LIWs who hear their clock ticking...any advice?

[Keepingthefaith21]

For those of you ladies on the board who are a little older and are feeling your clock ticking away…how do you keep the sanity in check in that department?

I am pretty rational about most of the LIW stuff. I certainly don’t push my SO or have meltdowns (that he knows about – LOL) but after spending the weekend with our friends and their children I realized just how strong my desire to start a family is. When I said to my SO I feel like it will be a minimum of 4 years before we can start TTC he said it wouldn’t be that long

. I am wondering how many of you feel the same way and if you plan to TTC immediately after you are married of if you will be waiting a bit?

I would like to have my first child before I am 35 and automatically lumped into high risk. I would also like to try naturally for a year to a year and a half before seeking intervention if necessary. That being said, I am feeling a little claustrophobic with my own timeline and I’m wondering if I am the only one who feels this way????

 

[designchica]

I am 32 and recently engaged. My fiance is 4 years younger is his clock was not ticking as loud as mine was a year ago.

We actually broke up last year over this issue for one month. What led to the breakup was an honest conversation about marriage and children. At that time, he didn't think he wanted children for 10-15 years. I said I wanted it within 5 years. So we broke up.

After a month apart, he asked me back and said that he could not give me any guarantees, but pleaded with me to give the relationship more time to see if he felt differently. I agreed to give it a year...he was worth it. The love we had was worth the risk. It was a very stresful year but in the end, it worked out as my heart had hoped. We are getting married in October and plan to start working on a baby right away..possibly even before the wedding!!! He is truly excited to be a dad and ready to start a family.

Now, keep in mind, not all guys will come around like my guy did. He went from not wanting kids for 10-15 years to wanting them now. That's a HUGE shift but it is part to his age I think. He's at an age where a lot of guys start thinking about babies. When we first talked about it a year ago, he hadn't even given it so much as a thought but after he had some time to think about it, he realized he didn't want to be an old man when he starts a family. The key though is that HE had to get to this realization on his own.

So my advice to you is to get honest with yourself and with him about what you want and when you want it. Make a committment to yourself to have those things someday whether it is with your man or not. That may involve giving yourself a D-Day of when you will leave your current relationship if you are not engaged and if he still doesn't want kids. If you truly want a family someday, be willing to walk from this relationship if he doesn't not share the same goals.

 

[Bia]

How old are you? If you don't mind my asking...

For me, its the opposite. I am 26 and would like to finish some stuff before I get married, let alone have kids. I am thinking 30 is a good time to start trying. If we are lucky, it might happen not long afterwards. BF is 31 and is starting feel the baby itch. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that one of his best friends just had a son last year and now his older sister had a baby. He says he doesn't want to wait too long b/c he would rather not be an older father. IMO, he is not even remotely running out of time...in another 4 years he still won't be but...that's how he feels. Thats the problem when there is a slight age difference.


If things happened your way, what would your timeline look like?

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 5/12/2008 1:25:59 PM
Author:Keepingthefaith21

For those of you ladies on the board who are a little older and are feeling your clock ticking away…how do you keep the sanity in check in that department?

I am pretty rational about most of the LIW stuff. I certainly don’t push my SO or have meltdowns (that he knows about – LOL) but after spending the weekend with our friends and their children I realized just how strong my desire to start a family is. When I said to my SO I feel like it will be a minimum of 4 years before we can start TTC he said it wouldn’t be that long

. I am wondering how many of you feel the same way and if you plan to TTC immediately after you are married of if you will be waiting a bit?

I would like to have my first child before I am 35 and automatically lumped into high risk. I would also like to try naturally for a year to a year and a half before seeking intervention if necessary. That being said, I am feeling a little claustrophobic with my own timeline and I’m wondering if I am the only one who feels this way????

I feel the same way you do -- sort of. I actually just had a discussion about this with BF''s sister-in-law on Saturday.

I''m 25, so while I''m not in any real hurry, but I KNOW I want kids, and I definitely want to start around 30-35. So I kind of start laying out my little timeline, and get freaked out. I finish school in April 09, then (hopefully) get engaged that year, then wedding in 2010, then I want to be married 2-3 years and buy a house, then its like BAM -- time to have kids! It''s scary when you plan it out like that and you realize that if you dont hurry it up you could have a high risk pregnancy. It scares the hell out of a lot of women!

