mid-life crisis? i know most of you are too young but....

[Dancing Fire]

what are the symptoms? when he/she been a penny pincher all their lives suddenly spends money on expensive jewelry,sports car,clothes,etc...are these the symptoms?

 

[Sundial]

I just turned 50 in January so I can speak to this. The symptons can take any form. Sometimes you just realize you need something different or new in your life now!

 

[cflutist]

When my ex turned 39 he wanted a sports car (Toyota Supra Turbo) and shortly thereafter, he wanted a new wife.

 

[Sunni79]

A mid-life crisis?? Over the past two years I went through a quarter life crisis! I questioned all of my accomplishments at that point and actually considered divorcing my husband because I wasn't sure if I had "lived" enough yet. A lot of changes contributed to my "crisis". I became pregnant after being married for 6 mos., marriage was rocky, we bought a house, and then came baby. I stopped working to raise him and I was overwhelmed. Thank goodness I snapped out of because baby #2 is due in a few months! I'll that i got married at 22 (been with my husband since 1, pregnant and bought house at 23 and my crisis occurred soon after. I am now 26 and can't believe I wasted time feeling that way!

 

[jorman]

Mid-life crisis? No. Quarter-life crisis? Yes.
I have gotten over it, but I truly felt a lot of what is written in this article straight out of college (except from a girl''s point of view, and the fact that I am from Texas, not London

. Oh and the drugs part- I don''t do drugs either).
It''s pretty funny and pretty true & scary.
Quarter Life Crisis Article


Here''s another one.
Another article about Quarter Life Crisis

I guess it is normal to go through phases in life where you panic about what is next- whether it is graduation, career, money, marriage, family, or age. Inevitably we are just jumping one hurdle and running to the next. When you first get out of school, you have to leave a very comforable, sheltered life and for many (like me) you are thrown into realities you haven''t prepared yourself for: Student loan payments, car payments, cell phone payments, paying your own bills (all of them), finding your own dr.''s (all of them), taking care of yourself. It''s not easy and there are so many pressures. Be successful. Don''t get into debt (easy to say, try not doing that when you have no money because are the newbie on the job scene and you make bup-kiss). Don''t get married yet. Wait, just kidding, get married now. Oh, poor you, you''re not married yet? Have babies. Get a better job. HELLO! We arent'' even 30 yet!!!

It took about 2-3 years to get comfortable with not having it all, all at once. I am happy with where I am in life. Happy with having a boyfriend so far and not a husband. Glad I haven''t had those twins yet. Content with my job. I''m even okay with my student loans (well, because I HAVE NO CHOICE).

Janna

 

[Mara]

I have a friend who we think is going through what we call the 'one third life crisis'. He's in his 30s, very career accomplished, owns his own property, a few really nice cars (owns them free and clear)...and is very unsatisfied with what he has. he has been a workaholic for the last few years and is just now realizing that doing this and climbing the corporate ladder did not leave him much time for a real social life. Now that many of his friends are getting married, he is starting to panic and feel like he will be 'left behind'.

He talks about how he wants to find a wife and settle down and start a family, then the next week he talks about just going out and finding girls to sleep with. (In the end he does neither...he's a huge talker).

He talks about selling his BMW M convertible and getting a Porsche. Talks about selling his house and moving into the city of SF where more action is. In the end he does neither. Talks about spending $5k on a 'designer' to paint and decorate his new house...but the next week he is talking about moving into SF again.

He is starting to drive our group of friends insane with his inconsistency and questions ... he is the type to call you from the store to ask your advice re: a mattress purchase...keep you on the phone for 45 minutes and then end up not buying at all for 6 more months.

You want to clobber him when you hang up the phone.

Lately his thing has been that he has started 'saving' for an engagement ring (by the way has no gf and has not dated anyone seriously in a year)...because he thinks he will have to spend alot and wants to 'be ready'. We tell him to find the girlfriend first...

We all feel like he is having a huge life crisis and can't seem to figure out what he really needs to do to make himself happy. I doubt it's getting a wife or a gf or even a new car. There's something else going on...he has all sorts of material things that he feels should make him happy but they don't. He wants more but they don't make him happy either. He has TONS of friends and is a very personable guy....whenever we have tried to talk to him and ask what is going on...he just deflects the questions to talk about purchasing something else.

