Marriage-related name customs/laws in different cultures/parts of the world?

[musey]

How does it work in your corner of the world?
Are there customs or maybe even laws that you know of that may sound a bit foreign to the average PSer?

I find this topic fascinating! Let's discuss!

 

[musey]

My knowledge isn''t that interesting, but I will say that in LA, at least in my circle, pretty much everyone is expected to do no name-changing after marriage. People were almost always shocked when I said I was going to (until I reminded them how boring and common my maiden name is, vs. my very rare and pretty (imho) married name!). The only married women I know personally that changed are traditional to the extreme... everyone else, regardless of moderately traditional vs. modern has kept their name. Of course those of you who know me probably suspect that I have many pondering as to why this is true here - and you''re right - but for the sake of brevity I''ll save that for later.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Women in China don't change their name after marriage. They're referred to as Mrs. Husband's-name, but their full legal name is always their original name. It would probably be considered an affront to your family if you decided to discard your last name for your husband's.

 

[sba771]

Well this isn''t where I am from, but it does impact my choice in my marriage ceremony. Civil marriage is not recognized in Israel and certain levels of observance regarding the religious ceremony are also not valid. This means if we were to have a civil ceremony in the US and then decide to make aliyah (permanent move) to Israel, we would have to jump through certain hoops. Because of this we are having an Orthodox marriage ceremony. We don''t intend on living in Israel, but this way my children will be legitimate in the eyes of Israel and have no issues should they ever want to live there.

 

[GoingCrazy29]

Date: 8/18/2009 11:12:44 AM
Author: musey
My knowledge isn''t that interesting, but I will say that in LA, at least in my circle, pretty much everyone is expected to do no name-changing after marriage. People were almost always shocked when I said I was going to (until I reminded them how boring and common my maiden name is, vs. my very rare and pretty (imho) married name!). The only married women I know personally that changed are traditional to the extreme... everyone else, regardless of moderately traditional vs. modern has kept their name. Of course those of you who know me probably suspect that I have many pondering as to why this is true here - and you''re right - but for the sake of brevity I''ll save that for later.

This topic fascinates me too.

I live in the midwest and don''t know anyone who hasn''t changed their last name to their husband''s last name. Many of my friends, and same with me, will keep their maiden name as a middle or second middle, but like I said- everyone that I know has changed their last name. I don''t even know anyone who has hyphenated, its been a full switch! My fiance said he would prefer me to change mine to his, but if I felt strongly about it than it would be fine if I kept mine. However, I''m really excited to change my last name to his (even though we both have very easy last names) just to show that we are married and bonded as one.

Good thread, Musey!

 

[marlie]

i''m in nyc and it''s a pretty mixed bag. most of my friends have changed their names when they''ve gotten married with the exception of one. but, at work (i work in television), most of the women have kept their names, at least professionally anyway. my fi says it''s up to me and he''d be happy with whatever decision but i''m going to change my last name to his at least personally for now. it gets a little complicated to do it at work but eventually i''ll transition to his name completely. i have no ties to my dad so my last name doesn''t mean much to me (although, i happen to love my last name now) and his means more to me although i like it less...still a nice name, just prefer the sound of my maiden with my first name.

i guess my point is in nyc, anything goes. nobody would think twice if i told them i was keeping my name.

 

[D&T]

weddings in Cambodia (my brother''s wedding) lasted about a week, women don''t change their names

 

[princesss]

It''s a pretty mixed bag here. I know some women who have changed their names and some who have kept their maiden names (and I met one recently married woman on Saturday who said she just hasn''t made up her mind yet).

 

[mayachel]

not only does "anything goes" in nyc, but the state of NY also legally allows both spouses the simplicity of changing their names by simply filling out the marriage certificate. I don''t think this is true in every state.

 

[anchor31]

I live in Quebec and spouses are not allowed to change their names legally after marriage since 1981. According to my research, there have been only two instances since. One was allowed because she''d been using the name professionally and socially for 15+ years and for cultural reasons her in-laws had prejudicial behaviour towards her because she hadn''t legally changed her name; the other claimed that it diminished the value of her marriage in the eyes of her faith.

Personally, I find it annoying that the government doesn''t even allow us to have the choice. Although I''m very close to my family, I''ve never liked my hyphenized last name (Mother''sName-Father''sName) and am not attached to it, and would have liked to take DH''s name. If we ever move out of the province, I might do it. But for the most part, nobody really thinks twice about it since women have not changed their names for almost 30 years now. Despite my dislike of hyphenized last names given to children, I don''t think any of us are really tramatized...

