Location, Location, Location...

[sumbride]

Hi ladies! I''ve been engaged just since Friday, but I''ve already got a bit of a quandry...

I grew up in a small town in Texas, but have lived in Maryland/DC area for 7 years now. My Fiance(!) is from Maryland and has lived here his whole life. Most of our friends are here and the rest are scattered everywhere. A lot of my family is in Texas, but not all of them. So we''re having the "WHERE?" debate.

I always visualized a destination wedding, but as we were talking about what we wanted over the last year, we realized that we had a lot of people that we really wanted to include that may not be able to do a destination wedding for various reasons: age, handicap, finances... so I thought we''d do something locally so we could both be really involved in it... do all the tasks, food tastings, DIY stuff, without having to haul anything.

My mom has mentioned numerous times that she could do a big blowout wedding for cheap in Texas since she knows EVERYBODY and we could even use the florist SHE used at her wedding 43 years ago. Unfortunately her baker closed his doors a few years ago or he would have been our cake guy! weird, eh? I told her I didn''t really want to do it in Texas, and she''s ok with that, but suddenly I''m kind of blown away by the news that my fiance''s family and some of our friends actually want it to be in TEXAS!

They''ve never been and now they want to go! I''m trying to convince them that Texarkana isn''t really a tourist destination and it''s actually pretty hard to get there. Most people can get a direct flight to Baltimore/DC, but to get to my hometown, you have to fly to Dallas and then get on a puddle-jumper or drive 3 hours. While WE would save money, all our guests would have to spend a lot to get there. his family argues that food and lodging would be cheaper there so it would be ok, but I''m still not convinced.

I''ve looked up a couple venues in my hometown and they are unbelievably cheap... a ceremony site for $100? really? but if we have it in Texas, my parents have plans to invite 300 people, and that''s just THEIR list. If we have it in Maryland, we could probably limit it to 100-150. I don''t necessarily mind the 300 people, though it kind of intimidates me a bit.

My mom has plans to host a big giant engagement party at home sometime before the wedding so she can host all the people that wouldn''t make the trip to Maryland. It seems like the perfect occasion to invite those from here that do want to visit Texas without obligating everyone to attend. They''re still pushing for a Texas wedding.

What would you do? Any ideas or suggestions?

 

[Gypsy]

I''m having a DC wedding. And compared to NY metro and SF Bay area the prices are reasonable so I''m happy. But if I could have it somewhere THAT affordable??? Well, I''d have it in TX. BUT we are paying for our wedding. If parental help was on the horizon... the pure financial aspect of it wouldn''t enter into it as much. If that were the case I''d have where I was living. For MY comfort.

What worries me is that if you have it in TX your mother is going to run away with the wedding. For me, it would be intollerable to have anyone making decisions for me... like what baker to use, etc. The fact that you would be relying on your mother ALOT would be a HECK NO for me-- but I''m a control freak. I planned a wedding 30 miles from where my mother lives from 2000 miles away and she didn''t have a clue what was going on beyond what I told her. The 300 guest thing is a HECK NO thing too. I would absolutely have to put my foot down for that. Its a day for nearest and dearest and YOU are the one who will be exhausted in the receiving line and going around to the tables. You are the one who will have to pay your respects to all these people when you could be spending time with your new husband and your closest loved ones. That whole thing gives me hives. I''ve been to GIGANTIC weddings. The couple NEVER looks anything but wilted and tired. She has a party for you? GREAT! Invite the masses to that. Your wedding IMO should just be attended by people who mean something to the two of you... not to everyone your faimly knows.

Sorry... Your post poked some MAJOR pet peeves of mine.

Don''t think about what other''s want. They love you. The will be happy if YOU are happy. So make yourself and your FI happy. The rest will follow.

 

[sumbride]

Gypsy, you make some great points!

I''m not that worried about my mom running the show because she''s not the controlling type. She''s horrible at gifts, but the wedding she threw for my sister was beautiful. My parents are definitely going to be helping with the bill but I''m not sure how much of the bill... they''re working on a budget for us and we''re grateful for whatever they contribute, but the cost of a 300+ wedding in her town is probably similar to a 100-person wedding here. Plus she tends to do things with handshakes instead of early deposits.

My FI is pretty open to a Texas wedding just because he''s never been to one before, but I think I''m definitely leaning hard towards Maryland. I''d like to be able to be directly involved and have us make the decisions.

 

[firebirdgold]

Go for somewhere local to you! I too thought about getting married farther afield, but once we actually got engaged we decided local to us would be our first choice. For one thing, I''m very glad I have the oppertunity to look at venues in person. I''ve already knocked off two possibilites from my list that looked good on paper and online.
Also no matter how uninvolved your mother says or thinks she''ll be... if it''s on her doorstep she''ll get more involved than you really want. My sister is having one of her post-wedding parties at our parents house in Malibu, and my mother has been extremely involved in planning despite saying she wouldn''t do anything. Who else is going to taste the food and the wine, look at the table settings, etc...? It''s why we''re not getting married there, despite the beautiful location.

 

[sumbride]

My mom just sent me an email saying that we could have both the ceremony and reception at the country club with no site fees... they''d only charge for food and drink and we''d do all the other stuff.

but then I had a flashback to my sister''s floral arrangements... hot pink stargazer lillies. They were gorgeous but I can''t be in the same room with lillies! I''m so allergic! and yet, what does my mom send me almost every birthday??? LILLIES!!! She never remembers.

