Leaving....

[ProseCuter]

Date: 12/12/2009 12:45:08 PM
Author: vetrogrl
This is a response to ''Prosecuter'' you mentioned you don''t understand why LIW say that ''maybe another LIW''s SO is planning to secretly propose to her'' as it never happens and gives false hopes...so not true all the time...I thought my SO wasn''t going to propose until at least sometime next year, even when we talked about it all the way back this past February. He wanted me to find what I loved...but I wasn''t expecting anything until at least next year. It seemed as if he were procrastinating too and it would never happen,but fast forward to now we''re engaged and picking up my completed ring this Monday.


I also had a family member who was in the same situation where her now husband was procrastinating...well it seemed as if he was...and they had been together for 4 years...he acted very non-chalant...but he popped the question to my cousin out of nowhere, and wanted it that way because he wanted it to be a complete secret. I understand that if this behavior is going on and on and still no commnication of what either 2 people want in the future and the excuses continue...then yes it would be false hope for ''hoping for a secret proposal'' but men wanting to completely surprise their SO do happen!

I believe that is the exception, rather than the rule, when it comes to men appearing to be delaying any action. In any case, when a LIW posts about her frustration in such a situation, she''s already disappointed. Seems like suggesting a surprise is in the works only sets up more disappointment. Better to let her have the small chance of actually being surprised (without telling her to think that she will) than add to her disappointment.

Just my opinion.

 

[Winks_Elf]

No, not dumb. I was actually engaged to someone in February, and I had given him til my lease was up to get his act together and move in with me and the children. He was not capable of moving forward, for various reasons. I knew by March 21st that it was going to end badly, and sure enough he failed to meet my goals and expectations by the timeline I had given him. I did indeed break up with him, and never looked back.

 

[zipzapgirl]

Generally, I feel like there are two types of timelines that women have in this situation. The "loud" timeline where they talk to their girlfriends, families, etc. about it and indicate it in an overt or subtle way to the BF. This is when i feel like the woman is trying to take a little control and indicate that she isn''t to be walked over.

Then there''s the "quiet" timeline. This is the one that doesn''t get talked about, and begins to gnaw in the back of your mind until one day you wake up at 5am and realize that the deadline has come and gone--and there will never be a proposal. At this point I think most women stick around for a few months to be absolutely sure and then when they know, they know, and the relationship ends. Maybe it gets to an ultimatum, maybe not, but by then it is probably already too late.

So when you ask if anyone has a timeline, I''d say almost everyone does whether they know it or not. Whether they say it or not. If marriage is important to you, you''re going to want that commitment at some point.