It's hard to watch and not be able to assist but he needs to figure things out for himself...since none of us have any idea what to do to help out. Whenever we suggest that maybe he should look within to find what he REALLY is missing...he just changes the subject or makes a joke. Personally I feel like he is too mired in what he SHOULD be doing...related to his age. aka he feels like it's time to get married and settle down. He felt like he SHOULD buy a house, so he did, and now all he talks about is selling it. Last week he told a friend he wanted to go to Thailand and hang out in a monastery and not speak to anyone for 6 months. But when she told him that is what people do when they want to find their inner self and detach yourself from material things, he freaked out and said he was definitely not doing that! It's baffling, where does he get these ideas???

So who knows what brings them on but it is not just quarter or mid...can happen anytime!!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I think we're going to see a lot more of what Mara's friend is going through with the next few generations. We're pumping out workaholic children (kids who go to school ALL day, then play sports after school, possibly have music lessons, and then go home to three hours of homework, and then pass out to do it all again the next day) and these kids are wondering what all this work is for. . .so by the time they grow up and get a job, they force feed themselves with material goods to reward themselves for all their hard labors. Years of rewarding with stuff will leave anyone feeling empty, but this is ALL we're training our younger generations to do. (ETA - this is a generalization - I realize. . .many are raised beyond material goods, but that is more individual parental influences vs. societies. . .)

I feel like our entire next generation is going to be like this. . .brand new everything, yet very unfullfilled inside.

Oh, and there was an article in either a fashion mag or the newspaper talking about the quarter-life crisis (except it was called something else like the 30s crisis) and the writer claimed this is a phenomena plagueing mostly women because we're expected to achieve too many things by the time we reach 30 - more than humanly possible. Work, be a wife, make babies, still work, take care of kids, still work, clean house, still work, until we reach the breaking point!

 

[jaysonsmom]

I think I''m going through my 30''s-something crisis right now. I''m at a point in my life where I have everything....house, nice car, beautiful kids, decent (alright..pretty good) husband, and career, but I''m never completely happy. I want to be more recognized at work, I want to be the best mom, I want to have a bigger house, and a nicer car.....but most importantly, I want to look like I''m 20 years old! After baby #2 I started feeling disatisfied with the way I look. I want perkier boobs, I want flatter abs, and I want to dress like a teeny-bopper!

I''ve started a full body "fixer-upper" fund and EVERYONE is making fun of me...my friends, my parents, my husband. They all want to know why I would want to cut up my body.......now I know the answer Thirties Crisis!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 6/3/2005 12:33:11 PM
Author: cflutist
When my ex turned 39 he wanted a sports car (Toyota Supra Turbo) and shortly thereafter, he wanted a new wife.

cflutist
LOL....yeah,i forgot that one.need a new wife or a new husband

 

[Rowan]

Boy, can I relate! Just turned 35 in April. I've been dreading the birthdays since I was 30. I'm freaking out about wrinkles no one else can see because they just suddenly appeared and I hate the thought of not looking 25 anymore. We bought a house three months ago and it sort of panicked me because we have always lived a nomadic life in the military and this settling down thing seems so permanent. A chapter of my life has closed. My husband retires from the military in four years. Sometimes I think I have missed out on a lot. My husband and I got married at 18 and 19 and now at 34 and 35 we are the parents of teenagers for pete's sake! I feel like a stranger sometimes. Like, when did I get these almost-grown-up kids??? I've been struggling with this a lot lately.

edited to add: But I wouldn't trade any of them for the world, even the hubby.

 

[Matata]

I prefer to refer them not as "crises" but as "transient periods of enlightenment" when we come to our senses, realize that life is short, and choose to engage in activities that bring us instant gratification. If I thought otherwise, I would never indulge in my favorite breakfast of fudge and champagne or buy gems or take European vacations....I''d just save up money to get me to retirement and hope that I lived long enough to spend it.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 6/3/2005 2:07:52 PM
Author: jaysonsmom
I think I''m going through my 30''s-something crisis right now. I''m at a point in my life where I have everything....house, nice car, beautiful kids, decent (alright..pretty good) husband, and career, but I''m never completely happy. I want to be more recognized at work, I want to be the best mom, I want to have a bigger house, and a nicer car.....but most importantly, I want to look like I''m 20 years old! After baby #2 I started feeling disatisfied with the way I look. I want perkier boobs, I want flatter abs, and I want to dress like a teeny-bopper!