I definitely want to settle into married life before I start having kids. I have a little bit of a buffer since I''m only 25 right now, but I think most women feel a little freaked out like you do.

Personally, I want to do as much as I can before I start having kids. They''re A HUGE committment, and you should get all your other stuff out of the way. Be selfish as long as you can!

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Thanks ladies!

Bia – let’s just say I am close enough to 30 to be allowed to worry a bit!

Lauren8211 – I have been incredibly selfish over the years! I’ve traveled to Europe several times, been across the US, dated many different people, spent time on my own, bought my first house and experienced enough in my life that I feel satiated. If I were to find out I was pregnant today I would never feel as though any part of my life was compromised in any way shape or form. That’s exactly how I know that I am ready for a family.

SO and I definitely want children and have discussed every possible scenario including how we would cope with infertility and where we stand on adoption. In fact, I made it a point to discuss these issues early on because children fall into a category I am unwilling to compromise on. We are certainly on the same page. I guess it just surprises me when my clock starts to tick so loud it seems like it drowns out everything around me!

When I was younger I always thought I would be married for a few years before trying for a baby but now I think we’ll be working on TTC on our honeymoon (assuming I can survive the waiting period long enough to make it to our honeymoon

)!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Hey, Keeping,

I think you''re such a strong, postive woman that I just wanted to chime in here and say that I really think you have nothing to worry about.

You know me, I''m the first one to say "Honey, this is your life, don''t wait for any man to dictate it for you." I truly, honestly feel that in your case you have absolutely nothing to worry about. You have been an amazing girlfriend and I think the boy is really in line with you. He seems to be on the same timeline about kids, as you know, he''s looking at engagement rings, you have a beautiful house together. Knowing that once you get married, everything is already in place--the house, the security of knowing that you''re settled and this is where you''re staying...it honestly does make a big difference.

I understand your suffocation, though. When Dan and I first started living together...heck, way back in 2000, we created a very long-term marriage timeline that was determined by when we wanted kids. When he started pushing the timeline back I felt very suffocated. I kept hearing that I was "young", but I didn''t feel that way even though my bioligical clock wasn''t ticking and I didn''t plan on having kids before I was thirty. I felt like I was in a position where I needed to choose to stay with D and hope that he pulled through or jump ship--I knew I would need to date for at least a couple of years before marriage, then have one year of marriage before starting to try and that already put me up against my personal timeline. I had moments of really freaking out about it. Now that it''s behind me, I have no idea why I was so freaked out because he is more ready for kids than I am, I just think that at the time, the suffocating feeling overwhelmed me.

I think that the weekend with your friends and their children probably had an emotional impact on you that is heightening your sensitivity to the baby issue. I don''t want for that to come off as you being sensitive, because as usual I think you are being very healthy and rational about this, but you know what I mean. It just makes you think about it more than you normally would.

 

[krispi]

How do I maintain my sanity? Basically, I don''t!!

I''m turning 30 this year, and I''m really not okay with it. I wanted to be a lot further along in the process of having a family by now. I feel the same way that you do - I want kids before 35, and I need time to get engaged, plan a wedding, buy a house, etc. first. For whatever reason, my BF doesn''t feel any pressure to do those things quickly.

I had a huge meltdown yesterday, actually (while I was at home by myself, so no - BF doesn''t know). Saturday I spent some girl time with his sister, and we ended up having a pretty long chat. Lots of people are starting to wonder if/when we''re going to get married, and apparently his nephews have been asking his sister for cousins. It doesn''t help matters any that his cousin is getting married this weekend, so I''m sure there will be lots more comments. I basically told his sister that I wanted those things with him, but he needs to be ready. She had some good insight to offer from her own experiences and said that maybe she should have a talk with him. She thinks there are certain things from their upbringing that could be affecting him, and she has just recently discovered these in her own couples counseling. Maybe it will help if she explains them to him, maybe not...

He knows how I feel and that I see my time getting more and more limited, but all he says is that I have plenty of time and shouldn''t worry about it.