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 8/18/2009 12:04:48 PM
Author: anchor31
I live in Quebec and spouses are not allowed to change their names legally after marriage since 1981. According to my research, there have been only two instances since. One was allowed because she''d been using the name professionally and socially for 15+ years and for cultural reasons her in-laws had prejudicial behaviour towards her because she hadn''t legally changed her name; the other claimed that it diminished the value of her marriage in the eyes of her faith.

Personally, I find it annoying that the government doesn''t even allow us to have the choice. Although I''m very close to my family, I''ve never liked my hyphenized last name (Mother''sName-Father''sName) and am not attached to it, and would have liked to take DH''s name. If we ever move out of the province, I might do it. But for the most part, nobody really thinks twice about it since women have not changed their names for almost 30 years now. Despite my dislike of hyphenized last names given to children, I don''t think any of us are really tramatized...

Now THAT is fascinating! I''m trying to think of my aunts...they both changed their names are were married after 1981, but maybe they were only changed socially? One is a cop, so she goes by her maiden name professionally, not sure about the other. Weird, I never knew that, thanks anchor!

 

[sunnyd]

Most women I know have changed their names. The only one I can think of is a friend of my parents who uses her maiden name professionally. And my aunt, mentioned above.

 

[LilyKat]

I''m surprised to hear that there are places in the world where name-changing on marriage is not done/not allowed - I never knew that. In the UK, most people do it (say, two thirds) - the ones that don''t are usually older professional women who want to keep their name for career reasons. Over here it''s pretty difficult to have two different names (one for professional and one for social use - a legal nightmare), so most people just choose to change everything or nothing. All of my friends who are my age and married (mid-twenties) have changed their names.

I definitely would change.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Now that you mention it, I''m not sure you can legally change your name in china after marriage either. It''s just culturally never really been done or been a tradition, so I don''t even know if the venues are in place for you to do that if you wanted.

 

[Octavia]

I''ve mentioned before that I actually wrote an article about this very topic and in the process of revising it for publication, so I''m obviously interested in the subject as well! Most of the married women I know use their prenuptial name (I don''t like the word "maiden" and couldn''t use it for my article, so now I always tend to refer to it this way), even if they have legally changed their names at marriage. Only one married friend has changed her name both legally and socially, and one of my engaged friends is planning to change hers...but that''s it.

Seven US states (California, New York, Georgia, Hawaii, Iowa, Massachusetts, and North Dakota) have gender-neutral statutes, so either party, or both, can easily change their name at marriage. In Kentucky, on the other hand, some judges are forbidden by law from allowing a man to take his wife''s name. Most states make men (and women who want a name change other than the type approved of in the marriage laws) to go to court, pay fees, etc.

In my FI''s native country, women''s names are automatically changed at marriage -- the woman has no choice in the matter. She can request to keep her prenuptial name before her husband''s name (like hyphenating, but they don''t use the hyphen) but that''s the only option and the request isn''t always granted.

I don''t want to make this too long, but the topic fascinates me...so I hope people will chime in with more anecdotes!

 

[musincy]

Most women I know have changed their names. I know a few who have hyphenated, but they usually get called by just their husband''s name anyway!

I realized quickly (before the wedding) that it probably wouldn''t matter if I changed mine or not, because everyone that knew me but not DH always asked "So what will your new name be?" It was like I didn''t have a choice... they just assumed I would change it! I was planning to anyway, so it didn''t really bother me... I usually just tend to ask people if they''re going to change their name.

 

[ladypirate]

I''d say it''s a pretty mixed bag among the people I know here in Oregon--we''re both adding each other''s names so we''ll be LadyPirate & MrPirate MyLast HisLast.

 

[cara]

I'm in academia, so there's a fair number of women that keep their names so their publication record and reputation is continuous. Women that change (in academia) are either more traditional OR married younger prior to publishing a lot. Outside academia, even though its a fairly liberal, blue-state area, more often than not the women take their husband's name.

My favorite (which is not my corner of the world, so forgive me if I've messed this up at all) is the icelandic naming tradition, which some N. European countries used to use but have mostly phased out due to the cumbersome nature of implementing it on a large population. It is a patrilineal naming system in that children are named for their fathers but women keep their names after marriage. And its easy to see why: as a last name, daughters are given their father's first name plus 'dottir' and son are given their father's first name plus 'son', with a possesive 's' thrown in between. So if Helga Gunnarsdottir marries Finn Arthursson, and they have two children Ana Finnsdottir and Olav Finnsson, you can easily have a nuclear family of four with four different last names!

And it would make no sense for Helga to have changed her name at marriage because her last name tells you who her father is: Gunnar. Not Finn or Arthur. Anywho, not for widespread use but there you have it...