I''ve started a full body ''fixer-upper'' fund and EVERYONE is making fun of me...my friends, my parents, my husband. They all want to know why I would want to cut up my body.......now I know the answer Thirties Crisis!

jaysonsmom
tears comming out of my eyes.

i wish,i had your problems.

you look beautiful

why waste money?.

 

[windy1365]

I can relate to the whole crisis thing... but that doesn''t mean the wife/husband is necessarily cheating.

Signs of cheating is when the significant other all of a sudden changes their behavior entirely. Maybe she/he all of a sudden gets into country music when they have always liked rock music. They start changing their wardrobe...wearing different make-up. My sister does this when she finds a new man. She starts acting totally different. She may become a hippy, she might become religious, she gets into singing.

 

[movie zombie]

midlife crisis used to be defined as happening late thirties to mid forties. has that changed?

peace, movie zombie

 

[Sunni79]

Date: 6/3/2005 11:05:47 PM
Author: movie zombie
midlife crisis used to be defined as happening late thirties to mid forties. has that changed?

peace, movie zombie

Yes, I think it has. Young people today feel pressure to "have it all" at younger ages.

I really panicked for a while. I felt so miserable about what I didn''t have yet that I forgot about what''s important. I do have my own home, a new car, a wonderful husband and son, I feel good about the way I look and I don''t really "want" for anything. It sounds great on paper but I still get down sometimes. I feel like I should be working and making my "own" money and I want to feel successful and important-that''s all I really want. Isn''t that all anyone wants?

 

[Jennifer5973]

Date: 6/3/2005 1:43:10 PM
Author: MichelleCarmen
I think we're going to see a lot more of what Mara's friend is going through with the next few generations. We're pumping out workaholic children (kids who go to school ALL day, then play sports after school, possibly have music lessons, and then go home to three hours of homework, and then pass out to do it all again the next day) and these kids are wondering what all this work is for. . .so by the time they grow up and get a job, they force feed themselves with material goods to reward themselves for all their hard labors. Years of rewarding with stuff will leave anyone feeling empty, but this is ALL we're training our younger generations to do. (ETA - this is a generalization - I realize. . .many are raised beyond material goods, but that is more individual parental influences vs. societies. . .)

I feel like our entire next generation is going to be like this. . .brand new everything, yet very unfullfilled inside.

Michelle, I think your observations are very astute and I agree. I've had to fihght this "demon" in my own life. We have "everything" yet our minds wander to more, better, bigger--heck, we see it in the diamond/ering upgrade phenomenon! Just last night, i overheard our neighbor in his yard, obviously with a contractor, discussing an addition to his house with a big master suite, etc. I sat there thinking, "Oh my God--we HAVE to get an additon too--Now our house won't be the best on the block..." Then I calmed down and was like, "What the h*ll is the matter with me??? I need a home renovation project like I need a hole in the head"

I try to thank God every day for what I have and ask Him to keep us healthy and safe. Lately, I have been giving more to charity (animal charities are my "thing") and thanks to kaleigh, I am going to look into bringing Freddy to nursing hoems for the older people. What may be "missing" in my life (and the lives of others) is giving of oneself, back to the community and/or to those in need. Also, perhaps, for some, it's spirituality. There is nothing wrong with wanting nice things or a nice appearance, body, etc., but when is enough enough?

 

[Lorelei]

Jennifer, you are one very wise and lovely lady.

 

[tawn]

I just turned 36! Our son is 11....

Am I the only one who feels 23 and wondering how I got to be 36? I think people I meet are older than we are...and then we find out we're the same age or older! I still don't feel like a real grown-up!

We're trying to have another baby instead of the other traditional mid-life crisis things!

 

[Momoftwo]

I''m 45 and my boys are 19 and 21. I''ve never felt midlife crisis, I love being whatever age I am because there are no guarantees of tomorrow. I feel 21 inside, even if my outsides look 40+. I guess it''s because my self-worth has never been tied up in how I look or my job. I''ve always gotten total fulfillment out of my relationship with God, my husband and children, and friends. My experience with those I know who have had plastic surgery, is #1, they weren''t any happier afterwards and #2, they don''t look much younger, (maybe less tired) and buying the next car, house, etc will not make you happier, just more in debt. My DH says the closest he''s had to a midlife crisis is the realization a lot of men have in their 30''s and 40''s that they''re never going to be president of the company, etc. He''s got a great career and makes very good money and has lots of responsibility, but men in particular tend to go through something. Fortunately he didn''t feel the need to change anything except his attitude.

