Little bummed... need support

[ringless]

Ok, so last night my bf came over and we were reading together, we took a short break from our magazines and I mentioned something about if he thought we would be invited to one of our friend's weddings, we are just aquaintences with. Well, he said he thought we would be and then somehow the convo. got switched over to us... He said something like, it seems like none of my friends are at that point and I just shrugged b/c most of his friends are single, but there are a handful who have proposed to their girlfriends. So I shrugged, and at that point wished I had the courage to say something but I held back. He just leaned over and said "I really do love you" and left our convo. short. Let me remind you we talk about our future's a lot and he knows how badly I would love to be engaged. I didn't want to poke at anything so that is where the convo. ended. Last week a good friend of mine (who is also anticipating an engagement but they have only been together 2 1/2 years), anyway she thinks her SO will propose any day now, good for her blah blah blah lol, well I was frustrated in my convo. with her, and said "I really don't think my bf will propose anytime soon, if it doesn't happen by Jan 2nd I will be having a very serious talk with him" b/c I really am 'expecting' a holiday proposal. Anyway, so she says "well, for some reason I think it will happen for you in March"... why March? I have no clue. I doubt he told her anything b/c we are pretty close and I know he wouldn't want to risk the surprise. But now i'm just guessing and freaking out a little. I really want it to happen this holiday season... 7 years is SOOo long. I just want to start our lives together

**Can I just add a little side note that my bf and I are doing VERY well. Like if we get in an arguement he is QUICK to make it better and things are just really going well. I have had my suspicions which is why i'm expecting a holiday proposal. And of course he has been mentioning our 'future' a lot more often!

 

[Bia]

Sweetie, are you bummed that it might happen in March instead of over the holidays? I just want to be clear.

If you are afraid that it might not happen until 2009, don''t be. It is possible that your bf is just trying to throw you off right now--he probably doesn''t want you to suspect a THING. The worst case scenario is that he makes you wait until Spring...but that''s not too far away!

I know how hard waiting has become for you, because I feel the same way. Keep your chin up, it might happen sooner than you think.

 

[sammyj]

Does your BF know that you''re expecting a holiday proposal? If not, I suggest you tell him that you''re expecting one so that he''s not in for a shocker of a discussion come January 2nd. I know he wants the proposal to be a surprise (as I''m sure you do as well), but I''ve learned that setting expectations for a someone else to carry through who has no knowledge of your expectations can only lead to disappointment (unless you have great gut instincts!).

I''ll keep my fingers crossed for you!

 

[AprilD]

Ringless.. I am so in the same position... We have been together almost 6 years and I am waiting for a ring any time now.

I know its coming.. and what I try to tell myself is that at least I know its coming.

You KNOW its coming... at some point.

Lately I have not been worrying about it because of other ppl in my life and their situations have put into perspective how lucky I am.

My best friend has had a string of short term relationshipss..... all she wants is to find the one. Especially when all of the girls in our group have been with "their ones" for years. I try not to think about when he will propose because at least I know he WILL propose.. one of these days.. and that I am so lucky that I have found him!!!

I cant say its easy to think that way because there are definitely times when I catch myself thinking... ok .. enough is enough... lets get this show on the road...
I go through ups and downs forsure

But i just wanted to pass some advice on to you of what has helped me lately... Keep things in perspective

Just my 2 cents

 

[Bliss]

Well, it sounds promising to me!

I think the reaction of someone who was truly unwilling to get engaged soon would have been dismissive and maybe even defensive. But his statement says it all. I know it''s hard... but it looks really promising! I would for your sanity and his, keep your expectations realistic, however. If you''re counting on a holiday proposal and it doesn''t come, you''ll just make yourself nuts! It''s definitely coming! And hey, maybe you''ll get fabulous bling for Christmas and then another in March when you get engaged! Double bling!!!

 

[LoveRoundBrillants]

hang in there...i know that you are wanting a holiday proposal...but he has to be the one "ready" and you guys have been together for a long time...but look at it this way...theres not much longer between december and march.

But i do know how u feel...bf and i started dating 8 years ago...

 

[gwendolyn]

Try and relax about it all and not build up the holidays to be some ''do or die'' kind of time, especially if you''ve never shared with him how you''d love a holiday proposal.

And you ARE spending your lives together--maybe not on the level you''d like to be at the moment, but you do have each other. Some people are not fortunate enough to have found their forever-someone, so things aren''t ALL bad.

 

[ringless]

Ok, let me start this long reply ! haha.

Bia - Oh, Bia how I love thee... thanks sooo much as always for the support! I know if anyone feels my pain it is you , my relationship twin! haha. How perfect you were the first to respond! ha.

