Lucky...?

[Bridesmaid]

I have a bit of an ethical conundrum.

Background: My boyfriend and I attended college at a very conservative school where you were in the minority if you graduated unengaged. Neither of us will make much money, probably ever. We want to get married soon, but there are a lot of expenses in the near future. An engagement ring just isn''t up there with a car that works on a regular basis. I''d told him I would love anything he chose.

When he told me he FOUND A DIAMOND lying on the new carpet he''d just bought for his dorm room, I assumed it had fallen out of a ring of a friend. But after talking to his roommate, they''re pretty sure no girls - and definitely no engaged girls - have been in there. He''s supposed to be checking to see if it''s real or not, but I just want to know what to do, out of curiousity if nothing else. It''s not small - he guesses at least two carats.

We''re trying to figure out where it came from, and he''s pretty sure it was just in the carpet. We figured we can call the store and see if anyone has reported a lost diamond, but other than that, we can''t figure out any other way to find the owner.

Naturally, his first thoughts were to make sure it''s the real thing and then get a setting, and voila - engagement ring. But at the same time, it does belong to someone else.

Are we overlooking some obvious way to find the owner? If not, what do we do with it? This just doesn''t seem like the finders-keepers kind of situation.

 

[musey]

Well, if it were me, here's what I'd do:

1. Have his roommates seriously SEARCH their memory for ANYONE who's been over recently (like, within the past two months). Contact those people.

2. Post flyers on campus with a contact email address. Don't describe it further than that it appears to be a diamond.

In both of these instances, I WOULD NOT give his address OR describe the stone in detail. The person who tries to claim it needs to give that information, and if/when they come to pick it up, they should bring the empty setting that it fell out of.

If you don't hear anything for two months or so, keep it! And count your lucky stars. I'm anxious to hear the results of the appraisal.

ETA: I think what you're technically supposed to do is turn it in to the police, and if it goes unclaimed for a certain length of time they give it back to you. I don't know many people who would do that, though.

 

[monarch64]

Take it to a jeweler (any jeweler) first to verify if it is indeed a diamond. Then, turn it into the police department. It''s not yours, and someone may be desperately searching for it. Chances are it fell out of a setting of someone''s costume jewelry, purse, or top...I''ve lost sets like that from my own attire!

 

[Independent Gal]

OK, diamonds aren't 'just in a carpet'. They don't grow there. That means that that diamond belongs tosomeone. In fact, maybe it belongs to DKS!

Where did this carpet come from?

You have a very strong moral responsibility to make a good faith effort to find the owner, IF it's in fact a diamond. I would definitely advertise everywhere possible. Most newspapers have free 'found' lists, and craigslist does too. I would not JUST give it to the police, because if I lost a stone, espseiclaly in a carpet, I would not think to contact the police. But don't say that you found a diamond of x size, etc. Say you found a jewel. Once you get a jeweler to look at it, have the person who comes to claim it describe the shape, stats: how big ...then how white, if they know, etc.

Seriously though, imagine how the person is feeling who lost it, if it's real. Put yourself in his or her shoes and try to imagine the devastation. Particularly if it was wedding jewelry with sentimental value.

But please, do not just keep this stone, if it's rael. Try to find its owner. Be a good person.

 

[bee*]

I agree with the other girls-a diamond just doesn''t appear. It belongs to someone. Advertise that you found it without giving details and hopefully it''s rightful owner comes forward.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

When you have the stone checked out at the jewler, if it is indeed a diamond, I would definately call the place where the rug was purchased and inform them of the situation. Spread the word around campus as well. Maybe even see if you can get a local newspaper to run a FOUND Ad. If the stone is real, perhaps the jewler could hold it for you. That way if someone comes to claim the stone, they can describe the cut and possibly some of the clarity or weight or maybe even a flaw only the owner would know about to the jewler to confirm that it is being returned to the proper owner. Have you thought to check for any ladies who may have visited wearing diamond earrings or a diamond pendent? A diamond does not necessarily mean engagement...many other pieces of jewlery can contain diamonds.