So, really I don''t have any good advice to share. But the biological clock seems to tick louder and louder every day!

 

[Pandora II]

I''m 36 beginning of August - getting married end of July. We start TTC in September.

It was a HUGE thing for me.

FI had told me that he didn''t believe in marriage, so I told him that I definitely wanted the option of having children, that I wouldn''t have a child outside marriage and that my clock was ticking, so - if he didn''t think he wanted to marry me or have kids with me could he please bear that in mind and not take too long to make his mind up.

He proposed within 6 months... the proposal took 6 months to plan, so he basically got cracking the next day.

 

[CNOS128]

Keeping the Faith - I feel your almost-30 pain. I''m not sure how I deal, but it helps that my BF wants kids as much, if not more, than I do; that he''s 6 years older; and that he doesn''t want to be an "old" father.
I ideally want to have children in the next 5 or 6 years, but in addition to biology and not being engaged yet, I just finished my first year of law school. So I''ll have to juggle the desire for a baby with starting a new career and it''s all completely overwhelming. Lots of times I just try not to think about it until marriage is more of a reality.

But hanging out with the future niece always makes me want a little one of my own. Until she throws up on my cashmere sweater and wipes her nose in my hair. Then I''m good for another few weeks...

 

[kittybean]

Date: 5/12/2008 6:33:11 PM
Author: TheBigT
Keeping the Faith - I feel your almost-30 pain. I''m not sure how I deal, but it helps that my BF wants kids as much, if not more, than I do; that he''s 6 years older; and that he doesn''t want to be an ''old'' father.

I ideally want to have children in the next 5 or 6 years, but in addition to biology and not being engaged yet, I just finished my first year of law school. So I''ll have to juggle the desire for a baby with starting a new career and it''s all completely overwhelming. Lots of times I just try not to think about it until marriage is more of a reality.

BigT: I suggest not pushing too hard to have children in law school. People will tell you it''s "easier" than when you already have a career, but I don''t think that''s true--I have witnessed probably 15 girls pregnant at my law school in the last year or two, and it seems HARD. Law school involves an incredible time commitment (as I''m sure you noticed this past year), and unfortunately it doesn''t get much easier (you do figure out what you might want to be doing as far as studying and getting work done, but that''s the only easier part). I have had friends struggle though difficult pregnancies and watch every single class they were supposed to be taking on video from their beds. This seemed almost impossible. One girl dropped out of school between second and third year, but the rest have made it in some way or the other. Another thing I''ve noticed about these women is that they begin to wonder whether they should be stay-at-home moms. A couple women have told me that they plan to take the bar but will not practice, opting to stay at home with their new babies when they arrive. Like you said, it''s totally daunting to have the prospect of a scary new career with a new baby. IMHO, for your sanity, do one at a time. At least give law school/your career a fair shot before there is actually a baby there needing your care, time, love, and attention.

Aren''t you glad to be finished with first year? It''s all downhill from here, baby. I just graduated from law school this weekend, and it feels pretty liberating--other than the whole bar study lameness ahead of me. Enjoy your summer!!

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 5/13/2008 2:54:02 AM
Author: kittybean


BigT: I suggest not pushing too hard to have children in law school. People will tell you it''s ''easier'' than when you already have a career, but I don''t think that''s true--I have witnessed probably 15 girls pregnant at my law school in the last year or two, and it seems HARD. Law school involves an incredible time commitment (as I''m sure you noticed this past year), and unfortunately it doesn''t get much easier (you do figure out what you might want to be doing as far as studying and getting work done, but that''s the only easier part). I have had friends struggle though difficult pregnancies and watch every single class they were supposed to be taking on video from their beds. This seemed almost impossible. One girl dropped out of school between second and third year, but the rest have made it in some way or the other. Another thing I''ve noticed about these women is that they begin to wonder whether they should be stay-at-home moms. A couple women have told me that they plan to take the bar but will not practice, opting to stay at home with their new babies when they arrive. Like you said, it''s totally daunting to have the prospect of a scary new career with a new baby. IMHO, for your sanity, do one at a time. At least give law school/your career a fair shot before there is actually a baby there needing your care, time, love, and attention.


