuff at home". Really give them something to talk about.

Seriously though, wear it, and hold yer head up.

 

[allycat0303]

Hi Lizzie,

Well I''m in the minority here but I wouldn''t wear it. I don''t know how much attention people (aside from diamond obssesed us) pay to jewelery but if I was travelling to non-blingy place, let''s just say Vietnam (which isn''t really equivalent to NZ, because Vietnam is so poor) I wouldn''t wear it because I think it would be obnoxious and show-offy considering how poor the country is..that would show a lack of sensitivity. Personally anyway, walking down the street wearing thousands of dollars of jewelery when people are begging on the street, wouldn''t make me comfortable at all. So just to say that there are times when I think big bling isn''t appropraite (although obviously, this isn''t your case)

I think you are a nice girl, I think if people were looking it might make them not so anxious to slam you into the sterotype and make judgements. I think your gorgeous eternity band would be sufficant. And once they know you, next time bring out the big bling. Personally, I''m the kind of girl that notices, and I would be a little intimidated if I didn''t know you, wasn''t used to see huge bling. And I would probably think ''sterotype''. and wouldn''t talk to you.

But again, it''s up to you, you know what''s best.

 

[reader]

My FH bought me an antique wide gold band, and we have agreed that should we travel, for safety reasons (who wants to worry about losing a stone so far from home?) the good jewelry goes back to the jeweler for cleaning and a check-up. Maybe that would be a good time to schedule any maintenance on your set? That way, when you come home, they will be freshly polished and looking amazing...

 

[diamondfan]

I have been judged for what I have and it really annoys me. Get to know ME, then decide if you like me or not. That is fine with me and is more reasonable. DO NOT decide what I might be or look like because of my jewelry or clothes etc..I used to bend over backward to get people to like me, but also learned that those types of people, people who judge the surface and do not get passed their own notions, well, I guess I don''t want to know them either. These people do not mean much in your life really, yes, they are his pals, but you live in the US so I doubt you will see them much. Wear what you want to travel with and be your warm and lovely self and if that isn''t good enough, the heck with them!

 

[february2003bride]

Lizzie,

My husband is Indian and I understand. When we have to attend the occasional indian function, and not for DH but for DH''s parent''s as a "show" type of thing, I''m totally excluded. The older Indian women don''t or can''t speak to me (for reasons varying from they can''t speak english to their husbands would be upset) and the younger Indian women have said straight to my face that I "took" an Indian man.

A friend of mine is also married to someone from India and they call it the "IDT"- Indian Double Take

American''s, for the most part, don''t blink an eye at interracial relationships but atleast in the Indian culture, oh boy. It''s an issue. We get whispers and stares from Indian families all the time, especially when we are out with the kids. The sad part is- DH doesn''t even really consider himself Indian. He became a US citizen and has lived here for over 2 decades and has zero participation in his culture and religion. It''s really just skin deep but of course the judgemental stranger walking by wouldn''t know that.

Anyway, at these events I just smile, nod politely and make sure our kids behave. I DO wear my rings and I don''t give a hoot if they find that in bad taste. DH wants me to do I what I feel comfortable with but he would be a little ticked if I purposely didn''t wear my e-ring and wedding band because of what others thought.

The person that matters the most is your husband. He knows what a good person you are and that is what matters. I would wear those rings with pride! Your wonderful hubby gave those to you with love and no one should try and devalue them, you or your marriage, for any reason.

Good luck!!

 

[Madam Bijoux]

I have been judged for what I have and it really annoys me. Get to know ME, then decide if you like me or not. That is fine with me and is more reasonable. DO NOT decide what I might be or look like because of my jewelry or clothes etc..I used to bend over backward to get people to like me, but also learned that those types of people, people who judge the surface and do not get passed their own notions, well, I guess I don't want to know them either. These people do not mean much in your life really, yes, they are his pals, but you live in the US so I doubt you will see them much. Wear what you want to travel with and be your warm and lovely self and if that isn't good enough, the heck with them!

(Diamondfan)

That's exactly right! At the end of the day, you'll still have your fellow and your sparklies while those people will be left choking on their own vitriol.

 

[LizzieC]

Thanks so much for all your opinions and support ladies. I still have a lot of thinking to do, and a couple of months to think it over, but now I''m leaning towards wearing them. I would miss them a lot!

 

[mercoledi]

I think you should wear them too! If you don''t, they''ll only start making fun of your husband for being cheap or whatever. They''re part of you (or y''all) now, and If those people don''t like you, that''s their loss.
Is it really worth having an empty finger and an annoyed husband to try and please people that
A. it sounds like you won''t see much and
B. don''t seem to be worth impressing.

I know I''d feel better with my sparklies right where I can see them than in a box at home somewhere missing out on all the fun. Don''t you think your husband''s family (and family''s friends) might be confused/offended if the new bride shows up without her rings.

Wear them proudly! Oh, and because they''re gorgeous!

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 10/12/2006 12:40:06 AM
Author: LizzieC

I think it'll draw negative attention and maybe make them think that my DH got stolen away to the other side of the world by a materialistic American Texan. I guess my concern is that they already started with this negative perception of me based on the geography of my birth and residence, and showing up with the diamonds might reinforce their negative view rather than diminish it.

Truth be told, I think that last time around, I was caught so off guard by the negativity that I really didn't actively try to present myself in the best light either. I kept mostly to myself and counted down the days till we got back to friendlier waters. (Once again must emphasize this was not with his family). So I feel like I have the odds stacked against me already, why make things worse by throwing diamonds into the mix?

I guess I see it another way......

You weren't wearing any diamonds when they met you initially, right? And they decided they didn't like you becuase you're American and Texan? From where I sit, since those two things about you haven't changed, I wouldn't expect any change in behavior from them.

Put another way.....if they WANT to be predisposed to a negative view of you based on citizenship and residence, then wearing or not wearing your diamonds isn't really going to change that.

If people want to snipe, they're going to find something to snipe about. If you wear them, it'll be about how ostentatious your rings are. If you don't wear them, it will be how unappreciative you are about your rings that you don't even wear them and how that probably hurts your hubby's feelings that you don't wear the rings he gave you. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

You love your rings, so wear them. If people are going to really give you a chance, it means they'll be willing to look past your American and Texan status....and if they are willing to do that, they'll be willing to look past anything else, rings included.

You said your hubby wants you to wear them, and since his opinion is the only one that really does matter (aside from yours, of course), I'd worry about his feelings more than anyone else. Wear your rings.