 

[ficklefaye]

does this thread apply to cultural superstitions as well? my FI''s parents told me it was bad luck to try on my wedding gown before the wedding

 

[cara]

Date: 8/18/2009 7:59:38 PM
Author: ficklefaye
does this thread apply to cultural superstitions as well? my FI''s parents told me it was bad luck to try on my wedding gown before the wedding

Try on? What, do they believe in magically perfect seamstresses that can eyeball your dimensions? What an ...(pause for more restrained word choice)... impractical superstition.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Date: 8/18/2009 12:04:48 PM
Author: anchor31
I live in Quebec and spouses are not allowed to change their names legally after marriage since 1981. According to my research, there have been only two instances since. One was allowed because she''d been using the name professionally and socially for 15+ years and for cultural reasons her in-laws had prejudicial behaviour towards her because she hadn''t legally changed her name; the other claimed that it diminished the value of her marriage in the eyes of her faith.

Personally, I find it annoying that the government doesn''t even allow us to have the choice. Although I''m very close to my family, I''ve never liked my hyphenized last name (Mother''sName-Father''sName) and am not attached to it, and would have liked to take DH''s name. If we ever move out of the province, I might do it. But for the most part, nobody really thinks twice about it since women have not changed their names for almost 30 years now. Despite my dislike of hyphenized last names given to children, I don''t think any of us are really tramatized...

Hi Anchor,

I know - it''s so frustrating right! I was born and raised in MTL but recently moved to Toronto 4 years ago. That was the ONLY reason I got away with my name change. Thankfully if I move back to QC I am allowed to keep my name change.
All my friends who recently got married in QC are super pissed they can''t change their names. What a stupid law...

 

[musey]

Date: 8/18/2009 7:59:38 PM
Author: ficklefaye
does this thread apply to cultural superstitions as well? my FI''s parents told me it was bad luck to try on my wedding gown before the wedding

How odd - and impractical!!

I mean, I guess you can apply it to anything you want... it''s meant to be about marriage-related name stuff, though.

 

[ilovesparkles]

Date: 8/18/2009 12:04:48 PM
Author: anchor31
I live in Quebec and spouses are not allowed to change their names legally after marriage since 1981. According to my research, there have been only two instances since. One was allowed because she''d been using the name professionally and socially for 15+ years and for cultural reasons her in-laws had prejudicial behaviour towards her because she hadn''t legally changed her name; the other claimed that it diminished the value of her marriage in the eyes of her faith.


Personally, I find it annoying that the government doesn''t even allow us to have the choice. Although I''m very close to my family, I''ve never liked my hyphenized last name (Mother''sName-Father''sName) and am not attached to it, and would have liked to take DH''s name. If we ever move out of the province, I might do it. But for the most part, nobody really thinks twice about it since women have not changed their names for almost 30 years now. Despite my dislike of hyphenized last names given to children, I don''t think any of us are really tramatized...

So what is the child''s last name when his/her parents are Jane Smith-Johnson and John Doe-Roberts??? Is it going to be Kyle Smith-Johnson-Doe-Roberts???? I am thoroughly confused and wondering how this law was ever passed! You have me intrigued anchor!

 

[Burberrygirl]

I have family members who hyphenated their maiden names (I'm from MI). I really like my last name, my father owns a business with our last name in it. It was established in 1931 by my great-grandfather, so I'm very attached to my last name and will end up hyphenating it. My sister plans on the same. If I have children I don't think I'll hyphenate their last names, they'll just have their fathers. It's very interesting to learn about customs of people with different cultural backgrounds.

 

[iheartscience]

In my area the vast majority of women take their husband''s last name. I''m one of the first in my group of friends to get married so I''m not sure what my group of friends will end up doing, though. I kept my own last name but that wasn''t a surprise to anyone who knows me. If we have kids we''ll hyphenate and my name will probably go first because it sounds better that way.

I''m the only one of my siblings/siblings'' wives to keep my own name. One of my cousins kept her last name but all the other ones changed it/their wives changed their names.

 

[bee*]

I''m in Ireland and the majority of women that I know have changed their name. I will change mine eventually but I''ll probably keep my maiden name professionally. I like my surname and D has a very common Irish surname which I''m not crazy about.

