Marriage-related name customs/laws in different cultures/parts of the world?

[AsscherNut]

The one request my mom asked for is that my FI (who is white) and I pick our wedding date according to the lunar calendar.


I don''t remember if this is a "culture" or part of the Buddhist religion, but in a lot of Taiwanese, Chinese, Vietnamese have to pick the wedding date according to the lunar calendar and no one marries during the 7th month (known as Ghost Month). Actually, you can''t get married, have surgeries, open new businesses, funerals, etc during Ghost Month.

 

[Alienor]

Date: 8/18/2009 12:04:48 PM
Author: anchor31
I live in Quebec and spouses are not allowed to change their names legally after marriage since 1981. According to my research, there have been only two instances since. One was allowed because she''d been using the name professionally and socially for 15+ years and for cultural reasons her in-laws had prejudicial behaviour towards her because she hadn''t legally changed her name; the other claimed that it diminished the value of her marriage in the eyes of her faith.


Personally, I find it annoying that the government doesn''t even allow us to have the choice. Although I''m very close to my family, I''ve never liked my hyphenized last name (Mother''sName-Father''sName) and am not attached to it, and would have liked to take DH''s name. If we ever move out of the province, I might do it. But for the most part, nobody really thinks twice about it since women have not changed their names for almost 30 years now. Despite my dislike of hyphenized last names given to children, I don''t think any of us are really tramatized...

It is somewhat the same thing in France. You can use your spouse''s name but in the eyes of the law, you are always Mrs. Maiden Name, spouse of Doe. I currently live in the US and after almost a year of marriage, I decided to take my hubby''s last name. It took me a while to straighten the French paperwork.

 

[ficklefaye]

oops i forgot to clarify, about the dress, i think in FI''s parents'' area, the seamstress will measure the bride, she''ll pick a style and bam! there''s her dress that she doesn''t wear until her wedding day, i''ve never heard of this myself

 

[cara]

Date: 8/19/2009 9:13:52 PM
Author: ficklefaye
oops i forgot to clarify, about the dress, i think in FI''s parents'' area, the seamstress will measure the bride, she''ll pick a style and bam! there''s her dress that she doesn''t wear until her wedding day, i''ve never heard of this myself

And when the dress made to her measurements doesn''t exactly fit on her wedding day the recourse is ?????

I mean, that is what fittings are for!!! Assuming it''s not a toga of a dress!

 

[ilovesparkles]

Date: 8/19/2009 9:47:54 AM
Author: anchor31

Date: 8/19/2009 12:02:23 AM

Author: ilovesparkles

Date: 8/18/2009 12:04:48 PM

Author: anchor31

I live in Quebec and spouses are not allowed to change their names legally after marriage since 1981. According to my research, there have been only two instances since. One was allowed because she''d been using the name professionally and socially for 15+ years and for cultural reasons her in-laws had prejudicial behaviour towards her because she hadn''t legally changed her name; the other claimed that it diminished the value of her marriage in the eyes of her faith.



Personally, I find it annoying that the government doesn''t even allow us to have the choice. Although I''m very close to my family, I''ve never liked my hyphenized last name (Mother''sName-Father''sName) and am not attached to it, and would have liked to take DH''s name. If we ever move out of the province, I might do it. But for the most part, nobody really thinks twice about it since women have not changed their names for almost 30 years now. Despite my dislike of hyphenized last names given to children, I don''t think any of us are really tramatized...

So what is the child''s last name when his/her parents are Jane Smith-Johnson and John Doe-Roberts??? Is it going to be Kyle Smith-Johnson-Doe-Roberts???? I am thoroughly confused and wondering how this law was ever passed! You have me intrigued anchor!