I''m thinking maybe she would be more difficult than I originally thought.


If somehow she told me tomorrow I could have $20k for the wedding this wouldn''t be an issue, but I''m seriously doubting she''ll be able to do that, and yet every place I see says $85-$150/person + site fees and by the time we add in the dress, the flowers, the music, the photographer, etc... YIKES. and that''s when I think of Texas. but local would just be so much better.

 

[Selkie]

It really sounds like you are leaning toward doing it locally, and trust me, even the sanest moms can go a little nuts with the wedding planning. Can M''s family recommend any locations in MD that might be more affordable? Maybe somewhere in the state that''s further from the cities, but still accessible? As you know, I''m doing the wedding planning from afar, but I have a really hard time picturing doing that for a wedding any larger than mine will be.

What are you envisioning for your venue? I think you mentioned outside somewhere. Wedding and reception all in one place? Size?

 

[sumbride]

We want an outdoor ceremony, preferably in a garden, and probably an indoor or tented reception with a seated dinner and room for dancing. We don''t really want to have it in the city and have been looking mostly at places farther away. It would seem that it would be cheaper, but I guess I''m picking the wrong directions!

We were thinking of Rocky Gap Lodge which is in the mountains of western Maryland, about two hours away. It''s a resort and it''s GORGEOUS, right on the edge of a lake, pretty mountains, canoes and pools for the guests... and it''s $165/person! Alas...

I''m also thinking about a place in Frederick, MD which is not quite as far as Rocky Gap. It''s beautiful and may actually be affordable, maybe. The terrace has a beautiful pergola and the ballroom is so pretty.

I would really like to have it on the Eastern Shore, like in St. Michael''s, MD, but the place I fell in love with there is $22k. It includes a lot but not everything. I''m looking at a few more venues in that area, but some of them just seem cheesy.

I did find a really cool place that''s here in Baltimore... it used to be a church so it''s old and beautiful but it is no longer religiously affiliated and it has a gorgeous garden. My mom thinks it''s within a good price range, but I haven''t been to see it yet. M won''t look at it because he really wants something NOT in the city. I''m hoping he''ll change his mind.

Mom sent me an email today to ask me just what my "dream wedding" would cost. I think she wants to make sure she''s not dissapointing me, but when I added everything up I said "Probably this much, but I DON''T want to spend that much!"

I can''t imagine how you''re doing it from so far away, Selkie, but at least you got so many details hammered out on your last trip!

 

[ladykemma]

blunt question: who is paying for it?

texas = mom
maryland = you

 

[sumbride]

Date: 8/9/2006 7:59:08 PM
Author: ladykemma
blunt question: who is paying for it?


texas = mom

maryland = you

no, it''s mostly mom for both, and she''s ok with it being in Maryland. I think she just feels like she could get "more for the money" in Texas even though she would invite more people and literally have MORE for the same money.

 

[Gypsy]

Um. Honey... can you look into venue options for me too?? LOL. Can I have the name of the place in Fredrick? Seriously? We want someplace where we can get married OUTSIDE. But well... since I''m most familiar with DC NW and Silver Spring I''m not coming up with much that will let me do that.

Here''s one I liked but can''t afford : http://www.wehavethewhere.com/brookside/info.htm

As for wedding per head and wedding locations--here''s what we are doing. We are having a morning ceremony and a lunch/ brunch on a Sunday. Cuts down on location rental fees, food costs and ALCOHOL ($$$)! You can have dancing and everything AND A nice send off... and you aren''t too exhausted to enjoy your wedding night

. And actually-- funny enough-- it''s more traditional than evening weddings which are a ''modern'' phenomenon.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 8/9/2006 8:26:25 PM
Author: sumbride

Date: 8/9/2006 7:59:08 PM
Author: ladykemma
blunt question: who is paying for it?


texas = mom

maryland = you

no, it''s mostly mom for both, and she''s ok with it being in Maryland. I think she just feels like she could get ''more for the money'' in Texas even though she would invite more people and literally have MORE for the same money.

This is about YOU and FI. Do YOU want MORE for the $$ or is the $$ just right for what you want in terms of size and things in MD?

 

[ladykemma]

i have never understood why parents invite THEIR friends to the wedding.

 

[sumbride]

Hey Gypsy -

I've been using vendor search on the knot to get a good rundown. It helped me make sure the places had outdoor locations available and were handicapped accessible. I've been going through and eliminating them one by one, but it's a good way to get lots of options at once.

The place in Frederick is Ceresville Mansion and it's so pretty. They have brunch options and better rates for morning.

The Baltimore venue is Chase Court and it's in the Mount Vernon section of Baltimore. I think it's lovely! Their website is also VERY detailed.

I definitely think I'd prefer to keep it OUR event instead of "Mr. and Mrs. Sumbride's parents present their youngest daughter's fabulous wedding" but I kind of see where they're coming from in that they have that whole "big fish in a small pond" mentality and do know half the town... but I'm not some debutante! I'll be 30 when we tie the knot and as far as they're concerned that's "old maid" territory. When mom said she wanted to invite 300, dad actually looked at her seriously and said "would that be enough?" I'm so glad I'm old enough to say "I'M NOT A DEBUTANTE!!!"

***edited to comply with rules! SORRY!!!!

 

[sumbride]

Oh, Gypsy... one more.... Have you thought about Mrs. K''s Tollhouse??? They have such pretty gardens and the food is really good! I have no idea what their prices are though... I just sent for info.