 

[minx714]

Everyone I know changes their name. Pennsylvania is pretty conservative so it''s usually assumed that a wife will change her last name to her husbands. I however am having a really hard time deciding what I want to do. I''m pretty attached to my name. My grandfather made a name in the Chemistry and Engineering field that I''m also in with the name so I don''t really want to get rid of it. Plus I like my name. I think it goes really well with my first name, and I''m not too crazy about FI last name. Too polish for my tastes. I''ll probably keep my name until we have children and then change it so I have the same name as my kids. Maybe I''ll keep it professionally, haven''t decided that either.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 8/18/2009 8:30:47 PM
Author: ilovethiswebsite

Date: 8/18/2009 12:04:48 PM
Author: anchor31
I live in Quebec and spouses are not allowed to change their names legally after marriage since 1981. According to my research, there have been only two instances since. One was allowed because she''d been using the name professionally and socially for 15+ years and for cultural reasons her in-laws had prejudicial behaviour towards her because she hadn''t legally changed her name; the other claimed that it diminished the value of her marriage in the eyes of her faith.

Personally, I find it annoying that the government doesn''t even allow us to have the choice. Although I''m very close to my family, I''ve never liked my hyphenized last name (Mother''sName-Father''sName) and am not attached to it, and would have liked to take DH''s name. If we ever move out of the province, I might do it. But for the most part, nobody really thinks twice about it since women have not changed their names for almost 30 years now. Despite my dislike of hyphenized last names given to children, I don''t think any of us are really tramatized...

Hi Anchor,

I know - it''s so frustrating right! I was born and raised in MTL but recently moved to Toronto 4 years ago. That was the ONLY reason I got away with my name change. Thankfully if I move back to QC I am allowed to keep my name change.
All my friends who recently got married in QC are super pissed they can''t change their names. What a stupid law...

If you move back, of course you can keep your new legal name BUT they will put your maiden name on your heathcare card ("carte soleil") and put your married name under it, in the spouse''s name or sequential number section IF you request it. They didn''t allow me to add my husband''s name in that section since it''s not my legal name. I''m not sure about the driver''s license. Honestly, I think their stubborness only makes things more complicated!

 

[anchor31]

Date: 8/19/2009 12:02:23 AM
Author: ilovesparkles

Date: 8/18/2009 12:04:48 PM
Author: anchor31
I live in Quebec and spouses are not allowed to change their names legally after marriage since 1981. According to my research, there have been only two instances since. One was allowed because she''d been using the name professionally and socially for 15+ years and for cultural reasons her in-laws had prejudicial behaviour towards her because she hadn''t legally changed her name; the other claimed that it diminished the value of her marriage in the eyes of her faith.


Personally, I find it annoying that the government doesn''t even allow us to have the choice. Although I''m very close to my family, I''ve never liked my hyphenized last name (Mother''sName-Father''sName) and am not attached to it, and would have liked to take DH''s name. If we ever move out of the province, I might do it. But for the most part, nobody really thinks twice about it since women have not changed their names for almost 30 years now. Despite my dislike of hyphenized last names given to children, I don''t think any of us are really tramatized...

So what is the child''s last name when his/her parents are Jane Smith-Johnson and John Doe-Roberts??? Is it going to be Kyle Smith-Johnson-Doe-Roberts???? I am thoroughly confused and wondering how this law was ever passed! You have me intrigued anchor!

Haha, it''s not the first time I get asked that. When naming their children, people with hyphenized last name may choose to use the mother''s name, the father''s name, a combination of two names out of the four names (thank god they put a limit to two names...) or just one of the four names. If we keep your example, a child of Jane Smith-Johnson and John Doe-Roberts could be named:
- Smith
- Johnson
- Doe
- Roberts
- Smith-Johnson
- Doe-Roberts
- Smith-Doe (or Doe-Smith)
- Smith-Roberts (or Roberts-Smith)
- Johnson-Doe (or Doe-Johnson)
- Johnson-Roberts (Roberts-Johnson)

As to why the law was passed, my research come up inconclusive on that. Some claim that it would be less complicated/cost less tax money if those name changes were not allowed, others say that it''s the result of pressure from extremist feminist groups. I guess the only way to know for sure would be to ask the people who passed this bill directly. This law doesn''t make the hyphenized name thing mandatory though! My MIL didn''t change her name and they gave DH and his siblings only his father''s name. It just so happens that many parents (like mine) decided that they wanted both names in there. I should do some research; I wonder what these children are choosing to do now that they are have their own children. Personally, I''m ditching the hyphenized name and we''re giving our child DH''s name.

 

[gwendolyn]

Wow, anchor, that is really interesting. I love Quebec, but that is a rather strange law.

I recently found out, when looking into the practicalities of changing my name here in the UK, that it is free for me to change my name to whatever I like after marriage, but if J were to change any part of his (I am hoping, probably in vain, that he will change his middle name to my grandmother''s maiden name like I will), he has to pay to do it, whether it''s right after the marriage or not.

Not surprising, I suppose, but it still slightly irks me that it''s not free for both.