We had a neighbor a few years ago who had a heart attack in his mid 40''s. After he recovered, he went out and spent money like crazy. He''s always been extremely tight. They bought new cars, a new house, among other things and I think the realization that he wasn''t immortal made him decide to spend what he had since he couldn''t take it with him. His situation wasn''t trying to keep up with anyone, but probably was out of fear of not living his life.

 

[tawn]

Momoftwo,

I think you hit the nail on the head! A life that''s being lived to the fullest probably doesn''t need a mid-life crisis...

 

[perry]

The drivers behind "mid life" crises are boredom or the realization that you are not fullfilled.

Many people never learn that success is really based on the journey and not the end point (success is the progressive realization of a dream or goal).

Once you get to some goal you need to reset another. Otherwise, you start to mentally die.

I learned in my early 30''s that the value of myself was not my job, my position, or any number of things I have done. We can have pride in what we have done, but pride in itself does not provide a future. Thus, although I still live in the mental land of my achieveing the 96 olympics - as an official; or of the times I have sat on mountain tops and watched the sunrise or sunset (and there is nothing more buitiful-meaningfull that I have ever seen and experienced in nature than a sunrise and sunset from a mountain top; I need to be working on something else for the future.

Unfortunately, affairs, new cars, new spouses, and any number of other things will not buy long term fullfillment unless you change something else in your life.

Now it may be that if you do indeed change things in your life to allow you to grow - that you may then change your lifestyle and spending habits in order for that growth to occur. Afterall, if you don''t change how you live - you will never change what you do. However, usually these changes are more modest than the people who go on radical spending and "significant other" sprees...

Perry

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 6/4/2005 12:00:50 AM
Author: Jennifer5973

Lately, I have been giving more to charity (animal charities are my ''thing'') and thanks to kaleigh, I am going to look into bringing Freddy to nursing hoems for the older people.

Jennifer,

Taking Freddy to senior homes is a VERY cool idea! Sadly, many elderly don''t have any company and so many studies have proven animals provide that missing link for many older and sick people and taking this time out is very sweet of you.

Like you and many of us, I fight the continuous need to have more. . .I''m not claiming to be innocent by any means. . .

. I buy too many things too - more clothes, shoes and face creams than I need. We''re part of this generation of trying to find fullfillment. It''d be great if not only we can have our wants and but our accomplish our inner spiritual-lifting dreams too.

I''m so glad you''re finding animals to be your calling. This is an excellent contribution to our society.

 

[Rowan]

Date: 6/4/2005 2:40:07 AM
Author: tawn
I just turned 36! Our son is 11....

Am I the only one who feels 23 and wondering how I got to be 36? I think people I meet are older than we are...and then we find out we''re the same age or older! I still don''t feel like a real grown-up!

YES!!!! I still feel like a kid and I''m definately not the typical 35 year old. My teenagers gave me the ultimate compliment by telling me I''m cool. Sometimes I can''t believe these are my kids. Like I said, when did I get these kids? I can''t be this age yet!

 

[Mara]

If I recall correctly, I think F&I is experienced as well with what it takes to have your dog be a 'Therapy Dog'...so hopefully she can chime in with her thoughts for assistance!

For me, personally, re mid-life crisis...I never really think about what we are 'supposed' to be doing or having or my age relative to what I am doing etc. I just feel like you never really know about life and I don't overthink it...I figure what will happen will happen, so I tend to live life to the fullest...to the chagrin of Greg who is a bit more of a long-term view person than a short-term.

Between the two of us it seems to work out...I make sure that we do things that we want to, and he makes sure that we won't have to live under a bridge at retirement.

 

[Kaleigh]

When I take my younger bichon Callie to my grandmother's nursing home everyone is so happy to see her. It makes me feel good to see these kind ladies smile. Some of them sadly have no visitors and it's very sad. I know it helps my grandmother. She lights up when she sees Callie. Callie is a very sweet and gentle dog. When ever I say to her, Want to go see Nanny she jumps up and down with excitement. It's a lot of fun.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 6/4/2005 2:36:50 PM
Author: Rowan
YES!!!! I still feel like a kid and I''m definately not the typical 35 year old. My teenagers gave me the ultimate compliment by telling me I''m cool. Sometimes I can''t believe these are my kids. Like I said, when did I get these kids? I can''t be this age yet!