SammyJ - On the telling him I would like a holiay proposal, no way Jose. If I said anything I would risk ruining a surprise if he was planning anything which would then only push it back further in my eyes. My family and friends THINK it''s coming soon, and when my friend said something about March it really caught me off guard b/c I have no clue what would make her think March? Anyway, I am going to keep hush hush until Jan. 2nd and see what happens. I''m not saying it''s a make or break situation by any means, I will talk to him and see where we both are in terms of how soon it will happen, etc. I am totally in love with him and very thankful, but at the same time I am mid twenties, have been with him for 7 years, and we don''t live together so I''m very anxious to spend the rest of my life with him and move forward. In all reality, if it happend in July I would be just as stoked and happy, but I just think I need that "it could happen in the next few months" talk...
We had a talk last Valentine''s Day when I thought it would happen then for sure, and he said no, that we still had the rest of the year, so that is why i''m so stuck on a holiday proposal. Our birthdays, and anniversary have passed, next up is the holidays so we shall see!

AprilD - It is so good to know that Bia and I, and so many other LIW who are in long term relationships for 6+ years are in the home stretch and can be good support for us. It means a lot to have your support. I really do try to remember all that I am thankful for, please believe me when I say that. I was just talking to my bf the other day abut a couple we know who are on the rocks and talking about a divorce. The whole week of being there for my friend and knowing about her relationship and how it''s failing, just made me so much more thankful for what I have with my bf. We are so compatible in every way, and I made sure I told him almost every day last week, just how thankful I am for him to be apart of my life. He really has such a positive effect on me and I am truly blessed!

Loveroundbrilliants - Oh, frustrating isn''t it? Thank you for your support. Oh, an I also love round brilliants

Gwendolyn - No things aren''t all that bad you''re absolutely right girl... thank you so much for your continued support. You are a lifesaver to most of us on here

And just to kinda clear any misconceptions up, I really am thankful for what I share with my bf. We truly are very happy right now; it almost feels like a dream. He is always saying the sweetest things and sometimes it can just be so darn hard waiting for a proposal. I get so caught up in the fairy tale of it all that I sometimes (most of us do) get caught up in the wrong things and tend to loose focus of what''s really important. I try not to loose sight of that, so please know I do not take my relationship for granted, nor do I have intentions of breaking off my relationship in the beginning of the year if I don''t receive a holiday proposal... I will simply just access the situation and see where we both are.

Thanks everyone for your support.. and if there''s any more of you with more support or pep talk, send it on over! lol

 

[gwendolyn]

*hugs* Honey, you really are in a good place. The fairy tale is a wonderful thing sometimes, but it does get a bit dangerous if it takes over real life (I get like this with finances sometimes

). But yeah, I doubt it will make you feel any better, but there''s a friend of mine that I''ve talked about on here before who''s been with her boyfriend for almost 8 years, has wanted to be engaged for at least 7 years, and who has never, ONCE had a single serious conversation with her boyfriend about their future. Any time she starts to say that she eventually wants to get married and have a family, he says, "Do you REALLY want to have this conversation right now?" with this doom-n-gloom voice and she always freaks and never has the conversation.

Now, this situation is as much her fault as her boyfriend''s since she''s in control of her life and can leave at any time, etc. But she says she doesn''t want to--she wants to stay with him forever. But she''s given up on having kids because she can''t sack up and have that talk with him about where their relationship is going.

I know this is a bit off-topic, but so many stories remind me of hers. Mostly because I think of her and then want to say to the PSer--"Hey look, you may be frustrated but it ain''t nothin'' compared to this chick I know!" Which isn''t helpful at all, but what happens in my brain.

Anyway, sorry for the thread-jack! All done now, promise.

 

[chocolatefudge]

Ringless, I''m so excited for you that you know it is happening soon. Just PLEASE concentrate on this positive point and try not to get your hopes up too much for a holiday proposal because I know how hard it is to get your hopes up and then for a proposal not to come. I know it''s difficult not to do this, as I have done it a thousand times!!

The main problem with this is that it does make you resent your SO a little...
If I knew my proposal would be happening by March I would be soooooo happy! Enjoy these special times ahead!

 

[ringless]

haha thanks Gwendolyn, I do appreciate it. I do know what you're saying and I am very grateful that my boyfriend talks about our future, what our kids will look like, actually likes to spend time with my crazy family, and isn't scared of what the future holds.. he is 100% there commitment wise, but I sure can't wait to seal the deal.. lol

Chocolatefudge - Thanks so much. Although i'm not 100% positive it will happen before March, but I do have a good inclination it will happen before then.. but like I mentioned before, if I do not get a holiday proposal, then I will know I need to have a talk with my bf and get a better idea of how he feels and what he's thinking... By his actions, I think it will happen before March. A part of me keeps thinking New Years or Valentine's Day, more so Valentines day b/c it is my favorite holiday, but that may be too cliche for him so we'll see! lol But of COURSE.. hoping it will be before then!!!

