LIW Rock Bottom
- Thread starter misskitty
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miss kitty - I do hope you're feeling better these days. Your time will come *wink* 
And sillyberry - I absolutely LOVE your line:
"sometimes the crazy flag has got to fly.
(just remember to fold it back up and return it to safekeeping for a later date)"
That's a good one! May I please quote you?
(Right now, I've got so many crazy flags flyin' 'round me, I feel like a delegate at the U.N.
)
And sillyberry - I absolutely LOVE your line:
"sometimes the crazy flag has got to fly.
(just remember to fold it back up and return it to safekeeping for a later date)"
That's a good one! May I please quote you?
(Right now, I've got so many crazy flags flyin' 'round me, I feel like a delegate at the U.N.
shertz1981
Shiny_Rock
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janinegirly
Ideal_Rock
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I''ve also BTDT! And even though I''m married with baby and other "issues" like in-laws to deal with now--I remember those LIW days well and how it took such a toll on me! And it''s something my DH will never understand! He thinks it was all on track, what was my deal? Well, it may seem like it was on track to him, but to me, the reality and unknown at the time created a different outlook.
Anyway, I''m chiming in b/c I really hate seeing ladies beat themselves up for honest emotions which are based on good reason. I mean not everyone falls in this category, some ladies want rings and a big wedding before they really know their man (ie all about the wedding), but that''s not usually the case here on PS for the most part. So dont'' feel bad, it''s normal to feel jealousy, frustration, irritation, craziness b/c you are ready and your bf is either not or dragging it out. Yes it''s not a great side to show, but it''s part of what you''re feeling now. And do you really mean you are ok with waiting as long as your BF needs? Because your outburst indicates otherwise. Just be honest with yourself as to your limits and what you need (by when) in order to retain your sense of self and confidence. Because being an LIW can eat away at that and at that point it''s important to either reasseses or talk openly to the bf about what this is doing to you. Not saying this is the point you''re at, just speaking generally.
Having said that, it is so hard to strike a balance. To not nag, but also respect your own need to express what you''re feeling. You''ll get through it! Hugs and keep us posted.
Anyway, I''m chiming in b/c I really hate seeing ladies beat themselves up for honest emotions which are based on good reason. I mean not everyone falls in this category, some ladies want rings and a big wedding before they really know their man (ie all about the wedding), but that''s not usually the case here on PS for the most part. So dont'' feel bad, it''s normal to feel jealousy, frustration, irritation, craziness b/c you are ready and your bf is either not or dragging it out. Yes it''s not a great side to show, but it''s part of what you''re feeling now. And do you really mean you are ok with waiting as long as your BF needs? Because your outburst indicates otherwise. Just be honest with yourself as to your limits and what you need (by when) in order to retain your sense of self and confidence. Because being an LIW can eat away at that and at that point it''s important to either reasseses or talk openly to the bf about what this is doing to you. Not saying this is the point you''re at, just speaking generally.
Having said that, it is so hard to strike a balance. To not nag, but also respect your own need to express what you''re feeling. You''ll get through it! Hugs and keep us posted.
I used to put on a happy face when I heard a friend was enaged before I was. I wanted to poke my eye out with a fork actually
I think (my own experience) that while I was a LIW it starting consuming my mind, coming to PS made it more intense. I stayed away from here for a while but then I missed hearing from the people that inspired me and helped me here so I came back... at that point I was enagaged!
LilyKat wrote the below (haven''t figurerd out how to quote yet)
Your boyfriend is being unfair. You can''t help the way you feel.
Don''t feel ashamed or embarrassed, and don''t let him make you feel that way either. There is nothing wrong with you.
ETA: I second the idea of getting out and doing your own thing more, focusing on your own life, and possibly even brushing him off next time he brings up engagement. I have a real issue with men holding all the power in a relationship, and that''s exactly what happens when he knows for sure what you''ll say when he eventually gets round to proposing. It won''t hurt to introduce a bit of doubt and uncertainty into his mind, so he starts to realise that you''re not the "sure thing" he thinks you are.
WOwzers! I thought I was the one with my opinionated thongs in a rumple here... not today
It''s not about game playing with the person you love, the person you want to marry. It is about discussion, truth, respect. There is no controlling power by any means. MK NEVER said anything was wrong in her relationship she loves him, wants to marry him, acted out and is sorry for that - that''s all.
I would never twist up, use reverse psychology on my husband just to get him thinking.. (but that''s a whole nother thread)
LilyKat
Brilliant_Rock
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Xedoc
Rough_Rock
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Great quote.. that''s how I feel, and I''m a guy. Don''t get me wrong, I''m level-headed enough to want to really make sure this one is different and not rush anything.. but I just know there''s a reason why I''m thinking so strongly about proposals and ring ideas early on in this relationship: It''s truly different than any other I''ve had in the past. I''m ready for my future to start now, but my mind''s timing says to not rush it faster than she may be ready, even when she''s giving me no indication that progressing talks about the future are happening too quickly.