I''m 32 and find myself a bit unsure about what is appropriate for this age. . .like I bought a SHORT denim skirt at Lucky and wonder IS this okay??? Should i just wear this only at home since my husband likes it (lol!

) or is this style acceptable for public even if I''m SO old!

Also, I did recently sort of change my style and friends have commented on the subtle changes. I have to say in my 30s, I''ve discovered a bit more of who I am. Sometimes, I''ll be influenced by others'' ideals regarding life and philosophies, but I''m less and less so as I grow more into my Estee Lauder anti-aging creams.

STILL though, as I said, I''m not exactly sure what is okay clothing wise. . .

 

[Mara]

michelle, wear whatever makes you happy!! i am a huge fan of finding your own personal style and swinging with it, regardless of age...my mom is 55 and she still wears really cute fashionable outfits because she can...and i think part of it is the confidence in how you wear your items.

and I take offense to 32 being SO OLD...hello I am 30 and feel like a spry chicken!

i also know i dress younger than i am..aka lots of juicy outfits, jeans, tees, flip flops...i still get carded all the time. i figure i have plenty of time to be older, 'serious', and wear suits and the like...might as well continue to take advantage of this while i can.

i do have appropriate work clothes but i rarely wear them, only to visit clients.

i am currently very into this prairie skirt thing that is all the rage...i have two white ones, and want to get 2 more (choco brown and a black for dressier events)..they are perfect to wear with flip flops and layered tanks or dress them up with a shell and heels!! it's like i can pretend i live in the tropics.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 6/4/2005 9:40:37 AM
Author: Momoftwo

We had a neighbor a few years ago who had a heart attack in his mid 40''s. After he recovered, he went out and spent money like crazy. He''s always been extremely tight. They bought new cars, a new house, among other things and I think the realization that he wasn''t immortal made him decide to spend what he had since he couldn''t take it with him. His situation wasn''t trying to keep up with anyone, but probably was out of fear of not living his life.

agree with your neighbor 101%.

when my daughters are grown up,out on their own,that''s what i would do,buy any thing i desire without getting in debt.i look at it this way.....if you don''t spend it, somebody will,after you''re gone.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 6/4/2005 2:46:08 PM
Author: MichelleCarmen

I''m 32 and find myself a bit unsure about what is appropriate for this age. . .like I bought a SHORT denim skirt at Lucky and wonder IS this okay??? Should i just wear this only at home since my husband likes it (lol!

) or is this style acceptable for public even if I''m SO old!

Also, I did recently sort of change my style and friends have commented on the subtle changes. I have to say in my 30s, I''ve discovered a bit more of who I am. Sometimes, I''ll be influenced by others'' ideals regarding life and philosophies, but I''m less and less so as I grow more into my Estee Lauder anti-aging creams.

STILL though, as I said, I''m not exactly sure what is okay clothing wise. . .

MC
at 32 your''re a baby.i''m 46, i think

my daughters gave me a PINK color Polo shirt for my b-day last yr. they think i wouldn''t wear it.i shock ''em.

 

[Jennifer5973]

Date: 6/4/2005 4:14:16 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 6/4/2005 2:46:08 PM
Author: MichelleCarmen



I'm 32 and find myself a bit unsure about what is appropriate for this age. . .like I bought a SHORT denim skirt at Lucky and wonder IS this okay??? Should i just wear this only at home since my husband likes it (lol!

) or is this style acceptable for public even if I'm SO old!

Also, I did recently sort of change my style and friends have commented on the subtle changes. I have to say in my 30s, I've discovered a bit more of who I am. Sometimes, I'll be influenced by others' ideals regarding life and philosophies, but I'm less and less so as I grow more into my Estee Lauder anti-aging creams.

STILL though, as I said, I'm not exactly sure what is okay clothing wise. . .

MC
at 32 your're a baby.i'm 46, i think

my daughters gave me a PINK color Polo shirt for my b-day last yr. they think i wouldn't wear it.i shock 'em.

MC, I am 32 too!

And you would/do look great in all the latest styles with your petitie figure and youthfullness! I'd say go with the flow and maybe just leave anything that shows too much of anything on the rack!

And DF, don't you know that the SEXIEST thing is a man in a pink shirt....My husband has about 10 RL oxford and pique polos in shades of pink..yum yum!