I will try my best to remain positive even though I can seem a little impatient and crazy.. lol

 

[Bia]

Date: 11/24/2008 1:55:54 PM
Author: ringless
Ok, let me start this long reply ! haha.

Bia - Oh, Bia how I love thee... thanks sooo much as always for the support! I know if anyone feels my pain it is you , my relationship twin! haha. How perfect you were the first to respond! ha.

Are you kidding? You're my girl!!! The position we're in, the one we share with a lot of our fellow LIW, is a tough one. I totally hear you when you describe how happy you are. I am in such an amazing relationship--it is fulfilling and fun and romantic--but everything feels up in the air because of the engagement status. I almost wish he never would have said anything earlier this year. Just surprised me whenever he felt ready to, you know? Now I'm going stark raving mad thinking about when and how, and that's only because the year is almost up. I was able to control the LIW-itis all year, for the most part, until a few weeks ago. Now, its all I think about.

Your bf loves you. 7 years is a long time. When's your anniversary? Our 7-year will be in May. Who knows? My guy might wait until then--although I hope (to God!) he doesn't. I agreed to not talk about it anymore this year--After Valentine's Day is my timeline to have "the talk." I am hoping for something before New Years, but if it doesn't happen, I'm not going to get depressed (I promise ladies!). You shouldn't either. I think its going to be soon for you...not sure why, but I do.

 

[tabu]

Hi Girls!!!!! I think its awesome that everyone here, atleast replied to Ringless here, is so sweet and we are all pretty much in the same boat. I havent been here very long, only like 2 weeks or so and like that we can just rant to eachother and we will understand!! Ringless, I feel for you babe. I would also love to have a holiday proposal. But we have to keep saying to ourselves, if it doesnt happen, it will soon! Maybe it will be a new years engagement instead! So keep your head high! Much love and understanding to you

 

[ringless]

Date: 11/24/2008 3:08:07 PM
Author: Bia

Date: 11/24/2008 1:55:54 PM
Author: ringless
Ok, let me start this long reply ! haha.

Bia - Oh, Bia how I love thee... thanks sooo much as always for the support! I know if anyone feels my pain it is you , my relationship twin! haha. How perfect you were the first to respond! ha.

Are you kidding? You''re my girl!!! The position we''re in, the one we share with a lot of our fellow LIW, is a tough one. I totally hear you when you describe how happy you are. I am in such an amazing relationship--it is fulfilling and fun and romantic--but everything feels up in the air because of the engagement status. I almost wish he never would have said anything earlier this year. Just surprised me whenever he felt ready to, you know? Now I''m going stark raving mad thinking about when and how, and that''s only because the year is almost up. I was able to control the LIW-itis all year, for the most part, until a few weeks ago. Now, its all I think about.

Your bf loves you. 7 years is a long time. When''s your anniversary? Our 7-year will be in May. Who knows? My guy might wait until then--although I hope (to God!) he doesn''t. I agreed to not talk about it anymore this year--After Valentine''s Day is my timeline to have ''the talk.'' I am hoping for something before New Years, but if it doesn''t happen, I''m not going to get depressed (I promise ladies!). You shouldn''t either. I think its going to be soon for you...not sure why, but I do.

Aw, thanks Bia! Our anniv. is in September, so it''s 7 years, and a couple months now. lol Honestly between now an V-day we will see a lot of proposals. Tis the season... I know what you mean about staying sane the whole year and now with the year coming to an end, it''s like stress overload. I am not mentioning anything wedding related for the sake of trying to keep a surprise for him, ha.. if there''s any. Maybe if I tell myself it wont happen it will? Does that work for any of you? lol

 

[ringless]

Date: 11/24/2008 3:10:14 PM
Author: tabu
Hi Girls!!!!! I think its awesome that everyone here, atleast replied to Ringless here, is so sweet and we are all pretty much in the same boat. I havent been here very long, only like 2 weeks or so and like that we can just rant to eachother and we will understand!! Ringless, I feel for you babe. I would also love to have a holiday proposal. But we have to keep saying to ourselves, if it doesnt happen, it will soon! Maybe it will be a new years engagement instead! So keep your head high! Much love and understanding to you

Ok so I just figured out how to use this quote thing and watch out girls b/c now I''m going to use it a lot! lol

Yes, we do have a good group of girls (and guys!) on here to offer some great support. You are right Tabu, if it doesn''t happen this holiday season, it will soon.. we just need to keep chanting that to ourselves! lol

Thanks!