Aren''t you glad to be finished with first year? It''s all downhill from here, baby. I just graduated from law school this weekend, and it feels pretty liberating--other than the whole bar study lameness ahead of me. Enjoy your summer!!

Thanks for your advice, kittybean! And congratulations to you on graduating!! I know, having a baby is so much to think about, without the pressures of being a new lawyer (and I''m pretty high strung as it is). I don''t want to be a stay at home mom, but I also don''t want to have someone else raising my kids -- yet I do know that I want children. But as I''m probably going into public interest law, I wouldn''t be able to support a stay-at-home dad.
I don''t plan to start trying while I''m in school (I don''t even know if I''ll get married before I graduate), but BF may feel differently. I do know that this was the hardest year of my life and I''m VERY glad it''s over. Good luck to you with the bar! Hopefully you''ll get to take a nice long vacation afterward!!

 

[vr78239]

It''s the opposite for us...BF has a HUGE baby itch, (he is 30), and I feel like I have plenty of time, (I''m 25).

 

[innerkitten]

I was ready to start having kids at 28 but I hadn''t met the right man yet. I met my husband when I was 30, I got married at 34 and had my daughter at 35. Now I''m 37 and finding it hard to run after a two year old all day ( she''s worth it 100% but I''m seriously tired at the end of the day). It would have been nice to start earlier because I would have had more enegy but things have worked out well. My husband and I only wanted one and we were really hoping for a girl so that was a plus

 

[Brynn]

Odd Question, have you thought about getting a puppy?

I''m 26 and NOT ready for kids yet (I''m in law school, not engaged...yet, still need to run around and party for awhile) but I started to feel my clock ticking last Summer, LOUDLY. I bought the most adorable Cavalier King Charles Spaniel and it seems to have COMPLETELY knocked that one right out of the water. All of the extra love and urge to nurture I had goes straight to her!!! Worked like a charm : )

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Brynn, I have a dog who is about 10 years old and I also have two cats: one who is 5 years old and a new addition who is still under a year. I love my animals and I certainly dote on them but they are not filling the void I feel. I am pretty sure that is how my kitten entered into the picture – kind of a place holder so to speak.

Truthfully this feeling has been in the background for a long time but this is the first time I have ever really "talked" about it (other than with my SO). Yes, I am quite certain NEL’s assessment is correct (as always) that being around my friends with children brings out this desire. However, I am at the point where most of my friends are married with children so it’s hard to escape my main trigger.

Maybe this happens to lots of ladies as they start to stare down 30...maybe this is a very natural feeling…I don’t know. What I do know is that getting engaged/married has stopped being the “goal” I am trying to get to and has become the starting line for the next big challenge I want to face in life. I guess, like all LIW’s, I want to start the rest of my life with my partner sooner rather than later and I definitely look at our marriage as the beginning of our family. I’m ready for my own family. Really ready.

 

[Brynn]

Ahhhh! I see, yes then, that changes the picture : )

 

[KCCutie]

I know what you mean! I just turned 31 and my SO once said "Your clock is ticking so loudly I can hear it from here."

I have ALWAYS wanted children ALWAYS, and I always thought I''d be married and start having them sometime in my mid to late 20''s. Well now that''s out of the question, and while at the time coming to terms with it was very hard, I''m happy to say that I''m glad things turned out the way they did. Our plan is to be engaged this summer, married soon after probably in January and I''d like to be married for at least a year so I can enjoy my life as a newlywed before we TTC. So that means I''ll be about 33 when we start TTC and as long as that number doesn''t go up past 35 I''m very happy with that plan. I think 7 years to have 2 maybe 3 kids is plenty (God willing of course).

It helps me just to keep the time line in mind when I see adorable babies at the store I tell myself "you will have your own in ____ years(or just soon enough)." If that doesn''t work I volunteer to spend a couple hours with some preteens and that usually squashes my urge to have my own children for a while.

 

[absolut_blonde]

Date: 5/13/2008 5:02:50 PM
Author: KCCutie
I know what you mean! I just turned 31 and my SO once said ''Your clock is ticking so loudly I can hear it from here.''