Haha, it''s not the first time I get asked that. When naming their children, people with hyphenized last name may choose to use the mother''s name, the father''s name, a combination of two names out of the four names (thank god they put a limit to two names...) or just one of the four names. If we keep your example, a child of Jane Smith-Johnson and John Doe-Roberts could be named:

- Smith

- Johnson

- Doe

- Roberts

- Smith-Johnson

- Doe-Roberts

- Smith-Doe (or Doe-Smith)

- Smith-Roberts (or Roberts-Smith)

- Johnson-Doe (or Doe-Johnson)

- Johnson-Roberts (Roberts-Johnson)

As to why the law was passed, my research come up inconclusive on that. Some claim that it would be less complicated/cost less tax money if those name changes were not allowed, others say that it''s the result of pressure from extremist feminist groups. I guess the only way to know for sure would be to ask the people who passed this bill directly. This law doesn''t make the hyphenized name thing mandatory though! My MIL didn''t change her name and they gave DH and his siblings only his father''s name. It just so happens that many parents (like mine) decided that they wanted both names in there. I should do some research; I wonder what these children are choosing to do now that they are have their own children. Personally, I''m ditching the hyphenized name and we''re giving our child DH''s name.

Wow. We talked about this at work today and this is what my co-worker and I both guessed! Huh. Thanks for letting me know!

I have noticed in our Jewish community, about 1/4 of the women keep their maiden name and the rest take their husbands. I am in MN and I personally have been looking forward to changing my last name since I was about 16. My last name is long and no one can pronounce it, although its quite simple and obvious if you ask me! Sigh. Less than 10 more months for me! And I have a FH with a simple 5 letter name to boot!

 

[CaliCushion]

Musey, this is so interesting! I also live in LA, and ALL of my friends changed their last names! I know a few women who did not change names because they already had published research or were known in their work fields. My married friends, however, did not change names!

 

[musey]

Date: 8/20/2009 1:22:07 AM
Author: CaliCushion
Musey, this is so interesting! I also live in LA, and ALL of my friends changed their last names! I know a few women who did not change names because they already had published research or were known in their work fields. My married friends, however, did not change names!

Too funny!! I wonder if it''s something to do with our social circles and/or professions. I would love to see a dissection of a population, percentage that change/don''t change/hyphenate/other within certain career fields, social groups, etc.

 

[kittybean]

I feel like I''m the only one who''s kept her name out of my recently-married friends, but in my profession (law), I think it''s about 50/50 in my region (Colorado).

Similar to the Nordic tradition, many Slavic cultures also include the father''s first name as part of the child''s name. For example, the daughter of Petro might be Oksana Petrova Bilyk. If she later changes her name when she marries, she is still "Petrova," meaning "of Petro." This form of naming isn''t official anymore (if it ever was, which I''m not sure), but you''ll still hear people, especially older people, referring to others by their paternal name.

 

[caseygal]

This IS a really great topic! I live in the good ol'' South (TN) and the vast majority of women take their husbands'' names. I think my fiance''s family might take it personally if I didn''t adopt their last name, but it really wouldn''t be a big deal. We are super traditional...I know a woman who married a man with the same surname as her first and she is now Shelton Shelton. No lie!

 

[trillionaire]

I have friends all over... the south, the midwest, Cali, NYC, Mid-Atlantic... pretty much all of the women have changed their names. Some still use their maiden names professionally, which I what I hope to do, but I will change mine for my personal/private life. FH says it''s important to him, and while I''d prefer not to change it, I feel less strongly about it than he does.

I literally cannot think of one friend who has not changed their name after marriage (neither my female friends, nor the wives of my male friends)

 

[katamari]

The vast majority of my close circle of friends are academics, and among them, very few changed. A handful changed personally, but kept professionally. However, among my college and hs friends, they were probably 75% changers and 25% hyphenaters--most from the Southeast and the Heartland (stereotypically conservative areas). FI and his family have been wonderful about my decision to keep my name.