If you have no luck finding the owner yourself, I would turn it in to the authorities. If it remains unclaimed after a certain amount of time, the property becomes yours free and clear. This could be my stiff moral view but I wouldn''t want my engagement ring to be anything less then free and clear.

Please, if this stone is real, jump through hoops to get it back to the proper owner. Don''t sidestep morals just because you attend a school where everyone else is getting engaged.

 

[sandia_rose]

I agree with everyone else - if it was truly "found," then the ethical thing to do is try to find the owner.

I lost a very cherished right hand ring (an Asscher moissonite bezel-set in platinum) on my birthday a couple of months ago. My BF had taken me to a local casino's arena to see the PBR (pro bull riders) playoffs and sometime during that day, my ring slipped off my finger. I had lost some weight recently and it'd been cold, and dumb me had been thinking of getting it resized that very morning...because it was falling off everywhere. I called the casino as soon as I got home and realized it gone. It's been 5 months and it never showed up. I am pretty sure someone had to have found it and considers themselves "lucky" too. But on the flipside, I really, REALLY miss my ring and was physically sick over the loss for a while. I had it made when I earned my BA, as a present to myself. It was the nicest piece of jewelery I owned and it has a lot of sentimental value that the finder wouldn't even have an inkling about. That diamond could be someone's engagement ring stone, and being that a lot of people have their mom's or grandma's stones reset, it could even be an heirloom. You just never know.

If you and your BF can't afford a diamond, why not consider a white or colored sapphire? That's a stunning, much lower cost option - plus, sapphires are durable and the #2 engagement stone worldwide (remember Princess Diana's sapphire halo?). If you're worried about people scruitinizing/judging your choice, look around on these boards. There are several girls that have sapphires, and you wouldn't know they weren't diamonds if you were not told.

I personally wouldn't be happy knowing that something I own - even something I want badly - really belongs to someone else who may be missing it.

Bridget in Connecticut.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I can understand how tempting it may be to keep the diamond...since you''re probably remembering the age-old "finders keepers, losers weepers" saying...

First of all, it could very well not be a genuine stone...I don''t know anyone who would "lose" a 2 carat diamond and not notice. I, myself, have a stone that is above 2cts...and if it went missing, you can bet on the fact that I would be searching high and low for that bad boy! So, it leads me to believe that could be a synthetic diamond, CZ or something that popped out of a gaudy costume piece. I would take it to the jeweler as soon as possible to have it authenticated...

To further address your issue, an engagement ring is something very special and personal...and while the "idea" of having a big fat rock might be tempting, I can''t imagine how you could ever feel "good" about wearing a stone that belonged to someone else, even if you tried to find them...If it turns out to be real, I would go on a hunt for the rightful owner. Place an ad in the newspaper, craigslist, post flyers, and contact your campus security. I would also make a point of contacting the carpet company, since diamonds DONT grow in carpet (lol). Someone owns that diamond and worked very hard to pay for it (if it''s real...)...basically, you found about $20,000 laying on the floor. You should do whatever it takes to find it''s home, because by just "keeping" the stone without trying your hardest and researching every avenue, you''re more or less stealing.

If it turns out that you cannot find the owner, and it is a real diamond...I think then it would be the better idea to sell the stone and put the money towards something more important, like the car you were talking about. You can probably take 5,000 and buy yourself a ligitimate ring...but I wouldn''t overlook the fact that you have higher priorities and the money you could get could be better spent.

 

[Patiently_Waiting]

I agree with what many of the others said - definitely find out if it is a diamond from a jeweler, get specs on it, etc. and then advertise that you found a gemstone. Only the true owner will be able to provide that specific information so that you can return the diamond to its rightful owner. Not too long ago, my father lost his money clip (with money in it - probably only about $100 or so). He went to a few places he had been that day and when he asked a clerk at the last place he was at (describing the inscription, etc. on the clip), the clerk gave it back to him, money and all. It''s nice to know that there are some honest folks out there in the world and that someone turned it in without touching any of the money. Wouldn''t you feel all that much better for doing everything you can to try to return the diamond if possible and be one of those honest folks?

 

[nessvan12]

Wow...I wish diamonds grew in carpets...lol.

