marriage

[princesss]

To me there''s a huge difference between living together and being married. I want to stand up and publicly, legally declare that I''m committed to my BF...someday. And that more than anything shows me there''s a huge difference. If there wasn''t one, we''d just run out and get hitched. But there''s a lot that goes into making a marriage, much more than it takes to live with somebody, and so we prepare ourselves and take time to decide if the relationship is the right one for marriage. Rarely is that done for a couple to move in together. I''m not saying it''s not done, but it''s much less common.

I would never look down on somebody for not getting married. We all make our own choices, but it makes me sad when people decide not to get married because they don''t have faith in the institution of marriage. It is what you make of it, and if you''re committed to each other, I don''t understand why the divorce rate would even factor in to a decision not to marry. If you''ve got a solid relationship, you''ve got a solid relationship, and if you don''t, you don''t.

If I didn''t believe in marriage so strongly, I wouldn''t be willing to fight to make sure it''s a choice everybody has. But I think it''s a wonderful thing, and I am excited when I think about getting married in the future.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Date: 12/8/2008 11:42:32 AM
Author: vespergirl
I think that marriage is a contract, and it protects women and children financially both during the relationship, and afterwards if the man decides to leave the family. Say you live with someone through your 20s and 30s, and when you hit 40 he leaves you for a 25 year old. If you weren't married, you may not have a place to live, and you certainly won't get alimony. Also, at a more advanced age, you may have less of a chance of meeting another life partner, and women who are single going into retirement years generally have a less stable financial future than those who are married.

If you were married when he leaves you for the younger woman, you are entitled to alimony, will probably get to keep the house and the car, and if you have children, he will be paying for child support. Your financial future is looking a lot better, even if you never re-marry.

Marriage helps women have security as they age, and helps the financial futures of the children. You also get some great tax breaks and insurance benefits. I also think that it makes (either partner) less likely to run at the first sign of trouble - it helps people learn how to work through their problem.

I know this isn't a very romantic view, but it really makes sense to marry, especially from a woman's perspective. I wouldn't every stay with a guy who said that he 'didn't need that piece of paper' to legitimize a relationship. Basically, that's code saying that when he's ready to leave you, he doesn't want to go through the financial hassle of a divorce. If a guy loves you, he will want to make sure that you're financially protected and cared for.

Frankly, on alll of the male-dominated boards I frequent, this is the exact reason I see posted repeatedly for why men are straying from the traditional concept of marriage.

That's not to say your point isn't valid, because it most certainly is. But, I'm seeing more and more men unwilling to tie their finances to a women, because of the fear of losing half in a divorce.

Sad place we live in, sometimes.

 

[musey]

Ditto Lauren... those who have ever listened to Tom Leykis (sp?) know that there's a large chunk of men who are vehemently anti-marriage precisely because of the "What's in it for me?" approach (there's a lot "in it" for a woman, typically less so for a man).

I also agree with those who said it was a whole different ball game, moving from cohabiting to marriage. Not that it has to be or always is very different--I'm sure there are plenty of permanently cohabited couples out there who feel the same connection that married couples find only comes for them with marriage. For us, though, it really was very different.

We had lived together for about 2.5 years by the time we walked down the aisle (been together for just shy of 5 years). We've only been married for two months, so it's not yet a good test of the specialness-factor, but at least so far it's been a very different feeling/experience than when we moved in together. He is my family, without question--we are a unit, a team. Where I am going, he is going, and vice versa. There is a quiet confidence in my partner and our relationship that came with marriage, for us.


As far as my personal approach to marriage (independent of my relationship with my husband), I never considered having children without being married to their father. I don't know that I have it in me to provide the stability that children need in the absence of a two-parent married household situation. So for me, as someone who wants to be a mom, it was a must for any children that are in my future.