LOL! I''m 24 and SO says similar things to me all the time. Whenever we''re around babies, I get total baby fever. He teases me about it, but in a cute way. I know he likes that I love kids and want them so much.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Date: 5/13/2008 4:44:35 PM
Author: Keepingthefaith21

Maybe this happens to lots of ladies as they start to stare down 30...maybe this is a very natural feeling…I don’t know. What I do know is that getting engaged/married has stopped being the “goal” I am trying to get to and has become the starting line for the next big challenge I want to face in life. I guess, like all LIW’s, I want to start the rest of my life with my partner sooner rather than later and I definitely look at our marriage as the beginning of our family. I’m ready for my own family. Really ready.

This is perfectly worded. I couldn''t agree with you more. It''s difficult to sit down and realistically talk about family planning when the first step is still unsettled. A very good friend of mine was talking to me about this recently--we were both "in waiting" together and she was 33 at the time and living with her boyfriend in a condo they bought. She was the epitome of patience, but really struggled as she watched all of her friends get married and have kids. Many of these friends she''d had for over a decade and always thought they''d have children around the same time. She felt left out.

Her boyfriend did propose and they were married in the fall. She said that she is grateful now that all of her friends have kids because she has learned so much from them. It also made her want to reach out to her younger friends who were in the same life stage as her, which she now enjoys. They aren''t pregnant yet, but she doesn''t feel nearly as much pressure. Like you, they already had their home and they had a relatively short engagement, so she felt like the time between getting engaged and TTC went very fast (especially with a wedding to plan in between).

Waiting is hard...and nothing makes it easier. I wish there was something that did make it easier (hard liquor?), but the truth is that for now it just stinks. Yes, it will totally be worth it in the end, but that doesn''t really make it any easier now. I''m thinking of you! And if you ever need to have dinner with a childless friend, I think I''m just a few towns over, haha.

 

[krispi]

Date: 5/13/2008 4:44:35 PM
Author: Keepingthefaith21

Brynn, I have a dog who is about 10 years old and I also have two cats: one who is 5 years old and a new addition who is still under a year. I love my animals and I certainly dote on them but they are not filling the void I feel. I am pretty sure that is how my kitten entered into the picture – kind of a place holder so to speak.

Truthfully this feeling has been in the background for a long time but this is the first time I have ever really ''talked'' about it (other than with my SO). Yes, I am quite certain NEL’s assessment is correct (as always) that being around my friends with children brings out this desire. However, I am at the point where most of my friends are married with children so it’s hard to escape my main trigger.

Maybe this happens to lots of ladies as they start to stare down 30...maybe this is a very natural feeling…I don’t know. What I do know is that getting engaged/married has stopped being the “goal” I am trying to get to and has become the starting line for the next big challenge I want to face in life. I guess, like all LIW’s, I want to start the rest of my life with my partner sooner rather than later and I definitely look at our marriage as the beginning of our family. I’m ready for my own family. Really ready.

I think you hit the nail on the head! These are the 2 things that always get to me - being around friends who are married and have children and worrying about my upcoming birthday. It doesn''t help when other people start asking questions like are you two ever getting married, either!

 

[ashling]

Hi Girls - Long time lurker but just had to respond cos this one is close to my heart!!

I started lurking here on PS about a year ago when I was an LIW. DP and I have been together for 10 years, own a house and have been living together for 5 years. I was at the height of my LIW''ness this time last year, but DP''s parents were (still are) going through a nasty separation and he claimed that he felt that our relationship was already a marriage to him so he didn''t see the urgency to "seal the deal" as much as me. To be honest, I was incredibly happy in our space, and felt that we were "already there" but felt I wanted the engagement and marriage as the formal symbol - I didn''t think that it would necessarily change anything. I was 27 and like you starting to feel my clock ticking and really wanted to be married when I had a baby, and kinda wanted to get cracking on starting at around 30.

When you realise that those timelines are "imminent" you start thinking about them more and more - I for one think this was the thing that fuelled my LIW''ness the most (well, that and all the lovely sparkles!!)

When he realised just how much all of that meant to me he proposed last year

(and I got a gorgeous solitaire of course), and we planned that we would spend 6 months travelling around the world this year and get married while we were away, arrive home at 29 and get ourselves settled into married life and start TTC at 30. Sounds like a perfect plan doesn''t it!!