Really though, just put yourself in the other person''s shoes. You would want someone who found your diamond to search high and low and exhaust every avenue to get it back to you.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 2/27/2008 11:07:59 AM
Author: nessvan12
Wow...I wish diamonds grew in carpets...lol.


Really though, just put yourself in the other person's shoes. You would want someone who found your diamond to search high and low and exhaust every avenue to get it back to you.

Ditto. It's the right thing to do. And I don't know if I would get your hopes up, even if after exhausting everything to find the owner...it's likely to be a fakey...

ETA: WAIT. Is it possible that he's lying to you and bought it for you? And is lying so you don't feel like the $ "should" be going to something else? Just a thought if he knows you want a diamond but are practical and don't think you could afford one...

 

[rubybeth]

I''m guessing that if it''s a real diamond, it''s laser inscribed with a number of some sort for identification purposes, and that whoever lost a real 2ct stone also had it appraised, and has it insured with papers, etc. describing the stone in detail. My e-ring has about a half carat stone in it, and I''ve got lots of documentation on it (AGS cert., appraisal documents, etc.).

Definitely, definitely turn it in!! Craigslist might be another idea for posting a FOUND ad. Even it''s a synthetic stone or something like moissanite, white sapphire or CZ, it may still be ''worth'' a lot to the person who lost it.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/wayoflife/01/31/camera.quest.ap/index.html
Maybe you could get in the local news for returning it and people will want to help you get your own diamond?

 

[Bridesmaid]

Wow. I think I need to clarify. In big letters too.

I have every intention of returning it to the rightful owner, and I have every intention of doing everything in my power to find her (or maybe him). My mom thought she''d lost her tiny engagement diamond once and was devastated because of the sentimental value, so I realize it''s a big deal.

The post was asking advice on HOW to find the owner.

But for clarification, I am a good person, and if I didn''t want to do the right thing, I wouldn''t have asked anyone''s opinion.

For the person who said not to keep it just because everyone else is getting engaged, that was the furthest thing from my mind. I don''t go to the school anymore. I graduated, and I was completely okay graduating unengaged. And that''s definintely not the reason I want to get married now. I absolutely adore this guy and finding him was luck - I don''t care about the diamond.

As far as figuring out all the girls who have been in their room, they really haven''t had any. My boyfriend is annoyed by pretty much any girl but me, and his roommate... Well, his roommate doesn''t have many girls over. (Our school is very conservative and still has visitation hours and all that. Sometimes it''s just easier to see the opposite sex at dinner and class unless you want private time.) They do have friends who will watch TV in there on the weekends, so whenever he figures out if it''s real, I''ll make sure he asks those guys first.

It''s a really small campus, so people tend to send root e-mails when they lose things, even valuables, because it''s also a really honest campus when it comes to that kind of thing. If it belonged to someone at school, someone probably would have sent an e-mail by now. But at a school of 600, advertising that you found a gemstone might be odd.

I think they bought the carpet at Wal-Mart, so I''m sure it''s been thumbed over by tons of people. And like I said before, we''ll call the store.

As far as what my engagement ring will be, we thought about other stones, but we''re both traditional and want to do the traditional thing. It just might mean waiting a little longer, which we''re fine with.

I know keeping this stone would be an easy out, and no, I would feel TERRIBLE wearing something that was someone else''s. Our concern was what to do with it if no one comes forward. And how to get people to come forward honestly.

Thank you for all your responses, and if there are more ways you can think of, let me know.

 

[LegacyGirl]

Oh wow. Please come back and let us know if its real and how it ends. If it is real I hope you find its rightful owner. Good for you for doing the right thing. So many people would just keep it.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Thanks for the clarification.
The first thing is to have a jeweler look at it. The more info you have the better chance of finding the true owner. You might ask the jeweler you go to for advice, some high end jewelry is registered, etc. Plus a 2c stone is big and the owner will have papers for it if its a diamond. You might call local jewelry stores and see if anyone has come in missing a stone like the one you found since they will want to get it reset or something.

Post in craig''s list, on campus and in the local newspaper. If you are in a small town, the newspaper might run a story about it for you.

