Making the first move...will you or won't you?

[Kbell]

Making a move online is MUCH easier than in real life. I have never approached someone IRL. The risk of rejection, awkwardness, just too much for me. However, online it is just a message. Pretty low risk. I am the one who messaged my current BF first.

It really is easy to just send a message and if no reply - no big deal!
One of my male friends used to show me who messaged him and actually seemed offended some of them "dare" message him as if he were too good...as IF. I told him as I've told other male friends... Out of all the men these women could have messaged, they chose him and were brave enough to reach out. Kudos to them!
He should feel flattered, smile and lose the ego attitude instead of being offended. He agreed in the end, I was right It's so much easier to be happy about something than annoyed when given the choice!

 

[OreoRosies86]

I'm in the "forever alone" camp right now, dating seems a million years away and really unlikely.

I guess I have something going for me in that I don't have a huge ego, so when I ever find myself the object of someone's attraction I am cautiously optimistic and pleasantly confused.

This is actually really making me think now. Have I ever made the first move? I feel like once maybe when I was drunk. The guy was a friend and it was really awkward. He is still a friend, so it worked out okay

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Elliot, I waited along time before I was ready to put myself out there. It is scary and no one wants to get hurt. I had never made the first move and probably still wouldn't in real life. But online it is easier. Promise.

 

[missy]

Elliot I agree with Tacori. Give yourself time and don't make any final decisions one way or another. You know life has a way of twisting and turning and the best laid plans and all. I am a romantic at heart and you are young. Too young to give up on love and you don't have to make any decisions now. Hugs to you and Oreo. I hope her appointment goes well tomorrow.

Tacori you are so right about everything being easier online. I am much more social online and it is so much easier to dive right in and start chatting online than IRL. LOL I know I must appear so outgoing here but I am shy IRL. I like to say I am an extroverted introvert.

And many decades ago when I was dating I "let" the guy make the first move but they got subtle hints from me if I liked the so really did I let them make the first move or was I really in control all along? Hmmm.

 

[dk168]

I did it again, gave someone my contact details, now waiting to see if he would contact me.

I have known him for over a year, and we briefly talked about meeting up for drinks etc. last time we met.

Wish I had written a note at the back of my card to ask him for his number as I was in a hurry, DOH!

DK

 

[cmd2014]

I have lots. It doesn't have to be anything big. Say hi, make small talk, introduce yourself. Suggest going for coffee if it works out...no biggie if it ends up being a casual chat and nothing more. If you do go out and have a good time, there's nothing wrong with saying "I had a really good time. We should do it again sometime!" Maybe I'm just social, because I don't even necessarily see this as making a move (because am still chatty now even though I'm married and definitely not looking). I had no problem saying hi when I was online dating either. If they're interested they'll say hi back, if not no harm no foul. Not everyone is going to be a fit. It's not about being "good enough," it's just about finding someone you connect with.

I think it's a lot harder if it's someone that you've known for a while platonically. That's when it becomes harder and more awkward if it doesn't work out. But you could always frame it as "have you ever thought about it?" You'll get an answer one way or the other and it's a lot less threatening than a declaration of interest for sure.

 

[missy]

I did it again, gave someone my contact details, now waiting to see if he would contact me.

I have known him for over a year, and we briefly talked about meeting up for drinks etc. last time we met.

Wish I had written a note at the back of my card to ask him for his number as I was in a hurry, DOH!

DK

Good for you DK! And don't beat yourself up for not getting his number. You gave him your contact details and now the ball is in his court. Fingers crossed for you!

I have lots. It doesn't have to be anything big. Say hi, make small talk, introduce yourself. Suggest going for coffee if it works out...no biggie if it ends up being a casual chat and nothing more. If you do go out and have a good time, there's nothing wrong with saying "I had a really good time. We should do it again sometime!" Maybe I'm just social, because I don't even necessarily see this as making a move (because am still chatty now even though I'm married and definitely not looking). I had no problem saying hi when I was online dating either. If they're interested they'll say hi back, if not no harm no foul. Not everyone is going to be a fit. It's not about being "good enough," it's just about finding someone you connect with.

I think it's a lot harder if it's someone that you've known for a while platonically. That's when it becomes harder and more awkward if it doesn't work out. But you could always frame it as "have you ever thought about it?" You'll get an answer one way or the other and it's a lot less threatening than a declaration of interest for sure.

I like the way you think. You have nothing to lose and if it is meant to be it is meant to be. Of course you are already married so you aren't flirting and looking for romantic partners but the same principles apply to friendships too.

And you are right not everyone is going to click and be a good fit. Friends or romantic partners. People vary and who clicks varies. We are all different. That is just the way it is and bears NO reflection on the individual. An important fact for everyone to remember and take to heart because sometimes rejection feels personal (and of course sometimes it is but not talking about that right now).