Love at First Sight - Do you Believe?

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I am all about lust at first sight but not love. I deal in evolutionary biology as part of my masters. So far as I can tell, love of a child at fist sense makes evolutionary sense and does happen. Same with lust at first sight. But to know that you want to cmobime your genes with someone and that they are your soulmate from one glance doesn''t fly with me.

I was very taken with my FI when we first met; the first date lasted 12 hours! But I wasn''t in love with him although I was very taken with him.

 

[Linda W]

DH and I met at work 29 years ago. We became best friends and even double dated with other people. Whenever we were bored, we would call each other up and ask if either one wanted to go out for a pizza, show, etc.

This went on for two years. One day, we woke up and discovered we were in love. We married in 1981.

Our friendship turned into a deep love. So, I can honestly say I married my best friend.

Linda

 

[coatimundi_org]

I believe in love at first sniff, I guess you'd call it. I really think there is something to the whole pheromone thing. When I first met my husband, I just wanted to be near him. This is inexplicable to me, because I hadn't even spoken to him! And I'm definitely not a "look at that hot guy" kind of gal. Attraction usually forms from conversations for me.

But this was different. Then we spoke, and it was like I'd known him forever.

Love at first sniff? whiff?

oh, and I do love the way he smells.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Everyone''s insights and theories on this issue are so interesting to read! I personally don''t believe in romantic love at first sight, though I definitely think that the type of love that Litigatorchick is describing can happen immediately!

Social psychologists talk about how there are three "systems" that are involved in the types of bonds that we typically characterize as love: a sexual system, an attachement system, and a caregiving system. The first is obvious ("woo hoo, hubba hubba!"

). The attachment system is the type of bond a child feels for a parent, it means that you use that person as a secure base and look to them for comfort when you are hurt or sad or upset. The third system is that feeling of wanting to care for another person and look after their needs. In adult romantic relationships, all three systems are directed at one person: you want to jump his bones, get a hug, and make chicken-noodle soup for the same person! But the love you feel for a child is different because it typically involves only the caregiving system, though with older children and in some people''s relationships with their younger children, a parent may also feel an attachment bond to their child and feel safe and supported by their child. So is there love at first sight? I guess I think it depends on the person! Most people can feel sexually attracted at first sight, many people can feel an urge to care for another person at first sight, and some people can feel an attachment bond to another person at first sight, so I guess it is possible that some people feel love at first sight. I''m nto one of those people, thought. And I''d think, that even if you felt some form of love at first sight, that the love would still grow and develop over time as the attachment system kicked into action. Not a very romantic account of love, is it?

DD

 

[cutes814]

i don''t. i believe in lust a first sight. love doesn''t exist at first sight, attraction does. like tacori says, love is not on the surface, it''s much deeper than that.

you might love the way he looks or love the way he smells or love fill-in-the-blank about him at first sight, but there''s no way you can love someone once you lay eyes on them. you know nothing about them, how can you love them? love is a very deep connection and in order to get to that deep connection it takes time.

i guess some people believe it because some couples go from lust at first sight to being married and living happily ever after, so they go on to tell their urban tale of how they fell in love at first sight. and then the myth gets around...

oh, about the mother-child love at first sight thing. i totally agree that can happen, it happened with me and my daughter, but it''s a completely different kind of love.

 

[Fancy605]

I''d call it something more along the lines of "crush at first sight."

 

[Independent Gal]

When I first met FI, I certainly had a strong reaction to him. oh yes. I felt something deep in my gut. But what I felt was "What a JERK!"

I couldn''t stand him the first time I met him, although he claims to have been smitten with me pretty fast. It took about 6 months of periodic meetings in the workplace for me to give him a second chance and another 6 months before we started dating.

Turns out, what I took for him being a stuck-up jerk was him being a verrrrry nervous new arrival from another continent who didn''t speak English with native fluency, talking to a (he claims) beautiful and (apparently hahahaha!) intellectually intimidating woman. He isn''t even a little stuck-up, actually. And I ain''t even a little intellectually intimidating.

I''m purdy enough though, uh, I guess. heehee.

So, no love at first sight for us! It''s never happened to me, actually.

 

[LitigatorChick]

Date: 2/13/2008 7:09:21 PM
Author: dreamer_dachsie
Everyone''s insights and theories on this issue are so interesting to read! I personally don''t believe in romantic love at first sight, though I definitely think that the type of love that Litigatorchick is describing can happen immediately!


Social psychologists talk about how there are three ''systems'' that are involved in the types of bonds that we typically characterize as love: a sexual system, an attachement system, and a caregiving system. The first is obvious (''woo hoo, hubba hubba!''

). The attachment system is the type of bond a child feels for a parent, it means that you use that person as a secure base and look to them for comfort when you are hurt or sad or upset. The third system is that feeling of wanting to care for another person and look after their needs. In adult romantic relationships, all three systems are directed at one person: you want to jump his bones, get a hug, and make chicken-noodle soup for the same person! But the love you feel for a child is different because it typically involves only the caregiving system, though with older children and in some people''s relationships with their younger children, a parent may also feel an attachment bond to their child and feel safe and supported by their child. So is there love at first sight? I guess I think it depends on the person! Most people can feel sexually attracted at first sight, many people can feel an urge to care for another person at first sight, and some people can feel an attachment bond to another person at first sight, so I guess it is possible that some people feel love at first sight. I''m nto one of those people, thought. And I''d think, that even if you felt some form of love at first sight, that the love would still grow and develop over time as the attachment system kicked into action. Not a very romantic account of love, is it?

DD

Very interesting, DD. So maybe my ramblings so make some sense... Thanks for the great insight.