Where I am, you can give the info to the police but hold onto the item. This works well if the person does go to the police, but my guess is that most won''t and the police won''t make an effort to find the person.

Those are my best suggestions.

 

[surfgirl]

Confirm that it''s a real diamond, or not.

Post fliers on campus.
Post an ad in the newspaper.
Call the carpet store and tell them.

In all the above three instances, I wouldn''t tell the carpet store nor post in the ads that it''s a diamond. I''d say that a loose stone fell out of a ring and you found it. If anyone has lost a stone from their ring they can contact you for more information.

Then, if people contact you, ask them what kind of stone it is they lost?
What size was it?
If there are any specific identifying marks on it (laser inscriptions, etc.)

I would NOT turn it into the police because I dont feel that they would really look for the owner. Sorry, but that''s how I feel. I''d try to find the owner without giving out too much identifying information because if I lost my stone, I''d know what type/size/etc. it was and would be able to give you clear identifiable info.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 2/26/2008 11:27:20 PM
Author:Bridesmaid
I have a bit of an ethical conundrum.

Background: My boyfriend and I attended college at a very conservative school where you were in the minority if you graduated unengaged. Neither of us will make much money, probably ever. We want to get married soon, but there are a lot of expenses in the near future. An engagement ring just isn''t up there with a car that works on a regular basis. I''d told him I would love anything he chose.

When he told me he FOUND A DIAMOND lying on the new carpet he''d just bought for his dorm room, I assumed it had fallen out of a ring of a friend. But after talking to his roommate, they''re pretty sure no girls - and definitely no engaged girls - have been in there. He''s supposed to be checking to see if it''s real or not, but I just want to know what to do, out of curiousity if nothing else. It''s not small - he guesses at least two carats.

We''re trying to figure out where it came from, and he''s pretty sure it was just in the carpet. We figured we can call the store and see if anyone has reported a lost diamond, but other than that, we can''t figure out any other way to find the owner.

Naturally, his first thoughts were to make sure it''s the real thing and then get a setting, and voila - engagement ring. But at the same time, it does belong to someone else.

Are we overlooking some obvious way to find the owner? If not, what do we do with it? This just doesn''t seem like the finders-keepers kind of situation.

I am sorry Bridesmaid if you felt like you were being attacked...however, I believe everyone answered your posting based on what you said in your orginal post...

We all suggested good ways for you to find the owner, which you asked for.

We suggested you not keep the stone--which you said your boyfriend had considered something about "setting and voila - engagement ring"---we''re not making an assumption about that, you put it right there in black and white.

Hope you find the owner, and quick, I''m sure (if it''s real) someone is missing it....

 

[Independent Gal]

Hey sorry if we sounded like we were attacking you. I know I certainly didn''t mean to. Just a misunderstanding. Sorry!

Anyway, do come back and tell us the end of the story. I''m really curious.

 

[Bridesmaid]

Italiahaircolor, I hate to make my boyfriend sound horrible, but to defend myself, he was the one who wanted to do nothing. I blame this on ignorance, because he doesn''t know anything about diamonds. He''s VERY nervous about going to get it checked out because he''s never even been in a jewelry store. (The only reason he hasn''t done it yet is that the college is 20 minutes from the nearest town, and his car is messed up.) When I told him what it was probably worth, I think he was upset he found it and started hoping seriously it was a cz.

I probably should have worded the original post more clearly. I was writing quickly and assumed the question of "are we overlooking some obvious way to find the owner?" would make it clear that that was my intent. I apologize for the misunderstanding.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

No one thought your boyfriend was horrible...he probably thought he found a 2,000 dollar diamond...not 20,000!

I am so impressed with your morals!

 

[SarahLovesJS]

I have to say, I know I would turn it in to the police or something also, but it would be hard! It''s not like when you find a wallet in say a store because you can take it right to customer service without even thinking about it. I think it''s a lot harder and tempting when you have something with no obvious place to turn it in and no obvious owner. Anyway, thank you for being honest, I love honest people!

 

[beebrisk]

I don''t mean any harm in this, but I''d be willing to bet that was no carpet-grown diamond...