My male roommate/friend got engaged this last February after 5 months of dating his fiancee, and I thought he was insane. I had always been one to think you need at least a year before an engagement to really know. Now I just know it''s because I''ve been dating the wrong people my entire life. During an intimate conversation regarding our feelings toward our relationship, my girlfriend asked me this weekend if I felt guilty for thinking that way about them the last few months. I told her yes, that in the future I won''t ever be the one to judge someone else''s feelings about what just feels ''right.'' My dad proposed to my mom after two weeks before he was shipped off to Viet Nam for months, and they''ve been as close to a perfect couple as I could imagine for 36 years. Now I''m beginning to feel ridiculous for judging them for it!
Italiahaircolor
Ideal_Rock
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((hugs))
I understand how you''re feeling, and I believe it''s totally natural. How could you not feel left behind when everyone else is moving forward in their relationship and you''re not? You''re not the first, and you won''t be the last to have these feelings of happiness on one hand, sadness on the other. And being so emotionally conflicted is really, really hard.
I want to offer up some advice that I have used before...but I think it will fit you in this current situation...
Dating, courtship or whatever you want to call it is like building the foundation for your future. If you think of it in terms of construction, the foundation is the most important part. Some foundations go in quickly, others take longer...but in the end, all that matters is that it''s stable and able to support what follows. From there you build upon that...and eventually, while you''re enjoying what you''ve created you''ll stop thinking about "how long it took" and start thinking about worth it, it all was.
On a personal note, I get where you''re coming from extremely well. My DH and I have been trying for years to get pregnant with no success, same feelings with a different variable. I understand the frusteration of waiting, or watching those around you "get there" first. I understand the resentment on some level that it''s not your turn right now, and that while their news is happy news...you want it for yourself so bad that you cannot smush those feelings down because they''re just to big. Even sometimes feeling "bitter" over the fact that you feel so ready, prepared...so much more so than so many people around you who are blissfully breezing into the next stage. I am totally with you. But in my moments where I cry my eyes out on the bathroom floor, I always try to remind myself that there is always a reason behind everything...and that there is a reason behind this too, and someday I''ll know....and so will you!
((hugs again))
I understand how you''re feeling, and I believe it''s totally natural. How could you not feel left behind when everyone else is moving forward in their relationship and you''re not? You''re not the first, and you won''t be the last to have these feelings of happiness on one hand, sadness on the other. And being so emotionally conflicted is really, really hard.
I want to offer up some advice that I have used before...but I think it will fit you in this current situation...
Dating, courtship or whatever you want to call it is like building the foundation for your future. If you think of it in terms of construction, the foundation is the most important part. Some foundations go in quickly, others take longer...but in the end, all that matters is that it''s stable and able to support what follows. From there you build upon that...and eventually, while you''re enjoying what you''ve created you''ll stop thinking about "how long it took" and start thinking about worth it, it all was.
On a personal note, I get where you''re coming from extremely well. My DH and I have been trying for years to get pregnant with no success, same feelings with a different variable. I understand the frusteration of waiting, or watching those around you "get there" first. I understand the resentment on some level that it''s not your turn right now, and that while their news is happy news...you want it for yourself so bad that you cannot smush those feelings down because they''re just to big. Even sometimes feeling "bitter" over the fact that you feel so ready, prepared...so much more so than so many people around you who are blissfully breezing into the next stage. I am totally with you. But in my moments where I cry my eyes out on the bathroom floor, I always try to remind myself that there is always a reason behind everything...and that there is a reason behind this too, and someday I''ll know....and so will you!
((hugs again))
AdiS
Brilliant_Rock
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Actually Lily. you made two valid points in your post. Maybe the rest of it wasn''t worded the best way but I''m sure you meant well.Date: 8/26/2009 3:29:40 PM
Author: LilyKat
Look, I''m sorry. Please leave me alone nowIt''s really hurtful to be attacked like this. I would delete my post if I could, but I can''t.
Can we let this drop please?
I completely agree that you should never be ashamed of how you feel. Your feelings are important and should never be dismissed for whatever reason.
Secondly, misskitty I too think that you should try to focus on your life, try to be happy and content with it the way it is right now instead of focusing all your energy, expectations and hopes on the proposal. Do not identify yourself with it, you''re not just a LIW or someone''s future FI. You seem like a wonderful lady and I''m sure you can enjoy your life as it is until the time comes when you''ll become a wonderful bride to be.
Best of luck to you!
LilyKat
Brilliant_Rock
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