 

[Bia]

Date: 11/24/2008 2:16:44 PM
Author: gwendolyn
*hugs* Honey, you really are in a good place. The fairy tale is a wonderful thing sometimes, but it does get a bit dangerous if it takes over real life (I get like this with finances sometimes

). But yeah, I doubt it will make you feel any better, but there''s a friend of mine that I''ve talked about on here before who''s been with her boyfriend for almost 8 years, has wanted to be engaged for at least 7 years, and who has never, ONCE had a single serious conversation with her boyfriend about their future. Any time she starts to say that she eventually wants to get married and have a family, he says, ''Do you REALLY want to have this conversation right now?'' with this doom-n-gloom voice and she always freaks and never has the conversation.

Now, this situation is as much her fault as her boyfriend''s since she''s in control of her life and can leave at any time, etc. But she says she doesn''t want to--she wants to stay with him forever. But she''s given up on having kids because she can''t sack up and have that talk with him about where their relationship is going.

I know this is a bit off-topic, but so many stories remind me of hers. Mostly because I think of her and then want to say to the PSer--''Hey look, you may be frustrated but it ain''t nothin'' compared to this chick I know!'' Which isn''t helpful at all, but what happens in my brain.

Anyway, sorry for the thread-jack! All done now, promise.

Gwennie, I feel really sorry for your friend. It just strikes me as very sad that she''s so afraid to force the discussion because she thinks he will get angry or leave (I''m presuming?). But I guess just being with him is more important to her than having that commitment...I think a lot of women feel that way too, unfortunately.

 

[Bia]

Date: 11/24/2008 3:17:39 PM
Author: ringless
Maybe if I tell myself it wont happen it will? Does that work for any of you? lol

Are you reading my mind?

 

[ringless]

I agree with you Bia, it is sad she can''t stand up to him and let him know how she feels... sometimes this happens, girls say they don''t care and they wait forever thinking they can change their bf and they are never ''ready'' and then they wind up breaking up. I personally would not date someone who I couldn''t see myself marrying.

 

[AprilD]

Ringless - I re read my post and hope that I didnt come across as that you are not happy... cause trust me... i KNOW whats its like!!!!

Even though you can be SOOOOO happy with him... still there is the anticipation of wanting the proposal to happen yesterday...

Just wanted to share what is getting me through right now

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 11/24/2008 3:22:27 PM
Author: Bia

Date: 11/24/2008 2:16:44 PM

Author: gwendolyn

*hugs* Honey, you really are in a good place. The fairy tale is a wonderful thing sometimes, but it does get a bit dangerous if it takes over real life (I get like this with finances sometimes

). But yeah, I doubt it will make you feel any better, but there's a friend of mine that I've talked about on here before who's been with her boyfriend for almost 8 years, has wanted to be engaged for at least 7 years, and who has never, ONCE had a single serious conversation with her boyfriend about their future. Any time she starts to say that she eventually wants to get married and have a family, he says, 'Do you REALLY want to have this conversation right now?' with this doom-n-gloom voice and she always freaks and never has the conversation.


Now, this situation is as much her fault as her boyfriend's since she's in control of her life and can leave at any time, etc. But she says she doesn't want to--she wants to stay with him forever. But she's given up on having kids because she can't sack up and have that talk with him about where their relationship is going.


I know this is a bit off-topic, but so many stories remind me of hers. Mostly because I think of her and then want to say to the PSer--'Hey look, you may be frustrated but it ain't nothin' compared to this chick I know!' Which isn't helpful at all, but what happens in my brain.

Anyway, sorry for the thread-jack! All done now, promise.

Gwennie, I feel really sorry for your friend. It just strikes me as very sad that she's so afraid to force the discussion because she thinks he will get angry or leave (I'm presuming?). But I guess just being with him is more important to her than having that commitment...I think a lot of women feel that way too, unfortunately.

Yeah, that's exactly what she's afraid of. Her worst fear (self-admittedly) is being alone--she was in a 3-year relationship before she was with her current boyfriend (the one of almost 8 years), and there was (wait for it!) ONE WEEK that she spent single between the two. Yeah. Out of the last 11 years, she's spent one week single. She'd rather alternate between ignoring reality and feeling superficially happy and feeling absolutely miserable because (in her own words) she's "good enough to live with but not good enough to marry." Not a happy situation.

ETA: Oh no, ringless! I lied, I did continue to threadjack! Doh, sorry.