Perfect, until (seriously against all odds) I got pregnant last October

!! We were both shocked for about 30 seconds, but TOTALLY delighted then

. It was like all of that planning etc went out of the window but it really didn''t matter cos this then became the total focus. These days we are all so concerned with everything being "perfect" that we don''t realise that when things happen you just get on with them!!

And I realised that I didn''t need to have spent any time stressing about my clock ticking etc, and wanting to have a structured plan. Even though everything wasn''t following the oriiginal plan it is still perfect!! Baby''s due in 4 weeks, and now I have NO idea when we are going to get married, and I''m still not 100% sure if I''m ready to have a baby!!! My granddad said that there''s never a good time to have a baby if you are planning and analysing it closely.

So while I''m not saying that the answer is to just run and get pregnant now, I suppose my adivce to you KeepinghteFaith is that it will happen. Enjoy today and everthing that''s going on, and as NewEnglandLady says it sounds like you and DP are on the same page already so you''re just about there!

 

[Codependent Gal]

My biological clock''s "ticking" was certainly a pretty big factor in my decision to end things with my boyfriend. I am 27, and I want to have children when I am in my early 30''s. I want to enjoy just being married for a few years before bringing children into the equation, so I felt that it was very important for my ex boyfriend and I to "poo or get off the pot" at this point in our relationship. I didn''t feel this kind of impatience when I was 25, and unfortunately I anticipate that it will keep getting worse. I had a bit of a pregnancy scare last month and it really helped me because it forced me to really evaluate the way that I felt about having children. Previously, the thought of having a baby didn''t fit into my plan and it would not have been something that I would have wanted at all, but last month I felt that I really could have a baby and that it wouldn''t be a bad thing. The ex boyfriend, however, was a nervous wreck -- he couldn''t sleep and he looked like he was on the verge of passing out until the scare resolved itself. I guess that was a pretty big sign that we really weren''t really both on the same page in out relationship after all.

 

[Bia]

Yikes!...many of you are around my same age! Maybe my clock should be ticking and it just isn't?! I too want to be married for a year (possibly more!) w/out thinking too hard about TTC. Hmmmm...maybe time to reassess...

Is it true the average woman TTC for 2 years or more before bringing a delivery to full term?

 

[absolut_blonde]

Date: 5/14/2008 1:07:25 PM
Author: Bia
Yikes!...many of you are around my same age! Maybe my clock should be ticking and it just isn''t?! I too want to be married for a year (possibly more!) w/out thinking too hard about TTC. Hmmmm...maybe time to reassess...

Is it true the average woman TTC for 2 years or more before bringing a delivery to full term?

Not that I''m aware of. I believe they want you to try for 1 year on your own (or 6 months if over 35) before seeking fertility assistance... 2 years sounds like a very long time to me, although it''s true that early miscarriages are sadly not uncommon.

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 5/14/2008 1:07:25 PM
Author: Bia
Yikes!...many of you are around my same age! Maybe my clock should be ticking and it just isn''t?! I too want to be married for a year (possibly more!) w/out thinking too hard about TTC. Hmmmm...maybe time to reassess...

Is it true the average woman TTC for 2 years or more before bringing a delivery to full term?

Um, in my family everyone seems to get PG within 2 months...

When my parents first got married, my father - who''s a doctor and 11 years older than my mother - warned her not to get too upset if it took six months or so to get pregnant.

He was rather taken aback when they found out she was PG 2 weeks later.

My maternal grandmother has 4 kids, my mother and both her sisters have 4 kids and my sister has 2 and plans for another. None of them have tried for more than 2 months.

 

[Bia]

Date: 5/14/2008 1:35:57 PM
Author: Pandora II
Um, in my family everyone seems to get PG within 2 months...

When my parents first got married, my father - who''s a doctor and 11 years older than my mother - warned her not to get too upset if it took six months or so to get pregnant.

He was rather taken aback when they found out she was PG 2 weeks later.

My maternal grandmother has 4 kids, my mother and both her sisters have 4 kids and my sister has 2 and plans for another. None of them have tried for more than 2 months.

Hehe...my mother told me something similar. Apparently the women in my family never get to think about it, because it happens before they do.