 

[b.anna]

wow, i really had no idea there were so many different customs to the simple idea of name changing!!! my mom added my father''s last name to her name for her legal documents but as in chinese tradition, people do not address her by her married name. my dad was unusually strong in insisting my mom changed her name, but since i got engaged my father said to me that at least professionally, i am not to change my name in any way, shape, or form resembling my fiance''s

name-changing aside, my mom has shared a lot of insight about chinese wedding traditions/customs. one that''s the most important is a tea ceremony, which is a ritual done to show that the parents accept the marriage and welcome the son/daughter-in-law into the family. the groom offers tea to the bride''s parents, who in exchange give him a red envelope with "lucky money" and vice versa for the bride and the groom''s parents. one of my cousins didn''t do this and his mother FREAKED.

another is this thing where the groom has to offer something in order to claim his bride. not sure if this is true though, but the groom usually picks up the bride, and the bridal party tells the groom he must offer something in order to claim his bride. when my parents got married, my dad gave $20 US dollars to each bridesmaid in order to get my mom. ($20 = CHACHING for women in china in the 1980s).

and finally, traditional wedding gowns are red in chinese tradition (as opposed to white here). red is symbol of good luck and fortune. my mother wore this gorgeous red dress when she got married. unfortunately, she was also the size of a 13 year old girl and none of my sisters and i fit it.

do any other cultures have these types of customs? i''d be curious to read about them!

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Date: 8/25/2009 3:57:08 PM
Author: b.anna
but since i got engaged my father said to me that at least professionally, i am not to change my name in any way, shape, or form resembling my fiance's

Haha, I know what you mean. My dad's been calling me Dr. MTG since I was 5, he'd be heartbroken to have that not happen. That wasn't why I didn't change my name, but it was one reason.

For those who didn't know, white is traditionally the color of mourning and death in China. But I couldn't wear an all red dress to a Catholic wedding either, since it's the traditional color of promiscuity. So I went with a base white with lots of red accents, in a traditional Chinese dress.

(Link if you're interested in the dress)

 

[swimmer]

Date: 8/18/2009 12:49:05 PM
Author: ladypirate
I''d say it''s a pretty mixed bag among the people I know here in Oregon--we''re both adding each other''s names so we''ll be LadyPirate & MrPirate MyLast HisLast.

Yay LP, that is what we did too! Some other friends here (Boston) are doing it as well.

It is such an interesting topic! I officiated at a wedding in MA, where "party A" and "party B" get married and there was a space for name changes. But when I got married in TN, male and female were the options and there was nowhere to indicate name change. In Argentina the civil and religious ceremonies were totally separate deals. Very interesting distinctions.

 

[b.anna]

Date: 8/25/2009 4:18:37 PM
Author: MakingTheGrade

For those who didn''t know, white is traditionally the color of mourning and death in China. But I couldn''t wear an all red dress to a Catholic wedding either, since it''s the traditional color of promiscuity. So I went with a base white with lots of red accents, in a traditional Chinese dress.


(Link if you''re interested in the dress)

WOWOW what a fabulous idea!!! i''ve been trying to think of ways to incorporate red (i''m not getting married in a church, but i don''t want to go full out red either). would you mind if i used it when i plan my wedding?

sorry everyone, i don''t mean to thread jack at all!!!

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Date: 8/25/2009 9:49:50 PM
Author: b.anna

Date: 8/25/2009 4:18:37 PM

Author: MakingTheGrade


For those who didn't know, white is traditionally the color of mourning and death in China. But I couldn't wear an all red dress to a Catholic wedding either, since it's the traditional color of promiscuity. So I went with a base white with lots of red accents, in a traditional Chinese dress.



(Link if you're interested in the dress)

WOWOW what a fabulous idea!!! i've been trying to think of ways to incorporate red (i'm not getting married in a church, but i don't want to go full out red either). would you mind if i used it when i plan my wedding?

Of course I don't mind! I had a fun Chinese-type reception with dancing and karaoke and had a FABULOUS time.
End of threadjack, hehe.

 

[cindygenit]

Not sure... I *think* i need to change my surname to Fi's