Lil brother tying the knot

[annadragon]

Wow, it must be marrying season in my family!
I just found out this week that my little brother is marrying his long-time girlfriend!!

However, I''m in a bit of a conundrum here. My FI and I are planning to elope next month. My brother and I share secrets as siblings do and we both exchanged our intent to marry this summer (he told the rest of the family later in the week). Future DH and I were planning an elopement because we''re both shy people who would rather not have the attention of even a small (close friends and family style) ceremony or reception. Although my brother is far from gregarious or highly extroverted he wants a public ceremony where family and friends can attend. (A side note: I''m not sure they''ve thought this through because her family doesn''t even know she is moving across the country let alone getting married. She has never moved out of her parents house. I think that''s a whole ''nother discussion for another time though.)

My plan was to slowly disseminate the information about our marriage as time goes on. That way there isn''t much fuss or hullabaloo or throwing of parties or gifts. Now, I''m concerned because they''ll be marrying in August and when DH-to-be and I attend the subject of our relationship will come up, even if we remove our wedding bands for the weekend. I''m not trying to hide our status but I don''t want to detract from my brother and his future wife''s time in the spotlight as they obviously want to enjoy it with family and friends.

I was thinking to enlist the help of my mom but she was so excited about his getting married that it made me uncertain how to navigate this. How would you mavens of all things etiquette and wedding and social situations handle this?



And for those of who get a giggle out of such things: My poor brother sent me the link to the ring he is intending to buy her. It''s from Kays

Immediately he got instructions to get onto Pricescope so he doesn''t end up with a .25ct piece of frozen spit.

 

[Morgie44]

If you two are planning on eloping soon, I would go ahead and do it ASAP, then wedding announcements out to your closer family and friends that you have eloped. I think if I were your family or a friend, I would be kind of hurt if I heard of your elopement second or third hand, even if it was meant to be a quiet, just the two of you event.

 

[LilyKat]

First, congratulations to you and your brother!

Personally, I would just take a deep breath and tell people as soon as possible after your wedding. There are a LOT of people who get offended that "they had to hear the news from someone else", and feel slighted (not that I agree with this). Make it clear that you don''t want gifts or parties, and you eloped precisely because you hate fuss. Some people will still send gifts, but hey, that''s what they do. Allow your mother to spread the news to the family with the same emphasis on no parties/fuss.

I would say this even if your brother wasn''t getting married, but I think it''s even more important given that he is - you don''t want his wedding day to be filled with shrieks of "OMG you''re MARRIED!! Why didn''t you TELL me!!!" Not the best way to endear yourself to his future bride

This way, it will be old news by his wedding.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

If you elope before Bro marries, just make sure you tell your family in advance of the wedding. Your brother''s wedding day is NOT the time for that news to come out and it would be counter productive as you eloped to avoid being the center of attention. Just bring a bottle of bubbly over to your parents house, tell them and then send an announcement out to the rest of the family. No celebration required, notice given, end of story.