"Very fertile," she says.

 

[lisa1.01fvs1]

Keeping - don''t wait to get yourself checked out and see what your ovarian reserve is --
that is the single most important determining factor in your fertility horizon!!!

Many 20 yr olds can have a small reserve w/few eggs while a 40 yr old can
have many eggs and years of fertility.

Age is not the determining factor and I wish someone had told me this before
I had to read about it on my own after a significant DX of ovarian cyst several years back.

I am 39 and we conceived 4 months after my surgery for this cyst. That was 2 yrs ago.

Now we are working on #2 as I have one working ovary and a fair amt. of eggs.

I recently saw a Repro. Endocrinologist (fertility doc) 2 wks ago and he did a trans. vag. ultrasound to check.

It was a very easy proceedure and could save you so much worry over your time horizon.

Although being "advanced" has its risks, the biggest is egg quantity and quality. This is something you can identiify now.

Hope that helps. I know the pressure for us women is enormous and there is certainly a "crisis" of sorts when you hit a certain age.

You may find that you have 15 years to go.

Hell, doc thought I would not need any intervention and you know what?

I got a faint pink line this am on preg. test!!!!

Hopefully I''ll deliver before I''m 40

 

[absolut_blonde]

Date: 5/12/2008 1:25:59 PM
Author:Keepingthefaith21

For those of you ladies on the board who are a little older and are feeling your clock ticking away…how do you keep the sanity in check in that department?

I am pretty rational about most of the LIW stuff. I certainly don’t push my SO or have meltdowns (that he knows about – LOL) but after spending the weekend with our friends and their children I realized just how strong my desire to start a family is. When I said to my SO I feel like it will be a minimum of 4 years before we can start TTC he said it wouldn’t be that long

. I am wondering how many of you feel the same way and if you plan to TTC immediately after you are married of if you will be waiting a bit?

I would like to have my first child before I am 35 and automatically lumped into high risk. I would also like to try naturally for a year to a year and a half before seeking intervention if necessary. That being said, I am feeling a little claustrophobic with my own timeline and I’m wondering if I am the only one who feels this way????

I wrote out a loooong reply to this the other day and then my internet broke on me. So it appears that it never went through.

I might get chastised for this, but I always wanted to be a young mom. I know that you cannot really plan these kinds of things because they are dependent on so many external factors. But, in an ideal situation, I would''ve liked to have kids younger than I probably will. And it is a bit hard sometimes. Whenever we''re around kids/babies, my clock kicks into overdrive (and I''m only 24!).

I also worry a lot because my mom did have a hard time conceiving me, albeit at 34. Combine that with the fact that I have a few indicators of mild PCOS and I worry a fair bit about being able to conceive at all. And being able to have as many as we want (at least 2, maybe 3). I know there are other options but it''s such a strong biological drive for me that I would be disappointed if I couldn''t be pregnant at least once.

It''s something SO and I will probably compromise on a bit. I know he''s huge on financial stability before children, and so am I. But biological factors are something we have to consider as well. It''s a bit of a tricky balance sometimes.

 

[HollyS]

Let it tick. Any marriage you may have in the future should not be entered into because you want children. Children can and should be a testament to the love you and your husband have for one another. But they should not be the reason for marriage.

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 5/15/2008 7:30:39 PM
Author: HollyS
Let it tick. Any marriage you may have in the future should not be entered into because you want children. Children can and should be a testament to the love you and your husband have for one another. But they should not be the reason for marriage.

If you''re planning to get married eventually anyway, and you''ve been together for awhile, I see nothing wrong with planning ahead to when you''d like to try to conceive and when you''d like to become pregnant. It''s reality that waiting too long can have detrimental effects for some people. Unless there''s another, more compelling reason to put off marriage, it seems the practical thing to do to plan the marriage around children given certain prerequisites, as is the case with most people here, it seems. I have a good friend who planned to stay with his girlfriend for eternity, and didn''t believe in marriage except in the event a child were to enter into the equation. When he was ready to have kids, he proposed. So the ''marriage'' essentially existed anyway, in that they would have been together for life, but the ''reason'' for marrying was to have children. And I think that is totally appropriate and practical.