Lending money to family

[Bliss]

UUUGH, that is so hard.

I would lend the amount you''re both comfortable with -- on the assumption that you''re NOT getting it back. Also, I would have a conversation with the BIL as a *couple* and hopefully that will show BIL that he''s not just taking money from his brother but his brother''s little family. But I think I would give it if I could afford it AND help him budget. It''ll be hard for your DH either way. So sorry to hear about this.

I have a friend who is financially irresponsible and I have bailed her out a LOT. The last time, it was a substantial amount of money she swore she would pay back in 2 months. That turned into over a year. And in the interim, I had to listen to her telling me about treating her bf to rock concerts and trips. It definitely put a slight strain on our relationship. But hey, I gave her the money not expecting to get it back. So in the end, it was a nice surprise to get it back...albeit in pieces and a year later.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Only lend money if you are willing to gift it. Meaning chances are you will never see it again so you need to be okay with that.

 

[movie zombie]

no, unless like any other $ related transaction there is a contract with payments specified and due on specific dates, plus interest. while $ is not the most important thing in the world, i do have goals and by loaning $ to this sibling, i''m delaying my own goals. not my problem if the sibling who makes more $ than i do can''t budget properly.

having said that, if the situation was different and i could afford to gift a person with some cash, i might do so.....but not someone who has a borrowing habit, makes more $ than i do, and hasen''t learned to keep to a budget.

movie zombie

 

[steph72276]

I haven't read any of the responses, so forgive me if I am repeating, but in no way should you lend money to a family member. It can put a strain on the relationship if the person doesn't pay it back....she will feel guilty around you guys and you guys might feel resentment toward her for not paying back. I would never lend my family/friends money.....if they truly need it for an emergency, I would give it to them without expecting them to pay it back. She needs to learn to live off less than she makes.

 

[Elmorton]

I think lending money to a child is OK - but for siblings, I''d be a little more wary.

Both DH''s parents and my parents have loaned us $ when things were tight. My parents view loans as very informal, much like Bia explained - they have no intent of us paying it back, but DH and I basically drew up an IOU because we didn''t want it to be a gift.

In my DH''s family, loaning is common practice also, but you set up a payment plan or date that you''ll pay off the loan and follow that. If you''re late with a payment or if you don''t pay it back, you basically don''t hear the end of it.

The difference here is probably that I''m an only child and DH is one of 5 kids. I actually like DH''s family''s system a lot better - it''s a good feeling not to feel supported by someone or indebted since you''re actively paying something off, but also you have a safety net should something catastrophic occur, and nobody feels taken advantage of or that the situation isn''t fair (that one child receives more preference).

If any of DH''s sibs asked us for a loan, though, I''d probably say no, because InLuv, it would basically be a situation like yours. His sibs are mostly better off than we are, and we''re still figuring out our financial footing as a couple. Giving a loan now just wouldn''t seem sensible.

If it were me, I''d give the same response as you did (saving for a house, etc) and say no. If the sibling really, really needs the loan (which is doesn''t sound like he does), I''d set up a payment plan.

 

[purrfectpear]

This is another good reason why I like having 3 checking accounts; his, mine, ours (utilities, mortgage, joint bills).

I disagree that it''s "our" money, unless you don''t think that your husband is entitled to make any decisions that are not joint? If it''s a small amount is it really your business who he gives/loans it to? Is none of the money his to do with as he pleases?

Decide on an amount of money for each of you that is "no questions asked". Then you can shop or save. He can loan or not. It''s much healthier IMO to not have to ask anyone for permission to make small purchases, investments, splurges, or loans.

FWIW, I don''t loan unless I''m willing to see that money disappear forever. In other words, loans from me are gifts if you don''t pay it back. Of course if you don''t pay it back, you''ll get a different answer the next time

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 1/26/2009 5:42:41 PM
Author: purrfectpear

I disagree that it''s ''our'' money, unless you don''t think that your husband is entitled to make any decisions that are not joint? If it''s a small amount is it really your business who he gives/loans it to? Is none of the money his to do with as he pleases?

i agree. my wife has no saying what i do with my money. i can do whatever i want and she can do whatever she wants with her money.now,if only i can collect 1/2 of what my friends owe me through the years.

 

[akmiss]

Geez, I am glad that I am not your SIL

Just kidding

I would lend the money with expecting to be paid back in a timely manner. My brothers and I are extremely close and they would lend me $$$ in a heartbeat if I need it. I must say that I haven''t asked to borrow money from anyone in many years but I am sure they would help if I needed it. What is family for? The last thing you want to do is get in the way of your DH and his family...... I also try not to judge others in times of need plus I am sure your SIL had to swallow some pride to even ask. Maybe she will learn a lesson from this whole experience. As long as your DH gets paid back, there should be no problem. Good Luck

 

[bee*]

I probably wouldn''t lend her the money if the reason is due to her poor choices with her spending. I would want to know what she wants it for. If it''s coming from your joint account, you deserve to know what it''s going for.

 

[InLuv101]

Thanks to everyone who responded! I really appreciate all of your suggestions and advice. DH & I reached the decision last night not to lend the money based on almost 10 years of asking to borrow (almost monthly) due to poor financial planning/budgeting on her part. Thanks again for all your input!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Good decision. If she is desperate enough, she can take an item to a pawn shop

 

[Judah Gutwein]

My opinion is, don''t mix business and pleasure.
Family is family. However, when you enter money into the equation, lines are often blured and relationships distorted.
Unlike business partners or even friends, when there is a pro$lem with family, it aggravates more than just the financial relationship......

My advice would be to pass.