After all...Let''s face it girls, how many guys (and college guys, no less) would know a REAL diamond if it hit them in the head??

I hope the issue resolves itself soon...one way or the other....

 

[Bridesmaid]

Me too!!! I don''t want to nag at him, because it is a long drive to the nearest jeweler and he''s in his last semester and everything, but MY GOSH I want to know if it''s real so we can go about finding the owner.

And I want it out of his possession. When he first told me about it, he said, "I was going to take a picture and send it to you, but I can''t find it now." Fortunately, he refound it.

Boys are so... boys.

 

[Independent Gal]

Oy! You don''t want to be losing that bad boy at least until you find out what it is!

You know, why not go over to ''Rocky Talky'' on this site and see if anyone has suggestions for figuring out what it is at home.

Boys indeed.

 

[Rhea]

I wouldn''t hand the stone over to the police, just let them know that if anyone calls about a lost stone to please get in touch with you. I trust myself to do the right thing much more than I trust anyone else.

I agree with flyers and the campus email (my college did that as well!) and trying to find out if it''s a real stone. However, I wouldn''t be shelling out tons of money to find out if it''s real. I''ve never had the money for an appraisal on my own stone much less someone else''s!

 

[Miscka]

Now this is a crazy story.

Google something about home tests for diamonds. Should find something. Then take it in to a jeweler to confirm.

Wow, Walmart, huh? Different story from a mom and pop small store. I would let their customer service dept. know, and post on craigslist. Do you live in/near a large city? I know your school is small, so sounds like you would know if that was the case. Honestly, if it were me I would try those things, until I felt like I had done everything.

I feel like you will find the person soon, if you ever do, as that is something important to lose and they are likely frantic.

I do feel like there is a strong possibility that it isn't real, but if it is let this be a lesson to us all about getting insurance! You could lose your stone while perusing carpets at Walmart

eta: let us know how this unfolds! I am very intrigued.

 

[Bridesmaid]

Update: To my boyfriend''s horror (and to mine, since he doesn''t understand how upset someone would be to lose a diamond and is therefore unmotivated to do anything), the stone is passing the home tests Google suggested. He breathed on it and it didn''t fog up, and it cut the glass of his mirror without difficulty. May still be a fake, but it''s an impressive fake. I know a few jewelers so we''re going to take it to at least one of them this weekend. I can''t get him to go to a jeweler alone (so I''ll be on this list a while...), but he''s coming to see me this weekend, and I will drag him if necessary. The possibility that someone is freaking out is waaay higher than I originally thought.

 

[Kitten520]

just a thought, and call me crazy if this seems nuts, but...

if that were my stone, I''d have been sure to have it insured. If I lost it, when I was done crying, I''d call my insurance company to report it.

Maybe, and this is a long shot but perhaps worth a try... you could call a few of the larger insurers and report it "found" and see if there was some way someone could research to see if a stone matching that description (carat, color, clarity, etc.) has been reported lost.

Also, when you visit a nice neighborhood jeweler, be sure to tell them your entire story. Maybe they''d be so impressed with YOU trying to do the right thing that they''ll test it and tell you the stats as a helpful favor (read... for free).

Yes, I''m a bit of an optimist and I realize these things are long shots (imagine a jeweler who doesn''t want to make money! lol) but hey, you asked for suggestions!

Either way, good luck!

 

[partgypsy]

Bridesmaid, those tests are not very reliable at all; fogging up and so on is very difficult to distinguish unless you have a diamond to compare it to. Window glass is a Mohs hardness of 5.5; cz is 8.5 and therefore easily cuts glass.

If he really doesn''t want to go to a jeweler''s, simply go to a shopping mall; even the jewelry areas of the department stores usually have a thermal conductor tester for diamonds. It does distinguish between diamonds and czs, (which is the more likely differential) also glass, other gemstones, etc.
The thermal conductor test doesn''t distinguish between moissanite and diamonds though.
IF it passes the thermal conductor test then it is time to go to a jewelry store. If it is a diamond hopefully it will be inscribed.

I second people''s idea of posting in the papers and also listserve very general information of gem found, if lost a gem please call number, see if they can describe it, when did they lose it, etc.