May I ramble and maybe get some advice?

[Ifellinlovewithmybestfriend]

I apprecaite the responses, and i know its hard to give my whole life story in a post or two. I should have stuck with talking topeople who KNOW us and know our relationship.

Thanks again.

 

[tessari]

Frekechild: "I just keep reading all this "break" stuff and thinking of Ross and Rachel. "

Or Heidi and Spencer''s "relationship vacation." Sounds much better than it is...

OP: you probably know what''s best, good luck with everything.

I was reading this and thinking how when I first started dating my current BF things didn''t really work out bc neither one of us was ready--we never officially broke up, we just grew apart (read: I flaked out on 3 dates in a row and he gave up). then about 5 months later we were both over our past relationships and were ready to slowly start dating again...and we''ve been together for almost 3 years now. Completely different situation to OP''s bc they''re not on a break but shows that sometimes you can successfully take time off and come back.

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 7/11/2008 4:47:51 PM
Author: purrfectpear
You''ve already been married, separated and divorced in the space of one year.

I''m going to make a leap of faith here and assume you don''t want a second divorce in 24 months.

Slow down. Slow wayyyy the heck down. You sound needy in your post. Why would you even be mentioning the word marriage less than 12 months from your last divorce?

You need to understand who you are separate from any relationship first. Then you need to learn to date. Dating isn''t sleeping over at his place all the time. That usually comes a year or so after getting to know each other in a dating relationship. What''s the rush here? Don''t even bother with the rationalization ''I feel like we''ve known each other forever'' or ''I just know we''re meant to be together''. If all that is true, it will be MORE true if you take some time and slow things down. A lot.

Start treating this guy more like your ''best friend'' and less like your ''next marriage victim'' please. He is reacting to your youth, your neediness, your jealousy, and you are smothering him.

Learn to be an independent woman then you will have something to offer a relationship. In time.

Word, Word, and more Word...I couldn''t have said it any better than that.

IFILWMBF (that''s a mouthful, aint it?!), judging from your last response, I dont get the impression that you really wanted to hear what people honestly thought based on your description of things. It seems like you only wanted to hear that you''re right and he''s a guy and dont worry or something to that effect. I do hope that your friends and family dont sugar coat for you because what perfect pear said is pretty right on, IMO.

 

[purrfectpear]

Date: 7/11/2008 5:24:52 PM
Author: Ifellinlovewithmybestfriend
I apprecaite the responses, and i know its hard to give my whole life story in a post or two. I should have stuck with talking topeople who KNOW us and know our relationship.

Thanks again.

Does it occur to you that we want the best for you, and that we are looking at things realistically and not through eyes clouded with love, hope, expectations for the future?
Seriously, we have better things to do with our time than to linger on the internet just waiting for the opportunity to rain on someone''s parade

Some of us have been there, done that. We just hope to let you learn from our experiences, and yes even our mistakes. It''s always easier to look from the outside in and give GOOD advice. If it was easy to see things clearly in the middle of the relationship none of you would make any mistakes. You didn''t plan on getting married and divorced right? You thought you were making the right choice.

We just want you to make good, healthy choices now. This relationship may very well be the perfect one that will last forever. I think my suggestions to slow it down and grow yourself is one that will HELP that dream come true